One Bed

Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

G ib walked into his and Navy’s favourite place in Nashville, feeling like death warmed up. The last place he wanted to be was in a bar, and he looked around hoping Navy had managed to secure a booth. No such luck; his cousin sat at the end of the hand-crafted bar, a beer in front of him. In his faded jeans and loose T-shirt, Navy looked relaxed.

In comparison, Gib felt like day-old roadkill. He’d come straight from the airport after spending two days in New York and a week in Hong Kong, with a stop off in Berlin on his return, all the while trying to talk himself out of making a detour to London to see Bea. But nothing had changed, and she’d made her feelings clear… She wanted more, he couldn’t give it to her, and they were at a stalemate.

He dug his index finger and thumb into the corners of his eyes, trying to rub away the gritty feeling.

He’d managed about two hours of sleep on the ten-hour flight, in which he’d dreamed of walking through his house in Nashville with Bea, her commenting on the white walls and stark furniture. He told her she could paint the place lime green with pink spots, as long as she stayed. She could do anything she wanted as long as she slept in the same bed as him.

Maybe his subconscious was telling him he only wanted one bed for the two of them for the rest of their lives. But you didn’t plan the rest of your life after knowing someone for less than two weeks. That was a dumbass move, right? Even if he could open up to her –and be emotionally vulnerable – the next few months of his life would be insanely busy, and he’d be bouncing between Hong Kong, LA, and New York, and didn’t know when next he’d be in London. Or even in Nashville. Even if he could give her an emotional commitment, what else could he offer her? Long stretches alone, with him stumbling in after fourteen- or sixteen-hour days. Sex, and him leaving early to catch a plane to go wherever Caddell needed him next. None of that was fair on Bea.

But memories of her were the mental equivalent of a chipped tooth. He couldn’t stop going there.

He was a cautious guy, someone who didn’t jump into situations easily or quickly, yet in just a few days he’d slept with a woman, heard her secrets, opened up a little, fallen deeper than he’d planned, had some soul-shocking conversations and split up with her.

They’d gone from zero to one hundred in just a few seconds. Their relationship was Formula One fast.

‘Gib!’

He lifted his head at Navy calling his name and wondered how long he’d been stood by the door, thinking. Shrugging out of his jacket, he pulled down his tie and ordered a whisky from the barman before clasping Navy’s lifted hand and giving him a quick shoulder bump.

‘You OK?’ Navy asked as he sat down. It had only taken Navy a few seconds to clock something was wrong.

‘Yes, no. I don’t know.’

‘Right. I feel so much closer to you now.’ Navy lifted his beer bottle to his mouth. ‘Is this about Bea?’

There was no point in denying it, Navy would nag until he talked the problem through. He might as well just get it over with. ‘Yes.’

‘So many words…’

Gib narrowed his eyes at his sarcasm. ‘We were sleeping together, it’s now over.’

‘You’ve slept with many women before, but I’ve never seen you looking like this. What did you do?’

‘Why do you think it was my fault?’ Gib demanded and signalled for another whisky. The first went down well, and he had a pleasantly warm sensation in his gut. Nice, because he hadn’t felt warm since he left the island.

‘Because you’re you,’ Navy replied. ‘Let me guess, she wanted more, and you told her you couldn’t give it to her.’

Gib stared at him. ‘That’s pretty specific.’

‘But true. You only get this morose when you find a girl you like, then you sabotage it.’

‘Bullshit.’

Navy started to tick items off his fingers.‘Jenny, senior year of high school. You were mad about her, but you called it quits. Hayley, final year of college. You guys slept together for a year, but she bailed because you refused to call her your girlfriend or introduce her to my dad. Hannah, six years ago. She saw through your can’t-commit crap straight away and called it over after a month. She wanted a family and wasn’t prepared to wait for you to get with the programme.’

Gib shook his head. ‘I'm not sure whether I should be impressed or creeped out by how much you’ve remembered about my love life.’

