Chapter 27
Benson
Stanley is on the couch eating cold pizza out of the box for what I am pretty sure is lunch even though it is dinner. Blue is at the kitchen island with a textbook and the kettle. Percy is gone. Rowan is at the gym. The kitchen smells like cold pizza.
I sit at the island across from Blue. “Lucy is talking to Gianna right now.”
“About what we talked about this morning?”
I nod, staring at the counter. “Yeah.” I rub my hands down my thighs “Should I go over there?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“I texted her, but she isn’t texting me back.”
“Don’t go over there.”
“It’s my sister.” I cock my head to the side. “You don’t know how my sister can get.”
“Yeah, but are you going over there for your sister or for Lucy?”
Stanley, from the couch, with his mouth full, “Reeve. Is this the talk where Gianna finds out that you’re Camdenking the Hawthorne House rules?”
I turn to look at him. “This is actually the number one rule in my family’s rulebook, Stan.”
“Ohhhhh boy,” he laughs. “Don’t get me involved in that family drama. I am praying for you, bro. I am praying for the team. We don’t need you losing your head over this.”
“Eat your pizza.”
“I am eating my pizza.” He has a shit-eating grin on his face as he stares back at me. “Good luck, Reeve. Keep me updated.” This asshole hears everything that goes on in this house, so him saying this is a form of a joke.
Rowan gets home from the gym at six-thirty and starts cooking dinner.
If nobody paid him, he wouldn’t be the house chef.
He collects a few hundred dollars from each of us to cover his labor and fees.
It’s the best few hundred I’ve spent a month on anything.
He’s a damn good cook, and in this economy, I’d rather not go to the depths of hell, aka the grocery store, and see the cost of a head of broccoli.
According to Rowan, we’re taking it up the ass from these stores.
He makes steak with vegetables tonight, and me and the guys are at the table like a bunch of dogs waiting for feeding time.
I also keep checking my phone like I’m a girl in high school, waiting to hear from her crush. Blue puts out a palm, so I pass him the phone, and then he places it on the counter behind him. Fuck. I want to know what the hell is going on. My sister was pissed this morning, and this is killing me.
Stanley starts telling us something that Walsh did at practice. I shove two broccoli stalks in my mouth, and then a few pieces of steak.
“Christ, Reeve,” Rowan says, looking at my mouth. “Starving or what?”
Stanley says, “Look at him. He needs the fuel after all the best-friend-fucking he’s been doing.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
Rowan looks over at me. “Whose best friend are you fucking?”
“His sister’s,” Stanley answers.
Rowan shakes his head. “That’s Camdenking the family law.”
“No, it’s not,” I snap. “I bet any of you fuckers would hump your sister’s best friend in a heartbeat.
” I put a hand up and shush them. “I don’t want to fucking hear it from any of you fuckers, especially if you consider me a best friend.
Now––” I shove my face with more steak. “I really like this girl.”
“La la la,” Stanley says as the head of the Hawthorne House rules policy enforcer. “I don’t want to take this up with HR.” He points at his head. “So, I’ll pretend I didn’t just hear that.”
Rowan asks, “You really like her or you really like fucking her?”
I lean back. “Both.”
“Then I don’t see what the problem is.”
Blue adds, “His sister’s a cockblock.”
Stanley laughs. “She’s blocking much more than his cock. He snuck her in here last night.”
Rowan turns to me. “You did?”
I run a hand through my hair and swallow my food.
“What about the draft?” Rowan asks.
Stanley adds, “That’s what I said. Draft should come first. You need to stay focused.”
Blue says, “But he can’t focus if his dick is obsessing over this girl.”
“I can focus,” I say, and they all give a questionable look. “Of course I can fuck and focus.”
“You can fucking focus, but can you fuck and focus?” Stanley says seriously, pointing at me.
“That’s what I said.” I throw my hands up at him and whack his hand.
Blue nods in agreement when Stan tries to argue back. “That’s exactly what he said.”
“Well,” Stanley leans back. “I vote no. Blue? Rowan?”
Rowan looks at him. “Vote for what?”
“No to falling in love, bro. What else?”
Rowan shakes his head and says to me, “Do whatever you want, but don’t let it fuck up this season or your draft. It’s your career on the line. I’d kill for it.”
