Chapter 15
15
PENNY
“You’re the only person I know who wakes up and immediately needs to take a nap.”
Stretching my arms above my head, my fingers play along the headboard, as a yawn escapes my lips. “I feel like ever since I’ve been invited into your bed, you have made it impossible to think about sleep much.”
“That’s because your pussy is a greedy little thing.”
Rolling on top of Collins, I giggle as his fingers tease along my sides. “I don’t remember you complaining.”
“Never. That was a compliment.”
I laugh even harder. “When has calling anything greedy been a good thing?”
We spend the next few minutes laughing over absolutely nothing in particular. And it feels good.
It feels too good.
Yesterday, we spent a couple of hours apart, and I missed him—a lot. Despite having my own apartment separate from Collins, it’s his enigmatic personality that makes me gravitate toward him.
We are friends and lovers, rather than bodyguard and client.
“What’s the plan for today?”
Rolling onto my back, I look up at the ceiling. “Today, you teach me how to drive.”
“Is that so?”
“It very much is, and I won’t accept anything but ‘yes, Princess’ as an answer.”
Collins lets out a boisterous laugh. “Get ready for the day and meet me downstairs. I’ll get your car.”
“It’s here?”
“Yeah, why? Where else would it be?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I just wasn’t expecting you to actually be on board with teaching me today.”
Collins gives me a confused look. “I’m trying to help you soar, Penny, not clip your wings.”
I mouth a thank you , and then hurry myself through my morning routine.
When I’m done in the bathroom, Collins has already left the apartment to grab my car, which I assume is being stored in the parking garage down below.
It wouldn’t be weird for Graham and Nic to deliver it here. I live in this building after all.
I lock up and walk toward the elevator and hit the call button.
I’m used to Collins being within a few inches of me but definitely appreciate the space to be independent. He must know I’ve been itching for a little space.
As promised, I’m wearing known but hidden trackers. Some, I know their location while with others, I’m not privy to that information.
To be with Collins, this is something that I just have to accept.
Entering into a contractual relationship with him meant more to me than the annoyance of him knowing where I am all the time.
Plus, I wouldn’t be able to trust that he wasn’t putting trackers on me whether I agreed to them or not.
It’s just easier this way.
Angie and Claire have accepted this—so maybe I can as well.
Men that have been surrounded by the evilness of this world need to make sure their loved ones are safe and accounted for at all times.
But I’m not Collins’s loved one.
I’m just a client with benefits.
When I get to the lobby, I’m greeted by the friendly staff. Several ask me if I need anything, probably not used to seeing me without a chaperone.
I can’t even open my own door without someone rushing to assist.
It’s endearing… At least that’s what I tell myself to normalize the abnormal.
Standing on the curb of the street, I wait until Collins parks my shiny new birthday present from my brothers in front of me.
When he gets out, I let out a whistle. “If I knew how hot my driving instructor was, I would have worn something super skimpy.”
I’ll never be able to prove it, but I swear he blushes.
I mean, he looks freaking hot with his casual clothes, so it’s not like I’m exaggerating. He must have forgone shaving today, and I most definitely approve.
Dayum.
Mighty fine and all mine…
Collins eyes my exposed legs. “If your skirt gets any shorter, it will turn into a belt.”
He helps me into the front seat, behind the wheel. I feel his attention on how much skin I’m showing. I didn’t think this outfit through for actually sitting down.
“I probably should have worn panties.”
“Fuck.”
“No, thank you. I want to learn how to drive today, Sir. Come be my passenger prince.”
“You’re already driving me wild.”
“That’s the plan. Maybe if I distract you, I’ll pass my first lesson.”
Collins gives me the side-eye.
In all seriousness, I do want to learn the basics today and try to move past the guilt of missing out on a portion of my life. I was too afraid to even attempt to drive when I was originally old enough to try. I didn’t see much of a purpose for it.
But now I do.
I take a few deep breaths, shaking off the nerves.
“How hard can this be?” I say it more to myself than to Collins. “I’m pretty good at those racing video games.”
“This is a lot more serious than some video game, Penelope.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to stop the onslaught of a giggle fest. I’m going to give him an aneurysm. “Sure, yeah,” I agree, earning yet another look of disapproval. Sheesh.
Getting myself comfortable, I click my belt into place, which isn’t much different than the miniskirt’s width. He’s right. I do look like I’m wearing a belt.
Then I get to work on the preparation.
Collins isn’t in the passenger seat but a few seconds, and he’s already huffing and puffing out his exasperated air. “What in the hell are you doing with the mirrors, Penny?”
I try to keep a straight face, but it’s hard. Collins is just so…
Proper.
I rotate it clockwise and then switch and do it counterclockwise. “I feel like the angles are all wrong.” Settling on the mirror directed right on my face, I wait for his reaction.
“They aren’t for doing your makeup, that’s for sure.”
“Well, I’ve been getting pointers from Claire on driving.” Okay…that’s what is going to set him over the edge. Clearly. But it’s too fun to stop. “She says ‘mirrors are for mascara.’”
