33. Chapter 33
33
Esta was very rarely speechless, but the packages I’d laid at her feet made her jaw hang open. She’d been mending my trousers by the fire. Ruck, Oliver, and I investigated the ravine after Bram brought back the nugget. My pant leg caught on a sharp, outstretched root and was torn. Nothing could have stifled the overwhelming sense of excitement when we’d found not one, but three smaller nuggets. Even one of them would have assured a plentiful year, but the mix of them spoke of unfathomable wealth. There might be a golden vein buried in the ravine.
“All these are…for me? For my….” Her voice trailed off.
“Your nest.” I supplied, wringing my hands together. Ruck and Oliver gave me reassuring smiles, the latter’s knowledge about nests enabled me to put together the gift. “They’re the softest, loveliest things I could order in. But if you need more, if you need anything .”
Esta ran her fingers over a soft length of wool and over to the pile of clothes. I cleared my throat as she looked up, eyes bright yet wary. My breath caught on to the idea that the offering was too much, too presumptuous from me.
“I-I don’t know how or what or—” Esta rubbed her wrist over the mingled scents on the clothes I’d asked Oliver and Ruck to donate. Oliver waved a placating hand toward our omega.
“Let your instincts guide you, Esta. It doesn’t have to be a perfect nest, just yours.”
“Thank you. You didn’t have to do this for me.” Esta said and my stomach swooped like a teenager as her crystal gaze lingered on me.
“I want you to have everything you need.” The world. I added to myself, hoping one day there might be space for me in it beside her. She fingered the worn shirt I’d included in the clothing, her expression contemplative.
The fire lent all its warmth to the room as it dwindled, but I was cold at the loss of her gaze. My brothers and I shared the couch, and Ruck flipped the same page of his book back and forth, worrying the thin paper between his finger and thumb.
“We should go to bed,” Ruck announced reluctantly, with a stretch.
Right as Oliver said, “we should talk about tomorrow.”
Esta let out a soft laugh, and my stomach twisted at the ease between them. I was a stranger in my own pack, looking through the glass at their closeness. By my own choices, I knew, but it didn’t stop the familiar pain from stabbing through my gut. I’d long since gotten used to the sensation of it.
“What is there to talk about?” She ignored the invitation to go to bed.
I was glad. There was nothing more tortuous than hearing someone else orgasm while you denied yourself the right. My cock throbbed at the soft noises Esta made, even when I jammed my pillow over my head.
Bram moved out into the barn to sleep, so there was no awkwardness there. Only pent-up frustration. I was fit to burst with need and lived half on the edge of bubbling delusion.
Oliver shifted and shared a look with us. “There is potential for danger at the Spring Dance, even with you being bonded.”
Esta’s nose wrinkled with offense. She stood and placed her back to the fire.
“I can contain myself for one night,” she scoffed, and I let out a rumble. She looked so otherworldly with the soft coals illuminating her lower half like a halo.
“I’m sure you can, but they’re more worried about me. I’ve been doing the best I can, but it’s a struggle while I’m unbonded. It’s like my body knows you’re supposed to be mine. If I see you dance with another alpha tomorrow…”
Esta’s chest rose and fell, goosebumps sprung over the creamy white tops of her breasts. I kept my struggles to myself, and her surprise was genuine. She looked at the overflowing vase of feathers. I added a small, thin yellow one today, like a stalk of barley.
“I-I didn’t realize,” her nails dug into her palms.
My stomach sank as nerves tightened her features. It wasn’t her fault I’d acted without thought, or that I had a reputation as a feral alpha. One that wasn’t so far from the truth. My nerves felt like the forgotten, brittle rope hung in the barn.
Bound to snap at any moment.
“I didn’t want to rush you, and this changes nothing about what you asked of me. You have all the time in the world to search your heart and see if there is a place for me. But I also want to be honest. I am an alpha, and I have limitations.”
I would tear my beating heart out of my chest rather than lose control. Not for me, but for her.
The omega I loved.
My biology screamed at me to claim her, to thread my dark, midnight soil in her cream and sugar. I dug my fingers into my knees. Before, all I could see was her nature, and none of the Esta I’d fallen in love with. I’d let her designation become a shield between us. But I’d chipped away with the dogged determination everyone knew me for.
Esta was an omega, but she was so much more. I wished I could turn back time and tell her how my heart beat for this strong, curious, passionate woman. The thought of losing her was enough to paint my vision red.
“Hale could stay home, but I fear that would make it worse. Our urge to protect you is very strong,” Ruck added another important point. “His instincts are close to the surface, just like ours were before we bonded.”
