Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
KIERAN - NEW YEAR’S EVE
After flashing my VIP pass as I walked into the arena, I headed to Cesar’s locker room. He’d told me to visit him before the fight, something he had never asked before. He was usually too nervous and didn’t want anybody—even me—to see it.
But since I’d told Cesar I was in love with him, he’d softened in a lot of ways. I know it might take him time to fully trust in us as a couple, but he was definitely less guarded. I used to think it was because of his dad’s abandonment, because of Joey and other disappointments… that it was a part of Cesar’s protecting himself. But now I realized he’d also been fighting his feelings for me all these years, guarding them from my eyes. How exhausting and heartbreaking that must have been for him. My plan, the second I opened the door to his locker room, was to give him a giant hug and wish him luck. Cesar deserved all the hugs I had to give.
“Hey.” I swung open the door without knocking. “I—er—oh!” He was naked. His glorious peach of an ass on full display.
“Come in.” He turned his head to me with a grin.
I flushed, still seeing that amazing ass on full view. Sure, we’d gotten naked and fooled around some, but I had yet to really focus on Cesar’s butt cheeks. And now I wanted nothing more than to grab those firm cheeks, squeeze them, sink my teeth into one.
“Wanted to wish you good luck.” My voice was low and needy.
Cesar’s eyes darkened with feeling. Equally wanting me. But this wasn’t the time or the place. He had a fight in a few moments.
“You just missed Mami,” he said, pulling on his boxing shorts, and killing whatever sexual fantasies were still on my mind in one sentence. “Well, she left about ten minutes ago.”
“I thought she skips the fights?”
“She does.” Cesar’s smile widened. “She came by with news, good news.”
“The scans?” I exclaimed, and then squealed at his happy nod. “They’re good? I knew they would be!”
“She’s clean until next year’s test. Thank fucking God.”
We embraced.
“You must be so relieved.”
“I am.” He shuddered in my arms. “I didn’t want to see her suffer, not again.”
“I’m sure. It was enough once.”
“Yeah… but also… I’m relieved for myself. Is that awful? I don’t think I could do it all again—all the appointments, the sleepless nights, helping her dress or shower when she was weak—seeing her usual elegance gone, her fucking pain and crying—all of it. I’m not sure how strong I could be doing it again. I’m selfishly happy for myself as much as Mami.”
“That’s not selfish. It’s human. If she’d gotten bad news, then you’d have found the strength again to help her through it. But it’s totally understandable to be glad you don’t have to.”
“I don’t know. It shouldn’t even be about me.” He stepped back, swiping at his eyes. Cesar was always so hard on himself.
“Caregiving is hard.” I gently thumbed at one of his tears. “Watching a loved one suffer is beyond hard. Give yourself a break, and let’s focus on the fact that your mother’s okay. And also… you need to stop crying and kick some ass in a moment.”
“True.” Cesar was half-laughing, half-crying as he spoke. He hugged me to him. “I fucking love you,” he whispered in my ear.
“I love you,” I reassured him, knowing I’d have to patiently keep telling him that good things were ahead. I touched his hair, the back of his neck, and kissed him tenderly.
“All right.” Cesar inhaled and gathered himself. His face hardened to a fighter’s mask. “Go watch me win.”
On the way out, Cesar was stopped by an older man with a boy and older woman. Cesar greeted them and introduced Morris from his Silver Sneakers class. I hadn’t even known Cesar worked with seniors, helping them with basic boxing, but it was just like him to not mention the good he did.
“Meet my grandson.”
“And is this your daughter?” Cesar asked.
The older women chuckled. “Bless you! I’m not that young.”
“My new girlfriend.” Morris beamed. “I thought I was too old for dating. But lately, I’ve been feeling good. Inside, I’m still a youngster.” He winked and took out his phone. “Don’t I look the same?”
It was a photo of a much younger Morris, one with blond hair and no wrinkles.
“Still a dish,” Martha said, hugging him.
“What does she mean a dish?” piped up his grandson. “Can I have your autograph?” he added to Cesar, immediately losing interest in the definition of a dish.
“Sure thing.”
