Chapter Forty
STEP BY STEP
CAGE
One blink.
Anyone could close their eyes and imagine what it would be like to be blind, or wear noise canceling earphones and try to imagine what it would be like to be deaf.
Losing all function of your arms and legs?
No word could accurately describe that feeling.
The “feeling” was not a sensation at all.
It was how the brain unearthed fears I never knew existed: fear of never feeling the ground beneath my feet, fear of never feeling the woman I loved in my arms, fear of becoming a waste of space—a burden.
I wondered if my father felt the same fear before he died. When they wheeled me off the field strapped to the gurney, I feared for my life with each labored breath, each look from the doctors, each second of silence surrounded by 73,000 people.
“If you don’t walk again, I have dibs on your fishing boat.”
“Fuck you, Banks.” I coughed, desperate for a drink of water, as I peeled open my eyes. “What time is it?”
“Time for you to get your ass out of that bed. You’re going to miss the parade.”
“I feel like I got ran over by a damn parade.”
A nurse came in with a smile too bright for my mood. “Shall we sit you up and get you some water?”
I stood corrected. She was officially my new best friend.
“Yes, please.”
She eased the back of my bed up. I grimaced. Then she held up a cup of water and guided the straw to my lips. I drained it in less than five seconds.
“Thirsty?” She laughed.
“Yeah.” I panted. When did drinking less than eight ounces of water exhaust me as much as sprinting the length of the field?
She took my vitals and typed a few things into her iPad. “Doctor Feltz should be in soon.”
“Thanks.”
Banks watched her leave the room like he was enjoying her ass moving with each step a little too much. “Stop eye-fucking my nurse.”
He chuckled. “Well, you weren’t givin’ her the appreciation she deserved, so I thought I should.”
“I’m engaged, in case you didn’t hear.”
“Yeah, I know Stick worked her freaky voodoo on you. You crazy fuck. She’s a handful. What the hell were you thinking?”
I looked down at my hands as my finger curled. They worked.
Thank God.
“I was thinking I should snag her before she realizes I’m nothing more than a boring guy who listens to country music with a fishing pole in my hand. Now I’m on the fast track to losing my body. She’s gonna fucking dump my ass.”
Banks grinned. “You think she just likes you for your body?”
“Hell yeah.”
“You think your dick will work again?”
“God, I hope so. Like … screw walking, if I have to choose between my dick and my legs—”
“You choose your pecker, no question.”
We eyed each other with shit-eating grins plastered to our faces.
“We won.”
“I heard.”
“Named your weak ass MVP.”
“Heard that too. As you can see, I’m clearly very valuable right now.”
“The hit to you was a fifteen yard penalty; put us in field goal range. Chip shot for three to win the game with no time left on the clock. You earned it long before they took you off the field. Don’t doubt that, man.”
I shouldn’t have been on the field.
The nurse peeked in the room. Banks winked at her.
“A Dr. Westbrook and his colleagues are here to see you. Dr. Feltz asked me to check with you because he was not aware that you requested to see anyone else today. Dr. Westbrook nor any of his colleagues are on staff with the hospital.”
Banks stood, tipping his chin up. “I’m outta here. Check with you later.”
“Thanks, man. Really.”
The nurse gave me a tight smile.
“I’ll see them. Thank you.”
It surprised me that Lake didn’t mention she called Thad. Even more surprising was how fast he made it to Minneapolis.
“Mr. Monaghan.” Thad smiled as he and two other men I’d never seen before followed him.
“Thad. I didn’t know you are a doctor.”
“I have a doctorate degree, so yeah … I’m a doctor. If it makes you feel better, I brought two other doctors with me. Dr. Coleman has a PhD in Ergonomics with specialization in biomechanics, and Dr. Klein has a PhD in Machine Learning. Doctors, meet Cage Monaghan.”
The two men nodded. Dr. Coleman looked maybe fifty with a thick head of gray hair. Dr. Klein had to be at least ten years younger with the world’s thickest glasses.
“You realize I haven’t lost any limbs or anything like that, right?”
“Cage, Cage, Cage … it hurts that you don’t really understand what I—we—do.
I can build you a machine or a complete robotic exoskeleton if need be.
Essentially, I can take the weakest part of your body and replace it, even if just temporarily, while at the same time using novel technologies such as computational methods that can emulate neural processes and incorporating electrodes that can measure electronic pulses of your muscles and stimulate movement when needed to reduce muscle degeneration during the healing process. ”
The wall behind me was splattered with his words because they all went over my head.
“This is the future, but for you it’s now. You don’t have to wait. Machines attached to our bodies can make us faster, stronger, and much more efficient. I give people with ‘disabilities’ the tools to outperform their ‘non-disabled’ peers.”
“You’re going to help me outperform other quarterbacks.”
Thad and his two colleagues laughed, sharing little smirks. “We’re not into robot boxing. Football is a barbaric sport. I don’t build things to destroy them, like stuntmen trashing cars on a movie set. I simply believe everyone should have the right to live a full life without disability.”
“What if I want to play football? Can you help me do that?”
The truth? Football was the farthest thing from my mind; I just wanted to walk out of the hospital on my own two feet. But I still wanted a sense of where Thad was going with his technological promises.
