Chapter 19 Perry
PERRY
While Alan transferred the browned chicken breasts to a crock pot, I sauteed the onions and celery I’d chopped and congratulated myself that I’d managed not to offer Evan any advice on his potato chopping. He was in the kitchen helping, so I wasn’t about to rock the boat.
The short interlude that had allowed us to switch jobs helped me to relax and I had to wonder if that was due to the interaction itself, or because I was such a control freak I’d needed to have more agency in the potato situation.
“You handled that wonderfully,” Alan said.
“You’re not supposed to point out that he took the job away from me,” Evan said from the sink.
“I didn’t—” I started.
“Babe, it’s okay. I know it was making you nuts watching me.”
I thought about saying a dozen different things before settling on, “Thanks for helping us, Ev.”
He chuckled without looking up. “Thanks for not saying the ten things that went through your head first.”
“I—”
He looked up and winked at me. “I know I was doing a terrible job.”
“Cut that piece in half,” Alan said, tapping a monster cube Evan had left behind with the tongs he was using to turn the chicken. “It won’t cook all the way through like that.”
“I’m sorry I thought about ten things to say that weren’t nice or helpful,” I muttered.
Evan dropped the pot he was cleaning and practically ran to me, yanking me around to hug me. “I don’t care what you thought. I care what you took the time to say,” he whispered.
Alan eased the knife out of my hand, the same way I had done for Evan earlier.
Cupping the back of Evan’s head when he pressed his face to the side of my neck, I sighed. He was right. If everyone was judged for what they thought, everyone would be considered a horrible human being. It was better to remember that what people actually said and did mattered more.
Which was why I had to remind myself of that when I acted like a jerk because I was nervous, scared, or jealous. He only knew what I did or said out loud. Maybe it would be better if he understood how I felt.
“I love you,” I whispered.
He nodded against my neck.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
He pulled back to look at me. “That will never happen. If you want everything to stay just us—”
“No. I want you to be happy, and I know you’re not, exactly.”
He bit his lip but stayed quiet.
“Speak, Evan,” Alan said, though his tone was quiet and encouraging as much as it was demanding.
“I’m not unhappy.”
“We have to agree,” I said. “That none of this means either of us were unhappy with what we had. We can have been happy as things were, and be happy as things might turn out. Both things can be true.”
“I love you,” he said. “I really, really love you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know.” And I did. I’d been using that as a shorthand for all the things I was feeling, but most of them had nothing to do with Evan. I looked past him to Alan. “What you said at the rink.”
Alan’s grin was positively predatory. “I absolutely meant it. And since Evan is not going to be the one to do that for you—”
“Now I don’t have to, I can say hell no,” Evan said, picking his head up, but not letting go of one arm around my waist. “Understand, I would have tried.”
I cupped his face, sliding my fingers into his hair.
“I do.” I kissed him hard and long. I loved that he’d thought about topping for me, that he’d been maybe trying to psyche himself up to do it but I understood it would not have been great for him.
The phrase “power bottom” had been coined for him.
A quiet, disgruntled huff came from behind Evan and we paused, lips brushing, foreheads touching.
“Maybe this isn’t fair,” Evan whispered, the words dusting my lips.
“Maybe he stops being so careful,” I suggested, peeking through Evan’s waves to see Alan’s dark glare directed at us.
“The second I have permission,” he rumbled at me.
He took hold of the hand I’d rested on Evan’s hip, lacing our fingers together, and stepping close enough that Evan’s body pressed more firmly against mine.
It was fascinating to watch him kiss along Evan’s nape, the shell of his ear, his jaw, until he found my lips.
Evan shifted just enough to nuzzle his face to my neck again, kissing my skin and sliding a hand under my shirt while Alan explored my mouth.
I rocked my growing erection against Evan’s hip, moaning when Alan’s hand snuck up through my curls and tangled there, pulling strands tight and prickling my scalp. Much more of that, and I was going to embarrass myself.
A throat cleared behind us.
Evan’s whole body jolted, but he didn’t try to make space between us, instead, pulling me against him, both arms around me as Alan eased away from us. His hand at my neck lingered longest, cupped around my nape until I sighed and nodded, my head now buried in Evan’s shoulder.
“Sorry, Michael,” Alan said, his voice rough.
“Don’t be. Please. I’m relieved. I was beginning to wonder if the three of you were ever going to figure your shit out.”
“We’re getting there.”
“Good, because we have about a month before our next trial by fire.” He knocked on Carol’s bedroom door. “Coast is clear, buddy. You can come out now.”
That was enough to calm my dick down under my apron and I stepped away from Evan with a last peck on his lips. “Thanks,” I whispered.
He grinned at me. “Any time.” Fuck, I missed that expression. I kissed him again, still fast, but hard and full, getting a low groan out of him that made my heart happy.
“Everything can go into the slow cooker now,” Alan declared as we all got back to our jobs, and Michael, looking proprietary, settled Carol on the love seat at the side of the room.
Carol looked content, which was the best description I could come up with.
Not happy. He’d just been dumped, after all, but not really sad either.
They were still holding hands and both had wet hair, though I thought Carol’s was a sturdier shade of .
periwinkle now. I never got tired of the way his hair colour changed weekly, or how often, like now, Michael had hair dye under his nails.
They were what they were, too, I guessed.
So why couldn’t the three of us be that as well?
I put the last of the dirty cooking dishes into the dishwasher, closed it, and turned around. “We should watch a movie while we wait,” I suggested.
“The three of us should shower,” Alan said. “Michael and Carol can pick something, then we’ll reconvene.”
That wasn’t actually a terrible idea. Five people trying to agree on a movie would take forever, plus I wanted Evan alone for just a few minutes.