Chapter 18
Tane
Iturned on the shower to cold and forced myself to walk under the force of water. Unbearable pain shot through me. The shrill shriek I let out was a sound an alpha should never make.
But the pain brought me back to my senses. When everything was clearer, I quickly turned on the hot water. I shut my eyes against the onslaught and thought back to what had just happened in the den.
What the hell?
Tanekan answered.
You kissed him.
“On the hand.”
A kiss is a kiss.
“There are different kisses for different reasons.”
Yes, and there is a reason for this kiss. It's a certain type of kiss. And you know why you did it.
“This can't happen.”
Why?
“I never thought this through. I was only thinking of buying something to help Malin settle down. Kirion wasn't for me.”
Why does that matter now?
“Because now I have had time to think about it. It's wrong. I mean… can an owned person consent?”
Owned or not, Kirion has his own mind.
“But there's a power inequality. I can't fix that.”
I don't understand. If you let him have free choice how can that be wrong?
“I don't know. I'm overthinking this, aren't I?”
I think maybe you are.
“Legally, on paper, he's owned. That's a legal public fact.”
I don't care about things like that. He's ours. It's obvious.
“The question is does that ownership and inequality that's public enter into private space?”
Consenting adults.
“I have to think about it.”
You want him. We want him.
“I know.”
I stepped out of the shower and quickly toweled dry. Thoughts were buzzing around my head. I took my time picking out clean clothes to wear to dinner. I had no idea what I would do when I saw him again. Pretend it never happened? Bring it up over wine and dessert?
I was always sure of myself in business but not in my private affairs. What a disaster I was.
I went downstairs early, before the candles were lit. The place settings were still missing water glasses and salad plates.
I moved away from the dining table and to the French doors, looking out at the backyard where the wind blew faster and harder over the garden. The sun had already set though it was still light out with the sky turning bright orange beyond a cloudy horizon.
The wind made a low sound as if sad. Beyond the garden, the trees were bending, and what leaves were left were swirling away in spots of red and gold.
Quickly, it grew dark.
There was a fluttering in my stomach. I didn't know what to do with my hands. All I could think was that I had somehow done something wrong. Very wrong.
That doesn't make sense.
“Maybe, but that's what I feel,” I whispered in answer to Tanekan.
Soft footfalls reached my ears. I turned to see Kirion approach.
He looked stunning dressed all in white with a thin black scarf draped over his shoulders.
I hadn't seen these clothes before. He’d probably ordered them online.
I was glad to see that he wasn't afraid to use the cards I'd given him to buy what he needed and wanted.
“What do you feel?” he asked.
“What?”
“I heard you talking. You said, ‘that’s what I feel’.” Abruptly, he put his hand over his mouth. “Ohh, were you talking to Tanekan? I didn't mean to interrupt.”
“You’re not. I mean… yes, I was talking to my dragon. But you're not interrupting.”
He relaxed, then looked down at his hands. Maybe he was looking at that very space of skin my lips had grazed. What did he feel? What did he think? I wanted to know but had no courage to ask.
“I didn't mean to pry,” he said.
“It's fine. We were just looking at the storm coming in. The wind has already picked up.”
Kirion came to stand beside me. “Well, we got in just in time.”
“The temperature has dropped, too.”
We sat at the table as the staff brought in our dinner. Potato soup, rosemary seasoned baked chicken, glazed asparagus and a fresh mixed fruit salad. Elias poured the wine.
I was shaking inside. What had I done? I'd kissed his hand and led him on. I wanted him but I did not feel good about it.
You think too much.
Despite my nerves, I was able to eat. My cooks were that good and I was hungry. I kept wanting to bring up the subject of us. I had no idea where to start.
Kirion kept looking at me with bright eyes. He had on a little makeup tonight around the mouth and eyes. He looked fantastic.
Don't play the fool. You can read him, his body language, how he looks at you. You're so worried about consent while he isn't. It's obvious.
He kept complementing the food as he ate and bringing up all the positive details of our day... except for the conversation in the den. That was the big cloud hanging over us.
Dinner was over too quickly. All my opportunities to continue to make a deeper connection with him we're lost. Or to at least to explain myself and why I abruptly left him before dinner.
I completely chickened out. It had been so long since I wanted someone. Why did it have to be someone I owned? It was too complicated.
It's not complicated unless you make it that way.
I stood. “I have some work to do tonight. I'll be in my office.”
Kirion's eyes widened. “Okay.” The tone of his voice rang with disappointment. It wasn't okay and I knew it.
His gaze turned sad. His eyes followed me as I left. When I looked back over my shoulder his head was bowed over his empty plate.
My skin burned. I could smell him even as I walked away, so light and sweet and young. That was another reason I needed to stay away. He was too young for me.
Bullshit. Dragons mate their whole lives. It doesn't matter what age they are when they meet, only that they are compatible and in their adulthood.
But Tanekan was the dragon. I was human. I had to take that into account.
Upstairs, I got no work done. My skin was flushed all over. The idea of being with Kirion wouldn't leave my mind. I couldn't think. I wanted to strip off all my clothes and writhe on my bed.
He had hooked me well and good. Something had to be done about that. But I couldn't face it.
Not tonight.