Chapter 5
Crew
Ciara and I were posted up in the NICU as I held my baby against my chest, ignoring the pain in my hand.
The same hands that I had committed a murder with earlier, and the same chest that carried the stress of it, were now holding her tightly with love I didn’t think I could give.
I could see right now that my whole life had just shifted.
I'm not just the Slim Reaper anymore, I'm someone’s daddy and I want to take that job even more serious.
She is so pretty it felt like something was tugging at my heart just by looking at her.
I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that she was mine.
Soft dark hair, already curling at the ends.
She had tiny light brown eyes and every time they cracked open, my throat tightened up like it was closing.
She was looking at me like she recognized me, like she knew my face, my voice, my energy.
And maybe she did. Maybe this is what soul ties are really about.
After all, she is a part of me. I made her. I helped create this beauty.
A nurses came into the NICU and told us that P had asked for the baby. A nurse then eased my daughter from my arms and into the bassinet like she was made of glass, and that’s exactly how I wanted her to be treated.
Ciara and I followed behind my daughter the whole way to her mama’s room, and the second we walked in, Pernelle broke down crying hard as fuck. The kind of cry that comes from relief and pain, all mixed together in one.
“Here is your stunning little princess.” The nurse sang cheerfully as we stood back and watched her hand the baby over to Pernelle. Once in her arms, Pernelle then moved the covers back to expose my daughter’s entire face, and she instantly rubbed her nose against hers.
“Oh, how I missed you, pretty girl.”
Pernelle kissed all over her head, soft and careful, finally doing what I’d been too scared to do myself. She felt breakable, like she was made of glass. Like one wrong move from me could do damage and I’d never forgive myself, so I wasn’t risking it. Not even for just a kiss.
I’d been around babies my whole life because my sisters had a litter, and they were passed around from arm to arm, but my baby would be different.
Not just anyone would be holding her. Pretty much, if you're not close family, you are not getting close to her.
She deserves to be touched only with pure love and nothing else.
Ciara walked over closer to the bed and leaned down, kissing Pernelle on her forehead.
“Are you okay, best friend? Is there anything I can tell them to bring you or send Hov out to get? I’m sure you are hungry, right?”
“No, I’m not. I am okay. I just want my baby right now. That’s it.”
“Okay, that's fine. She’s perfect by the way, P. You and Crew had the perfect formula for a princess. We got our chubby cheeks that we wanted friend.” They shared a quick laugh.
“Ci, is it okay if I speak to Pernelle alone for a minute?” I spoke up from the spot I was stuck in.
“Yes, of course. I’ll step out until you need me.”
“No. You don’t have to go anywhere, Ciara. There’s nothing that he and I need to talk about.”
“Yes, we do P.”
“No, we don’t, Crew. I have nothing to say to you.”
My jaw muscles were probably going crazy because I wanted to respond to her attitude with my own, but that wasn’t going to get us any fuckin where.
“You should hear him out, not for your own feelings, but for this beautiful baby in your arms. You two have to be on the same terms at some point, Pernelle.”
She twisted her lips to the side to fight off snapping at Ciara. Pernelle had an attitude just like mine and when we didn’t give a fuck, we didn’t give a fuck.
“I guess you’re right. We can talk.”
Ciara kissed her on the forehead and then walked out the door.
The temperature in the room shifted immediately after it closed, and Pernelle took no time going off on me.
“How could you leave me in your apartment knowing that you had enemies that would come and do that shit to me?”
“I didn’t know they knew where I stayed, Pernelle. You really think I would leave you there to get kidnapped?”
“Even if you didn’t know, why would you leave me there at all? Wait, let me guess, a bitch, that’s why. You were with a bitch all night while I was getting my ass beat by people you probably fucked over?” I dropped my head.
“I mean, do you realize your baby could be dead from one of them punching me in the stomach or from me having to push her out in the backseat of a fuckin car!”
“Look, P. I promise I didn’t.”
“No. Don’t promise me anything, Crew. Your promises don’t mean shit!”
She cut me off.
“Had you just been there instead of with some bitch, we wouldn’t have gone through that. You could’ve protected me, and your daughter!”
“Pernelle, had I been there, you and her would be dead right now. If I were there, they would’ve shot me in the fuckin head, and they weren’t going to leave a witness, so you would’ve been shot in your head next.
