Chapter 17
17
COLLINS
“Penny? I need you to come back to me.”
I’m kneeling on the rocky ground of the river’s shore, rubbing soothing circles along her cheekbones.
C’mon, dammit.
Penny rocks back and forth, hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes are blank, like she is looking right through me.
Snap out of this!
“She’s in shock. What happened here?” I demand. “Did something spook her? Did someone say something wrong to her? How did this happen?”
Not many things cause me to panic, but seeing Penny in this state again—after all the months of progress made at the facility—is causing me a high level of unease.
“Nothing that I saw,” the man with the camera says. “One second I’m getting beautiful shots of her at peace. The next, I’m getting beautiful shots but with tears rolling down her cheeks.”
Something had to set her off. “Penny, what scared you?”
I glance around the space. Nothing seems off, except for all the eyes watching us, and the mild feeling of unrest I have itching at my spine.
“Get rid of the audience,” I yell at the security guards who are surrounding us. “I’m moving her.”
“Should we contact Mr. Hoffman?” one of them asks, obviously talking about the one who supplements his paychecks with what are most likely weekly bonuses.
“I’ll fill him in.”
“Penny? I’m going to lift you up and carry you to the SUV, okay?”
Gently, I place an arm under her knees and one around her back. It’s like lifting a feather. A fragile feather…that can fall at the first sign of wind.
It’s as if the life in her no longer is there, and the weight from that vibrancy is hollowed out.
Turn on the light, Princess.
Within minutes, I have her—in ball form—in the passenger side of my SUV.
Rounding the front of the vehicle, I keep my eyes trained on Penny.
I’ve seen her like this before, but it was when she was first brought to Soulful Mind. She wasn’t talking to anyone. It terrified and destroyed the Hoffman family, and it will destroy them again if she slips back into that state of mind.
I open the driver’s side door and slide inside, rolling my shoulders back.
I’m tense.
But nothing compares to the emotional torment Penny must be feeling.
She is paralyzed by fear. But what got her this shook?
Reaching for my phone, I find the number for Dr. Saber.
“Hey Mitch, it’s Collins.”
“Hey, is everything okay? I mean, probably not if you are calling.”
“It’s Penny. She’s slipped into an unresponsive state.”
“Where are you?”
“I am down at the waterfront”—I scan the area for a landmark—“just two blocks from High River Cafe. North.”
“I’ll be right there. But in the meantime, just keep talking to her and try to lure her back to the present. She’s likely stuck in the past and just needs a reason to be in the present.”
“Okay. I’ll try.”
“I just hopped in my car. I’m ten minutes away.”
“See you soon.”
I disconnect the call and find Chris’s name in my contact list and shoot him a text.
Collins: I need you to investigate everyone present at the photoshoot. See if they have a head count or list of those present. Check if anything seems off. I need to know what happened with Penny.
Chris: On it - going to request video footage from any of the parking lots and area businesses
Collins: I also need you to alert Graham Hoffman that I have his sister and that I’m getting her help
It’s the unknown of what has caused her to freak out that is bothering me the most.
I don’t do well with the unknown.
Because I am a fixer. And I can’t fix things when I don’t know what caused the breakage.
Using my phone, I pull up the Grace and Jace soundtrack that Penny insists on me storing on my phone, and play it lightly through the car’s sound system.
Penny can’t stop shaking.
My windows are tinted, so I move my seat backward and pull her into my arms.
Selfishly, I need to hold her and feel her warmth.
“Come back to me, Princess.”
My hands rub at her back, slow and deliberate circles, while I whisper in her ear.
“Do you remember when I told you I was adopted? Yup. I always yearned for a family like yours. The people who adopted me after my grandparents passed were older, and they too left this life before guardians really should. I’m not jealous or anything. I’m thankful that you have the parents and brothers that you have. They love you, Penny. And I do too.”
I shift her in my arms, playing with her hair. And I continue to try to just be with her.
“Your brothers love you so much they hired me to come check in on you in Seattle. I visited a few times a month. Sometimes I would even get a hotel for a long weekend and stay and monitor your progress. I was there, Penny. Like an invisible string, just trying to be the tie that held the Hoffmans together, just as I am now.”
The song changes over to a different one, and Penny leans her head against my neck.
“Come on, sweet girl. I know you are in there, probably screaming to come out of the fog. You can get there. Focus on my voice. I need you back with me, changing out my iced tea in the fridge with water and chocolate syrup. You know I almost choked that day you did that? How about that time you changed all my shoelaces to neon pink ones? Or the time you plastic wrapped the door? You didn’t even get to see my reaction when I tried to walk th?—”
Penny’s little giggle is barely a whisper.
