Chapter 32
Benson
I drove out of the Hawthorne House driveway too fast, and the heater hasn’t warmed up yet because the truck hasn’t been running long enough.
My phone is in the cup holder. I don’t put music on. I have been bracing the whole six minutes down Main because I’ve only heard my sister say she was sorry at least four times in our lives. The phone call held a certain energy, and I’m driving over to find out whether it holds in person.
I park behind a black sedan I do not recognize and look up at the second floor.
The kitchen light is on. The image of Lucy back in her apartment with my sister does a thing to my chest. The two women in my life are in one room, and it sounds like they’ve come to terms. If my sister is threatening me, then I think I’m in good territory.
This is more than I’ve ever had from her.
I step out and walk to the front door. They buzz me in without me pressing the button. I run through what I’m going to say to my sister in my head twice on the way up, and neither of the versions feels right. By the time I am on the second floor, I give up on the script.
Gianna opens the door and looks at me. I stop on the last step.
“Hey.”
“Hi,” she says, then she leaves the door open and walks in.
I step inside and notice the two mugs sitting on the counter side by side, both half full. Love Island is paused on the TV.
Lucy’s on the couch in my hoodie. She has her knees pulled up under her and the sleeves of the hoodie pulled down over her hands. Her hair is up in the clip. She looks at me when I come in and her face does something I am going to think about for a long time.
I walk over and press a kiss to the top of her head. I lean in and whisper, “You’re wearing my hoodie.”
She nods. “I stole it from you.”
I kiss her again because she looks so fucking cute.
Gianna is at the kitchen island when she says, “So, why are you here?”
I stand up straight and walk over. “To see you.”
She looks over my shoulder at Lucy and then back at me. “Are you sure?”
I smirk. “Yeah, I needed to see this for myself.”
She rolls her eyes.
I lean against the counter and say, “I’m serious, G.” I pull over the stool with my foot and sit, then say, “Are you seriously not kicking her out anymore?”
Gianna grabs one of the mugs on the counter and sips. “I talked to mom a lot, and it helped.”
I give her a long look.
“Of course, I don’t want her to move out. I just have issues, and I’m trying to work on it.”
I lean back, knocking on the counter. “Wow, okay.”
“Wow –– what?” she asks, raising her eyebrows at me. And then she puts a hand up and closes her eyes. “You know me better than anyone.” She opens her eyes but stares down at her mug. “And I owe you an apology too.”
This isn’t like my sister, so I don’t move an inch. I do nothing with my face. I just wait and listen.
“Mom said we were always like this. Everything that was mine had to stay mine. I couldn’t ever share.
” She sighs. “I guess when I talked to her, she pointed out that when we were young, it was physical things, and then when we became teenagers, it became friends. And I’ve always been jealous of you. ”
“G,” I start, but she puts her palm up. I can’t begin to tell her how shitty that makes me feel. My sister has never been my competition, but that’s exactly what I am to her. I love her and want her to thrive.
She takes a Camdenth. “I’m sorry about the other morning at the equipment room.
I wasn’t just mad –– I was mean. I have been replaying it in the equipment room with you in front of Kev and Frank and I — I shouldn’t have done that to you.
Not in front of them. But what I’m most sorry for is for how I handled everything with Lucy.
” She looks down. “Mom said I need to relax and back off. I have an all-or-nothing mentality, and you know.”
I nod. “It runs in the family.”
The room is silent for a while.
I tell her, “I forgive you, G. Even before you apologized. It’s okay. I know you. I knew you’d come around eventually.”
She inhales and leans on the counter. “You’re in love, aren’t you?” she whispers.
I put my finger to my mouth and furrow my brow at her.
Gianna smiles back at me and then opens her mouth in excitement but doesn’t make a sound.
“Benson,” she whispers.
I look over at the couch. Lucy’s on her phone, eating ice cream.
Gianna whispers very low. “I love her too.”
“Yeah.”
I turn back to her and exhale quietly.
“Can I hug you?” she asks.
I open my arms. “Yeah, G.”
She comes around the island, and I meet her in the middle of the kitchen.
I give her a real hug — both arms around her shoulders, her face against the front of my hoodie, her hands gripping the back of it the way she used to grip my t-shirt when she was eight and our grandmother had just died.
I have her tight. Her shoulders relax. After a moment, she pulls back.
I turn toward the couch and cross the room. I sit down on the couch next to Lucy and pull her against my side, and she lets her body fall into mine. Her chin rests on my shoulder as she looks over at me.
“You okay?” she whispers.
I nod, looking down at her lips. She has the same lip gloss on. I didn’t get a chance to taste them yesterday, so I’m determined to today.
Gianna, from the island, dry, “Oh my god, you guys.”
