Chapter 30
Cammy
Ten-forty. It had taken less than ten minutes for them to get out of the city centre and on to the motorway. Cammy mapped the journey out in his head. Stirling. Perth. Dundee. Aberdeen. If they were lucky and didn’t hit any hold-ups, they should make it in a little over three hours.
Lucky.
Again, not an adjective that applied to him or the lady sitting next to him right now. The only consolation was that it seemed pathetic to mope about Lila when this woman, Caro, was dealing with so much more, and doing it with dignity and amazing strength.
His phone buzzed, but he ignored it.
‘I hope you don’t mind, but I just need to make a quick call,’ she said, her voice tight, panicked, as she plugged her phone into the iPhone charging cradle on the dashboard.
‘Sorry, battery is almost dead,’ she explained as she dialled, putting the phone on speaker because the cable was too short for it to reach her ear.
Cammy heard a male voice answer before the first ring was even out. ‘WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?’ he said, making Cammy flinch. Jesus, he sounded wound up and decidedly unhappy.
However, his reaction didn’t seem to faze Caro, who spoke quickly and calmly. ‘Todd, forget all that. The hospital called. Mum isn’t great and they want me to come in.’
‘Oh, God. Right. I’ll come get you, it’ll be quicker than waiting for the first train. I’ll leave right now.’
‘No, it’s okay. I’m already on the way home.’
‘How?’
‘Lila’s… er…’ She glanced at Cammy and he sussed immediately that she didn’t know how to refer to him.
‘Ex,’ he said, filling in the blank.
‘Lila’s ex is giving me a lift. In my dad’s car.’
‘Holy shit, how much did I miss?’ the guy gasped, then immediately caught himself. ‘Sorry! None of that matters a toss. Oh honey, I’m so sorry.’
‘Me too,’ she replied and Cammy heard the words catch on her grief as she said them.
Her boyfriend (or was it husband?) sounded like he really cared, so at least she had someone at the other end to support her.
He’d have done the same for Lila. It was both strange and sad that he was already thinking of her in the past tense.
His phone buzzed again. It went unanswered.
‘I’ll go straight there now and be with her. How long do you think you’ll be?’
Caro looked at her watch. ‘About three hours. But Todd, call me if… you know.’
‘I will, m’darling. I love you.’
‘Thanks, Todd. I love you too.’
She disconnected her phone and put her head back against the headrest, eyes squeezed shut as if she was trying really hard not to cry. After a moment or two, she opened them, more composed now.
Cammy felt such a rush of sympathy, it took him by surprise.
Taking on other people’s problems and woes wasn’t his thing.
Until now. Perhaps it was a diversion from his own debacle.
Maybe it was just an instinctive human reaction.
Or maybe it was just the fact that he was in awe that she was dealing with all this on her own, yet she was still holding it together.
Whatever the reason, he felt an urge in his gut to help.
‘Listen, I’m a bit useless at dealing with emotional stuff…’
‘Me too,’ she blurted, attempting to smile, despite the red-rimmed eyes and the exhausted pallor.
‘I’m really sorry about your mum, though. And your dad. Jesus, that was a shocker – although, in hindsight, so much makes sense now.’
‘In what way?’ she asked.
‘Och, just all stupid stuff. None of it matters. If you want to put your seat back and get some sleep, or just close your eyes and ignore me until we get to Aberdeen, I promise I won’t be offended.’
She shook her head. ‘I couldn’t sleep, and if I just sit here, the time will drag by, so to be honest, I’d rather talk stupid stuff with you,’ she said, before tagging on, ‘No offence! Sorry, I’ve just realised how that sounded.’
‘You’re fine,’ he laughed. ‘I’m actually well known for my skill in talking absolute bollocks, so you’re in good hands.’
That made her smile again. There was a natural lull in the conversation. ‘Do you mind if I just give the hotel a call?’ She asked.
‘Of course not.’
She pressed redial on a number on her phone’s call list. ‘Good evening, this is the Hilton, Glasgow, how can I help you?’
Caro explained that she had a room, but wouldn’t make it back tonight because she’d been called home on a family emergency.
She asked them to collect her things and store them for her, then told them to charge the credit card they had on file.
Only after the call was finished did she resume the conversation.
‘So…’ she began, ‘what did you mean about things making sense?’
He thought about it for a moment. ‘I guess there was just always something off about his relationship with Lila.’
