Chapter 15
Kirion
When Tane took my hand, I didn’t pull away. I was still scared. Plus, it felt right. If Tane was touching me, Malin wouldn’t even try.
But it was also more than that. Where he touched my fingers and palm, warmth ran up my arm and into the rest of my body. A flame lit inside me. His scent surrounded me. I wanted to lean into him in order to get more of it.
Going downstairs was like floating.
When we got to the dinner table, it was set so formally I felt naked without my shoes. Tane pulled out my chair for me. When he let me go, I was dizzy for a moment, my mind lost to somewhere unknown.
“Are you sure you're all right?” he asked.
“Just fine. Pretty hungry though.”
“Malin told me you'd run away.”
I glanced up, frowning. “Where would I go?”
“Agreed.” His smile told me he already knew his son had lied. “And in this weather,” he added.
He had a great smile, even the small ones. Even better if they showed when he was talking to me. While he was around, I felt safe, but I wouldn't really feel secure until Malin left.
“You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to. I can guess. I intend to speak with my son later.”
I couldn't hold back my opinion. “Will that even help?”
His smile disappeared. “I don't know.” His voice was almost a whisper.
“I don't mean to be rude about it, but it seems like he's not the listening type.”
“No, you're not rude. You're right. It's complicated.”
Of course, it was complicated. Same with me and my father.
I had spent a lot of dark hours hating him.
But it wasn't that simple. Maybe he didn't give me hugs and kisses and attention, but I did have ample luxurious food and clothing.
He didn't hit me. He didn't verbally assault me.
But his demeanor toward me was enough to leave lasting scars.
I could appreciate some things and despise others.
“My father isn't the listening type, either,” I said.
“Two peas in a pod." Tane’s voice came out low, soft.
“Him and Malin?”
“No. You and me.”
“I didn't realize... You're right.”
The smile returned. Quickly, he changed the subject. “Dinner looks good tonight.”
I stared as the servers took the shiny covers off the big dishes and began to dole out the food onto our plates.
Sizzling sirloins. Puffy mashed potatoes drenched in butter.
Crisp green beans. Buttery peppered shrimp.
Mushrooms, fresh green salad, sliced oranges.
My mouth watered. Eating a good hot meal always made everything better.
Later in the evening, I went back upstairs to find everything in my room had been cleaned up. Tane had mentioned it was ransacked at dinner.
When I said, “Again?” he got a funny look.
He must have called a cleaner in at the last minute when he was texting before we were served.
I noticed the lamp had been replaced. My laptop was scratched on one edge but none the worse for wear. I was missing a few pieces of clothing which I assumed had been damaged. Knowing Tane, he had it all sent out for repairs. He was the type of guy who left nothing undone.
It was late and I was lying like a slug on my bed watching TV when I heard loud voices. I got up and opened my door, sticking my head out partway. The noise came from the second floor.
“You want me out? Fine. I'll go and I'll never come back. How's that?”
“That's not what I meant. All I'm saying is you need to get your own place. You're twenty-one now. I would think you would want your own space anyway. Your own privacy.”
“Tell yourself that lie all you want when the truth is you just don't want me around at all and you never did.”
The confrontation was happening, the one Tane alluded to that he’d tried to avoid for so long. As I expected, Tane’s voice was the lowest, the calmest while his son was shrieking and yelling, sometimes at the top of his lungs.
“That isn't true. I've let you stay here because you’re my son.”
“That's not the same as saying you want me here.”
“I did want you here. Now I'm saying it's time for you to grow up, get your own place.”
“That's what you always say when I don't do everything you like or approve of, that I need to grow up. Maybe you need to stop trying to control everything around you. Maybe you need to stop making up for the fact that you're responsible for Papa’s death.”
“What?”
“Stop pretending it was an accident.”
“Malin, if you think it wasn't, you're wrong. How long have you felt this way?”
“Ever since that day, Dad. I heard you two arguing. Right before he left. And then there was a storm coming. You had to know. The clouds were piling up that day, turning black, but you still let him go because you didn't care. You never cared about us, just your work.”