Navy tapped his bottle with his index finger. ‘I remember the ones you fell for.’

‘I haven’t fallen for Bea.’ Such bullshit, but he needed to put it out there. Maybe if he said it out loud, he would start believing his own spin.

He dropped his head and rubbed his forehead with his fingers. Jesus, this was hard. He’d never met anyone as amazing as her. She got him on levels no one had ever before, and he understood her. And let’s not forget that being in her arms, naked or clothed, was where he most wanted to be.

But he wanted her on his terms, not hers. Just like he’d wanted the others.

‘She wants a proper, messy, emotional, honest relationship,’ Gib quietly stated, without lifting his head. ‘I want to keep it … sanitised, I guess.’

‘Because of your mom?’

Gib jerked his head up, shocked by Navy’s quiet words. It was the first time in nearly twenty years that Navy had mentioned Gib’s mother. He swallowed, trying to force the lump in his throat down. ‘Why mention my mom?’ He hesitated. ‘What do you know?’

Navy’s broad shoulders lifted.

‘Before my folks divorced, I remember my parents talking about yours, specifically your mom. They said she needed to lighten up and get a life.’

They hadn’t been wrong. He shifted in his chair. It felt wrong to discuss his dead mother like this. Then again, Navy was his brother in every way that counted.

‘I want to talk to you about it, but the words just won’t come out of my mouth,’ he admitted, wrapping his hand around the glass the bartender put in front of him. His sigh came from the deepest parts of him. ‘Bea knows there are things I’m keeping back, she thinks I don’t trust her, or that she’s not important enough to me to share my past with her. But, Jesus, if I can’t even talk to you about my parents, how can I talk to her?’

Navy gently tapped the edge of his bottle against the bar. ‘Then maybe it’s time to get a professional involved, bud.’

Fuck, he couldn’t think of anything worse. ‘I tried that, remember?’

‘You were sixteen and grieving, and you have distance now,’ Navy pointed out. ‘I also think you need to ProCon it.’

ProCon was a tool Hugh had taught them both. When faced with a difficult decision, they should make a list of the pros and cons and see which column won. Navy pointed his bottle at him. ‘Give me the pros for moving on from Bea, not going to therapy, to keeping life the same as it was before you went to Greece.’

‘Do we have to do this now?’ Gib asked, conscious of a tiny whine in his voice.

‘ Now . Go.’

OK, shit . ‘Pros for staying single… It’s easy, and it’s what I know.’ He thought some more. ‘I can work without guilt, I don’t have to think about a partner and her needs. My time won’t be split, and I can devote myself to Caddell.’

Navy made a production of yawning. Yeah, message received: he was boring. ‘Cons?’

There was only one he could think of, and it was huge. He picked up a coaster, rolled it between his fingers and spun it around. He scratched his cheek and pushed his hand through his hair.

‘Stop fiddling and give a con, Gibson. And don’t bullshit me, I know you have one.’

Fuck, he was going to make him say it. ‘ Iwon’thaveBeainmylife .’

Navy, the fucker, put his hand behind his ear and leaned forward. ‘Sorry, what was that?’

Bastard . ‘I won’t have Bea in my life.’

Satisfaction glinted in his eyes. ‘And how big a problem is that for you?’ Navy quietly asked.

He forced himself to lift his eyes up and look at Navy. ‘Fucking big,’ he reluctantly admitted.

‘Big enough for you to do something about it?’

The ten-billion-dollar question. ‘Yeah, big enough for me to do something about it.’

Navy used the bar counter as a makeshift drum. ‘ Excellent . Because, as Tolkien said, “I would rather spend one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.”’

‘Oh, fuck off . Seriously, I will put your head down a toilet.’

