Chapter 4
Bria
The next morning
Every few seconds, my eyes were drifting to my phone screen, as if staring harder might make Crew’s name pop up, but it didn’t. He was still missing in action, leaving me wondering what went wrong.
All day, I replayed our interactions in my head, wondering if I had missed something.
Was I wrong when I felt like Crew liked me, or was I too pushy because I wanted him too much?
I’d asked myself so many questions I knew I was spiraling and sitting in this house was going to have me leaving him a voicemail soon.
I threw on an Alo sweatsuit, laced up a pair of old sneakers, and headed out to the park to try and make myself feel better by working out.
I hadn’t worked out in years because running was never my thing and it always felt unnecessary, like a punishment I didn’t deserve, but I know sitting in that apartment waiting on a call was worse.
Manhattan Park was quiet during winter, with snow clinging to the edges of the paths, packed down where people had already jogged for the day.
The sidewalks were slick in some spots while crunchy in others, so I prayed I wouldn’t come out here and hurt myself physically while trying to feel some mental relief.
The moment I started running, the cold slapped me in my face, and my legs began to burn fast. Shoot, too fast, and that is exactly why I don’t like to run.
I pushed through the pain anyway, probably faster than I should’ve, because I felt like I was chasing something or even running from it in that sense.
I only stopped running when my calves started screaming, and I felt winded, so I sat on a bench long enough to catch my breath, then I started running again.
I ran until my fingers were stiff, and I saw a sign on a nearby hotdog cart that read warm hot chocolate served, along with a two-for-one hotdog sign.
Usually, I liked to get hot chocolate from the coffee shop near my old office, but this cold out here today was bringing my expectations way down.
Hot chocolate, probably made with lukewarm water, would have to do.
I approached the stand, taking off a glove to work my phone since the gloves weren't touchscreen friendly.
“Mustard, mayo, or both?” The attendant asked, already grabbing a bun.
“No hot dog, I’ll just take a hot chocolate, please. Do you have marshmallows?”
“Yeah, I do, but it's $1 more.” He kept it short, reaching below the cart for a cup.
He opened the pot and steam raised from the hot chocolate. He put a few marshmallows in the bottom of the cup, then scooped out a helping with a ladle and handed it to me.
“$7.”
He said the ridiculous total, but I paid it anyway because I would pay anything just to feel a little warmth.
I wrapped my hands around the cup of hot chocolate, letting the heat soak into my palms before taking a sip.
It was honestly way too sweet and almost burned my tongue, but the more I sipped it, the more I could deal with the heat and the taste.
I found another spot on a nearby bench and sat down, trying to keep the peace floating in my mind while not being at home right now.
I remember in the past, when I would feel stressed like earlier, I would go see my sister because her house was always full of noise and chaos, and it always gave me enough mental stimulation to not stress about anything.
When she was alive, the person who had me feeling down was Marcus’s no-good ass.
I remembered how she used to tell me how dumb I was for even caring about a married man, but unfortunately, I never listened.
I hated that she even knew about him because it went against everything that I tried to teach her growing up.
How could I have truly led by example when I was doing shit I should have been embarrassed of?
Sleeping with a man who would never actually belong to me.
Shit, but to be honest, I am still doing that now to this day, only it was with Crew.
The only reason I was questioning Crew was because I had reached out to him several times since he left my apartment, and the only text I got back from him said that we needed to talk about something important.
At first, I thought maybe he was in trouble somewhere, or even worse, hurt or dead.
That made me check his Instagram, and I’d learned enough from cases to know that when someone dies, the comments are flooded with rest in peace statements and heartbreak emojis.
His page was however clear, which let me know that he wasn’t dead.
He was obviously ignoring me for whatever reason, and that bothered me more than I wanted to admit.
“Hey, you.” I jumped, hearing a man’s voice directly behind me.
“When did you start sitting in the park working out?” I turned over my shoulder.
“Marcus? What are you doing out here?” I rolled my eyes, turning around to continue sipping on my hot chocolate.
“I knew you were out here, and I had to come see you.”
“And how did you know that, Marcus?”
“You know there are ways.”
“Ways, huh? I’ll be sure to take the tracker you have under my car off when I get back to it. Don't worry.”
He laughed because he knew I was correct about him tracking my car.
I wasn’t dumb, and I was sure he’d put one on there recently because if there had been one on there before, he would’ve seen what happened to Juke that night. This one had to be new and something he slipped on after I cut his ass off. He just couldn’t take not having control of me anymore.
“Why are you out here drinking hot chocolate in the park all alone? Why are you not with your man?”
“Crew, what man are you talking about?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head because I had just fucked up by saying the wrong name. Crew had been on my mind so heavily that I called this jackass his name.
“You know, Bria, I’m just going to say it. You dealing with him is the worst thing you could’ve ever done, and I’m being serious.”
“Marcus, who said I was dealing with Crew?”
“Well, if you weren’t, he wouldn’t be coming out of your condo building early in the mornings. Yeah, I saw him the day I was denied entry.”
My chest tightened because him stalking me really wasn’t sitting right.