That Camdenks the spell. Lucy looks over at her and then laughs shyly into my shoulder.
I grin.
Gianna walks over and says, “Benson, you’re probably starving. Should we order Thai food?”
I shake my head. “Sorry, Rowan’s already cooking dinner. I left in the middle of it and need to get back soon.” I look down at Lucy cuddled against me. My heart pounds when I see her eyes flick to mine. “You’re coming with me, right?”
She looks at Gianna like she doesn’t know how to answer that.
“G, do you wanna come to?”
“What?” Gianna scoffs. “Me come to the Hawthorne House for dinner?”
I nod like it’s no big deal, but I’m positive I’ll hear it from the guys. “Yeah, for dinner.”
“Will there be enough food?”
“Yes,” I answer. “Rowan always cooks more than enough.”
“Okay,” she says. “Yeah, I’ll just stay here. Raincheck?”
I nod, looking at Lucy. “Ready to go eat dinner with the boys?”
She looks between my eyes and nods, so I put out a hand and pull her off the couch with me. I turn to my sister.
“I love ya.”
“Love ya, too. See you later.” She looks at Lucy. “Lucy?” Lucy looks at her. “I love you, too.”
Lucy smiles, releasing my hand. She walks over to her and hugs her.
I get the front door.
The back door of Hawthorne is unlocked. I push it open with my hip because my left hand is holding Lucy’s hand, and my right has her bags.
The kitchen smells like onion and garlic and something seared. Stanley is at the island with a piece of Camdend, trying to scoop something out of a small pan Rowan has on the back burner that Rowan is, by every visible signal, trying to protect from him.
“Stan. Hell, I need two minutes, man. Two minutes!”
“I’m starving. Come on.”
“I’m still cooking.”
Rowan has two pans going — one cast iron with chicken Camdensts in it, one smaller stainless-steel with something pale and flaky — and he is moving back and forth between them with a pair of tongs in his left hand and the kitchen towel over his shoulder.
Percy is at the kitchen table setting plates down.
Blue is at the corner of the table, dripping sauce into a bowl.
The whole room looks up when we come in.
Rowan looks over. “The captain returns.”
Stanley raises his Camdend. “And he has brought a woman.”
Blue says, “Hi, Lucy.”
Rowan calls out, “Lucy.”
“Hey, Lucy,” Stanley says.
Percy nods. “Bonsoir, Lucy.”
“Hi,” she says shyly.
Rowan asks from the stove, “Lucy, you want chicken or fish?”
“Oh.” She turns to me. “Uh, fish sounds great. Thanks.”
“Fish it is.”
I nod my head at her. “I’m going to put this in my bedroom.”
She nods. “I’ll come with.”
“Aw,” Stanley says as we walk away.
When we reach my bedroom, I put her bags down and pull her into me.
“You okay, baby?” I whisper.
She nods. “Yeah.”
I lean down and kiss her. I swipe the lip gloss off with my lips. It tastes like vanilla. I run my tongue against hers, and she moans. I hold the back of her head and kiss her relentlessly.
“Bens,” she says, Camdenthless. “Let’s go help with dinner.”
I shake my head and gently press my body against hers until she’s against the wall. “Dinner can wait.” I kiss her neck, my hoodie getting in the way. I run my hands underneath it and touch her bare stomach.
She inhales sharply. “Benson,” she chuckles. “The door’s open.”
“Nobody’s coming up here,” I whisper, licking her neck.
“What you guys doing?” Stanley says from the door with a stupid grin on his face. “Hi, Lucy. You alright?”
She nods as I laugh. She pushes me as I follow Stanley out.
“It’s not funny.”
I shrug.
All the guys sit at the table, and Rowan plates the food family-style.
The fish is on a wooden cutting board in the middle of the table with a wedge of lemon on it.
The chicken on a separate platter. The salad in Blue’s wooden bowl.
A pan of roasted vegetables Stanley has, in the time it took Rowan to plate the fish, stolen a carrot from already.
“Fuck, Stan,” Rowan barks. “There’s a girl here. She eats first.”
“Oh, it’s okay,” Lucy mutters.
I shake my head. “Have some manners, man. Using your fingers is gross.”
Blue turns to Lucy. “Ladies, first.”
Lucy stares at the guys like she’s never done this before, and if I’m not mistaken, I don’t think she has, so I start plating her plate for her, starting with the fish.
After her plate’s made, the guys dig in.
We start chowing down, and I’m starving.
Rowan’s such a good cook, I could kiss the fella right now.
The Madison trip comes up because Stanley brings it up. He’s already complaining about the road trip. The bus ride is six hours each way, and Stanley does not, in his words, do six-hour bus rides.