* * *

Six weeks after her birthday bash, Golly decided she needed a Santorini reunion party and bought tickets for her, Reena, Bea, the Two Jacks, Cassie and Nadia to fly to Fira. They arrived late on Friday night, and spent Saturday relaxing, with Nadia offering to make pizzas in the wood-fired oven on the esplanade for supper. It was a bit cold for outdoor entertaining, but they huddled around the huge blaze in the fire pit, drinking red wine and catching up.

Due to Bea’s insane schedule these past few weeks – after coming out as Parker Kane she’d run from print interviews to podcast interviews, to book signings –she’d barely had time to eat, and she’d lost a bit of weight.

No, that was a bit dramatic. She’d had time, everybody did, but she didn’t feel like eating. Her tastebuds hadn’t worked properly since Gib had left Santorini. But it was lovely to see Cass and Nadia again; she’d spoken to them, but hadn’t seen them. They’d been in New York, and Bea wanted to ask if they’d been working for Gib, but even saying his name hurt.

She missed him. So damn much.

A Santorini reunion without Gib was a ridiculous notion. It was like a puzzle with a gaping hole in the middle. Oh, wait, that was her life.

‘Golly says that the press attention has died down, Bea-darling,’ Jack said, a whisky in his hand. He sat next to Reena, who was studying a racing form.

‘It was a bit mad when the press releases first went out.’ Bea leant against one of the pergola’s pillars. There’d been a few mentions of Lou and Gerry’s affair, but nothing dramatic.

Golly, and Gib, were right when they said her imagination would be worse than reality.

‘And you have a new agent?’ Cass asked. ‘Gib’s cousin? Is he as sexy as Gib?’

Nobody could ever be as sexy as Gib. ‘He’s not my type,’ Bea told Cass.

Cass snorted. ‘I looked him up online. Masculine and ripped is every heterosexual woman’s type.’

Not hers. ‘Why did you go with Navy Caddell, Bea?’ Jacqui quietly asked.

‘I had meetings with a few agents, but I didn’t gel with any of them,’ Bea explained. ‘Then Navy video-called me, told me nobody would be better for me than him, and I would be a fool not to sign with him.’

And he said it all in a lazy drawl, and with this twinkle in his eye.

Cass’s eyes widened. ‘And what did you say to that?’

‘I didn’t have a chance to say much. He told me he loved my books, and he has ideas for my spin-off series.’

She didn’t tell them that to get her to take his call he’d sent her a basket of luxury goods – champagne, expensive chocolates and high-end, including Creed, toiletries. In amongst the goodies was a printed list with the heading: A Writer’s Guide to Video Calls with Their Agent. There was just one bullet point on the list.

Are you suitably dressed?

On the back of the list, she found a jotted note from Navy.

Gib said I wasn’t to mention it, but I disagreed. We could wait until we’re wrinkled to laugh about it, or we could start now. Let’s talk.

And with that, her embarrassment faded away. She’d had a few calls with Navy since signing with him a week ago, but she’d yet to find the courage to ask how Gib was, where he was and, crucially, was he missing her?

And Navy, damn him, didn’t volunteer any information, either.

‘Bea-darling, I’m a bit chilly. I think I left my green silk pashmina in the cottage earlier, do you think you could run down and get it for me?’ Golly half turned to look at her.

She didn’t remember seeing a pashmina in the cottage, but she was so tired –physically, mentally, and emotionally –and the small things didn’t always register. She’d go look for it, as she could do with five minutes alone.

She walked towards the cottage, her movement sluggish. Her heart and head ached, and she wanted Gib’s arms around her, telling her it would be OK. Because as long as he wasn’t in her life, nothing was OK. All right, mildly dramatic, but she didn’t think she’d ever feel whole again. She’d thought she could do this, be without him. She’d taken the high ground, without realising how incredibly lonely it was. So what if he couldn’t open up, if she couldn’t mean as much to him as he did to her? He liked her, respected her, was thoughtful and considerate and so very good in bed. Maybe a little of something was better than a lot of nothing.

It had to be. She needed him and would take anything she could get, and her pride could go to hell. She pulled her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and dialled, holding her breath as she waited for him to answer.

