Chapter 17
Kirion
I’d been called dazzling, smart and told I have a sense of humor. What about me was not to like?
Tane didn’t seem to pick up on the clues I was giving him.
In the garden, it felt good when he had held and rubbed my cold hands. Even though the wind was cold and the temperature had abruptly dropped, something sizzled between us as we ran inside to hot drinks by the fire.
I was telling the truth when I said if I was the one writing a report to my father I would say I felt safe with Tane.
Trust was the most important commodity for me.
From the moment I was designated a set there was no one I could trust. I lived without that word in my vocabulary, in my life.
People who had trust might not realize what a big void it created to have it missing.
At first when I had arrived the days had gone by agonizingly slow.
But after Malin left for the last time, Tane and I began to spend a few days together each week.
After a couple of weeks, it turned into every day.
The more time I spent with him, the more I wanted.
I would go to bed alone each night wishing I could just have one more hour watching TV with him or playing a game or having a midnight snack.
It didn't matter when the nights grew colder. I still slept restlessly and threw my blankets off during my sleep, my skin hot. My dreams were flooded with his image. Nothing specific, but he was always present. I would wake tired but then become filled with energy the moment I saw him at breakfast.
I had a heat coming on in mid-December. My schedule was easy to remember and keep. Once in the winter, once in the summer. Without a partner to stimulate my hormones they were short. Maybe one to two days.
I was dreading it. Not for the reasons most people would think considering my predicament. I wasn't afraid for myself. I was worried that my heat would be insufferable when I knew the alpha I wanted was just downstairs from me. Alone. Already my longing had grown to a physical ache.
Tane had said he was glad to hear I felt safe with him. Glad? Did that mean he cared more than just as a responsible alpha? He owned me on paper. He had a duty to me. But to say he was glad sounded like more. My analytical mind couldn’t let go of that word.
I couldn’t help the smile that took control of my lips.
We were in the den, the fire dancing, the hot drink warming me inside. But there was a deeper warmth, too. I wanted to grab Tane’s hand. I wanted to tell him how much I liked him, how much I had been wanting to be with him. For days now. For weeks.
A shivering sensation began in my chest. Maybe, if I told him, I could make that shivering and restlessness stop.
I thought about having one hot night with him and that would cool me off, allow me to feel freer afterward.
No strings attached if he didn't want that.
I could live like that. If I could just know him for one time I could hold on to that memory and keep it safe inside me for all the lonely times as I grew older here alone through the years.
I placed my hand between us on the couch.
“Tane, my hand is still cold.” It was a lie. I'd held my coffee mug with both hands and they'd quickly warmed up.
Tane didn't sense my deception. There was no hesitation as he put his hand over mine and slightly squeezed, lifting it up. “Is it?”
“Yeah.”
“Feels pretty warm to me.” His eyes met mine.
“It does?”
“What's going on in that mind of yours?”
My eyes grew warm. I'd started this. I needed to be strong and finish. Maybe it wasn't my place as an owned being, a set. But that had never stopped me before. As the prince of our city pack I got away with everything and anything.
“When I said I feel safe with you, it means something.” My throat became dry as I spoke. I forced myself to keep going. “It means I trust you. That's a really big deal for me, for most omegas to say to any alpha.”
“I'm glad—”
I interrupted. “There's that word again. Glad. What does it mean?”
“It means that I want that for you. And when you say you have it then I'm happy for you. I think I've made myself clear that I don't want you to be miserable in your situation.”
“In my situation. That means being owned. By you.”
My words made his body stiffen but he still faced me. There was that, at least.
“Yes, that's what that means. That's what your situation is. And I continue to be sorry for that every day. I feel like I want to make it up to you but I don't know how.”
“I like working in the garden with you. I like eating meals together. I like sitting and watching TV with another person that I can trust. Which is you. I like—” I paused for a long time watching as his eyebrows slowly narrowed. Finally, I finished my thought.
“I like you.”
His hand still held mine. Slowly, I turned it over until our palms touched and I could grip him back.
His mouth opened. He looked at me as if he didn't believe me.
“I hope it's okay that I said that.”
“Of course it's okay.” He looked down at our clasped hands. “I like you, too. I hope it's okay that I say that. I don't want to ruin the trust thing you were talking about.” He gave me a little smile.
“It doesn't ruin anything.” All the saliva had gone from my mouth. My voice sounded gritty. “It's the first time in my life I felt like I'm where I'm supposed to be. Does that make any sense?”
“It does. For example, did you know that Tanekan is talking to me again? It started that day I found you hiding in my room. He hasn't spoken in thirteen years.”
I gasped. It was louder than I'd intended. “Gods, that's--that's so sad.” I gulped. “Poor Tanekan.”
Our hands clenched together hard. It didn't hurt.
It was more like we were both dangling off a cliff and holding on to the other for our lives.
It was a grip that went beyond physicality and mortality.
People held on like that with the kind of strength that came from another place, somewhere inside that ran like the deepest of rivers needing to find each other, to discover connection.
That grip emboldened me. “What is Tanekan saying?”
“Not very much.” Tane’s smile grew. “And a lot.”
I spoke softly. “I want to know. Tell me.” What did it mean that his dragon was talking again? Only something good, I thought. Only something really good.
“That he likes you, too.”
“I wish I could actually talk to him.”
“You can. I can translate. Or maybe one day I can shift and you can talk to him then. But he won't be able to talk back."
“One day I was looking out the window and I saw you shift. So, I have seen him fly.”
“You little spy.” Tane chuckled.
“I wasn't trying to spy. But I'm glad I saw. He's beautiful and so big.”
“I can say he's very flattered at your words.”
“Thank you for offering to one day shift in front of me. I know it can be very personal for some. Where I'm from some people only shift in private and not in public. But others don't care and throw big shifter parties. Everyone's different.”
“It's not that different here. I guess people are people no matter where they're from.”
“I would very much like to see you shift.” I rubbed my thumb against his.
Tane’s eyes widened. Suddenly, he lifted our hands, turned them so my hand was closest to him, leaned down and kissed it. Lightly. Just a brushing of lips.
It felt like my body exploded yet I continued to sit beside him unmoving, still whole.
At that very moment, with very bad timing, Elias walked into the room and spoke. “Dinner will be served in an hour. Will that be all right?”
Tane quickly let go of my hand and turned to face his butler. “That will be perfect.”
He turned back to me and said, “I need a shower after all our hard work. Will you excuse me?”
I nodded, speechless. He’d just given me a kiss, then acted like he didn’t notice. Inside, I was coming apart. From one kiss to the hand. I couldn't speak. I had no air. Had that really happened? But I could still feel his mouth against my bare skin and the faintest touch of his warm breath.
Without waiting for any response from me, Tane got up leaving his coffee behind and walked out of the room.
I sat motionless staring at the fire not knowing what else to do. Everything had narrowed down in my vision to a pinpoint of orange flickering flame on the hearth. And inside me.
I wanted him. Just for one night. That was all. But he'd gotten up and left me without a word.