Chapter 29 #2
‘I was married when I met Louise,’ Jack said, to Cammy.
‘No,’ Caro snapped. ‘You don’t get to explain it to him first. Explain it to me. You at least owe me that.’
Jack sighed, the way he’d done a million times in her childhood.
This was so weird. He was the man she’d grown up calling ‘Dad’, but he was like a distant, more polished version, with a side-twist of disinterest and disdain.
‘You’re right. I do. I was married to your mum when I met Louise,’ he said, repeating himself.
‘Louise and I wanted to be together, but I loved your mum too. You were a baby, only a few months old. I didn’t want to leave her, to leave you. ’
This was actually happening. Her most outlandish speculations were coming to fruition. Her dad had another family. Holy. Fuck.
‘So I’d spend a week or two in Glasgow every month…’
‘Living with her?’ she gestured to Louise. She knew she was being obnoxious, and that was entirely out of character, but anger on behalf of her mother was controlling her side of the conversation, and, whatever way it was dressed up, Louise was the ‘other woman’.
‘Yes, living with Louise…’ he continued, ‘and then a week or two in Aberdeen, and the rest of the time visiting sites. Always on the road. Then Louise fell pregnant with Lila and suddenly I had two women, two children… So I carried on splitting my time between them. Somewhere along the line, that pattern became the normality, and living with two families did too.’
Caro turned to Louise. ‘And you were okay with this?’ she asked, unable to fathom that any woman would accept an arrangement like this.
She shook her head. ‘When I met him, he told me his relationship with your mum was over, that they’d split and he just stayed at your home in Aberdeen because he wanted to spend time with you.’
‘So he lied to you too?’
She saw Cammy’s head swivel to face Louise as they waited for an answer. ‘He did. I found out later. Your dad had a heart scare – one of many he’s had over the years – and your mum turned up at the hospital. That’s when I realised they were still married.’
‘So you met my mum?’
Louise shook her head. ‘Not really. When I realised who she was, I made some excuse that I worked for the hospital and I was in checking the room and then I got out of there. I was crushed.’
‘And yet, you forgave him?’
Louise nodded. ‘In a way, the thought of losing him proved to me how much I loved him.’
It took a moment for Caro to process Louise’s words.
That was top-level delusion and gullibility right there.
She couldn’t shirk the suspicion that he’d played on the whole ‘heart scare’ stuff to emotionally manipulate these women.
He didn’t seem to be worried about his bloody heart now and if ever there was a chest-clutching shock, tonight had to be it.
‘And in another way, I respected that he wanted to be in your life too,’ Louise went on.
‘I think that was the last thing on his mind…’ Caro snapped, unable to control herself. ‘He couldn’t have been less interested in me.’ She didn’t care if it made her sound childish and petulant. This was home truths time.
Jack tried to interject. ‘Caro, that’s not true, I…’
Caro shut him right down. ‘Don’t you dare try to rewrite history, D—’ She broke off, unable to address him as ‘Dad’. He wasn’t a father. He was nothing. ‘You know, I honestly think all we were to you was somewhere to live when you were in Aberdeen. Did you ever love Mum? Ever care?’
‘He did, Caro,’ Louise stepped back in, and Caro realised that she was trying to play the peacemaker.
She felt a stab of pain in her gut. Just like her mum had always done.
Made excuses for him. Sanded off the edges of his failings.
Minimised his disregard for his daughter.
At first glance, it didn’t seem that her mum and Louise were similar, but perhaps they had some things – as well as a husband – in common after all. So it would seem her dad had a type.
Leave. Stay. Leave. Stay. Caro was so furious that she was fighting with herself over what to do next.
She knew all she needed to know. She’d got the truth that she’d come for.
Sticking around was achieving nothing, and if she didn’t go soon she was going to do something that would necessitate a call to Todd for that bail money.
She looked at the man who had contributed his sperm.
‘Does your other daughter know?’ It didn’t seem right to call her Lila.
Too intrusive. Too familiar. Like she knew her, instead of just sharing fifty per cent of their DNA and a Facebook habit.
She couldn’t foresee a time when she’d ever refer to her as her sister.
‘No,’ Jack admitted.
‘So you’ve been lying to her too.’
