Chapter 5 #2
“So you really going to name my baby after another nigga that snatched y’all up in the first place?”
“He didn’t snatch us up. The other ones did, and you could tell he wasn’t with it to begin with.”
I laughed at her sarcastically.
“Oh, so you know all about the Quatar family now because one of them decided he was done seeing you get beat?”
“Crew, you are allowed to have respect and honor for the people you feel deserve it, and so can I. The fact of the matter is that I could be dead right now, and this baby wouldn’t even be breathing if it wasn't for Amir. So yes, in my heart, I feel like Amira should be her name, and you can be mad all you want.”
She was snaking her neck and sitting there with an attitude, and as much as I wanted to snatch her ass off that bed, I told myself to let her make it.
Now that she was the mother of my child, I would never hurt her as much as she made me want to.
Maybe when she calms down, I can talk some sense into her ass.
Make her realize that what she just did just wasn't right.
After our big blowup about the name, Pernelle and I sat in the room in silence. I kept getting up, walking over, looking at my baby, admiring that button nose and those full, pink lips she had.
Once Pernelle got medicine from the doctor, I thought she’d loosen up a bit because he told her it was Vicodin or some shit.
“Do you mind if I hold her now?”
I asked after the meds seemed to have her relaxed.
“Yes, I do mind. I’m holding her right now, Crew.”
I exhaled, but I didn’t say anything back, and tried relaxing, but sitting in silence was making it hard to calm my nerves. Too many thoughts running in and out.
“I’ll be right back. I’m about to go take a walk.”
“K, we will see if it takes you a day to get back.”
I ignored her, shaking my head as I walked out of the room.
I took off toward the lobby, but in that moment, I didn’t want to talk to anybody or explain shit. So, I turned around and started walking the other way to go up a floor instead of running into my people.
When I hit the third-floor elevator, I didn’t even know where I was going until the doors opened and I saw the sign Trauma Unit.
I stepped out and made a left, walking down a long hallway that felt like it stretched farther than it should’ve. As I walked, I saw a woman coming from the elevator at the other end of the hallway, being helped by a nurse.
I knew that figure even from this far away, and that's because it was my mama.
“What the fuck?” I said to myself, watching the nurse guide her toward those double doors at the end of the hall.
“Mama,” I called out, and she didn’t hear me at first until I yelled her name again at a closer distance.
“Mama!” She stopped in her tracks.
“Crewshon?”
“Yeah, Mama, what are you doing up here?”
“I’m here with Gio. I’m going to see him because he just got out of surgery.”
“He what?” I asked, remembering the nurse was standing right here, so I couldn’t say what I wanted to.
“Ma’am, you can go ahead and go in. I can handle her from here.”
The nurse looked between us.
“Are you sure, sir?”
“Yeah. I can help her inside.”
“Okay, just push the button and say the room number.”
The nurse disappeared behind the double doors, and once they shut, I knew I could really talk.
“Mama, you helped him after I told you he was going to snitch on me, even before I shot him. Now I’m sitting in this hospital like a sitting duck, and the police will come grab me the moment he decides to open his mouth.”
“He’s not going to open his mouth, Crewshon.
Listen, he didn’t know you were his child.
Whatever he did before, I don’t know, but earlier as he laid on my floor, almost choking to death on his blood, he said he would never do anything to hurt his child, and I should’ve told him about you. He asked why I didn’t tell him sooner.”
She held a blank stare into the corner.
“So yes, I helped him, and I’m glad he didn’t die because you were so irrational yesterday. Crew, when did you become that person?”
“I became that person the moment I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, with no father and barely any money. That’s when”
“Money has nothing to do with the evil thing you did in front of your own mother, Crew. I never thought I’d see the day you’d do something like that. Something so cruel and so reckless like you had no sense!”
Her finger pressed into my chest, pushing me back like I was made of paper.
“Mama, you don’t understand the streets. The streets are in me. So when I hear shit like what I heard about Gio, I have to act on it. Even if you call yourself liking this nigga. He snaked me so I had to do what I had to do.”
“Well, I don’t just like him, Crew.”
“What, you love him now? Are you trying to say you love that man in there? The same man who was about to turn me in to the feds?”
“Well, he is not going to turn you in to the feds now, Crewshon. Listen. He didn’t die today for a reason. God kept him here because he wants you two to have a bond, some kind of relationship.”
“Ma, we don’t know what God wants, but I do know that I wanted to kill him, just not in your house, but he pushed me to do it.”
“You are taking zero accountability, son, and it’s so sad to see. You need help, Crew. You’re angry. You feel like the streets belong to you, and they don’t. New York is a city, not a place you can claim and decide who lives or dies in it.”
“Yeah. That’s what you think.”
She shook her head.
“Well, I tried with you. That’s all I can say.” She pressed her lips together as she did when she was defeated.
“Why are you even at the hospital now, Crewshon?”
“My baby was born last night. She’s downstairs with her mother, and I just went for a quick walk and ran into you.”
“Oh,” she reached up and rubbed the side of my face, which let me know that all hope wasn’t lost between us.
“Now you have even more of a reason to change your life for the better, Crew. Do you mind if I come down and see her after I check on your father?”
“Check on Gio,” I corrected her.
“But of course I don’t mind if you come see her mama. Tell my sisters they can come see her too. I don’t want to have to hear their mouths.”
“Okay. I will, baby.” She rubbed the side of my face again.
“But one more thing, Mama, don’t let Gio find out I’m in this hospital. I don’t want him having the cops come get me down there in front of my baby.”
“I won’t let him know you’re here, but trust me when I say this, Gio said out of his own mouth, he wasn’t going to say anything to the police. He promised me that before the ambulance got there.”
“Whatever you say, mama.” I shook my head because at the end of the day, whatever happens, happens, but I’m not harping on the shit and living in fear about Gio snitching ass.
I am about to go spend time with my baby and continue shutting out the rest of the world.
If you are not Pernelle or our daughter, you don’t matter right now.
My full attention is going to the people that deserve it.
I don't care how much Pernelle hates me right now.