Chapter 19
Kirion
My face felt like it was made of flame.
All that from simply holding hands, saying I liked him, and a small kiss delivered to the back of my hand.
Tane left the dinner table quite abruptly. He said he had work to do but I knew him well enough now that I could read his emotions on his face and in his body language. He was running away from me.
I told myself it wasn't because of me, but of course it was. Because he liked me. He told me so. Maybe those feelings were too much for him to deal with. That's how I comforted myself and convinced myself not to take his actions as a criticism of me.
I kept replaying in my mind how his eyes widened and brightened when he looked at me. How his hand felt against mine when he'd held it. His lips and breath against my bare skin. All day there had been a current like electricity running between us, at breakfast, in the garden, and now.
My confession to him in the den was me being braver than I could ever remember being. For whatever reason in his own mind, Tane was not going to make moves on me. I wanted him and I realized I was going to have to make that clearer.
After dinner, I went straight to my room.
I lay back on my bed and turned on a program I'd been watching and enjoying.
But I couldn't concentrate. It was like the room wasn’t real and the air held remnants of his scent even though he was nowhere nearby and hadn't been in my room in a long time.
But still, his scent seemed to surround me.
My body was flushed. My breaths were deep and loud.
I closed my eyes and tried to will myself to sleep even though I was still wearing my dinner clothes.
But my mind seemed to spin and my inner vision showed him, only him.
I couldn't stop thinking about how nice he looked in the clothes he'd worn at dinner, how shiny his dark hair was so neatly combed back from his face, and how beautiful his hands were, hands I actually touched.
I tossed back and forth on the bed trying to find a cool spot. My body flamed. Was I in heat? I couldn't be; it was too early. I had weeks yet to go before I had to cross that bridge.
Still, I assessed my entire body for heat symptoms I was familiar with.
The fever of my skin was one of those. But nothing else made sense.
I wasn't leaking from my rectum, my thoughts weren't fogged, and sometimes my heats were accompanied by a low dull headache which right now I didn’t have.
I was aroused, yes, but that was normal for me.
For my age. And right now, the focus of my arousal was Tane.
If I was in heat, I would have been aroused for no specific reason and it usually felt a lot more immediately intense.
But that didn't mean what I felt right now wasn't intense. I was hot and restless. Early on during my stay here I thought I had a crush on Tane. But this was more than a mere crush. Was I falling in love?
I'd never felt this way before. It hurt but in a good way. It also hurt because I couldn't have him. A man I finally felt something for. A stranger in a strange land who had surprisingly become my friend and protector.
This was ridiculous. I needed to get a handle on my emotions.
Maybe this dream I had of falling in love could happen but not right now.
It was obvious Tane wasn't ready. I had to be patient.
Living here was good. I couldn't have asked for a better fate.
I should be able to find plenty of things to distract myself.
But the more I tried to sleep, the more restless I became. My mind was urging me to do things I would never normally consider. Like going to Tane and just throwing myself at him. Had I had too much wine at dinner?
I got up and paced the room like some caged animal.
I went into the bathroom and threw cold water on my face.
I thought about taking a hot shower and letting the water touch my body all over, soaping myself up really good and having a good time.
But I didn't want that. I didn't want my own hands, I wanted his. So badly.
How could he deny me?
Now I was just being a conceited princeling. Of course he could deny me. He owned me. This was his house.
I kept pacing for another few minutes until I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to get out of this room.
I opened the door and padded in bare feet to the hall. It was dark except for a few night lights low to the floor, one by my door and one by the stairwell. I stood very still in the darkness listening to the silence.
Slowly, I made my way to the stairs and the second floor. Tane said he would be in his office but all the doors were closed on that floor and I faced more darkness with only a couple of night lights casting shadows across the tile.
I approached Tane’s office looking for a light under the door to see if maybe he was there. But it was dark.
I turned to face the big door at the end of the hall. Tane’s bedroom.
Even though I'd been inside there once, I knew the rule remained.