‘Look, it’s not that simple. It’s…’
Caro put her hand up. ‘Do me a favour. If you knew me like most guys know their daughters, you’d know that I don’t have a temper, I’m not prone to drama and I’ve never been violent in my life.
But I swear if you say one more word, or try to make one more excuse for everything you’ve done, I won’t be responsible for my actions.
So don’t speak. Don’t breathe. Don’t even look in my direction. ’
‘Caro, for God’s sake…’
Caro kicked his chair so hard, it stunned him into silence, and attracted the attention of just about everybody at the nearby tables. They were certainly getting entertainment with their meals tonight. And bugger, her foot hurt.
Caro ignored his stunned expression and addressed Louise. ‘You said when you met, you thought he was separated, but then you found out he wasn’t.’
Louise nodded, embarrassed. ‘When he recovered, he confessed everything…’ Her gaze went to him and a look passed between them.
Love? Forgiveness? Caro wanted to throw up.
‘… I decided I had two choices. Walk away. Or accept that he chose me and live the rest of our lives together, just being happy. It took me a while, but I chose him.’
Caro wanted to shake her. How could she? What kind of person accepts that kind of betrayal?
‘So are you married?’
For the first time, Louise’s face clouded. ‘We had a ceremony on a beach in Bali when Lila was a little girl. That was good enough for us.’
So he wasn’t technically a bigamist, and therefore he couldn’t be jailed. Another wave of disappointment.
‘And you knew he was coming home to us for all those years afterwards?’
‘Caro, don’t…’ Jack tried to interject again and she shot him a death stare.
‘Don’t. Speak. Yet. Just. Don’t.’
‘I knew,’ Louise admitted. ‘But I made a choice to wait – and it took a long time, but it was worth it to me. He always promised that when he retired he’d move to Glasgow full time, and he did.’
Caro had to swallow the urge to vomit. So it wasn’t even her mum’s illness that had driven him away. He’d had it planned for years. Or maybe he just told Louise that, and he was hedging his bets the whole time. She wanted to kill him.
But first she had one question for him. ‘So Louise knew all about us. Did Mum know about your cosy little set-up down here?’ Please say yes.
Somehow it would make her feel better if Yvonne hadn’t been the only person in this messed up triangle who didn’t know what was going on, even if she’d chosen not to share it with her daughter.
‘No.’ Of course she didn’t.
‘You’re a fucking coward,’ Caro spat, making Louise jump to his defence again.
‘Caro, please, it was complicated…’
‘Did you know my mum is ill?’ she spat, then watched Louise recoil.
‘No, I didn’t.’
Caro could see she was telling the truth because for the first time, there was an edge of uncertainty on her face. That had rattled her.
‘Caro, don’t…’ Jack pleaded again.
‘I said shut up!’ she bit back, before resuming her conversation with Louise. ‘My mum has early onset dementia. She was fifty years old when it started. It led to her being knocked down by a lorry. Right now she’s in a hospital bed, where she’s lain, in a coma, for months. She’ll die soon.’
For the first time, her dad’s expression changed to something that looked like genuine concern. ‘Caro, I’m sorry…’
‘You’re not,’ she shut him down, before resuming the conversation with Louise.
‘That spineless prick that you chose walked away from her when she first got sick and never looked back. Changed his number. Broke off all contact. I’m sorry.
You seem like a nice person, but he didn’t choose you.
You were just the better option because my mum couldn’t do anything for him anymore.
The minute she got sick, he came to you.
That should tell you everything you need to know. ’
Louise reeled like she’d been slapped, and it took her a moment to recover before she looked at him searchingly. ‘Jack?’
A buzzing in her clutch distracted Caro and acted almost like an alarm, calling time on this whole scene. She’d heard enough. There was nothing to gain by prolonging the confrontation. She knew the truth, and while it hadn’t exactly set her free, she could at least close the lid on the box.
‘You know, Jack,’ she said, as she stood up. He’d never been a dad to her and he certainly didn’t deserve the title any more. ‘I’m going to leave you to explain it all.’ She turned back to Louise. ‘Why though? Why did you let him treat you like that? Why did you share him?’
Louise hesitated, then said sadly. ‘Because I love him. And when it came to a choice of having him some of the time or none of the time, I chose to take what happiness I could get.’
Caro felt the air leave her lungs as the urge to fight left her. What was the point?
