18. Jessica
JESSICA
Why am I so bothered? It’s not like he’d really hurt me, that much I know, so there’s no reason to fear that murderous look in his eyes.
It’s not like he’s not always threatening to strangle me anyway, which is all talk.
I was trying desperately to talk myself down because this time, he looked like he meant business.
As if! My father would kill him, after my sister and brothers get through tearing him apart.
There’s no way, as mad as he seems, that he’d go that far.
As his hand tightened around my throat, I decided to test that theory.
I stopped struggling, which is just a natural reflex anyway, and turned the tables by running my toe along the inside of his thigh while looking into his eyes.
I saw the look of surprise cross his face before he almost fell off the bed. That hand wasn’t as tight any longer. “What’s it to you?” He looked confused for a second before he remembered the question he’d asked. “You’re playing with fire again.” I just quirked my brow at him and rolled my eyes.
“Burn me then, if you’ve got the balls.” Dammit, he bit my lip then tried to consume me with a kiss.
When he went for my neck again, this time I beat him to it.
I pulled my lips away, grabbed his hand, and bit his finger none too gently.
It was all I could do not to laugh my ass off at the look on his face.
Poor thing, he didn’t know what to do with himself.
He became even more flustered when I sucked his finger into my mouth and moaned.
“You…” He was tongue-tied and outsmarted. I guess that’s why he pulled the next stunt to regain the upper hand. It didn’t enter my mind to question why he was so protective of that towel he had wrapped around his hips, that is, until he pulled it off and tossed it on the floor next to the bed.
My eyes widened when he sat back on his legs, bearing himself to my gaze. I think I lost the ability to speak or even form a sentence for the first few seconds. I flew back against the headboard out of harm’s way because what the hell?
“No, no, and hell no. Keep that thing away from me.” There ought to be a law against this shit. “Don’t come any closer. That looks like an invasion; you could storm Normandy ten times with that missile. That’s a direct deposit to the UTI bank, nope.”
“Are you done? What happened to all that lip you had before?”
“Don’t you worry about my lips, you beast. Do your parents know you’re keeping that thing in their house?”
“What thing, you crazy person?”
“That big ole donkey dick. I plan to have kids someday, you monster. I didn’t sign up for a hysterectomy.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll only put the tip in.”
“Oh, so what you’re saying is you want to tear my shit from the gate.”
I gotta get the fuck outta here. I’ve got a lot of life to live, and I’m pretty sure that thing would put me eight feet under.
Tip my ass. I don’t think that thing would fit in any of my orifices.
I tried climbing off the other side of the bed, but he caught my leg and dragged me back before flipping me onto my back again.
“I’m not playing with you. Keep that thing away from me.” He leaned down and put his lips to my ear.
“You’ve had him before and lived.” His words opened a door in my mind that I had long held closed. A door that I had never meant to open ever again.
JULIUS
Ah damn, why did I bring that up now of all times?
I know very well that that’s a memory she’d rather forget, because it was the same for me for a while as well.
But now we’ve both opened Pandora’s box, and there’s no turning back.
I’m not a hundred percent sure about her, but I know I did my best these past few years to put it out of my mind.
It was the first time I’ve ever known real fear after all, the first time I felt myself losing control over a woman. Back then, I saw it as a weakness, but now I realize I was just running from fate, because here we are, years later, back where we left off.
“Do you want to talk about it?” It just might kill me to give her the time, but if it’s what she needed, I was more than willing.
I knew where she stood when, instead of taking me up on the offer, she reached for my lips herself.
That was her way of letting me know she wasn’t ready to have that conversation.
I wasn’t sure if I should be glad or discouraged that it was still such a sore spot for her, but to be fair, I haven’t handled the situation much better all these years either. Forget it! Let’s just go with the flow; tomorrow is time enough to address the hypo in the room.
Whether it was the last time or now, her closeness always has the same effect on me. It’s easy to get lost in her, too easy in fact, and that was a big part of why I had to let her go the last time. I wasn’t in the right headspace back then, and she was too young for forever.