Esta picked up the iron poker and shifted the coal around. It looked like she hadn’t heard Ruck. There was a furrow to her brow, a deep squiggle of concentration. It melted away after a moment. Replaced by purpose.
“Would it soothe your alpha instincts if I did this?”
Her skirts whispered on the wooden floor as she crossed the room to stand in front of me. She reached for my hand and rubbed her wrist across mine. Esta's thick scent was like dancing on the riverbank by the light of a crescent moon.
Ethereal, electric and beautiful.
She was a comet lighting up my insides, and I’d given up trying to smother her light. I could only wish for her to share some of it with me. A mere man in the face of something indefinable. Her scent sunk into my skin and the deep knots in my back softened. The tension lived there so long it’d grown roots, and I groaned at its absence.
“That helps,” I gasped, shocked by the languid space left in my body.
I’d been closer to snapping than I realized. Ruck watched us with a twisted grin and Oliver shifted to the armchair by the fire.
“Would it be too much to ask…” I trailed off, aware I didn’t have any power to command the delicate omega. The furrow between Esta’s brows returned.
“Could you let him hold you for a moment, darlin’? That’s what he wants, but he won’t ask it of you.”
I shot Ruck a grateful look but Esta took a step backward. A rush of acid coated my throat, blistering with sharp bitterness. What a fool I was to press, I had no right to ask anything of her.
“It’s okay,” I managed, voice rough with a growl. “I won’t come tomorrow. You can chain me to the bed if it comes to it.” The joke fell flat, and my wife pursed her pretty lips.
“No, you must, especially with the rumors. Besides, I worked all winter on your suits, it won’t be the same without you there.”
I moved with a hitched breath, steadying her plush hips as she lowered herself onto my lap. Sunshine infused flesh, warm even through the barrier of our clothes. It was impossible not to compare it to her heat. When I tasted her golden honey. I let out a low groan and Esta stiffened.
“Please,” I rushed with a breathless apology, “ignore me. You feel so good.”
Her back softened like a velvet ribbon, wrapping against my front.
Oliver watched us with a knowing gaze. “Nothing holds a candle to Esta on your lap,” he said.
“That’s the truth. Hale is counting his blessings right now.” Ruck winked. “While you do that, Oliver and I will check on Bram in the barn.”
“Nettle will bark if there is anything to worry about, surely.” Esta’s voice threaded with nerves. A stone in my stomach sank. She was terrified of being alone with me. Without the support of her alphas. Ruck hummed under his breath.
“Absolutely, but it won’t take a moment. Let yourself relax, Esta, you’re in good hands.”
I bit my tongue as my brothers filed out of the room, putting their boots on down the hall. After a moment, the door closed and unwanted silence expanded. Esta lay her head back on my shoulder, her eyes scrunched tight.
She hates being so close to me .
The realization was a knife through my gut. But I bled and mourned in quiet. This was my burden to bear. My actions bore long-reaching consequences, and I was prepared to pay them. No matter how long it took.
“This is helping me so much, Esta. Thank you for being so generous.” I whispered, and it tickled the hair near her ear.
She wriggled and I bit back another moan. If she kept doing that, it wouldn’t take long for her to feel the effects of how lush she was. Esta chased the last vestiges of winter frost that lingered in my veins. I came alive underneath my omega.
My omega .
My heart squeezed at how easy it was to say it in my mind, a place where she already existed and claimed. One day, I hoped I could say it out loud. Mark it on her skin with my teeth. I let out a wistful sigh.
“What are you thinking about?” Esta asked, her eyes still tightly closed.
She couldn’t wait for this to be over. It was obvious and it hurt. I swallowed the hard knot in my throat.
“The future.” I kept it vague, not wanting to make her more self-conscious than she obviously was.
Esta turned her nose into my neck and took a deep inhale. Now it was my turn to freeze. Her hot breath puffed against my skin, and I swore I felt the brush of her lips. The touch was intimate enough to make me harden underneath her.
“And you, Esta?” Heat bundled at the base of my spine, and I was desperate to distract myself. This was the sweetest torture, and I would endure it for as long as she let me.
“My heat.” Esta blurted out, and I almost unseated her in my shock.
I clamped my arms around her before she fell to the floor. Esta’s wide eyes met mine and her bow lips trembled. The heat pressed between our bodies, and it scalded me with possibility.
“What?” I could barely breathe.
Hope took up the space my lungs needed to expand. Overwhelmed by confusion, my thoughts tripped over each other.
“It hurt me when you left, but now I understand why you did, and I’m thankful—in a way.” Her soft voice rolled over me. “I needed Ruck and Oliver, and we never would have gotten a chance.”