No one was allowed inside except the cleaning crew on Friday mornings.
Still, I walked forward until I stood before it.
I reached out my hand and touched the intricately carved wood, running my fingers over the leaf and flower designs.
My skin caught on the edges. I leaned my forehead against the coolness and closed my eyes.
His scent was strong here. I could feel him inside.
There was no sound. No sense of movement.
But my heart beat rapidly knowing he was just on the other side.
A flush bloomed all over my body again, burning just under the first layer of skin.
My eyes warmed. My hands we're both pressed against the door now, trembling.
I wanted to call out, speak his name. But the thought of that seemed too desperate, too loud. Instead, one hand slid to the handle on the door and I pressed down. To my utter surprise, it swung open.
I opened my eyes and saw only darkness at first, but then my vision adjusted and I saw a dim rose colored light deep in the room.
It was a stained-glass lamp on the nightstand and it sent rosy shadows over the bed.
The room was huge and I could barely see details of the bed so far away but when some pillows moved I saw him. Tane. The alpha I'd fallen for.
“Who’s there?”
“Me.”
“Kirion? What’s wrong? Are you all right?”
I stood without moving in the doorway watching Tane get up.
In the pink light, now I could see he was naked.
And beautiful. Broad shoulders, flat stomach, muscles defined.
I couldn’t see more details beyond that, but I imagined he was magnificent in every way.
He grabbed a robe from the foot of his bed and quickly put it on.
“I—I’m….” I didn’t finish. I didn’t have an answer for him. Was I all right? In some ways, yes. But no. I wasn’t all right.
My body tightened as Tane approached me.
“Are you sick? Are you hurt?”
I shook my head.
He stopped within two feet of me. Two feet only but such a tremendous distance. It felt like infinity. My eyes suddenly swam with tears. How could I? How could I have something so far away?
Eventually, the fire in me would turn me to ash. It couldn’t be helped. I was lost. Alone. Good for no one except as a slave. He couldn’t want me. Not even if I was super wonderful. Because I couldn’t escape that final designation: set omega.
A burning tear dropped to my cheek. To hide it, I ducked my head. The rest followed without me actually thinking about it, as if my body was on autopilot.
I strode forward two feet—infinity—and butted my head into his chest. Then I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could as my knees threatened to buckle. A single sob escaped me and became buried in his robe.
“Kir—Kirion?”
He was going to push me away. I knew it. I braced for it, squeezing my eyes tightly shut.
Instead of falling back as I’d expected, arms came around my shoulders. Strong. Pressing hard. Possessive.
I gasped at the shock of it. Of feeling his chin against the top of my head and his voice rumble through me.
“It’s okay now. It’s okay.”
We stayed that way for a few more breaths. When he started to pull back, I held on with all my might. Then, before I realized what was happening, my feet came up off the floor. My body jerked and Tane’s arms went beneath my legs and lifted me as if I weighed no more than a basket of feathers.
I adjusted my grip on him. Over the shoulders and around his neck. I pressed my cheek to his upper chest as we turned. I heard a footstep on the wood floor and the door closed loudly behind us.
I peeked out from behind my messed-up hair and saw the bed. Tane was taking me to his bed. His bed.
We came around to the side of the mattress and he started to put me down but my body was having none of that. My arms wrapped tighter around his neck. He didn’t force it. He held me close, turned his body and sat with me still cradled in his arms.
I couldn’t look. I couldn’t think. It was this, contact with Tane, that I wanted and craved. I didn’t want anything to ruin that.
His chin rubbed the top of my head again. I felt his breath. Then a light kiss at my brow like lightning. Like thunder exploding through me.
His arms squeezed me. “Kirion,” he said again.
I nodded against him.
We’d both said we liked each other in the den. Now we were speaking with our bodies.
When I finally relaxed, Tane lay back in the bed. I followed, stretching out against his side.
We didn’t speak. When he looked up, his bright eyes were staring at me. I blinked once, twice before he leaned in.
Our lips met.
And I lost my grip on reality.