Chapter 17 Cash
SEVENTEEN
CASH
I slowed my motorcycle as I made a right onto the dirt lane, unable to outrun the thoughts about that little family that was locked up tight within the walls of my home.
The forest hugged me on all sides, overgrown and overhanging what was little more than a trail that led to my cabin secluded in the deepest recesses of my land.
My nerves ticked and buzzed as I pulled up next to Daisy’s SUV parked out front.
One of Silas’s men pushed from the wall of the garage, only giving me a jut of his chin that all was clear before he swung onto his bike and disappeared back down the lane.
An understanding between us that didn’t require words.
I had Silas’s back and he had mine.
He hadn’t heard a peep out of Kent Ellison, but there was something in the air.
A quiet threat that built in the distance.
Knew it wasn’t going to be ignored or forgotten, and I still didn’t know if Kent knew that my crew and I had been involved.
I planted my boots on the ground and killed my bike’s engine.
My gaze took in the area, guts tightening as I searched to make sure no one was loitering.
The sound of the woods echoed back. The rush of the wind through the trees and the faraway whoosh of the river.
Only it was suddenly broken by a high-pitched squeal that echoed from within the cabin.
Duke barked, clearly in a playful way rather than a predatory manner.
Also keeping watch while I was away.
No question, loving every damned second of it.
My dog was smitten. The little traitor hadn’t slept next to me where I was camped out on the couch since the first night they arrived. Refusing to leave their sides. A sentry standing guard.
Had to admit, I was proud of him.
Heaving out a sigh, I swung off my bike, doing my best to put all my guards back into place as I climbed the steps onto the porch and moved to the door.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, inputted the code for the alarm, and worked through the locks.
I stalled out when the door swung open.
Eva was screaming, running with her hands over her head through the living room.
Duke was barking, right on her tail.
Colin was behind them, rapid-firing Nerf bullets from this giant orange gun that was half his size.
Every pillow from the couch was scattered across the floor, and the chairs to the round dining table to the left were pushed back.
All except for the one that Addy sat in with pieces of the beading kit I’d impulsively tossed into the cart scattered over the tabletop, though I was pretty sure half the beads were spilled onto the floor.
I might have been irritated except this fuckin’ delicious scent was coming from the kitchen.
Cinnamon and sugar mixed with something savory frying on the stove.
Daisy looked up from where she stood at the island. Her hair was in a messy twist and an oversized sweatshirt was draped off one shoulder.
So damned gorgeous she knocked me in the knees. Made my fucking heart sprint out ahead of me like it was trying to outrun my conscience that warned she could never be mine.
She blew a breath from those plush, full lips, making a loose lock of hair flutter off her forehead as she gave me a look of apology.
“I thought you weren’t going to be back for an hour. I was going to clean up after I—”
“We make coo-kies, Big Gwumpy Giant!” Eva cut her off as she ran around the far side of the island, little feet pattering against the wood floor.
Fuck me. The nickname had stuck.
The tiny tot changed course and those arms that had been tossed over her head were suddenly aimed in my direction.
She threw herself around my right leg.
A little cling-on that I doubted I could shake off if I tried.
She let go of all her weight, grinning up at me as she bounced against my leg. “You wike coo-kies? You gotta have dinner fwirst.”
“Everyone likes cookies,” Addy said, so matter of fact, she might as well have tacked a duh onto the end.
Addy was still a bit wary of me. Watching me like I might turn out to be a beast.
The kid wouldn’t be wrong.
“I get ten cookies!” Colin suddenly turned his attack on me. Rubber-tipped foam bullets came at me in a blaze. Pelting me in the chest and stomach and legs, which of course meant Eva was getting pinged, too.
“No fair, Cowin! I in time-out!” Eva cried as she clung tighter to me.
Colin kept right on firing like he was in some kind of commando movie. A spray of bullets pelting in every direction.
I flinched when the kid popped one off that hit me in the cheek, eye squeezing tight at the onslaught of mayhem that hit me from every side.
“Oh my gosh, Colin! What do you think you’re doing?” Metal clattered as she tossed something to the counter before she raced around the island for her son.
That sweatshirt draping all over her slim frame, the tiniest cotton shorts barely peeking out from underneath.
Legs toned and her feet bare.
Toes painted white.
An electric shock to my senses.
Colin cackled. “You see that? I got him, Mom! Kapow, kaboom!”
Daisy gripped the end of the Nerf gun, pulling it to the side so she could steal Colin’s attention. “We don’t shoot people with your Nerf gun in the face, Colin. Remember?”
I finally shook myself out of the stupor and blew out a sigh. “That is on me. I’m the one who picked it for him. He’s bound to play with it.”
Had tossed in a few things that I knew my brothers’ kids liked to play with. Nolan, Maci, and Finn always trying to show me their favorite toys anytime I actually got swindled into hanging out.
Figured Daisy’s kids would probably like them, too.
Air wheezed out of Daisy’s nose. “I know. I just…” She trailed off and looked to the wall. The worry she constantly wore sagged her shoulders.
I knew what she was thinking.
She thought if maybe her kids were perfectly behaved, it might sway my decision. But it didn’t have anything to do with that. These kids were…
I gulped as a million emotions slammed me.
“They’re fine, Daisy.” It came out gruff, words scraping through what I really wanted to say. That they were perfect and wonderful and, if I had the right, I’d gladly give myself to them.
She looked back at me. A plea in her eyes.
“Okay,” she finally whispered before she stepped forward and pried Eva off my leg. “Come with Mommy. I need your help finishing dinner.”
“So we can have some coo-kies?” Eva drawled as Daisy swung her up and the child wrapped her little arms around Daisy’s neck.
“That’s right, sweetheart. We’re going to eat dinner and then have some cookies.”