‘ Bea-baby .’

She closed her eyes, letting his voice roll over her and fill the empty spots inside her. But only being with him could fill the massive, Gib-sized hole in her heart.

‘We’re at Golly’s Folly and everyone important is here, but you’re not and—’ Should she say this? Why not? She was so damn sick of pretending that being apart wasn’t ripping her apart. ‘And I miss you. I wish you were here.’

He waited a beat, before speaking again. ‘Why do you want me there?’

He was going to make her explain? Well, OK, then. ‘Because I’m miserable without you.’

She stopped and rubbed her fingers across her forehead. Too much? Too soon? ‘Sorry,’ she said when he didn’t reply. ‘I didn’t mean to dump that on you, but it’s been a long day.’

Six weeks that felt like six thousand.

‘Look, I really want to keep talking to you,’ Gib replied, ‘but I need to do something first. So fetch whatever Golly’s asked for, and I’ll speak to you in five minutes, maybe even less.’

He disconnected and Bea stared at her phone. Crap . It was Saturday morning in the States, and he was probably working. And something, or someone else, needed his attention. It was a reminder, one she didn’t need, that his work always came first.

There wasn’t much space for her in his life, and she knew she’d never be more important than his work. But she didn’t think she cared anymore. She just wanted to be with him. In any way she could. If he gave her the smallest hint he’d welcome a visit from her, she’d go to Fira and catch the first flight out.

Bea bit down on her lip, wishing she could stay in the cottage, curl up in the bed she and Gib had shared. But that would upset Golly, who’d paid a hefty amount to get them back to Santorini for their brief reunion. She’d grab the pashmina, go back, eat as much pizza as she could, and stay an hour, maybe two, then bolt.

She looked down at her phone, it had been three minutes since Gib said he’d call her back…

Bea walked into the dark cottage, not bothering to switch on a light as she could see well enough by the light of the moon. She couldn’t see the pashmina anywhere. Wait, didn’t Gib say something about fetching something for Golly? He did . She frowned. How did he know…

‘Took you long enough to twig.’

She looked down at her phone, checking they weren’t still connected. Nope. Joy, wild and fast and free, clobbered her, in the best way possible. Her heart triple-timed when she saw him leaning against the doorframe to the bedroom, arms folded, and one ankle crossed over the other.

‘You’re here.’ He wore dark jeans, trendy trainers on his big feet, and a white T-shirt under a navy jacket. He’d cut his hair, and his stubble was neatly trimmed. He looked… God, he looked fantastic.

‘Yep. And you’re too far away’ He walked over to her and, without warning, he bent his knees, put his shoulder to her stomach and lifted her up and over his shoulder. Bea squealed and then laughed.

Gib. Was. Here.

Gib walked through to the bedroom and dumped her on the big bed. He loomed over her, curled his hand around the back of her neck and rested his forehead against hers. ‘That was, bar none, the longest six weeks of my life. I can’t be apart from you for that long ever again, Bea-baby.’

She had to kiss him, right now, so she lifted her mouth to his, her body sighing when he gathered her close. She fell into the kiss, completely forgetting Golly’s request, that Nadia was making pizza.

She pulled back a long while later. ‘Did Golly even need a pashmina?’

He laughed. ‘I wanted an excuse to get you here alone and, as always, she was happy to engage in a little subterfuge.’

She would think about Golly’s involvement later. All that was important was that Gib was here. Joy, relief, and contentment flooded her system. All was well with her world. In his arms was where she wanted to be, his mouth the only one she wanted to kiss. With him, her heart puzzle was no longer missing its most important piece.

Gib tasted of coffee and mints and smelt like citrus and sea-scented air. Powerful and gentle, his tongue twisted around hers, every stroke telling her how much he missed this, how much he missed her . It was a you-are-mine kiss, a missed-you-so-much kiss and Bea understood she wasn’t the only one who’d been utterly miserable.