“Abria, Crew is going to land you in prison. I’m telling you.”
I turned around and stood up, facing him.
“How the fuck is he going to land me in prison? I didn’t do anything with him. What are you even talking about, Marcus?”
“You know what I’m talking about, and I’m warning you. Leave that criminal alone, or you will be in prison right along with him. You know better than anyone what those types of men are capable of, yet you are still giving him what belongs to me.”
“Belongs to you? A married man? You are really sick in the head. You know that?”
A sharp laugh slipped out of his mouth.
“How baby?”
“You can’t claim me when you have a wife.”
“Why not? I’m not even claiming my wife, and you know that. The only reason we are together is because of,”
“Because of Deja and Xavier, yet those two would still be your kids even if you left your wife, so stop the excuses. You are a lawyer. You know there are ways to protect your money and improve your life. You are with your wife because you want your cake and to eat it too. Don’t get mad because other people are now getting a slice of this cake that you left out on the counter. ”
“So that is what you are calling sleeping with him? Giving him a slice of your cake. Come on, Abria. You have a college education. Be smarter than this.”
I scoffed and walked off, but he followed right behind me.
“I’m telling you this because I care about you. You might not want to believe it, but your name is going to get caught up in some shit. And when it does, I won’t be there to help you. I won’t bail you out.”
“You don’t have to. I can bail myself out. I’m a damn good lawyer, whether you or any other dick head want to believe it.”
I started to walk away again.
“Well, what about Orlando?”
I stopped and turned around.
“Why are you bringing up my brother, Marcus?”
“Because I know that he is up for parole again soon. Isn’t that right?”
“Orlando is up for parole every two years around this time. What’s new?”
“What’s new is him getting out this time could be an option if you had the right friends on your side.”
I started back toward him slowly, eyes locked on his.
“Marcus, you’ve been on my side this whole time my brother’s been in jail and not once have you been able to help him get out. How the fuck would you be able to do it now?”
“Because I’m me, and I have power beyond your knowledge. Look, just because I didn’t choose to use it before doesn’t mean I can’t use it now. But understand, I’m not using it for anybody fucking a criminal and cutting me off before I can get my shit together at home.”
“So you are trying to say that if I start fucking you again, you’ll help my brother get out of jail? Wow.”
“Don't say wow, it's a good thing.”
“Good that you are a crooked prosecutor? Who else have you gotten off in exchange for sex?”
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him. I flinched and tried to pull back, but he was six feet, two hundred and twenty pounds, so he was much stronger than I was.
“Listen, Abria. It’s not just about sex with you.
It never has been. Me and you go together like hot chocolate and marshmallows.
There’s no one else on this earth I can talk to about court cases, policies, hearings, judges, and the frustrations of the shit we do like I can with you.
My wife and I can’t talk about any of it.
She doesn’t understand anything but what to cook, and how to set a fucking table. ”
“Marcus, you married her. You made children with her. You loved her. Don’t let what me and you had distract you from that. And I say the word had, because we don’t have anything anymore. Now please, leave me alone.”
I walked away from him.
“You are going to regret it. I’m telling you now, you are going to regret it.”
He tried to sound stern, but he wasn’t moving me at all.
“Whatever.”
I flicked him off as I stormed off.
When I got to my car, I got down on the cold ground, looking under the car frame until I spotted the small tracker attached close to the front right tire.
I threw it so far across the park that I almost hit a jogger running in that direction, and I had to quickly jump in my passenger seat and take off.
I pulled out my phone once I got on the road and then dialed Crew’s number because I needed to talk to him asap. There was no more waiting patiently for him.
“Come on, Crew. Answer, please.”
I leaned back, waiting for his voicemail so I was caught off guard once the line picked up and he spoke.
“Hello?”
“Crew, where have you been? I’ve been calling you. Why did you send me that text and then ghost me?”
In the split moment of silence before his response, I heard a baby crying in the background.
“Because I’m at the hospital, Bria. My daughter was born yesterday.”
“Oh, I, I didn’t realize the birth was happening this soon,”
“Yeah, me either. She wasn’t supposed to come this early, but she is here and beautiful, I might add.”
I could hear the pride in his voice, and he sounded so happy. That, however, hit me in the chest in a way I couldn’t explain. I guess it was jealousy.
“I’m sure she is, Crew. Her father is extremely handsome. I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you, gorgeous. But I’m sorry I been MIA.”
“No, no, that’s okay, I understand your reasoning.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying not to show an ounce of jealousy because I genuinely had no right to.
“I hope I get to see you again soon, Crew.”
“Of course you will. I’ll call you when I leave here and get some free time. I promise it will be yours.”
“Okay, talk to you soon.”
I hung up, pulled off, and drove in silence the entire way back to my place.
Somehow, that phone call made me feel like I was slipping right back into the same position I’d been in with Marcus, and I can’t let this happen again.
Crew was going to have to tell me very soon whether what we have is something we are building on, or if this fling between us was just meant to be fun while it lasted.
I want honesty, and this time more than I want the man.