Truth is, you are still alive because I wasn’t there. They kept you alive to lure me in.”
“No. The reason I am alive is because of Amir Quatar, if you want to be real. He is the one who kept me, the baby alive. Another man had to save the child that you neglected while saving you, too!”
That shit burned straight through me, and I was about to spaz on her before I glanced at my baby in her arms right now.
“P, you need to calm the fuck down before you say something you are going to regret.”
“Crew, I don’t regret anything except calling you, her father. As a matter of fact, I never asked for you to be her father. I was about to have my daughter and raise her myself, and then you came into my life knowing that you wanted to be half in and half out anyway.”
“How the fuck is that the case? She just got here. She is not even a week old, and you are coming down on me as if I abandoned her. You don’t even know how the fuck I feel knowing that shit happened to you and her.
No pain, bruise, or punch could ever make you feel what I feel in my gut knowing that those niggas came in my shit and took you and my fuckin daughter.
Do you understand I’m a man who stands up for what’s his?
I’m not a pussy ass nigga that abandons shit, so stop with that deadbeat narrative you already trying to paint. ”
“Well, for future reference, you don’t have to stand up for her at all! I’d actually rather you not. Shit, I would probably be nervous every time you left the house with her anyway. Every time you took her to the store, I’d be on pins and needles worried about my child.”
“No, the fuck you won’t because I am going to handle every enemy I have before they ever think about getting close to her again.”
“That’s the thing, Crew. I don’t want people constantly thinking about hurting my baby to get to you. That’s not the way for any child to live, I’m sorry. You need to just let us be.”
She turned her glare away from me and down to the baby.
“Oh, I see what this is. You thought being with a nigga like me was all money, chains, and diamonds and shit? Just a big dick and a big house, huh?” I laughed through my nose.
“Well, it’s not! I am a gangsta, and my life is filled with gangsta shit.
You decided to fuck with a gangsta like me, and I didn’t make you.
On top of that, you made a baby with me, and I already love her with everything in me, so that’s all the protection she will ever fuckin need.
I just spent the past five fuckin hours straight staring at her because I was too scared to look away, and you think you are going to tell me that you don’t want me in her life?
Fuck that. P, I’ll go to war for that little girl, and I will go against you too! ”
Knocking at the door interrupted our back-and-forth, and I’m glad because I was starting to get heated, and I didn’t need my princess witnessing that shit.
“Come in,” Pernelle shouted towards the door.
“Hello, it’s registration.”
A woman walked in, smiling, in a room that was now thick with heavy ass tension.
“Hi, we’re here to fill out her birth certificate. Do we have both mom and dad here?”
“Yes,” we both said, looking out of the corners of our eyes at each other because we were still mad.
“Okay, so I am going to start with the baby’s name. Do we have a name?”
“Yes.” Pernelle answered quickly.”
“It’s Amira. A-M-I-R-A”
I looked up at Pernelle because we hadn’t agreed on her name. I told her that I wanted to name my daughter just like I wanted to rename my son. I’m their father. I should have a say in what they will be called for the rest of their lives.
“Where did that name come from, P?”
“I want to name her after the man who saved our lives, Amir.” She looked back at the hospital staff.
“Pernelle, you got me so fu,”
I stopped talking because I didn’t want the nurse to hear me cuss her ass out.
“If you guys want to discuss the name, I can come back later.”
“No, ma’am. You don’t have to come back. Her name is going to be Amira, last name.”
“Banks.”
I ended the conversation right there.
I don’t give a fuck how mad Pernelle was or what the fuck she had to say about a first name.
That baby’s last name is going to be Banks, or I am going to flip that fucking computer over, snatch my baby up, and take her out of here.
Her first name can be changed later. But she will be a Banks from birth. ”
“Okay, can we get a correct spelling on her last name, please?”
Pernelle spelled it out as I sat there with fire in my fuckin soul.
The only thing that cooled me off was hearing my baby start to whine.
Pernelle shifted her onto her chest and rubbed in her back.
Pernelle then signed the iPad the lady had given her, and then I signed it before she gathered her things and left the room.
When the door closed, it was finally quiet, and a few seconds passed before I spoke up.