“We’ll be rooting for you,” Morris said once the autograph was signed, and Martha nodded.
“You show them how it’s done, son,” she said.
“Will do.” Cesar thanked them for coming and made certain they had good seats. He acted shy around the older couple, but I could tell their support touched him. Cesar left after giving me a fast squeeze, and I found Elias.
“Where’s Hugo?” I asked, sitting next to my brother.
“At the concessions. He’s eager to try every unhealthy American snack food there is. And we’re also starving. We got a little busy before coming here.” Elias got a devilish glint in his eyes.
“So, there’s something I wanted to tell you before Hugo returns. I sort of tried to set you up with Cesar this Christmas.”
“Me? That wouldn’t have worked. He’s always been crazy in love with you.”
“What? You knew that? How? I didn’t ever see it until—er—recently.” I flushed.
“It was obvious. But I guess, when it comes to ourselves, all of us can be blind. Like with Hugo, I didn’t see all our bickering was just sexual tension until he made it clear to me.”
“You’re in love with him, huh?”
“So in love it’s frightening, especially when it might not last.”
“Why do you say that?” I put a concerned hand on Elias’s shoulder.
He took a deep breath. “Hugo has to return to England this month. He has no choice and he… asked me to go with him. But it’s a big decision. My career is doing well here. I don’t know anybody but Hugo over there. I’ll be a total fish out of water. Do I follow him? Do I not? Should I listen to my head or my heart?”
“You’re heart. Every time.”
“Really?” Elias shook his head. “You’re so certain?”
“I think you’d always wonder if you don’t go.”
“I’m a little intimidated by the idea.”
“Why? You live in New York. You’re always so sophisticated.”
“Maybe on the outside. Inside, I’m just a dopey kid from Jersey. And Hugo’s family are like aristocrats. He’s a fucking Earl of some shit. Besides, it’s so fast.”
“Do you love him? Like seriously.” At my brother’s sweet smile, I smiled back. “Then go. Give it a chance. It’s like with Cesar. I didn’t realize I was in love. I’m still not even sure how my sexuality shifted or if it did, or it’s just for him. But I am totally in love with him, no matter how fast or crazy it sounds. Cesar is mine. I’m his. The girls I dated never stuck. But Cesar, he sticks. He’s my glue.”
“I get that. The way you two always protected and obsessed about each other. In a weird way, it totally makes sense.”
“How about with Hugo? Do you trust him?” I tilted my head. “You happy with him?”
“So freakin’ happy,” Elias admitted. “Even when we make each other livid, I feel connected to him. Like you said, glue.”
“And he’s a dish,” I said, using Martha’s wording.
“What?”
“Nothing. You should totally see where it leads.”
“Mom and Dad will be so sad that I’m far away.” Elias exhaled. “But you’re right.”
I squeezed his shoulder just as Hugo appeared.
“Nachos! Look at this gloopy, neon-yellow cheese!” He chortled.
Elias’s face lit with joy as he dug into nachos, which I knew my brother disliked, and I sat back to watch the start of the fight.
Love was not one size fit all. Elias and Hugo fought and began as enemies. Cesar and I rarely fought and began as friends. Everybody’s love story was different. That’s what made love so amazing.
Cesar won.
No surprise, really. He was a beast in the ring. But I leapt out of my seat, hollering and whistling. Cesar’s gaze locked on mine as he lifted his arms in victory. The crowd roared, but it felt as if there was only the two of us, nobody else.
After the fight, once Cesar was clean and dressed, we all congratulated him at the locker room. Elias invited us to go with them into the city and be at Times Square for New Year’s.
“If we leave now, we can be there before midnight,” Hugo commented.
“Yes, come with us,” Elias urged.
I met Cesar’s eyes and knew he’d let me decide.
“Sorry.” I shook my head. “We are going to stay in and be with our new kitten.”
Elias pulled me into a hug. “Promise you’ll visit me in England if I go.”
“When you go,” I whispered.
“When I go,” he agreed. He hugged Cesar and also said something to him. Cesar’s eyes widened, but he grinned and nodded.
Hugo and I shook hands, more formally, but he offered me a warm smile. If he let Elias down, I would find him in his fancy castle and kick his ass. Or have Cesar kick his ass. Whatever worked.