But now, it doesn’t matter if she’s ready or not; I won’t let her go again. I deepened the kiss, spurred on by my wayward thoughts, holding her head in place to bring her along with me. After my colossal bungle, I thought it would take a while to get her going again, but I need not have worried.
I guess it’s true that the family jinx works both ways, something I didn’t always know.
Apparently, our chosen mate is just as affected as we are by the love sting, and she was proving to be the same.
With her temperament, I expected some pushback after my blunder, but instead, she was right there with me, her lips following mine with the same hunger and need.
It's hard to say who overtook whom, but does it really matter? I couldn’t hold her close enough, couldn’t get enough of her taste; it was madness, the same madness that had scared me shitless four years ago. No, better not go there for now.
But how could I forget? My heart beat with the same wild rhythm as back then, my lungs fighting for air as I felt myself being consumed by something bigger than me.
She’s so tiny, delicate, and with her mouth closed, it’s easy to think that she’s a tender little angel who needs my care and protection.
When I hold her like this, I get lost, and all I want is to love her with everything in me.
The kind of love I’ve never shared with anyone else.
The urge to let her into the part of me that I’ve kept hidden from others is even stronger now than it was that night of her twenty-first birthday.
The night we both lost control and crossed the line.
Just as it was that long-ago night, my mind was emptied of all other thoughts, focusing only on the woman under me.
I was totally captivated and overpowered, not having the strength to hold anything back.
The part of myself that was always reserved, the control I usually exert, was no match for the feelings I had inside for her, only her.
It's scary as hell to feel this helpless, weak even, and yet as if I could carry the whole world. These feelings are as foreign now as they were then, almost as if I were giving my very essence over to her. I felt that same powerless feeling come over me as I did that night.
It's no wonder I’d run away from this before, for someone like me who thrives on having absolute control in all aspects of my life, this whole thing with her spells danger. I feel in parts powerless and yet full of a strange energy that comes from the heart. A heart that’s filled only with her.
I know what that shit means. I knew it that night back then. I’ve seen my brother go through this craziness long enough to know that this one is about to make me lose my mind. My every thought and action will soon revolve around her, and she’d basically carry my nuts around in her purse.
Not since kindergarten have I let anyone have the upper hand. In every physical relationship I’ve ever shared, I’ve always been able to keep my heart out of the game. That’s why my exes were never able to really hurt me. Back when that serpent harmed my brother, that was a whole other story.
With this one, I’m afraid the hurt will be to me and me alone. A hurt, according to legend, I would never recover from. “Look at me.” For once, she was obedient and turned her gaze to mine. See what I mean? Just looking into her eyes makes my heart feel like it’s about to jump out of my chest.
All the avoidance over the years now felt like wasted time.
I felt a sharp pain in my chest, the same pain I’d felt when I first learned that she’d moved on with someone else.
Back then, the pain had driven me to the brink of insanity, and it had taken a monumental effort to keep myself from going into darkness.
Not even traveling out of the country had helped and, in fact, had only made things worse. Back then, I’d convinced my family that something else was bothering me, and it didn’t take long for them to stop asking why I wasn’t dating anyone, since the question always made me rabid.
Only my brother seemed to know the truth since he could always see right through me, and I know that he, too, has been keeping an eye on my girl from the shadows because sometimes it was just too hard for me. I went days without thinking about her because that was the only way to survive.
Sometimes the agony was so unbearable that the only relief was physical pain. That’s a can of worms I’d rather not open because it always leaves me feeling like a weak asshole, but the only alternative was going to that mutt’s house and dragging her back here.
Now we’d come full circle, and the look of defiance and fear in her eyes cut deep.
I’d done that. How did I not know? I thought I was doing what was right for her.
She was so young and so damn beautiful it hurt.
And now, “Mine!” She opened her mouth to reply, and knowing her, I knew it wasn’t going to be anything pleasant, so I cut her words off with my tongue.