I grunted, knowing what she meant.
If I’d been good to her, there wouldn’t have been space made for my brothers.
It was better this way. They could take care of her in a way I never could. Gave her all I lacked. I wasn’t soft or funny. It was hard for me to relax and not be the one in charge. I only wished I could have come to the realization before harming her so deeply with my cruel rejection. I wished I could go back to her heat and face my fears, prove to her I was worth forgiving.
“Esta, you were made for them.” I believed it. The proof was clear every day my brothers unveiled more strength, solid and happy in a way that made them shine.
Their mark on Esta’s body completed them.
“What about you? Was I made for you?” She shifted on my lap, lifting her skirts to straddle me.
Her eyebrows rose as she ground down on the hard lump in my pants. Her hands landed on my shoulders, and I circled my arms around her again. This time lighter, more wary. I waited for her glare, the anger at my presumption, but it never came.
“There is a space made perfectly for you in this fool heart, if you decide you want it.” I swallowed past a lump.
My light tone came out strangled. Esta tilted her head and rocked her hips. The movement was so slight that I might have imagined it, but she did it again—rolling, rocking, gaining confidence. I swallowed a needy groan.
“Funny, I was going to say something similar. But not about my heart.” Esta moved, demolishing any doubt about what space she referred to.
Her pussy.
Was she really offering me her body? Sweat beaded on my upper lip as I scrambled to form a coherent sentence.
“Esta?” her name a tangled question.
“Tomorrow I’m going to dance in a beautiful dress, and you’ll all wear the suits I made.” Esta hummed, never ceasing the roll of her hips. “I want us all to enjoy ourselves, to have a wonderful time with each other. We’ll know what we are, a pack.”
A shard of logic cut through the haze and my mouth fell open.
“Are you saying you want me to mark you?” I couldn’t keep the hope locked up tight like before. It spilled out and Esta smothered a wince at the wide-open desire on my face. She cupped my cheeks and pressed our foreheads together.
“When you mark me, I don’t want it to be out of fear. Or because we’re on a time limit. I want you to choose me because you love me and no other reason.” She let me down gently and the sharp slice of disappointment dulled under the insistent warmth of her pussy pressed against my cock.
This was a strange moment, hanging by a thread of instinct and logic. My teeth ached and throbbed at being denied what they wanted. Need funneled through the cords of my muscles and made them restless.
“I’d wait an eternity, Esta. I mean it.”
I was a man of my word and I’d given a promise. This was what I must do to win Esta back and if my mind fractured in the process, so be it.
But it wouldn’t.
I was so damn close to having the future I imagined up on that hill months ago. When I saw that wolf pack and knew, deep inside, we were supposed to live the same way.
“Ask me again, after the Spring Dance.” Her throat bobbed and her lips pressed softly against mine.
She tasted like the first slice of peach plucked straight from the tree. Velvet. Silk. All the things I’d seen in a Breton City boutique, too rich and luxurious for me to afford. Esta’s taste was threaded with gold, beyond precious. I ran my tongue along the seam of her lip, and she opened so sweetly I moaned.
“My wife.” I breathed and tangled my tongue with hers.
She squeezed her eyes shut and fisted the shirt on my shoulders. “I am made for you.”
I trailed my hands down over her ass and squeezed. The skirts were thick and hampered my questing touch. Esta reared backward, eyes wild, like she realized the same thing.
“Will you give me your knot? Fill me with your seed?” she flushed as she asked, and I savored the pink shade on her cheeks.
Exactly like the faded robin red breast feather I’d found. Lust and need slammed into me, turned my veins into lightning. My hands tore at her clothes. A haze overtook me, and the seams of her chemise puckered and tore with my rough treatment. Esta urged me on, her nails nicked my skin as she battled with my clothing. When hers were strewn on the floor, I lay her carefully on the couch. Her thighs glistened with slick, and my mouth rushed with saliva.
“Touch yourself while I rid myself of these.” I yanked at my shirt. Fevered and impatient for the gift Esta was giving me. Her hand toyed between her legs, and she stuck out her bottom lip. There was a new alluring confidence in her.
“I don’t want my hand. I want yours.”
“Do as your alpha commands, now,” I growled and stared as she stiffened.
It wasn’t a bark, I would never order Esta in that way. But close enough that her pupils took over her eyes as she moved feverishly to pump two fingers inside of her. My limbs turned loose and useless as her fingers disappeared deep inside heaven.
The last time I’d seen her naked it overwhelmed me. Her decadence crashed my senses, and panic sent me running. I’d feared losing myself then, but not now.
