CHAPTER 35
“He’s mad… he’s completely mad,” Kashish muttered angrily as she stormed out of Rudra’s room, his words echoing in her mind, leaving a deep, unsettling impact on her heart.
“Even if Ruchi proves to be the best wife in the world, I don’t need her, Kashish. And you know why.”
“Whatever I will ever need someday will be from YOU. Don’t generalize it.”
Kashish stopped abruptly, shutting her eyes tight. Did he even realize what he was doing? He was practically blackmailing her emotionally. If he thought confessing his feelings for her in front of Ruchi would push her out of his life, he was wrong. She didn’t care who knew about his so-called love for her, because it didn’t matter to her. It would never matter to her.
Just then, Ruchi blocked her path, glaring at Kashish with an accusatory look.
“What’s going on, Kashish?” Ruchi demanded, her frustration clear. “You said I had a call, but there was nothing! What are you playing at? One minute you’re trying to help me get close to Rudra, and the next, you’re ruining everything!”
Kashish pressed her forehead, trying to compose a response.
“I didn’t mean to disrupt anything, Ruchi. Believe me, I wasn’t trying to sabotage your efforts. I thought it would help you.”
“Oh really?” Ruchi scoffed, folding her arms. “I don’t believe you. You’re doing all this to show the family that you’re being loyal, that you want to repay their kindness. But deep down, you’re selfish. You still hold a grudge against Rudra, and you can’t bear to see anything good happen in his life. You don’t want him to settle down.”
Ruchi’s words struck a nerve, igniting a fire of anger within Kashish. This girl had no idea how hard she had been working to help Rudra overcome his demons. But why did it matter what anyone thought? She didn’t need validation for her actions.
“What’s the matter? No comeback? Or should I take your silence as admission that I’m right?” Ruchi sneered.
Kashish sighed deeply. People were quick to judge, but they seldom saw the truth beneath the surface.
“I don’t care what you think, Ruchi. I know why I’m doing this, and that’s all that matters.” With that, she brushed past Ruchi and headed for her room, leaving the bewildered woman standing alone.
As soon as she entered her room, Kashish called Jay to check Rudra’s schedule for the next day. Though Jay asked why she needed to know, she dodged his questions. Rudra had a two-hour break in the afternoon, and she intended to use that time to drag him to his appointment with Dr. Akash. This was no longer a suggestion—it was a necessity. Rudra had to confront his past and get the help he desperately needed.
*****************
The next morning, Rudra finished a call with Jay, who had informed him of Kashish’s inquiry into his schedule. Rudra was no fool—he knew exactly what she was planning. He had no intention of being dragged to therapy. As he mulled over how to confront her, an envelope slid under his door. Curious, he picked it up and read the contents. It was a handwritten note, detailing his appointment with Dr. Akash. Rudra crumpled it in his hand, ready to toss it in the trash.
But before he could throw it away, the door opened, and Kashish walked in.
“Crushing that note won’t cancel the appointment,” she remarked.
Rudra tossed the crumpled paper into the bin anyway.
“You’re wasting your time. I’ve told you before—you should use it for something more productive.”
“I know exactly how I want to spend my time,” she shot back. “And I’m not letting you skip this appointment. You’re going.”
“For whom?” he snarled, stepping closer. “You want me ‘fixed’ so you can pair me up with Ruchi, right?”
Kashish froze. She hadn’t expected him to twist it like this.
“I don’t want to get treated if this is all for Ruchi,” he repeated, his smirk mocking. “So, tell me, Kashish—who are you really doing this for?”
His question caught her off guard. Rudra always had a way of trapping her in these impossible conversations, leaving her fumbling for answers. By the time she gathered her thoughts, he had already closed the distance between them, his eyes piercing into hers.
“I live or die with my fears—it shouldn’t matter to you,” he said, his voice low but biting.
Kashish swallowed hard. Why did he always have to push things to the extreme? Gathering her strength, she finally responded.
“You matter to your family, and they matter to me. That’s why I’m doing this. Don’t make me regret helping you. Just this once—please, show up.”
“I won’t,” he declared coldly.
“I’ll wait for you,” she challenged.
“That wait will never end,” he warned, his tone hardening.
Kashish smiled, undeterred.
“I don’t think so. You’ll come, Rudra. You’ll come, and you’ll prove me right.”
Her confidence seemed to catch him off guard. Without another word, Kashish turned and left the room, leaving him stunned and unsettled by her certainty.
*****************
The Clinic
“Ma’am, it’s your turn now. Please take the left for the doctor’s cabin,” the receptionist guided Kashish.
With a heavy sigh, Kashish stood up, casting one last glance at the entrance of the clinic. Rudra was nowhere to be seen. Disappointment washed over her. He’d let her down again, just as she had feared. She had booked the appointment for him, hoping he’d finally confront his phobia, but he hadn’t shown up. She should have known better. But she wasn’t going to leave without seeing Dr. Akash. If Rudra refused to face this, maybe the doctor could offer her some guidance. She walked through the lobby and took a left turn. As she reached for the door knob, someone else’s hand covered hers. Her heart skipped a beat.