‘I can see you’re as much of a victim in this as my mum, but now that you know the truth, I can promise you that any excuse he makes for himself is a lie, because what he did was indefensible.
If you choose to believe him, you’re a fool.
And you,’ she stared down the man she used to call her father, ‘you are a duplicitous prick, who was never worthy of my mum. Or me. I hope you rot in hell.’
With that, Caro stood up, and pointed her new boots and rapidly bruising toes in the direction of the door.
It was only when the cold air hit her, did she realise her eyes were stinging.
She blinked back the tears. She would not cry one tear over that man.
Instead, she leaned back against the wall, closed her eyes, waiting for her cardiovascular system to kick in and allow her to breathe again.
The buzzing started in her bag again and she ignored it.
It would be Todd, hysterical and demanding an update.
She couldn’t trust herself to speak right now.
‘The shop. You were in my shop today.’
Caro opened her eyes to see Cammy standing in front of her.
She’d barely registered that he’d just sat through all of that, on top of his own nightmare night.
Poor guy. Now, he wasn’t angry, or accusing, he just seemed…
concerned. Maybe curious. She cleared her throat, hoping the blockage would shift enough for her to speak.
‘I was. I’m sorry about that. I was trying to meet Lila, to… actually I don’t even know what I was trying to do. I suspected she was my sister and I thought if I saw her I’d know.’
‘I think you would have known straight away,’ he said. ‘There’s a definite resemblance.’
Caro laughed, and she hoped it didn’t come out as bitter. ‘Thank you, but I think I can safely say that I look nothing like Lila at all.’
Cammy was shaking his head as he looked at her, eyes full of sadness. ‘When she doesn’t have any make-up on, first thing in the morning, and her hair is tussled and wavy… I promise, there’s a resemblance. I didn’t spot it on the shop’s camera footage, but I see it now.’
The buzzing started again and this time, Caro decided to answer it quickly, then get him off the phone.
‘Todd, I…’
‘Caro, it’s Charge Nurse Sandra, on your mum’s ward.’
Caro had heard the expression about blood running cold, but she’d never actually experienced it until that moment.
‘I’m so sorry, but your mum’s taken a turn for the worse. I think you should come in.’
No. No. No. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not tonight. She looked at her watch and saw that it was 10.30 p.m. The last train was gone.
‘But I’m in Glasgow. I’m going to have to wait for the first train. Will she make it through the night? Will she…’
‘Caro, I don’t know that she will. I’m so sorry.’
‘Nooooooooo.’ Caro’s cry was guttural, seeped in pain. ‘I’ll get there as soon as I can. Somehow. I’ll… I’ll… I’ll get a taxi. I’ll be there. Please keep her alive just a few hours longer. Please,’ she begged.
She hung up and immediately scanned the street.
‘Are you OK?’
Fuck, she’d forgotten he was even there. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t talk now. My mum… That was the hospital.’ To her absolute mortification she felt tears start to flow down her face. ‘I need to get back to Aberdeen right now.’
‘I’ll take you,’ he said, instantly, making her stop and search his face for clues as to whether he was as crazy as that offer would suggest. ‘I heard what you said. I’m cheaper than a taxi. I’ll take you,’ he repeated.
Caro tried to stem the tears with the palms of her hands. ‘Are you sure? What about Lila? Don’t you want to go find her?’
‘No,’ he said quite simply. ‘I think I just got dumped, so it’s fairly safe to say I don’t have plans.’ His expression suddenly changed. ‘Fuck, I don’t have a car either. Hang on.’
He dashed back inside the restaurant, then was back in seconds, brandishing a set of car keys. He pressed a button and the orange lights on a swanky big Range Rover across the street flashed on and off.
‘Whose car is that?’
‘Jack’s.’ Cammy hesitated. ‘Is that going to be a problem?’
In her panic-stricken state, she started to ponder the question and then immediately came to a profound conclusion. Fuck it. Right now, she cared way too much about making it to the hospital to worry about how she got there.
‘Nope, no problem. Thank you so much,’ she said, as the two of them started running, Caro with a slight limp, across the road.
This was insane. Nuts. She’d come down here to find her sister and less than twenty four hours later that sister’s jilted boyfriend was driving her home in her father’s car.
As she jumped into the passenger seat, she sent a silent wish out into the messed up universe. Hang on, Mum, please… just hang on until I get there.