Once we got back to Cesar’s place, we greeted Dash, and I got on the ground to play with him, while Cesar made us a drink.
“This is better than any champagne.” He handed me a Pisco Sour. I took a sip. The frothy egg white tickled the back of my throat, and the slightly sour, slightly sweet drink was delicious as promised. “And I wanted to make you ceviche, but I had no time for it with the fight. I hope cheese and crackers, and ready-made cocktail shrimp aren’t too disappointing.”
“I’m crushed. Go make ceviche right now,” I teased, my eyes dancing.
“Brat.” We toasted, kissed. Drank a little more.
“That was a fantastic fight. When’s your next one?” I absently petted Dash, who was sitting on Cesar’s lap. Lucky kitten.
Cesar hesitated. “That was my last one. At least, for a while.”
“You’re done fighting?”
“Now that Mami is good and our bills are mostly paid off, I was thinking of returning to school. Become a math teacher, maybe.”
“You should.”
He shook his head. “I won’t make as much as I do fighting.”
“Well, no shit. This is the American educational system. We don’t pay our teachers.”
Cesar laughed. “Word. So, you’d better make Coburn Plumbing a multi-million dollar company.”
“I will.”
“Is that where you want to be? If not, it’s okay to tell your dad.”
“I know. It’s what I want.”
“Not to work with plants or something?”
“I like that as my passion, not my job.”
“As long as that’s where you see yourself in the future.”
I put down my drink and took his hand. “When I think of the future, I think of you. All I want is to make a home where you’re in it.”
“Oh, God, Kieran. I love you.” He leaned in and kissed me, a slow, promising kiss of things to come.
Returning the kiss, my heart felt like singing. My body melted against Cesar’s as he nuzzled the side of my neck. There was an entire history of memories behind us. A whole future of new ones ahead.
“I want to be inside of you,” I whispered and felt his big frame shudder in response.
“Are you sure?”
“So sure.” I kissed him. My whole goal in life in that moment was to bring him happiness.
Heated with desire, we kissed hungrily as we moved to his bedroom, and tore each other’s clothes off. Cesar grabbed some lube, and we quickly decided on condoms for today, but maybe not always. I liked the image of creaming his perfect ass. But today I wanted the condom to keep me a little more in control and less likely to lose it before I entered him. He lay on the bed, and I kissed a trail from his neck to buttocks, licking and nipping at the firm skin.
“Are you doing okay?” I asked, pausing.
Cesar turned and shot me a wicked grin. “So okay,” he mimicked my earlier words. But his gaze was soft and loving. “Please keep going, I need you inside of me.”
I swallowed hard. Massaging his round muscular cheeks with my hands. He’s mine . I felt a strong wave of possessiveness. Always mine.
I lubed my fingers, circling and stretching his rim. Cesar groaned, grabbing his cock and stroking it in a tight fist. I played with his ass, his needy hole. I pushed two fingers inside him, scissoring them, going off the romance books I’d read. It seemed to work, as Cesar cried out, jerking his cock harder.
I almost came like that, my precum flowing. With a quaky breath, I rolled on the condom and applied more lube.
I moved slowly, working my dick inside of him inch by inch. It was fantastic, unlike anything I’d felt before. Cesar welcomed me with his enveloping heat. He was so strong, so beautiful. He really does trust me. Love me.
I blinked away tears. As I pushed into him, his tight body grasping mine, I knew I was home. As I thrust inside of him, my vision blurred, the tears refusing to go away. I pushed deeper, seeking more, needing everything. I slid in all the way while Cesar released a keening sound.
So beautiful.
I knew, beyond a doubt, that we belonged together.
“Oh, Jesus, Kieran!” Cesar panted. “How will I survive this? It’s t oo good,” he exclaimed in a dazed voice.
We were both on the edge. I could sense it. I wanted us to fall—together. I ground my cock into his tight embrace. Our bodies straining. More, more. Shuddering as I moved, I felt Cesar squeeze all around me. My mouth open, my eyes widened, still full of tears. And I knew no matter what that he was…
Mine.