Chapter 16 #2
He looks at me. “All of them? No.”
“But you have?”
He nods like he’s not proud of it.
“And that’s what you want to do with me?”
He looks at me now, and I hate that he has an adorable, guilty puppy face on. “Not exactly.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Really? Is that why you kissed me?”
“I asked.” He opens his hands, palms up on the table. “It was mutual.”
He’s not wrong, which makes me shiver. I don’t say anything.
“I didn’t know she was following you,” he adds. “I wouldn’t have come if I thought it through. I was…” he trails off, not finishing his sentence.
I straighten my spine, realizing I hadn’t considered this. “You think she was following me?”
He shrugs. “Seemed like it.”
“I’m ending this now.” I nod, feeling like this is the best decision. “Between you and I.”
The words sit on the table between us like something we both have to look at.
He doesn’t say anything right away. I watch his jaw do the small thing it does when he’s working out what to say next, and I hate that I already know that about his face.
He hasn’t taken his hands off the table.
I haven’t either. My pencil is rolling in the small space between my elbow and my notebook, and I don’t reach for it.
Outside the study room, a girl laughs in the hallway, and I hear it through the glass, and it sounds like it’s coming from a different planet than the one I’m on right now.
He looks at me. He still hasn’t said anything.
The quiet stretches into a place I am not equipped for, and I want to fill it, and I press my lips together to keep from filling it. He Camdenthes out.
“We haven’t even gotten started,” he says. He wets his lips and folds his hands together and then unfolds them. He sits forward and looks right at me. “I was going to ask you out today.”
I let the butterflies flutter around for a moment, really feeling uneasy under his glare. I rationalize with myself, ignoring that my body’s screaming yes. “Gianna’s my best friend, Benson. And my roommate. She’s your sister.”
“My sister is a bit unhinged. She’s kept you hidden for years, and why do you think that is?”
I stare at him. Maybe because she knows that my mom has broken my heart for years, and I never want to feel that pain again. Maybe because she knows I don’t like to party. Maybe because she was protecting me.
He doesn’t wait for me to answer. He answers the question himself, “Because she knew that we would hit it off. I love my sister to death. I would take a bullet for her. I don’t love her any less for the drama she creates, so I want to make that clear, but I’m telling you, Lucy, that you don’t have to choose. ”
“Choose?” I question.
He nods. “It doesn’t have to be an ultimatum like you don’t have to choose between me or her.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think she would agree.”
He falls silent for a moment. “Okay,” he says. “I just know that most of it from her side is jealousy.”
“Jealousy?” I ask.
He nods. “She doesn’t want to be the third wheel.” He taps the table. “Alright. Well, can we still be friends?”
I look at him and nod once. “Yeah, sure.”
He folds his hands together. “Good. You’re the best tutor there is, so I can’t lose you.”
Our eyes lock for a second.
I inhale, not enjoying the compliment. “You could definitely find a better math tutor than me, and he or she would come with fewer problems.”
“What if I talk to my sister?” he asks suddenly.
I swallow. “What?” I’m taken aback by that. “We barely know each other.”
“Yeah, but––” he looks at me through hooded eyes. “Are you coming to the Hawthorne House tonight?”
“Are you inviting me?” I whisper.
He nods. “You’re always welcome. You always have been, but G always said it wasn’t your thing.”
I flush. He’s asked about me before? Don’t be so flattered at the first sign of attention. My God. “She invited me this morning.”
He opens his arms. “Invitation from the host, and the host’s sister. Looks like you have to come.”
I reach for my laptop and pull it open. “Do you need tutoring today, or do you want to work on something else?”
“We did most of the work yesterday.” He pulls his bag onto the table and takes out his binder. Then he looks at it sideways. “Something else.”
“Okay.”
We turn to our laptops, and for the life of me, I keep my eyes strictly on the screen.
Mara was right last night about the staring.
If given the opportunity, I would sit here and stare at Benson Reeve.
I have my eyes on the screen, but my mind’s focused on what he’s doing in my peripherals.
He looks consumed in what’s on his screen with a furrowed brow and his eyes darting back and forth. I blow out hot air.
“Anything I can help with?” he asks after a beat.
I stare at my screen. Did I externally groan out of frustration? I don’t blame him for assuming it was an academic sigh.
“Real Analysis?”
I say, “Do you want to try?”
He stands and walks over. My heart slams against my ribs with every step he takes, and then I inhale him in when he hovers over me. My heartbeat crawls up my neck. He reads the problem with a focused expression, and then he says, “Yeah, I don’t know if I can help you with that.”
I look at my screen and pull my notebook closer to me. I start writing down the correct formula, teaching him how to begin answering the problem. He pulls the chair next to mine and sits in it. His long legs accidentally bump mine under the table.
“Excuse me,” he says at the contact, and then, to prolong the joke, he presses his leg against mine.
I glance at him, bumping him back. “Excuse me.”
His eyes flick to mine as his warm leg is flush against mine. “Excuse me.”
I pause, turning my body to him. “Benson.”
He smirks, leaning further down, stealing more of my space. “Lucy.” He looks at my lips.
My nerves tangle in my chest as my heart gallops. “Continue,” he says nonchalantly, pointing at the notebook. He’s not going to move his leg, and I don’t know what to do. I’m frozen. I can’t concentrate with him this close to me.
“Are you flirting with me?” I ask.
He Camdenks into a smile. “If you have to ask, I guess I’m doing a bad job.”
“We just agreed that we can’t do this.”
He shakes his head. “Actually, I told you I would talk to my sister.”
I roll my eyes. “Bens, you know that’s not going to go anywhere.”
“What did you just call me?” he says, leaning forward. His knee is still touching my thigh.
“Um, Bens?”
He looks around at my face. “It sounded so cute coming out of your mouth.”
I blush crimson, and his smile widens.
“That one you didn’t question,” he says, putting his leg against mine again. “Continue. I like hearing how smart you are.”
I turn back to my notebook and stare at what I wrote. I know what happens next in the problem. I know the answer just by looking at it written down. But I can’t concentrate with Benson this close to me. I turn to him.
“Can we––”
He’s smiling again.
“What?” I whisper.
He shrugs. “Can’t concentrate?”
I shake my head.
He replies, “Neither can I. All I can think about is kissing you again.” He looks down at my lips.
My Camdenth catches.
“Don’t worry,” he says. “I’ll always ask.”
Those words settle in my chest, and I finally Camdenthe. He stands up and walks back to his seat across from me.
We don’t talk for the rest of the hour. There are only a couple of times we glance at each other. I don’t get much work done because I’m flustered, still feeling his leg imprint against me.
“Time’s up,” I say, looking up at the clock.
He stands. “I’ll see you tonight?”
“Maybe.”