She looked up, and a wave of both relief and disbelief washed over her. He was here. Rudra had come. Though disoriented and restless, he stood beside her, gripping her hand as if reluctant to be here, like a child afraid of a doctor’s visit.
“I’m glad you made it,” she whispered softly.
Rudra rolled his eyes, turned the knob, and walked in, leading them both inside.
“Please come in,” Dr. Akash Dixit welcomed them with a warm smile. His jovial energy was evident, a calm aura that seemed fitting for his profession. Rudra, however, remained stiff. He pulled out a chair for Kashish before sitting down next to her, though his body language screamed reluctance.
Dr. Akash skimmed through the patient form Kashish had filled out, then addressed them both.
“Based on the symptoms and brief history mentioned here, it seems you’re dealing with haphephobia. It’s a rare but treatable condition.”
Rudra immediately shot a look at Kashish.
“What symptoms?” he demanded.
“Just a few that I noticed living with you. I know they’re not all, so you can add anything else you think is important,” Kashish explained calmly.
“She’s right,” Dr. Akash chimed in. “Sometimes, family members notice things that the individual might not. But I’ll need a more comprehensive history from you to tailor the right therapy.”
Rudra’s face hardened. The idea of revisiting the past, the root of his phobia, visibly disturbed him.
“I don’t need to share anything. You already know the problem—just treat it,” he snapped, anger flickering in his eyes.
Kashish sighed, feeling his frustration. She knew how hard it was for him to open up, but this was necessary.
“Rudra,” Dr. Akash began in a gentle tone, “it’s crucial for me to understand where this all started so I can figure out the best approach for your treatment. I need your cooperation to help you through this. Give me something to work with.”
Rudra’s jaw tightened, and Kashish could see the struggle in his eyes. She decided it was time for her to leave the room.
“I’ll wait outside until you’re finished,” she said, rising from her seat, wanting to give him the privacy he needed to open up.
Dr. Akash nodded. “That’s a good idea. Patients often feel more comfortable sharing sensitive details without others present. I’ll call you back once we’re done.”
But before she could step away, Rudra’s hand shot out, gripping her wrist with a firm, almost possessive hold. His gaze locked on hers with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine.
“Stay,” he commanded, leaving no room for argument.
Kashish glanced at Dr. Akash, who tried to reason with him.
“Rudra, it’s fine if you prefer to speak alone. You’ll probably feel better if you don’t have an audience.”
“There’s nothing I want to hide from her ,” Rudra declared.
Kashish felt a surge of embarrassment. Why did he always do this—make her feel like she was indispensable to him in front of others? She sat back down, awkwardly settling into her chair, and placed her purse aside. Dr. Akash smiled gently at her before turning back to Rudra.
“All right, Rudra,” Dr. Akash began, his tone professional. “Let’s start from the beginning. Take your time, and speak at your own pace. We won’t interrupt, and if at any point you feel uncomfortable, we can stop. There’s no pressure.”
Rudra let go of Kashish’s hand, placing it on the table, and his expression darkened as he braced himself to dig into the painful memories. His face turned red as tension built in his body.
“I was 17, in juvenile detention home,” he began, swallowing hard. Kashish could sense the immense effort it took for him to say those words.
Her stomach tightened in response.
“It was a weekend. Most of the boys were playing basketball—they set up games for us sometimes, for recreation. I didn’t join them. I never did. I was by myself, gardening.” His voice was strained as if every word was pulled from some dark, buried place within him. Kashish’s heart pounded as he spoke. She didn’t want to hear this. Not like this. Not when it hurt him so much to relive it.
“A woman approached me—she was older, maybe double my age. I didn’t know her personally, but she was part of the group that came on weekends to organize activities for us.”
Kashish clenched her fists, her skin growing clammy. She felt a wave of nausea wash over her as Rudra’s voice wavered.
“She started talking to me, praising me. I sensed something off about her—there was something in the way she looked at me, something that made me uneasy. I tried to walk away, but…” His voice trailed off, his body stiffening, his knuckles white against the table as he struggled to continue.
Kashish couldn’t bear it. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable and raw, stirred a deep, agonizing emotion inside her. She had known of his pain, but hearing the details—seeing the toll it took on him—was something entirely different.
Rudra’s face turned red with the strain of holding back the flood of emotions, his skin breaking out in goosebumps as he wiped his arm, trying to erase the memories. He was fighting against himself, against the trauma that had plagued him for years.
“She stopped me and...” Rudra closed his eyes, the memory clearly painful. Kashish wanted to touch his arm, to comfort him, but Akash shook his head no. Her eyes filled with tears - she’d felt this same sadness for Rudra before, that night he’d hurt himself with the knife.
