Chapter 30 #2
His Camdenth makes every hair on the back of my neck stand to attention. “Yes.”
“Me too.”
I close my eyes.
After a while, I can tell he is asleep from the rhythm of his chest on my back.
His arm is still around me. I can’t believe he fell asleep.
There’s something so nice about knowing he was comfortable enough to fall asleep on me.
I keep my eyes closed, but I’m having a hard time falling asleep.
My brain is too full. I lift my hand and trace a slow line down his arm with my fingertip.
After a moment, he murmurs into my hair without opening his eyes. “That feels nice.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t stop.”
I keep doing it. He pulls me in tighter. He kisses the top of my shoulder where the t-shirt has slipped.
“Goodnight, baby.”
“Night, Bens.”
He is asleep within a minute.
I stay awake another twenty before my hand finally stills and my Camdenthing evens out.
The alarm goes off at five-thirty.
I come out of a sleep deeper than I expected to fall into.
The room is dark. I am on my side and Benson is wrapped around me from behind — his arm heavy across my waist, his face in the back of my neck, his right leg thrown over mine.
I bite my lip, looking down at this large man covering me entirely.
He reaches to silence the alarm. His mouth is at the spot below my ear where his scruff scratches the skin, and he kisses me there, slow.
“Morning, Lucy.”
“Morning, Benson.”
He kisses my neck, and I arch into him.
“Lucy,” he warns.
“Mhm,” I answer.
“You’re so soft.”
His hand slides up under the hem of the t-shirt.
I turn toward him in the dark. His mouth finds mine, and the kiss is slow at first. His hand is at my waist over bare skin, and his thumb is moving in slow circles on the side of my ribs.
My hand is in his hair. His hand slides up and caresses my Camdenst. I make a sound at the back of my throat.
The kiss stops being quiet.
He is half over me on the mattress now, his weight on his right elbow, his thigh between mine. My hips are rocking, and he’s making a sound against my neck that makes me turn into mush.
When he pulls back, his hair is wrecked. His mouth is wet. “I have to go to practice.”
His hands are running down my body now. “So, get out of bed and get ready.”
“I could skip it.”
“No,” I whisper against his lips. “You’re not allowed to skip.”
He smiles. “I can’t skip, but you’re making it hard to leave the bed.”
“What if I get up first?”
He kisses me one more time, slow enough that the slowness is its own form of restraint. “You stay in bed, baby. I have to get up.” He pulls himself off me in a way that visibly costs him, and he sits on the edge of the bed.
He moves around the room in the dark. I can only half see him in the strip of light from the curtain. He pulls a compression shirt over his head. He pulls on track pants. He sits on the chair by the window to lace his sneakers.
He comes back to the bed and leans over me. He kisses my forehead. He kisses my mouth. “Stay in bed. The boys are gone by seven. Rowan always makes coffee.”
“Okay.”
“Will you come back tonight? I want to see you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
He kisses me. “I’ll see you later, Lucy.”
The bedroom door clicks. His footsteps go down the stairs. I lie in his bed in the dark with my mouth still warm. I pull his pillow against my chest. The empty space beside me is the wrong shape. I fall back asleep with the pillow under my chin.
I wake again at eight-twelve. The room is full of light through the gap in the curtain. My phone is on the nightstand. I reach for it.
The screen is full of text messages from Bear.
Bear, 8:54 PM: Where r u? Bear, 8:55 PM: Hello.Bear, 6:55 AM: Lucy.
I type back.
Me: Hi, Bear. Sorry. I stayed closer to campus. I have a busy day. Me: I’ll see you next Wednesday. Me: Love you. Have a good day at school.
The three dots come up before I lock the phone.
Bear: Ok. Bear: Are u back at ur house?
I lie in bed and look at the screen.
Me: I should be there tonight.
I scroll up.
Penelope texted me.
Penelope: Lunch today? Me: Yes! 1pm at the dining hall.Penelope: Okay.
I scroll through my other notifications. My gut sinks when I see that I haven’t opened any from Gianna. My heart pounds when I click on her name.
Gianna: Just tried calling to talk.Gianna: Are you okay? Gianna: Did you go to your moms?Gianna: You can come back here. Gianna: Are you really never going to talk to me again?
I read it twice.
My heart flops in my chest like a dying fish.
Is she saying that I’m not kicked out anymore?
I don’t want to get my hopes up. I have a long day ahead, and Benson wants me here later.
I’m nervous to revolve my life around him, though.
I’m already looking at the clock and counting how many hours there are between now and when I get to see him again.
I close the texts and decide not to deal with Gianna right now.
I get out of bed and make the bed. Then I pack my things in my bags and haul them out of his room. Before I close the bedroom door behind me, I look around and smile. I really like him.
When I go downstairs, my stomach is sinking.
But I’m relieved when the kitchen is empty.
I let out a sigh and look at the empty house.