“How do you like that plan, Mr. Cash?” Colin asked as he aimed his Nerf gun toward the living room and took a shot at the flat screen hanging above the mantle.
I figured I shouldn’t like it at all.
Should hate it.
Reject it.
Instead, I was running a hand over the top of his head and muttering, “I like that plan just fine.”
Turned out, it was a terrible plan, sitting around the table with them.
Daisy directly across from me at the round table that sat in the nook that overlooked the front of the house. Eva on her knees on my left and Colin on the other.
Addy sat between Colin and Daisy.
All of them grinning and teasing and talking as they ate.
Since they came here, I’d avoided meals at all costs, relegating myself to my office eighty percent of the time.
The other twenty was spent tossing on that couch and pretending like Daisy wasn’t sleeping in my bed.
“How did you even get so big?” Colin asked around a mouthful of mashed potatoes, kid peppering me with questions nonstop.
“Uh…” I peeked over at his mom from across the table, wondering how the fuck I was supposed to answer that. “Guess from eating all my food as a kid.”
“Well, I don’t got to worry about that because I eat everything, so I bet I’m gonna be just as big as you. You think I could be a big giant like you?” He grinned up at me with a blob of mashed potatoes smeared on his cheek.
His light brown hair a mess and sticking up all around his adorable face.
“No way, you can’t be as big.” Eva giggled like mad, her head tipped back and the two dimples in her cheeks showing.
“And you don’t have the grumpy part, so I don’t think you’re like him.” Addy peeked at me. More of that wariness oozing out. Like she was wondering how I was going to react to her saying it.
Exasperated, I looked around at each of them. At this sweet little family that Daisy was trying to protect in the only way that she thought she could.
This woman, who was always supposed to mean the most to me, who I was struggling to keep at arm’s length.
I met her gaze from across the table. Those blue eyes so dark they were etched in that hue of purple. Hope and fear filling them full.
My chest stretched tight.
Couldn’t imagine having these three kids, loving them so damned much, and being terrified that I might not be around to ensure they were safe. Not knowing if they would have a home or if they would be loved. Not knowing if they were supported or cherished.
But wasn’t that exactly what she was asking of me? To become that person?
Understanding passed through her gorgeous features, like she saw my own fear and pain, though I didn’t miss the plea that was woven in the middle. It twisted through me like ribbons and bows or maybe thousand-pound chains.
Hooks that impaled my spirit.
I got stuck there, just staring at her, while her children giggled and laughed and chatted like they weren’t in the middle of the turmoil that raged between me and their mom.
Like they had no clue about the mess they were in.
I must have been staring forever, caught up in her gravity. I jarred back when I realized what I was doing.
Falling.
Tripping.
I roughly cleared my throat and pushed from my chair. The legs screeched as I stood, and dishes clattered as I started tossing them into a pile that I balanced on my left palm.
Needing to get away from the reckless ideas I was having.
“You don’t need to do that.” Daisy stood, too.
“You made a delicious dinner. The least I can do is the dishes,” I grated.
She shook her head as she started gathering dishes on her side, her voice filled with emphasis when she whispered, “I owe you my life, Cash.”
I froze.
I knew she wasn’t referring to right now. That she wasn’t talking about my letting them stay here or the promises I made to protect them.
She was talking about then.
Pain splintered through the middle of me, and my heart stalled in my chest.
A shattering of my spirit.
“You don’t owe me anything.” It clawed up my raw throat, and I turned and stalked around the island to the kitchen sink.
Hands shaking, I tossed the dishes in. Silverware and porcelain clattered and clinked, my breaths heavy heaves as my pulse thundered through my veins.
Images blipped and flashed as my mind tried to drag me back to that time.
My chest nearly caved, and I grabbed onto the edge of the sink and bent in half, so close to succumbing to a panic attack.
It wasn’t like I didn’t always live there anyway.
On the brink of collapse.
But with her here?
I sucked for air, desperate to draw oxygen into my aching lungs.
Warmth washed me from behind.
Overwhelming.
So perfect and right.
So utterly misplaced.
A soft hand curled around my bicep.
Energy streaked up my arm and a need I couldn’t feel twisted my guts.
Her voice was gentle. “I do, Cash. I owe you everything. I wouldn’t be here without you. You saved—”
I whirled out of her hold.
The action cut her off, and surprise slashed into her brow.
Old rage seeping around the barrier, I angled in her direction. “I destroyed everything. Everything.” The words were low and gritted. “You might have forgotten, but I haven’t.”
Then I weaved around her and stormed down the hall toward my office, trying to ignore it when Eva called, “Guess he don’t want no coo-kies.”
I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t do anything but lie on the couch, staring at the vague, ambiguous shapes on the ceiling. The shapes curling into vapors and ghosts.
Guts bleeding out with shame.
I’d been a total prick, lashing out at Daisy like any of this was her fault.
I hated it.
Hated hurting her.
But that’s what I did.
I hurt again and again.
I sat up on the side of the couch and scrubbed my hands over my face. Darkness reigned as heavily as the silence that covered the house.
I inclined my ear, listening to the stillness that echoed through the walls.
Though where there was once emptiness, there was now a fervor that wisped and called and filled the space.
Their little spirits dancing through the motes and molecules, infusing them with life.
Blowing out the strain, I stood from the couch and shuffled into the kitchen.
Dim light shined from beneath the cabinets.
I grabbed a glass, filled it with water, and chugged it like it might stand the chance of putting out the fire that raged inside. Like the coolness might bring forth a peace that had been demolished years ago because of one single choice.
A path set. One I never could have imagined its destination.
Then I froze when I felt the presence emerge from behind.
That soft glow that she always emitted.
The energy rushed over me like an embrace that I would never deserve.
Her voice came like a whisper injected directly into my soul. “I need you, Cash.”