Collins lets out a huge groan, and I can almost hear him counting to ten.
Aim higher, buddy.
This is way too much fun.
“Have you ever seen her drive? She’s terrifying. So detox your brain from any advice she has given you.”
“If it wasn’t for Nic forbidding her from being behind the wheel, maybe she would stop sending me unsolicited driving lessons via text. I swear getting the car for my birthday has inspired her.”
“She’s unpredictable.”
“Yeah, I agree. But she did predict you would overreact over this. And as I can see, you totally are.”
“This is the normal reaction, Penny.”
I shrug and take off my lightweight jacket to reveal my new T-shirt that Angie made for me for this very occasion. I can already tell he hates it. So, yay!
I look down at my custom shirt that says, Stop Signs Are Suggestions .
“Look at me.”
“Hmm?”
“You are to follow all of my instructions, Penelope. Understand?”
I pout out my bottom lip but nod. “Fun time is over.”
“That’s correct. You goof around during this first lesson and there won’t be a second. You can continue to be my”—he seems to search for the right word—“passenger princess for the unforeseeable future.”
Except it is foreseeable…
Our entire relationship is built on a fault line, destined to fail at the first rumble of trauma or end after the one hundred days are up.
Regardless, the future is finite for us.
“Press the brakes, start the ignition, and put the car in drive.”
We already had several pre-lessons, so the terminology is fresh in my head. I do as I’m told.
“Use your side mirror and check your blind spot, and when and only when it is clear, pull out onto the road.”
We continue like this, where Collins bosses me around and I comply without hesitation. It is oddly comforting allowing him to take the reins, and I don’t have to overthink anything.
There’s no music.
There’s no small talk to fill the quiet.
I just drive and drive, while Collins provides praise and feedback when necessary.
But when we start getting out of the city and into the more rural parts of the suburbs, I can’t help but look over and admire my view. It literally stabs at my heart to think that the contract whose purpose is to give us the freedom to be together might be the kiss of death for us when it ends.
Can we go back to just being bodyguard and client?
Can we move on with our lives and act like we didn’t just spend one hundred days exploring all parts of our bodies intermingled together?
I don’t think I’ll be able to maintain a professional relationship with him when we’ve been so intimate .
What happens if we can’t stand to be around one another because it’s too painful—traumatic?
“Watch the road, Penny.”
“Hmm?”
“You are moving awfully close to the shoulder.”
“Oh.”
“What has you so distracted?”
“Your ball cap, worn jeans, and face stubble.”
“You like me unkempt?” Collins’s tone is of genuine curiosity.
I can’t help but smile. He cares what I think. “I like you a little rough around the edges. It makes you look badass and less bodyguard-ish.”
“Good to know. Now focus on the damn road before I force you to switch places with me.”
“Sheesh, it’s as if you were an army sergeant in your last life.”
From the corner of my eye, I see a sadness wash over Collins, and I suddenly remember that he did mention he was in the military.
I want to look at him and dissect his reaction, but I also want to continue being in the driver’s seat with Collins bossing me around. I kind of like it.
“I’m being insensitive,” I say softly. “And I’m sorry. I completely forgot that you shared that sliver about your past with me, albeit with no details.”
Collins clears his throat. When a minute has passed, I assume he is just ignoring me. “You know why I do contracts with the women I decide to have”—out of the corner of my eye, I see him make air quotes with his fingers—“relationships with?”
“Because you are a control freak who loves to have his pussy and boss it too?”
He lets out a hearty laugh. “I haven’t laughed as much in my entire life as when I’m around you.”
“You’re welcome.” I change my grip on the steering wheel and rest my back against the seat, finding my rhythm. “Seriously, though…I would love to hear your explanation.” And I mean it.
“When I was in my twenties, I was moving up in rank in the military—a lot faster than the average soldier. I was quick, had reliable instincts, and thought fast on my feet. I was gaining respect and staying out of trouble, which was my reason for joining to begin with after high school.”
I nod and offer a smile to let him know I’m listening, while steering the car straight.
“My best friend at the time was harboring a lot of jealousy, most likely stemming from insecurities in his past and feelings of inadequacy. It also didn’t help that we liked the same woman, which was unbeknownst to me until I was too involved to let go of my own feelings.”
I focus on the road, even though it feels as if Collins is about to drop a truth bomb on me. “And he blamed you for making a move on her?”
“Yeah, apparently. But he was very passive-aggressive about it. I didn’t think he cared. My relationship with him changed as soon as she and I started to secretly see each other.”
“Why in secret?”
“She happened to be our officer.”
“That sounds very dramatic.”
“It was. She was in a position of power over me, but she knew we both had a thing for her.”
“Okay…women seem to pick up on those signals, so I’m not surprised. Then what happened?”
“We had a secret relationship for months. And we both had similar tastes in”—he pauses as he looks out the window and then back at me—“kinks.”
“The spanking stuff?”