Blue looks at me. “I already told you not to go over there.”
I take my last bite of food and scoot back in the chair. “My vote is yes, which trumps all you fuckers.” I spin my hand around the table. “I’m going over there right now.”
Blue says, “You can’t just force your way into her place if she’s ignoring you.”
Stanley makes an elongated sound. “Ooh. She’s already ignoring you?”
I flip him off and take my plate to the sink. “Do my dish, Stan.”
“You can do it when you get back.” I grab my phone and look at the screen.
Mara: Hey. Have you heard from Gianna?
My stomach drops on the have you heard from.
Me: No. Why.
Mara: She’s not picking up. Neither is Lucy. It’s been all day. Is something going on?
Me: I haven’t heard from her.
Mara: Ok. I’m going over there.
Me: I’ll meet you there.
I grab my keys off the desk and pull a hoodie off the chair.
I’m already out the back door when the guys start giving me shit.
I shut the door on them and climb into my truck.
The drive is six minutes. I park in front of the building.
Mara’s white Jetta is already in the spot two down from where I park.
“She’s still not answering.”
I walk to the door and press the buzzer.
“Who is it?”
“Me and Mara.”
It goes silent, so we look at each other.
Mara says, “Gianna. Open the door.”
A long moment, and then she buzzes us in.
Gianna is in the doorway when we reach the top of the stairs.
Her eyes are red at the rims. She’s in the same clothes as this morning, and her bun is falling out of place. She walks into the apartment, so we follow. Mara closes the door behind her. Lucy’s bedroom door is open, and she’s not here.
“Where is she?” I ask. I don’t want to believe that Gianna would stoop this low.
“I thought she went to you.”
“Well, she didn’t,” I say. “So, where did she go?”
“I don’t know,” she says quietly.
Mara asks, “What happened?”
Gianna looks at her and then at me. Water fills her eyes.
“Did you kick her out?” I ask. My voice is rising more than it should.
She nods.
“Why the fuck would you do that?” I snap. Anger flows through me, filling every nerve-ending. “What the fuck?”
“Don’t start with me, Benson,” Gianna snaps.
“No. We are starting.”
Mara looks mortified.
Gianna seethes, “I told her to move out because of you!”
“Yeah, that much I gathered.”
“But I gave her until the end of the month, and she left.”
“I want to hear you say why you did it.” I glance up at her, and she’s furious when she gazes back at me. It’s the same face she had as a kid when I did something she didn’t like.
She sets the wine glass down that I hadn’t realized she’s been holding this whole time. “Because you fucked her, Benson. Because she lied to me! Does that sound familiar?”
Mara’s eyes widen, looking from Gianna to me. It’s a good thing she’s here because at least I’ll have someone from the outside to determine who’s fucking crazier in this family.
I press my hands together, not really wanting to have this talk right now, but after the shitshow she was this morning, I have to set this straight.
Gianna is going in circles, chasing her own damn tail.
It’s taken me this much time to realize I’ve been watching her do this over and over again.
Right now, I need to save her from herself. We’re not kids anymore.
“G. You are my sister. I love you. I am going to say this, and I want you to hear it.”
She rolls her eyes and drinks her wine.
I continue, “You’re not the only person in this situation who gets to have feelings about this.
Lucy gets to have feelings about it. I get to have feelings about it.
Lucy did not steal anything from you. I’m not a possession.
I’m a person. I make my own decisions. So does she.
You don’t get to decide who I am with, and you don’t get to decide who Lucy is with. ”
Her death glare is irking me. Her mouth is tight. She’s about to go off on me.
I continue, “Every friend you have made since tenth grade, you have kept at arm’s length from me.
Everyone. Becca. Sarah. The girl from your sorority.
Mara––” I point at her, and she acts like she has no idea what I’m talking about.
“You live with Lucy and never introduced me. You walked right past me with her about seven different times at the rink. I just don’t understand how what happened with Madeline was so terrible that you’re making me pay for it all these years, and now Lucy, whom you claim to be your best friend, is paying for it. ”
“Because I knew this would happen.”