They might not have known each other long, but that was all the time her heart, and hopefully his, needed to know they were meant to be together. How, she didn’t know. But they were smart people, they’d figure it out.

Gib pulled back and moved his mouth to her ear. ‘I want you so goddamn much, but if we carry on, we might set this bed alight.’

Bea pushed her hand under his jacket and placed her hand over his heart. ‘I’m willing to take that risk.’

Gib smiled, his thumb drifting over her bottom lip. ‘I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more, but?—’

‘If you’re about to tell me that you can’t stay, I swear I will … I will … I’ll scream .’

He grinned. ‘Oh, you’re going to scream, but not because I’m leaving,’ he promised her, lust in his eyes. ‘I was going to say that we need to talk.’

‘Oh.’ She wrinkled her nose, unsure. He might want her, but that didn’t mean he wanted her full time, or on a permanent basis. Maybe he was going to remind her that they couldn’t be anything more than bed-buddies, or friends-with-benefits or some other horseshit.

‘I still need more,’ she blurted. ‘I’m not going to push you away again, but it's only fair that you know.’

Instead of replying, Gib pulled her upright and sat down next to her on the bed.

‘This isn’t working, Bea-baby.’

Bea felt like she’d just been kicked off the Burj Khalifa skyscraper. Man, this landing was going to hurt. The ground rushed up to meet her and she tensed, bracing for the collision.

Gib’s thumb rubbed the top of her hand. ‘We need to find a way to be together, to see more of each other. I’m useless without you.’

Her downward dive was halted by his words, and she hovered there, inches from the ground, trying to make sense of what he’d said.

‘I know you want me to open up, to be emotionally accessible, to talk about my past…’ He looked up at the ceiling. ‘I’m trying, Bea.’

She frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Look, I had a very complicated relationship with my mom, and with my dad, I guess. She wanted everything from me, all the time. With her, I felt like I was an experiment. She was a professor of psychology in Berlin before she married my dad, and there were no boundaries in our family. She was relentless in wanting to know everything about me, all the time. As a kid, I learned to shut down, and to protect my thoughts and my privacy.’

She could see him struggling to find the right words and she put her hand on his cheek. ‘Gib…’

‘I’ve been working with a therapist, in person and online trying to get past that, to break that habit,’ Gib told her, his voice ragged. ‘I want to talk to you about it, tell you what happened, how it shaped me, but I don’t know how. Not yet, anyway.’

Just the fact that he was trying, that he’d gone to the effort of doing that made her heart sing. Maybe he was only doing it for her, but she knew getting professional help would benefit Gib in the long run. How could it not?

‘I so appreciate that, Gib. Thank you. I know it can’t be easy.’

He winced. ‘Setting my hair on fire would be more fun,’ he told her. Then he shrugged. ‘But if it can help me work through some shit, make our relationship richer, bring us closer, then I’m up for it. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, Bea-baby.’

Her heart did a zoom around her body. God, this man. He was everything.

He pushed his hand into her hair. ‘I’ve decided to cut down on my travelling and to trust my expensive, very smart VPs a little more. You can work anywhere, and to an extent, so can I. I know London is home for you, and Golly is, mostly, there, but maybe we can split our time between London and Nashville. And spend our summers here, on Santorini. Maybe you can travel with me occasionally.’

Bea held up her hand, palm facing him. ‘Whoa, hold on. I’m trying to make sense of this… Are you saying that you want us to be together?’

‘This weekend, getting everyone here, was my idea. I wanted to surprise you.’ He raked a shaking hand through his hair. ‘And, yes, I want us to be together. I’ve been fucking desolate without you.’

Bea saw the anguish in his eyes and noticed that he looked drawn and gaunt, and not half as confident as he usually did. He looked like he said he felt: dejected. It was weird to see him so expressive. Before, he always seemed to be in complete command of himself and his emotions.