That seemed to surprise her. ‘But on her social media pages she was always going on about how wonderful he was and how much she loved him. I thought they were really close.’
Cammy kept his eyes on the road as he answered.
‘There was a lot of stuff on Lila’s Facebook that wasn’t quite what it seemed.
Sometimes I wondered if I was living with someone completely different.
The stuff that went up there was the airbrushed version of her life, where everything was wonderful.
Don’t get me wrong – most of the time it was.
But it didn’t tell the whole truth. I always figured she needed to do it to fill a hole somewhere.
Weird that I’m only realising that now.… ’
‘Thought you were no good at the emotional stuff?’ she said. ‘That seems pretty perceptive to me.’
‘Maybe I have hidden depths,’ he joked. ‘Or maybe, my pal Val, who is a kind of surrogate aunt, and one of the smartest people I know, told me that once and it stuck with me.’
‘Sounds pretty smart to me,’ Caro agreed.
‘Yep. For what it’s worth, Val and my other surrogate aunt, Josie, also told me not to propose to Lila because apparently she’s completely wrong for me. I guess I should have listened. My bad.’
‘Are you dreading telling them?’
‘Nope. I’m focussing on the fact that after the first hundred or so “I told you so’s”, it’ll make them so happy. Every cloud…’
His phone buzzed for the tenth time since they had got in the car.
‘Is that who keeps texting you?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ he smiled. ‘They’ll be going out of their minds with nosiness. Josie threatened to storm the restaurant and smuggle me out earlier.’
‘Look at all the fun you’d have missed,’ Caro said, with sadness more than sarcasm.
Cammy nodded, before going back and picking up the other strand of the conversation.
‘But anyway, her dad…’ He thought about the best way to put it.
‘I thought she always seemed like she was trying to get his attention. His approval, even. He never gave it. I’ve only known them for six months, and they don’t seem close at all.
In fact, I think there’s a bit of her that resents the fact that he’s hijacked her mum.
Lila never actually said as much, but she did go on about how she and her mum spent all their time together before he moved back full time and now her mum is pretty much with her dad twenty-four seven. I think it bugged her.’
‘I can see how that would be the case. It’s weird, I’ve got such mixed feelings about her. I hope that’s okay to say, given, you know… you were her boyfriend until half an hour ago.’
‘It’s fine. Really,’ Cammy replied, surprised to realise that he meant it.
A few hours ago, he was contemplating spending his life with her, yet now he knew with absolute certainty that it was over.
And he was… fine. It was beyond surreal.
Maybe he was in shock and would experience some kind of delayed reaction later, but he very much doubted it.
Right now it felt like this was the first time he’d been thinking clearly in months.
Caro went on, ‘I think in a lot of ways I was jealous. It seemed like she had everything… the carefree life, the loving parents, the brilliant job, the glamorous existence, the boyfriend…’
‘Did you say incredibly handsome and smart boyfriend?’ he asked, hoping it was okay to joke with her when she was right in the middle of such a terrible time.
‘I did indeed,’ she agreed. ‘And humble. Very humble.’
‘You’re so right. Carry on.’
‘Part of me, the part that was convinced she was my sister, was really envious that she seemed to skip through life having a blast, while I was dealing with my mum and all the crap caused by my dad leaving. It sounds pathetic now, but it just didn’t seem fair.’
‘No one’s life is that perfect,’ Cammy said, flicking on cruise control and letting the car take over now that the traffic had almost disappeared and it was pretty much a straight road past Stirling and on to Perth.
‘I think she just became really good at putting on an act. Certainly fooled me. I thought we were really happy and she wanted the same things I want. Eh, wanted,’ he corrected himself.
She picked up on it. ‘Maybe you shouldn’t give up. Maybe she just got a shock, and bolted because she felt like she was put on the spot.’
‘Trust me, Lila isn’t the type of person to bolt when she’s centre stage.
She’s more likely to take a bow and demand a standing ovation.
If she loved me at all, she’d have said yes, and lapped up the congratulations and good wishes.
The whole thing would have been on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat by now and she’d be fielding calls from shops offering her discounts on wedding dresses. ’
Despite the harsh words, he hoped he didn’t sound bitter, because he genuinely didn’t feel it.
It was beyond strange. There was no anger, no disbelief, no regret…
just an overwhelming feeling that it wasn’t right.
Wouldn’t have worked. Why the hell hadn’t he had this feeling this morning and then he’d have had time to call the whole thing off?