“She started touching me,” Rudra said, his voice shaking. It was hard for him to even say the words. “She tried to assault me...” Suddenly his eyes flew open, like he couldn’t breathe. This time Kashish did touch his shoulder, trying to help. Akash leaned back in his chair, sighing. Kashish made Rudra drink some water, even though he didn’t want to. After one sip, he looked away, like he felt dirty and unwanted.
“This kind of traumas often leads to such phobias,” Akash said gently. “How did you get away?”
Kashish jumped in, worried. “Maybe we should give him a break, Doctor? He’s shaking.”
Rudra looked at Kashish, surprised by her concern. It felt nice.
“We can stop if Rudra wants,” Akash said. “But the more we talk now, the easier next time will be.”
Before Kashish could argue, Rudra started talking again.
“I hit her face. Used all my strength to run away,” he said quietly.
“You did the right thing. What happened next?” Akash asked.
“I ran into the head of the detention centre. He figured out what happened.”
“Did they punish that woman?”
Rudra’s jaw tightened. “I was too scared to say anything for days. When I finally wanted to, I found out she’d been caught doing the same thing to someone else. She tried to run and got shot. She died.”
Kashish bit her lips holding her cries. While she’d been living with the Rahejas, getting used to her new life, Rudra had been going through all this horrible stuff. She’d had no idea.
“I see... So why didn’t you tell any of this to your family?” Akash asked, his voice probing yet gentle.
Rudra rubbed his forehead, his fingers pressing against the tension that had built up.
“I didn’t want Daadi to feel more powerless. She was already going through a lot back then.”
Akash nodded thoughtfully. “I understand. But the lack of proper counseling and family support during that time only worsened the trauma. It allowed your fear to take root and grow stronger. If you had received help earlier, I’m certain this phobia wouldn’t have such a hold on you now. But that’s in the past, and we’ll work through it. For now, I have just a few more questions, not about your past but your present. Are you currently in a relationship, Rudra?”
Kashish felt the shift in his energy, sensing the turmoil that question stirred within him.
“No. I’m not,” he answered slowly.
“And why is that?” Akash pressed gently. “Is it because you fear that a woman you get close to might demand more from you than you can give?”
Rudra let out a soft, bitter chuckle.
“No. It’s not that. I want to give her the world, Dr. Akash... It’s just that she doesn’t want me .”
Kashish stiffened, unease spreading through her body. Why was he dragging this into the conversation now? Did he have to make everything so personal? Was this even relevant to the therapy? Akash chuckled lightly, sensing the tension but choosing to steer the conversation forward.
“Well, I’m glad to hear that you’re not entirely closed off to the idea of a relationship despite the trauma. That’s a good sign. We’ll start with a tailored therapy plan in our next session. Don’t miss it. One last thing—do you still experience flashes of that incident during your sleep?”
Rudra nodded slightly. “Sometimes.”
“All right. I’ll have my assistant schedule the next session. In the meantime, I’ll prescribe some medication for when the nightmares become too overwhelming. Use them only when necessary, not regularly. Okay?”
Rudra nodded in agreement, while Kashish began to relax slightly, relieved that the session seemed to have gone well. Hopefully, from next time, Rudra would manage these visits on his own. She wouldn’t have to keep escorting him. With the prescription in hand, they both exited the clinic, walking in silence until they reached the parking lot.
It was Kashish who broke the silence.
“I need to go to Uttam Nagar. I have some work there.”
Rudra stopped in his tracks, his gaze sharpening.
“What kind of work?”
Kashish frowned at his sudden interest.
“You don’t need to know everything.”
Rudra glared at her, frustration simmering just beneath the surface. She could go to such lengths to help him, but wouldn’t allow him a glimpse into her own life? Why was she so guarded? As if he didn’t already know the reason...
“Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll have Mohan drop you off. Come.”
Without waiting for her response, Rudra led the way to the car, and they rode in silence until they reached Uttam Nagar. As the car came to a halt, Kashish stepped out a little away from her old home. It had been years since she’d set foot here, not since her father’s death. Now, with the key her father had left for her in Veeru Kaaka’s care, she had no choice but to confront the past. She couldn’t delay this any longer. The truth had waited long enough.
As she walked away from the car, Rudra followed suit, stepping out as well.
“I’ll wait for you here,” he said firmly.
Kashish spun around to face him. “No. I’ll be a while.”
“I don’t mind waiting.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t want you to wait. I’ll be fine.”
Rudra reluctantly agreed.
“Come back soon,” he warned. “Or I’ll come looking for you.”
Kashish brushed off his worry. She didn’t need his overbearing concern. With a last look, Rudra climbed back into the car, and Mohan drove off toward Raheja Mansion. Kashish turned her back to the road and began her walk toward the Bedi house, her heart thudding in anticipation of what she might uncover.