“Malin….” His voice went soft. “Yes, we argued that day. But it was a minor thing. He wanted to fly. Before he left we talked about the weather and he said it would be fast, he'd go out a bit, turn around and come back within the hour. He just needed air.”
“I don't believe you."
“It's the truth. We had a bond. I could feel him. Everything was fine.”
“You lie.”
“I felt the bond cut off with no warning. I have never lied to you, son.” He’d softened his voice as he spoke.
“Whatever. I don't care anymore. You don't want me around, fine.”
“You have the money to get your own place. I would think you would want that.”
“You would think that. But this is the place where I can remember him best. More proof you don't give a fuck at all.”
Silence for about five seconds.
Malin continued, loud and brash. “Were you ever going to give him to me?”
“Who?”
“Kirion.”
I drew back when I heard my name, my heart in my throat.
“You said you didn't want him.”
“Maybe I changed my mind.”
My throat closed up in shock. I almost choked taking my next breath.
“I can see you're not mature enough to handle him.”
Laughter. Mean and aggressive.
“Not mature enough? Are you serious? You ass. How dare you say that to me.”
“His room was ransacked. He ran away. And all that happened while I was only gone for the afternoon. What did you do to him?”
“What did he say?”
“He said nothing. He didn't have to say anything. I could put two and two together.”
“I didn't do a thing.”
“Why do you call him mutt?”
“That's what he is, isn't he?”
“No. And that's another reason I changed my mind.”
“And now you're telling me to get out of your house. Wonderful.”
“I'm telling you you're ready to get your own place.”
“Yeah. You don't care that this is where I can feel closest to Papa.”
“I never said you couldn't come for visits.”
“Why would I do that? You don't have time for me. You don't want to see me when I am home. Visits would be a waste of time. But don't worry, Daddy, I'm out of here tonight. You won't have to worry about seeing me ever again.”
“That's not what I want and you know it.”
“I don't know it. And it's what I want. I'll leave tonight. Happy?”
“No. But I think you'll like having your own place for a change.”
“Asshole. When I get settled I'll send for my things unless that's not good enough for you, either.”
“Malin, I don't want you to leave angry. You have to know that messing with other people's stuff isn't the way to behave. Breaking things, insulting others, it's not right.”
“Stop trying to lecture me. I'm not a baby.”
“Then quit acting like one.”
“That's it between us, then! I won't be in your way anymore. Never again!”
A door slammed.
Tane called out Malin’s name three times getting no response.
I leaned further out the door but heard no other sounds, not even Tane walking away.
On tiptoes in my bare feet, I walked to the railing that overlooked the second floor.
From my vantage it was hard to see down the hall toward Malin's rooms. But from what I could see, everything looked clear. Where had Tane gone?
I moved forward a little and looked down the other hall. I could only see about halfway to Tane's bedroom door but it was enough. He was leaning against the wall just within sight. He must have started walking away and stopped.
As I watched, he didn't move for almost a minute. Was he just catching his breath? Had he changed his mind and was gearing himself up to go back and knock on Malin’s door?
I looked back toward Malin’s rooms. There was no sound. Nothing. Not even his usual loud music.
When I looked back at Tane, his head was bowed. Then slowly, his body began to slide down the wall until he was on his knees. I blinked hard but couldn't look away. Tane’s arms wrapped around his chest and he bent forward until his head almost touched his knees.
Had I caused this? Was this all because of me?
But no. I knew better. There were problems and toxicities within this house long before I ever came here.
Things I had nothing to do with. I only knew if I kept myself as calm and quiet as possible it seemed a great probability that I would be left alone to do as I pleased within this house.
It was the best I could hope for. Well, maybe I had slightly higher hopes but I wouldn't allow myself to go there yet.
So what if I was attracted to Tane? It didn't mean anything.
Not really. Not in this environment anyway.
I watched Tane curled up on the floor with a pain in my chest that started to grow.
My instinct was to go to him like I would with anyone who was hurting, put my hand on his shoulder and ask him if there was anything I could do.
But that wasn't my place here. Or anywhere.
My world had changed forever and I needed to accept that and get on with my life, taking it day by day, reminding myself how easily things could have been much much worse.