He didn’t look like the successful businessman, the charismatic CEO she met on the road two months ago. He looked like a man who was in love, someone who had no place to put his love. He wanted her and that made her feel feminine and fantastic, powerful and potent. But would it last? She was just a normal, rather average woman who spent most of her time in the make-believe world populated by an unruly gang of pre-teens, someone who was only adventurous when she tossed black letters onto a white screen. He was hero material, she was the woman who went to work in yoga pants and slippers, her hair in a messy bun, glasses on her nose.

‘OK, I’m dying here,’ Gib said, his voice shaking. ‘I’ve just told you that I’m crazy about you, but you’re just sitting there looking like I smacked you with a two-by-four. Have you changed your mind about me and what you want?’

The two-by-four comment was a pretty accurate analogy, actually. She did feel like he’d knocked her off her feet.

‘Acceptable responses are… “ I missed you too ”, or “ I want to be with you, too ”. The perfect response would be “ I’m crazy in love with you, too ”.’

Her mouth fell open again. ‘Are you? In love with me?’ she asked, needing to make sure her ears were working properly, and her imagination wasn’t playing tricks on her.

‘Yeah.’

‘Why?’

His eyes filled with emotion. ‘Why do I love you? How could I not love you, Bea? You’re real and strong, and smart and imaginative and you have a heart as big as the sky. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, waking up with you and going to sleep with you, having children with you. You’re … you’re… This is going to sound stupid, but you fill in the blanks.’

‘ I fill in the blanks?’

‘I have money, success, whatever the hell that is, and I love my job. I thought that was enough until I met you. Then I realised there were all these missing things in my life – love and acceptance and trust – and you gave them back to me.’

‘Oh.’

‘That’s all you can say?’ Gib muttered, running his hand down his face. ‘God, I need a drink.’

Bea blinked back her tears and handed him a watery smile. ‘I need you ,’ she told him softly.

His eyes narrowed, his entire focus on her. ‘Are you going to expand on that?’

She bit the inside of her lip, trying to find the right words. ‘Do you remember that first sunset we watched, the night of the cocktail party?’

He shrugged. ‘Sort of. I mean, I had my eyes on you most of the time, but I remember it was good.’

Bea smiled. ‘It was this riot of pinks and purples and golds and reds, streaky and stunning, probably the best sunset I’ve seen, and I’ve seen a lot of sunsets on this island.’ She tipped her head. ‘You don’t know where I’m going with this, do you?’

‘Haven’t a freaking clue,’ he admitted.

‘You dropped into my life like that sunset, tossing colour across the sky. Everything with you is bolder and brighter. Food tastes better, music is sweeter, and my words come easier. When you’re in my life, it’s in technicolour, and when you’re not, it’s like those old sepia movies, the music scratchy and the words stilted.’

He looked at her for a long time, and Bea held his stare, letting him see every emotion in her eyes. ‘Pretty words, Bea, and I appreciate them. But not the ones I most want to hear.’

She didn’t move, didn’t blink. ‘I love you. Please can we be together?’

Gib responded by cupping her face and sliding his lips across hers. ‘Yes. Let’s do that.’

She held his wrists, thrilled his were the eyes she’d look into for the rest of her life. ‘Glad that’s sorted,’ she told him. ‘ Now can we set this bed on fire?’

He kissed her again before pulling back to frown at her. ‘Are you seriously asking me to pass up the opportunity to eat Nadia’s wood-fired pizza?’

She grinned at him and lifted her sweater and shirt up and over her head. His eyes fell to her chest, and he dragged a finger over her lace-covered nipple. ‘Fuck food. We can live off love, sex and fresh air.’

He lifted her onto his lap and held her close. ‘God, I do love you, Bea-baby. We’re going to be so damn happy.’

‘I already am,’ she told him, kissing his jaw. ‘I can’t wait to share my bed with you again, Gib.’

‘Bea, I can’t wait to share everything with you.’