I knew what it was like to be without Esta, and I couldn’t bear the pain of it.
This time, I could savor her and show her what it felt like to be in my arms. Locked on my knot. My cum trapped inside her womb, catching with a child. I couldn’t work my buttons. My hands shook too much. The thrilling scent of our mingled desire drenched the room, but I was clear headed.
Mostly.
I filled my lungs and luxuriated in the way my instincts bathed in her. Regret stamped me like a blister for a moment, for all the times I could have had this and didn't. Before I messed up.
“I need you, husband.” The tip of her tongue glistened her bottom lip, and it was enough to make me rip the button out and shove my pants down my legs.
I crashed into Esta. All thoughts of gentle lovemaking disappeared. I wanted Esta’s eyes rolling back into her head, and my name on her lips. I wanted her to call me husband while she clenched around my cock. Esta clambered on top of me, her breasts close enough to taste. I squeezed them instead, rubbing the rough pads of my thumbs over her nipples.
“Fuck your husband, Esta. Show him what a fool he was to turn away from you.”
Her eyes flashed, molten with lust and challenge. Her hips hovered as she angled my cock with a tentative touch and lowered herself. My mind blanked and I couldn’t control the obscene moan that escaped me. I unraveled under the clasp of her perfect heat. She savored me inch by inch until her hips melded us together. Already my knot swelled, desperate to be inside our omega.
“Only a fool would say no to me,” Esta whispered with a breathless smirk.
I planted my hands on her lush hips and moved her up and down. Her thighs quivered, and she snatched her bottom lip between her teeth.
“A damned fool. Somebody ought to teach him a lesson.” I panted, dragging her across my steel rod.
Wild slipped into my voice, and I lost the ability to speak like a civilized man. Her walls fluttered and clamped, sucking me back with a relentless hunger. Esta draped her arms around my neck and her voice tickled my ear. Ruck and Oliver taught her well. They’d taken the nervous omega and helped her blossom into a nymph. Her power might have frightened me if I hadn’t been so damn ready to be devoured.
“You’re right, he needs to learn.” Her pussy clenched again. “So he never, ever leaves me again. So he fights for this pack and his omega with every single piece of him.” She dragged her fingernails up the back of my neck. Rhythmically milking my cock with her walls.
She was doing it on purpose.
She kept me right on the edge, hovering on her knees so my knot didn’t slip inside her like I wanted. I took what she gave me, hazy with unrestrained lust. My thighs were wet and slippery from the slick that dripped from her pussy. I forced myself not to bury my head between her legs. I would, if she wanted it, but Esta’s thighs were tight on my hips. Her breasts swung with tight nipples, pink from my kisses.
Strawberries and cream.
“Whatever you ask of me, I’ll do.” I gripped the back of her neck and promised it to her lips.
Our tongues tangled, and she melted against me. How had I ever been afraid of this? The haze settling over me wasn’t madness like with Claudia. Her cursed scent shoved me out of my body until I could only watch as I snarled and fought. That omega sought to collar me in a barbed, metal noose.
I offered myself up to Esta. I begged her to own me.
That was the difference.
“What if I wanted you to let me go?” Esta whispered. Her damp hair clung to the sides of her face.
A guttural growl escaped me, and the haze over my mind scattered rational thought.
She wanted to leave me ?
But we’d just spoken of a bonding mark?
Esta rocked over me, and the immense pain and pressure in my chest clashed with the waves of pleasure she created. My nails dug half-moons into her plush ass cheeks. Esta tossed her head back, and ground down on me. Did she know how much this ecstasy hurt? When she gave it so freely and threatened to take it away? My lungs ached, but I needed her more than I needed breath.
“I-it would kill me, but I’d do it.” I stole the salt from her collarbone.
If this was going to be my last moment with Esta, I was going to take enough to sustain myself on. Every taste, scent, noise I could tear from her beautiful lips.
I would make this fleeting moment last a lifetime.
Esta hesitated, chest rising and falling with a sound too much like a sob. I tilted her head toward me and caught my breath. Glistening crystal eyes. The tears trembled on her lower lash and her lip twisted. Something like shame crossed her face and as she closed her eyes, tears fell.
I realized what this was now.
It was a test.
The last time we’d been together, I’d left. She was pushing me to my breaking point to see if I would do the same thing again. Even if it shattered her in the process. My chest ached, and I stilled her hips with a squeeze of my hands. She bucked against me, intent on hurting us both.
“Esta, wife, stop. Please.” My fingers shuttled across her back, urging her to cocoon against my chest.