It’s a different vibe than the parties they throw, and it’s tidy.
I walk over to the coffee pot, and Benson was right, there’s enough coffee for me.
I reach for cabinet but notice that there’s a clean mug in front of me.
I grab that one instead and pour a small amount. I don’t need much to get me going.
My phone buzzes against the counter mid-sip.
Benson: How is the queen of Hawthorne House this morning? Benson: Practice was brutal. Couldn’t stop thinking about you in my bed all : I am drinking coffee in your kitchen. Me: Did you leave me a mug?Benson: Yes, that’s my mug.
I smile while taking another sip.
Me: Thank you for everything.Benson: Anytime. I gotta go, but I hope to see you tonight.
I look at the screen and inhale. I want to see him too.
Me: We’ll see.Benson: Say see you tonight, not whatever that : Okay.Benson: Say it. Me: : I’ll see you tonight.
He sends a smiley face. I finish the coffee and wash it before I leave. I put my bags in my car and drive the few minutes to campus.
Real Analysis at nine, and I’m five minutes early.
I sit in my usual seat in the third row and take notes on uniform continuity.
The proof of theorem 4.3 lives across most of a page in my notebook.
I do desk hours at the tutoring center from eleven to one.
Karen is at the front desk when I come in.
She glances up and looks at the hoodie I’m wearing.
Christ, I turn hot in a flash. She doesn’t say anything.
I sit at the back corner desk with the freshman appointment book.
I help three students with calc problem sets and one with a discrete math proof.
The proof is the one I worked through with the same student two Wednesdays ago.
At twelve thirty-two, Karen drifts past my desk on her way to the printer. “Hi, Lucy. How are you?”
“Hi. I’m good. You?”
She smiles. “Good. How is the Reeve sessions going?”
I nod. “Good.”
“He called to switch tutors. Is there something going on that I should know about?”
I shake my head. “I live with his sister. That’s all.”
“Okay, so it’s sorted out? I asked around and a senior might be able to take him.”
“Oh,” I say. “Yeah, we figured it out. Math first.”
She looks down at the hoodie again. “Okay.”
She picks up the printout and walks back to the front desk. I don’t look up for the rest of the desk hours.
Penelope is at our table in the dining hall when I walk in. She has a salad bowl in front of her and a side plate of fries. She’s in her cream cardigan with her hair up.
“Hey,” she smiles.
“Hi.” I sit down with my plate of food.
“Are you still staying with your mom?”
I hesitate.
“Are you back with Gianna?”
I bite my bottom lip and shake my head.
“Lucy.” She furrows her brows. “Where are you staying?”
I start blushing, then she looks down at the hoodie I’m wearing. “Oh, my god. You’re staying with –– with––”
“Can I eat first?” I ask, throwing a small fry in my mouth.
“No.”
I laugh.
She leans in, eyes falling to the hoodie. “Tell me everything.”
I tell her everything, starting from the beginning.
I end up yapping her ear off for the entire twenty-minute lunch time.
I might be overexplaining about how I feel, but I can’t help but tell her that this entire situation is just killing me.
I didn’t mean to hurt Gianna, but I can’t help how I feel about Benson.
Penelope has been sitting with an empty plate for ten minutes now while I go back and forth about if I’m wrong or not.
“My second bedroom is still open. You could move in today, and you literally don’t have to deal with either of them.”
“You think this is a them problem?” I ask, feeling nervous that I’ve just become the shiny toy that the siblings are fighting over. It doesn’t feel like that with Benson, but I worry that his sister pushing back is making me seem more enticing.
“No,” she explains. “I think this is a Gianna problem, honestly. She sounds really protective of her brother.”
“Has she talked to you about it at all?”
Penelope shakes her head. “No. We’re not that close.”
I deflate a little and say, “I should probably talk to her.”
“She’s your best friend, right?”
I nod. “She’s been there for me through everything, but as I said, her brother is a dealCamdenker. She doesn’t want me to see him.”
She shrugs. “You should talk to her. It sounds like you and Benson really like each other.”
I nod, playing with the fork on my plate. I inhale, my nerves getting the best of me. “Yeah.” I grab my phone before I lose my nerve. “I’ll text her right now.”
Me: Hey, can I stop by later today?Gianna: Yeah, this is still your home, too.
I show Penelope my phone screen, and she shrugs. “See. That wasn’t bad. I think she’s had time to think.”
“Do you really think she’s not kicking me out anymore?”
“Well,” she looks down and starts cleaning her plate, “I’ll be bummed because I would love to have you as a roomie, but it’ll be good if you guys can work it out.”
I start typing back. “Yeah.” I can’t agree more. I would love to have my best friend back.
“Okay,” she says, standing. “I need to go.”
I wave bye to her and turn back to my phone.
Me: I’ll be by later.
I tuck my phone away and make my way to my Topology class.