Chapter 42
NASH
Icy wind burns the tip of my nose as I walk to the gondola to take me up the mountain. I tuck my nose under my ski mask to escape the intense weather. Usually, a helmet and goggles are enough, but not in Switzerland. You need all the things to stay warm here, especially once the sun sets.
Lindy thought I was crazy when I told her I was redoing the trip Sadie and I were supposed to go on last year. I tried to explain that I had one year to use my reservations before they’d expire. She said I was rich enough to take the loss and that I should just spend Christmas with her.
I understand Lindy’s worry. Traveling alone through Switzerland on a romantic trip isn’t the dream. But this is my life now. Every trip from now on will be like this. I might as well get used to it.
I quickly arrange my skis and poles in the pockets on the door and then sit inside the small gondola, avoiding hitting the knees of the person on the bench opposite me. She has a helmet, goggles, and a ski mask on too, but her light-pink and gray ski clothes make it obvious she’s a woman.
The gondola operator pops his head inside, walking with us as we slowly round the cable.
He says something to the woman in Swiss German.
“I’m sorry. I only speak English.” Her words are muffled under her mask, but the operator understands enough.
“You riding again?” he asks in a thick accent.
“Yeah, if that’s okay.”
He nods and steps back from the doors, letting them close. The cart sways forward as a big push of momentum carries us up the mountain.
“You’re American?” I say to the woman.
“Yes. And you?”
I nod. “Is this your first time in St. Moritz?”
“It’s my first time in any part of Switzerland. What about you?”
“Yeah, first time in Switzerland. The skiing is great, don’t you think?”
“Uh, I haven’t been down a slope yet. I’ve just been enjoying the view of the mountains from the gondola.”
My brows drop in confusion, but she can’t see it through my gear. “Do you need some help?”
“No, I’m thinking about skiing…working myself up to it.”
“But you know how, right?”
“Yes. I think so.” Her gloved hand lifts, running over her helmet like a nervous reaction. The gesture reminds me so much of Sadie it scares me, as if her ghost will always haunt me.
“How many days are you here?” I ask, distracting myself from the unlikely similarities.
“I started in Lucerne and did some Christmas highlights there.”
“What was your favorite?”
“Probably the Diorama Bethlehem where you see the nativity with over four-hundred and fifty wood-carved figures.”
“I saw it.” I smile, my stubble getting caught on the fabric of my ski mask.
“So you know how incredible it was.”
“Yeah. I did Lucerne and Lugano for about a week and then took the train to St. Moritz.”
“Same. I have one more day here, and then I’ll go to Zermatt.”
“Same.”
Her shoulders lift and even that small gesture has a familiar quality to it. “I guess we’re doing the same trip.”
“I guess so.”
“It’s a popular itinerary at Christmastime,” she says.
“For sure.”
I stare at her. She’s the right size. Her ski clothes are different, but that’s to be expected since the ones I remember were cut off after the accident. The voice, although muffled under a mask, sounds close.
What if…
My heart lifts with hope, picking up speed inside my chest. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt it beat like this. The last time was six months ago when Sadie texted me out of the blue to say thank you for believing in her. That one innocent text sent me into a tailspin for weeks. I can’t do that again.
I shake my head, reasoning with myself.
It’s not possible. I’m delusional and lonely and trying to make something out of nothing.
The gondola skitters over the cable as it approaches the top of the hill.
“Are you going to get out?”
She shakes her head. “Not this time.”
The doors open, and I stand to leave.
“I hope you have a great trip and a merry Christmas.”
“Thanks. You too.” I wave goodbye to the stranger.
Stranger is the keyword here.
She’s not Sadie, no matter how much my heart and my mind want her to be.