Could she hear my stampeding heartbeat? We couldn’t be closer. But I didn’t want to make our second time together as traumatic as the first.
“I thought I could do this so easily, but it’s overwhelming.” She whispered, and her desperation sliced my heart.
It was too much being with me?
I should have moved away, but that was asking too much. I was only an alpha, and a lousy one at that.
“Esta, do you want to stop?” I whispered.
“We could have been like this since the beginning. It hurts so damn much, having this hole in my heart reserved for you. I’m so frightened.”
The curse falling off Esta’s lips drew a chuckle from me, and she blinked with hurt, before realizing what amused me. I pulled her close and slanted my lips across hers. This kiss was tender, and I chased away the lingering bitterness. I sank my fingers into Esta’s undone hair, anchoring her to me.
“Let me in, Esta. I’ll spend the rest of our lives loving you the way you deserve.”
Her translucent blue eyes blinked, and her lower lip wobbled.
“You love me?”
I froze. I didn’t want to say the words until we were in a better place, but I wouldn’t lie either.
“You’re so easy to love Esta, it took no time at all for me to make space in this rusty, scarred organ.” I thumped a fist on my chest. “That’s why it hurt so much when I found out you were an omega. I didn’t know if what I was feeling was real anymore. Had your omega powers corrupted my brain? A million terrible, wrong thoughts took me over, and I was so afraid of the feeling. I pushed you away, and I hurt you. But I never stopped loving you, nor will I.”
Esta searched my face, but there was no trace of lies. We were naked, joined and for the first time, entirely honest with one another. She was frightened, but I wasn’t afraid. My heart swelled with the love I felt for Esta. I was proud, and desperate to be called her alpha.
“You don’t believe it anymore? A-about me being a conniving omega?”
I ran my hands down the side of her body. Her curves sang, like music from the heavens. And I was listening, savoring. The friction made her eyelashes flutter, and her hands curled on my chest. Her body held so much strength, the red scars on her shoulders, and the silver marks of Oliver and Ruck. Her scent flooded my nostrils and sunk into my skin.
“You are the most powerful creature in the world. You wrapped me around your finger with your bright smile and bravery. Your laugh could bring a grown alpha to his knees.” I brushed my fingers over the garish red scar on her shoulder. “I love your fighting spirit, your will to thrive. No matter what happens between us, I will always make sure you are safe and free.”
At the mention of freedom, she let out a soft moan and slammed her lips down on mine. She didn’t return the sentiment, but her body gave me hope. One day she would tell me she loved me, I would stop at nothing until she did.
Esta ground down on me, the momentary lapse in passion forgotten as our lust roared to life again. Her skin became my church, and I worshiped. With my mouth, I laid prayers upon the curve of her breasts. I sucked her hardened nipple into my mouth, running my tongue along Oliver’s mark as I did. Pleasure ran down my spine. The haze returned, dulling my senses until the only thing I could see, taste, smell and touch was Esta.
She was my everything.
“I love you.” I scraped her neck with my teeth. “This will bear my mark one day.”
“It will,” Esta moaned, and I held her generous admission against my chest like a precious nugget of gold. We were so open, moving together like we were born for each other. Esta rained open-mouthed kisses on me, trailing them over my jaw and the red scar that marred it.
“You can trust me,” Esta murmured against the scar, and the skin burned with her sweet promise.
“I do.” Esta was my future. Pleasure made my spine steel, and I thrust my hips up. My knot slipped into her perfect hold. She was hot and wet as she clamped around me. The haze deepened, and my hips hammered up. Esta slumped against me, mewling with short, sharp breaths.
“I’m going to—” I panted.
“Me too,” Esta sucked on my neck, and I cried out, spilling inside her at the faux mark she gave me. Omegas couldn’t leave a bonding mark. That was an alpha’s gift. Esta plastered to my chest and my teeth ached with desire. I pinned her head on my shoulder, clamping my mouth around her neck. My teeth throbbed, and my body was taut.
My knot locked us together. The sharp edges of my teeth could cement it. I wanted her so badly enough to steal her. But Esta whimpered, gulping heavily as she realized how close I was to making another mistake. I moved mountains in the moment it took for me to release her.
I would never hurt Esta willingly again, no matter how I wanted her.
“I’m sorry—” I swallowed hard, voice rough. Esta cupped my cheek and searched my face. Whatever she saw there made her soften, and she relaxed against me. Salt, peaches, and the most torturous velvet heat.
“You keep me safe, right?” I almost missed her question. Soft like a secret. Whispered into my chest.
“Always, always.”