Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Carson
I turn away from Kelsie and make my way to the staircase, breaking the heat between us like a wave crashing over my head.
My heart races as I realize the gravity of the situation.
What are we doing? How long does she plan on staying in Lawson Ridge?
Is it really smart to open my heart back up to someone who is going to be leaving as soon as her insurance check comes in?
I have to think with my head, not my heart or dick.
As much as I want Kelsie, I have a son to think about.
I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.
I can feel her eyes on my back, searching for any sign of hesitation or doubt.
And I'll be honest, there is a part of me that wants to say screw it and give in to this intense attraction. But I can't risk getting hurt again, and I definitely can't risk my son's well-being.
Thankfully, she isn’t coming up behind me or I might not be able to control myself.
How am I supposed to sleep tonight knowing she is right there in the next room?
Will she be dreaming of me tonight?
The last couple of nights have been rough.
Every time I close my eyes, I see her.
I see our life play out where she never left town to go to college, where we got married and had Collin.
We lived on this ranch together…
but that’s not possible.
The last two decades can’t just disappear.
I trek up the staircase and shut my door behind me.
A few minutes later, I hear her door close too.
I lean against the door, my forehead pressed to the cool wood, willing my racing heart to slow.
The scent of her lingers on my skin I close my eyes, and immediately regret it as visions of her flood my mind - the way her chestnut hair fell across her face, how her green eyes sparkled with mischief and desire.
Fuck! What the hell was I thinking?
Having her here is a bad idea.
Wires are already getting crossed.
With a groan, I push away from the door and start to undress.
The fabric of my shirt feels rough against my heated skin as I pull it over my head.
I can still feel the phantom touch of her fingers.
My jeans follow, and I’m left standing in my boxers with a semi.
But take those off too.
As I step into the shower, letting the cold water cascade over me, I try to focus on anything but Kelsie.
But it's futile. The patter of water on tile becomes the rhythm of her laughter. The steam rising around me transforms into the warmth of her breath on my neck.
I twist the faucet, shutting off the water with more force than necessary. Droplets cling to my skin as I step out, wrapping a towel around my waist. In the mirror, my reflection stares back at me - eyes dark with want, jaw clenched with resolve.
The house creaks and settles around me as I crawl into bed. Through the thin walls, I can hear the soft rustle of sheets from Kelsie's room.
Is she tossing and turning too, plagued by the same desires?
Or is she sleeping peacefully, unaware of the turmoil she's stirred in me?
I roll onto my back, staring at the ceiling. Even in the darkness, I can't escape her.
There is so much history between us.
Not all of it good, but most of it.
Despite her brother being very protective of her, he never caught onto us.
We “dated” for the last two years of high school.
We first kissed when we were twelve, but at that time, we were just friends.
But as we got older, things started to progress.
Sophomore year is when everything changed.
Or well it did for me.
Her brother was spending more time playing sports, but I was always over at their house anyway.
It was like my second home.
It was the night of the homecoming dance, and I didn’t ask anyone, so I went over to their house to see if her brother wanted to watch a movie and when I watched her walk down the stairs in a beautiful red floor length dress, her hair in curls, it nearly took my breathe away.
It was, right then, I realized that my feelings had always been more than just friendly.
It took me three months after that night to finally get the courage to ask her if she wanted to go to movies with me, but we couldn’t tell her brother.
That one movie turned into two years of breathtaking moments with her.
But then, college graduation loomed and she had always dreamed of going to Alabama state.
Selfishly, I prayed she didn’t get in, just so she could stay close to me, but when she received the letter and I saw the tears in her eyes, I knew I couldn’t hold her back.
When she drove away to college, she watched me in the rearview and I tried to be so supportive, but I was gutted.
I was in love with her.
Hell, if I thought she would’ve said yes, I would have asked her to marry her, but we had our whole lives ahead of us.
First days goes by, then months…
and I realize that she was excelling.
And the only thing I had going for me at the time was the ranch.
So, I jumped head first into learning anything and everything my dad would teach me to keep me occupied.
And then I met Sarah and at first, I didn’t want to replace Kelsie.
I didn’t keep my love for Kelsie a secret from her.
She knew how I felt, and how messed up I was, and she still loved me anyway.
We ended up falling in love - with little of my heart I had left - and got married.
Then Collin came. But after that - everything changed.
She was no longer happy.
She wanted all of my heart, and I couldn’t give it.
How could I? It had been holding for Kelsie all along.
Drudging up the past fucks with my head and I try not to think about it too much, but having her here, in the next room, it’s bringing up all kinds of feelings and memories that I can’t brush off.
As sleep finally begins to claim me, one last thought flits through my mind: How long can I resist the pull between us before something breaks?