“You don’t know what would have happened. We could have met at a party. We would have figured each other out as people first. Maybe nothing would have happened. Maybe we would have been friends. Maybe she would’ve decided I wasn’t her type. You didn’t let it run.”
“Madeline—”
“Madeline was so long ago. You’re running a playbook against me.
I was seventeen. I apologized to you. I apologized to her.
Mom and Dad grounded me for the whole summer.
I didn’t go to a party for nine months. I have spent all this time being careful around your friends because of one night in high school when I was a kid.
I am twenty-two years old, G. At what point do I get your forgiveness? ”
Her eyes go wet. She is not crying. She is furious.
“You think I have been running a playbook against you.”
“Yeah, G. I do.”
“You think I have been deciding you would ruin my friendships.”
“Yeah.”
“I have been protecting myself, Benson. There is a difference.”
“From what?”
“From exactly this. From the situation I am sitting in right now. Where my best friend slept with my brother behind my back, and now I have to choose between the two of them.”
“Nobody is making you choose, G. You are choosing to make it a choice.”
“Don’t.”
“You are. You’re the one who drew the line. You’re the one who told her either you stop seeing him or you move out. Lucy did not draw that line. I did not draw it. You did.”
“Because what you guys did was wrong.”
“What we did was sleep together. That is not wrong, G. That is two adults who like each other. It would be wrong if I lied to her. It would be wrong if she lied to me. We didn’t.”
“You lied to me.”
I pause and inhale. “Yes.” I let the yes sit there. “Yes, G. That part is on me. I knew it would set you off, so I didn’t tell you. That was wrong. I should have told you the day after the first party. Probably before that. Definitely before the second one. I didn’t. That’s on me.”
“You think?”
“I just said you were right about that part, G. Take the win.”
“And Lucy lied to me, too.”
“Lucy was trying not to lose you. She kept it from you because she thought you would do exactly what you just did.”
“So she was right to lie to me?”
“She didn’t lie to be sneaky. She lied because she was scared. She’s terrified of you.”
She goes quiet at that one. She picks up the wineglass and takes a sip. She sets it back down. Her fingers stay on the stem.
“I really fucked this up, didn’t I?” she says.
“Both of us did.”
She looks at the table now where Mara is staring too. I watch her, hoping she comes to her senses. I don’t know if I got through to her, but this needs to stop.
Then she says quietly, “I shouldn’t have kicked her out.”
I let her come to that realization on her own.
“I was really mad,” she says. “I just wanted her to feel how I felt, and then she broke down and I felt like a real asshole.” She inhales. “I’m still mad about it, but––”
Mara says, “Just talk to her.”
She shakes her head. “I was ruthless, Mara. I don’t know how to take it back.”
I look at her. “You have to figure it out.”
“Will you help me?”
I shake my head. “No.”
She lifts her head. “What? I’m basically forgiving you for sleeping with her.”
“No, G. I am not going to fix this for you.”
“Benson, what the fuck.”
“I am not going to be the brother who runs in and smooths this over with your best friend because you had a tantrum and threw her out of the apartment with eleven days’ notice. You broke it. You have to put it back together.”
“Benson.”
“G. I love you, but I’m capped. I’m done.
You kicked her out.” I look around. “Aren’t you both on the lease?
” I run a hand through my hair. “I have smoothed things over for you my whole life. I’m not going to do it this time.
Lucy is not my sister’s roommate. Lucy is Lucy.
If you want her back in your life, you are going to have to go get her. I am not going to do it for you.”
She stares at me, and then she picks up the wineglass and drinks the rest.
“Are you actually serious about her?”
I shrug.
“Don’t bullshit me. Like — actually.”
“G. I––” I think about Lucy and point out how I’m here right now. “I’m here because she stopped texting me back. It’s making me insane that she’s ignoring me.” I exhale.
“Why not any other girl?” she asks.
I shake my head. “I don’t want any other girl. She’s smart, G. And really fucking cute. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
She huffs, watching me. “Whatever, Benson. You’re so weird. You could literally have anyone.”
I shake my head. Sure, she’s right. But I don’t want just anyone.
The kitchen falls quiet. The wine glass stays empty. Mara watches Gianna.
Gianna grabs her phone.
I clap my hands and say, “I’m going home.”