“Yes. If your doctors think there is even the slightest possibility you could get back on the field again, then I can take that percent chance, as small as it might be, and make it one hundred for you. Can I keep you safe on the field? No. Can I guarantee the next time you run into a defender that your head won’t snap right off your shoulders? No.”
“Knock, knock … am I interrupting?” Dr. Feltz smiled.
“No. Come in.”
Thad nodded. “By all means, do your thing. Don’t mind us; we’ll just be mice in the corner.” He stepped back and the three geeks literally huddled together, shoulder-to-shoulder in the corner.
“How do you feel sitting up?”
“My neck is sore.”
He nodded then proceeded to go through a series of tests.
I think I did well. I had reflexes and feeling in my arms and legs.
I needed to take a piss, but wanted to use the bathroom which meant I had bladder control.
With four men in the room, it wasn’t the best time to check out my dick, but I was hopeful it, too, worked.
Every time Dr. Feltz mentioned possible scenarios for my recovery, including estimated timelines, the peanut gallery rolled their eyes and gave me a slight head shake.
Thad held up his fingers less than an inch apart to signal “less than,” which he apparently thought he could make every phase of my recovery happen in “less than” the projection Dr. Feltz gave me.
“Any questions?”
“Can I go to the bathroom?”
Dr. Feltz smiled. “I hope so. You’ll completely make my day if you do. It’s not even nine yet and my waiting room is overflowing with your people.” He held up a finger. “Let me get help.”
“I have something in my hotel room that can have you jogging, running bleachers … whatever by the end of the day.” Thad smirked.
“I’ll keep that in mind. For now I just want to test out my God-given parts to go take a piss.”
“Good morning.” Two nurses chimed as they followed Dr. Feltz back into the room. “Look who we found hanging around outside your door.”
I narrowed my eyes, not seeing anyone. Then Lake stepped into the room like she was scared to see me.
“Hey.” She relinquished a shy smile. “Thad?”
Her eyes shifted to him. The look on her face was not a look that said she expected him to be there.
“Love.” He nodded with a tight grin.
I hated him calling her that. She wasn’t his fucking “love.” I made a mental note to kick his ass for saying that in front of everyone … when I could actually make a fist and hold it for longer than two seconds.
“What are you doing here?”
“I watched the game. Got a flight here the second I saw his body being carted off the field.”
“Oh …” she eyed me for a second before returning her gaze to him. “Thanks … I guess.”
“If we can have the room for a minute we’ll remove your catheter and get you up.” The nurse looked around the room.
“We’ll be in the hallway.” Thad nodded to the door.
“Um …” Lake started her own retreat.
“It’s nothing you haven’t seen.”
Lake returned a wide-eyed look. “Um … k.” She moved toward the window, keeping her back to me.
“You might feel a little stinging. That’s normal.”
I gave her my small OK smile since nodding wasn’t an option with a neck brace. She removed it while the other nurse draped a gown over me.
“We’re going to take this slow … really slow.” The nurse instructed as she and the other nurse brought me to sitting, easing my feet off the side of the bed, and then helping my arms into the gown before tying it in back.
I felt a little light-headed and weak, so damn weak.
“Take all the time you need.” She stepped back as the doctor proceeded to do some reflex checks with me sitting. Following his fingers. Touching my finger to my nose. Snapping his fingers next to one ear and then the other. Doing different crap with my hands and feet.
“Good. You’re doing better than expected.” He nodded.
I scooted toward the edge of the bed. Both nurses jumped to my side.
“Very slow and easy.”
Lake held enough pain for both of us in her expression.
I grinned. “I’m coming for you, Jones.”
Her eyes that were trained to my feet, shot up along with a grin. “You’ve got this, Monaghan.”
I felt the ground beneath my feet, not in a stable way, but I felt it and that’s all that mattered. My head seemed to be the last on board because as I stood, both nurses holding on to me, all I wanted to do was let my eyes roll back in my head and collapse backwards.
“Focus, Monaghan. My three-legged cat’s got more balance than you.”
I loved that woman. I fucking loved her.
One step.
God, I feel like a baby taking its first step.
Another step.
Don’t pass out!
Another step.
“You’re doing great.” Dr. Feltz watched me with a reassuring smile.
I looked up at Lake. Sweat pouring down me.
She yawned, patting her hand over her mouth. “I’m growing a beard over here.”
Another step.
“I stink. My breath is even worse than the rest … of my body.”
Another step.
My heart raced in my chest.
Lake grinned and took the final step for me.
Easing her arms around my body. My arms?
They worked and I used them to hold on to her.
If I were being honest, I think that’s what my arms were made to do.
I wasn’t going to be able to throw her over my shoulder and haul her off to my cave anytime soon, but I’d get there.
“I love you,” I whispered. Holding her in my arms released an avalanche of emotions.
My eyes squeezed shut, lips trapped between my teeth, fighting them off.
The intensity of that moment rivaled my father dying—a life-altering moment.
Physically holding her to my body, after questioning if I’d ever hold her again, changed the course of my life.
Fuck football. My hands were made to hold every single piece of that woman. Period.
“Love you more.” She tipped her chin up and made my knees shake with one smile.