Chapter 26 #2
She laughs, and the laugh is a sound that comes out broken. “But you’re fucking my brother.”
I cave into myself. My heart is going faster than it should be going.
“I gave you a chance and you still chose him. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“Why are you making me choose?” I ask.
“Because I am tired of sharing everything in my life with my brother! You are either my friend or you are his.”
I swallow, her words hitting me right in the gut. “That’s not fair.”
Her frustration is back in the present moment. The trip down memory lane didn’t solve any of her anger towards me. “This is why I didn’t introduce you to him for years despite the fact that we are best friends and roommates. I literally cannot believe you right now, Lucy. You don’t even date.”
I shrug. “I know!” So, shouldn’t that mean something?
“But you’re sleeping with him? You couldn’t even sneak around to go on a date?
You just went straight to banging him?” Her face is twisted into disgust. She rolls her eyes and says, “I cannot with this. I just can’t.
You refused to go on that blind date with Darrin’s best friend weeks ago.
You refused to go out with the guy from the philosophy class who asked you out twice.
You refused Paxton Bowie. Why my brother? I do not understand why my brother.”
“He took me on a date.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’ve been trying to warn you, Lucy. You have no idea what you’re getting into with him.”
I wince. “He’s a good guy.”
“There are many good guys, Lucy.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to say that you are going to stop seeing him.”
The world tilts again. “I tried to push him away, G. I told him no for two weeks. I did not ask for any of this. I’m not stealing him from you. He’s not stealing me from you. I am still — I can still be your best friend.”
She steps backward, half a step. “You’re not understanding,” she says.
“I don’t understand what?”
“That you are my best friend. And I told you, six different times, that I needed you to stay away from him. And you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m sorry, Gianna.”
“You should leave.”
The floor goes out from under me. “What?”
“I am asking you to leave the apartment, Lucy. Move out. Pack your stuff. Go.”
My chest tightens and my eyes flood. I cannot stop them. The dread that has been low in my stomach is everywhere now. It’s in my hands, my throat, in the soles of my feet. I’m crying, and I’m ashamed of how fast I am crying.
“I can’t just move. Please don’t do this to me.”
“Lucy.”
“I picked up Benson’s tutoring session because I needed the money, G.
” That one makes me sputter out a loud sob.
“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.
I already paid rent for this month. Please don’t do this.
Don’t kick me out.” I cover my mouth, tears falling from every corner.
I thought I knew heartCamdenk, but nothing beats being kicked to the curb by your best friend.
“Lucy.”
“Please, G. Please don’t.” I’m sobbing now. My body feels weighted down, like I’m being held under. I feel so side-blinded from this that my brain can’t catch up. The sounds leaving me are so embarrassing.
Gianna has gone stone-faced. I hate that I’ve crumbled in front of her, but she’s my best friend, and I can’t lose her.
“I told you I didn’t want you to get involved with my brother.”
I wipe my tears away and inhale. “Why are you kicking me out over this?” I wipe my cheeks. “I don’t understand. You’re my best friend.”
“You want to be with him, right? You can be, just not here.”
That hurts me right in my chest. She doesn’t want to see her brother happy? She doesn’t want anything to do with me if I’m with him?
“Where am I supposed to go?”
She almost flinches. “I don’t know.”
“Gianna. Please.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t make me feel sorry for you. Don’t make me into the bad guy here. You did this. You knew what you were doing. You did it anyway. Don’t ask me where you are supposed to go like I am the one who has put you in this position. You put yourself in this position.”
“Are you insane? Are you seriously kicking me out?”
“You have until the end of the month.”
“I love you. You’re my best friend.”
She closes her eyes for a beat. When she opens them, they’re wet.
“I love you back. Life hasn’t been fair to you, and I know that.
But this is about me. Benson is my brother, Lucy.
He’s my brother. So, I have to do what I have to do to take care of me.
That’s what makes this so hard. I have my boundaries, and I told you about them.
I’m not going to have a friend who can’t respect that. ”
Holy shit. I inhale, exhale. Holy fuck. She’s really doing this. I’ve chosen some guy to screw over my best friend and a place to live.
She wipes her eyes. “You have until the end of the month.” She steps back into her bedroom and closes the door. The lock clicks.
I can barely stand, so I use the wall to hold me up. My sobbing has turned silent. Tears are streaming down my face. My chest is empty. My head is empty. My heart is empty. I walk to my bedroom and lock the door behind me. I sit on the edge of my bed and stare at the ground.
I don’t know how long I sit in nothingness, but it doesn’t feel real.
How could this be real? Gianna is my best friend, and she dropped me so quickly that I can’t stop falling.
When it finally dawns on me, I realize that I can’t be here any longer.
I pull out all the bags I own and start packing them with my essentials.
The tears have dried up once I realized that Gianna has made up her mind.
The more I replay the conversation in my head, the more I see how there is no coming back from this.
I pick up my phone and see Benson’s name. I don’t want to talk to him right now, so I put the phone away.
I sit in my car and wonder what the hell I’m doing.
If there’s one person that could solve this, it would be Benson.
I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I have three bags in my backseat full of my belongings.
I don’t have to go anywhere. I could stay.
I don’t have to go to my mom. I could go to Benson.
I close my eyes and ask myself what the hell am I doing.
Am I being dramatic? My phone buzzes in the cup holder, so I grab it.
Benson: Hey.Benson: You okay?Benson: Text me when you can.
I put the phone in the cupholder face down and start my car.
I drive for forty minutes. I don’t know if I made the right decision. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know.
When I park my car, I get out, grab my bags, and walk to the porch. I knock on the front door, and I hear shuffling before Bear opens the door and looks up at me.
“Lucy?” He looks at the bags in my arms.
“Hi, Bear.”
“Why do you have so many bags?”
I inhale sharply.
“Are you — are you staying?”
I nod. “For a little while.”
He steps aside. I walk in.