“Yes. And some more activities in that same lane.”
It’s starting to make more sense as to why I found Collins at Limit-X. I keep the steering wheel steady as I continue driving, while he keeps on talking.
“Our secret relationship progressed, until my best friend went behind my back to poison her mind with lies about me. Saying I’m abusive to women. Trying to convince her that I’m the bad guy—despite most activities being her idea.”
“That’s really sad. Then what happened?”
“One night at a group gathering on base, someone slipped something in my drink.”
My fingers clench the steering wheel. “You were drugged?”
“Yes.”
He does understand. “I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t remember anything from the night before, but photos surfaced that allowed me to believe that she was in on the entire thing as well.”
“As one big setup?”
“Yes. They were both in on it and knew that the only way to fully be together and get him to move up in rank faster was to eliminate me.”
“But how?” I pry.
“A drug test that should have been completely random followed the next day. And I knew then that my best friend set me up over the officer we both liked. I got kicked out for drugs in my system, coupled with relations with my superior.”
“From the photos?”
“Yes.”
“Did she get kicked out too?”
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t always work that way and it doesn’t always make sense. But being drugged and not remembering destroyed me. Building my life around the military and then that falling through was a hard pill to swallow. And getting discharged after years of service to my country was devastating.”
It all makes sense. “This is why you sign contracts with your partners and are selective in who you allow into your life.”
“Yes. I’d rather have consent be in writing and not used against me later on.”
“I’m really sorry that happened to you. I can see why it would be very difficult to trust anyone after something as horrendous as that.”
“I never made a best friend since. The closest thing to friends I have are your brothers.”
“Thank you for sharing all of this with me.”
“I’m simply telling you so you can understand that we all have things in our pasts. Things we wish we could change… But it’s those things that sculpt our futures and help us to grow. Graham hired me long before you were drugged, but once my responsibilities shifted to finding your predator, it was clear that we were more connected from our pasts than I could have ever imagined. And that ability to find justice for you was what saved my life from the depressing downward spiral.”
A solo tear falls from my eye, and I quickly wipe it in hopes it doesn’t produce more. I wish Mark never kidnapped me, drugged me, and made me believe I was raped. I wish that I didn’t spend time in a mental institution fighting to come back to the family that loves me without a single condition. I wish that every stranger I pass on the street wasn’t tainted by the figurative dark glasses I can’t stop wearing.
But here I sit, in my car, with my bodyguard talking about life.
And slowly, this enchanting man beside me becomes a little more human, and I’ve become less bitter. Collins Stone sees me where I am and where I’ve been, because he has endured that pain of someone taking advantage of him for their own selfish gain.
And that is what suffering does for the human race. It bonds us together.
Ignoring Collins’s directive to go straight, I take a sharp left.
“Where are you going?”
“Just a little detour.”
“Pen…”
“Coll…”
Between Hillsboro and Portland, there are many scenic paths that I’ve taken on rides with my family growing up. Lazy Sunday road trips with Graham and Nic bickering nonstop from the back seat shaped my childhood. It’s no wonder why Momma and Dad needed to have me to balance out that testosterone rage.
It was probably a blessing as well that my brothers took up wrestling as their sport of choice—if just to blow off some steam. It might have kept them from massacring each other as well.
But even at a young age, I didn’t have a clear path. It wasn’t like I excelled in any particular type of sport or hobby. I tried out dancing and gymnastics, but nothing really interested me long enough to pursue it past just something to do to keep busy.
It was as if I just coasted through life, doing relatively well academically and staying under the radar socially. Well…until Mark Tanner took me under his wing and then violated my trust in all men thereafter.
I was an easy victim, by coming alive with just a little attention.
Being naive is a curse…
And that’s a curse I’m willing to try to break.
Taking another side road, I enjoy the feel of control at my fingertips.
Collins has only grabbed the steering wheel twice during the entire lesson, so I don’t think I’m doing too badly.
He has a calming aura about him. And it’s his gentleness that makes me want to keep driving with him, never wanting it to end.
Then I see a butterfly. So naturally, I slam on my brakes like any good human would do.
“Hell, Pen. Easy!” He looks over at me with concern, his fingertips digging into the passenger seat’s leather. “What was that for?”
I point out the window. “I saw a butterfly. Obviously.”
“Nobody brakes for butterflies, Penelope.”
“I do.”
I think about the silliness for a few seconds and then burst out laughing.
He’s right.
“Maybe Angie can make you a custom shirt with the phrase ‘I brake for butterflies’ on it.”
“I would love one,” he deadpans.
And I just can’t stop the giggles. “I can’t see.”
“That’s a problem, Penelope. Pull over.”
“Where?”
“Over th—” Collins grabs the steering wheel and then slides his foot over to hit the brakes. “You almost got us stuck in a ditch.”
He cuts the engine, holding out his hand for the keys.
“Uh-oh, I did it now.”
And then the giggles return.
“Collins?”
“Yes, Princess?”
“I’ve never laughed this much either.”