“Princess?” She doesn’t say anything, so I keep talking to try to coax her out of her hiding place. “I think the smell of popcorn is permanently engrained in the wall paint of my apartment. I catch whiffs of it when I walk past certain areas.”
Penny’s fragile body stirs, as if she’s fighting some mental demons. She just needs to allow me to fight them with her. It’s not realistic to do this alone.
“I need you to come back to me, Princess.”
And then her eyes open. “Where are we?” she whispers, her throat seeming dry.
Holding her face in my hands, I kiss her cheeks, squeezing her warming body to me.
“Oh, thank goodness you are back.”
“Where did I go? I’m really confused.”
Tears roll down her cheeks, and I try to catch as many as I can with my thumbs.
“Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry. You’re going to be okay.”
“Are you listening to Grace and Jace without me?”
I let out a laugh. “No. We were listening to it together,” I defend.
“I don’t remember.”
“I know. But you might once your brain has a chance to sort through the pieces.”
I’m just not sure I want her to remember. If remembering causes her to enter a semicatatonic state, then I’m not sure it’s worth it. I need Mitch here to guide us through the next steps.
While he’s not a psychologist, he’ll know what to do. Dr. Saber has been a positive influence on so many people, it’s no wonder he’s the doctor on retainer for most of the Hoffman family.
Penny looks down at her damp dress. I didn’t even consider she’s still soaking wet, and now I am too.
“I was at a photoshoot, wasn’t I?”
“You were.”
“And you had something to tend to beforehand, so Chris brought me.”
“That’s correct.”
She shakes her head, as if trying to get all the fog to fade so she can understand what got her to sitting on my lap in my SUV.
Confusion mars her features, wrinkles forming on her forehead. “I saw something…”
Penny hasn’t had a major setback like this in a while, and now she is confirming my suspicion. “I think so too.”
I’m hesitant to pry for details, and don’t have to make that decision because I see Mitch walking down the sidewalk toward us.
Penny slithers back onto her seat, and I instantly feel the void.
I want her in my arms.
I want to listen to her breathing and feel the warmth of her soft skin.
I also want to continue on with the rest of our one hundred days without drawing any conspicuous attention to us.
Enough information will get relayed back to Graham. The last thing we need is to deal with that fallout.
Going to Penny’s side of the vehicle, Mitch opens the door.
“Hi, Penny. It’s Dr. Saber…Mitch. How are you doing?”
A sob breaks out of her throat. “I need help.”
He gives her a hug while she cries into his shoulder.
They share a special bond, and I bite back the jealousy trying to claw its way to the surface.
Releasing the hold, Mitch examines Penny by shining a light in her eyes and asking her a series of questions involving the year, the president, and her birthday.
“Have you been attending your local sessions here in Portland?”
“Yes. I saw Margo. But I’m not doing it regularly.”
My head jerks over to them. I thought she was going consistently.
Dammit. I should have pushed her in that direction or at the very least paid closer attention to her schedule.
So much has happened since she got released from the facility.
With Penny now spending all of her free time with me, I should have realized she wasn’t following through on her end of the deal that was the stipulation to being released in the first place.
“Well, we need to change that,” Mitch states. “There’s a reason the therapists were diligent about making sure you understood the importance of the protocol once you got released. If you neglect the essential components of recovery—and, Penny, you will probably always be in some stage of recovery—then your equilibrium will be off-balance. This is why holistic medicine is being studied more now. We finally realized that fixing things from only one point of view doesn’t actually fix anything. We aren’t looking for a Band-Aid approach for this. Instead we are looking for fluid healing through multiple channels.”
“Okay,” Penny agrees. “You’re right. I’m going to take my therapy regimen more seriously.”
“Great. You seem like you are back to a good state, so I’m going to go. Be sure to let me know if you need my assistance in any way.”
“Thanks, Dr. Saber,” Penny says, looking a little shy now that the excitement has worn off.
Mitch closes the door gently.
“Leave it to me to cause all the drama.”
“Penny…” My tone is of warning. I don’t want her to ever think like that.
“Maybe I can go back to the photoshoot and continue shooting. I’m certain Gino got nothing out of today that is worth salvaging.”
Turning to her, I snap on her seat belt and tuck the fleece blanket around her legs. “There’s nothing I am concerned with right now, other than taking care of you.” My fingers tilt her chin up so I am looking into her eyes. “There is not one thing you should feel ashamed of or shy about.”
Penny sighs, probably too emotionally drained to argue. “Okay.”
“I’m glad I was able to get here for you.”
“But you had something important to do…”
“Nothing is more important than you, Princess. Everything else can wait.”
“Collins?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”