Chapter 33
Sawyer
It’s taking a lot of self-control not to crack a joke or point out how fucking awkward this feels as we sit around the living area on Christmas Day a bit too quietly, Noah silent and surrounded by presents and shredded wrapping paper—some of which Trixie is entertaining herself with by the fire.
Gray stopped over in Denver yesterday, with the plans to drive to ours to stay for a couple of days.
The one thing he forgot to mention—that he was bringing his new girlfriend, Avery.
The excitement Noah had rushing over to his dad lasted all but five seconds when Avery, a stranger to him, walked through the door.
As did Gray’s when he eyed me up, waiting behind Honey.
Little did he know, looks like that only bolster me.
I made a promise to myself that I’d be nice to Gray. He might have stolen the opportunity from me to be the first and only father of Honey’s children, and he might have taken that privilege for granted, leaving them shortly afterwards, but most of what Honey’s told me about him is reasonably good.
Still, the moment I saw Noah’s confidence drain away, his eyes instantly darting to the floor at the sight of Avery, an unexpected protectiveness spiked through me and made it a lot harder not to go and shake Gray for being such an idiot.
Especially since we started the day so well—albeit at five-goddamn-thirty in the morning with Noah launching himself onto my bed, not giving one thought to my still healing leg.
Or the fact that Honey was also there, having passed out with me after several more orgasms and finally curating an elaborate scene in the living room that suggested Santa had been last night.
She was planning to sneak back up to hers at six o’clock, just before Noah usually wakes up.
But thank the lord for Christmas, because Noah was too interested in getting us up to go see what presents Santa left him to even care. It’s as if the idea of Honey and I sharing the bed is normal for him, and I sure hope one day it is.
We were supposed to wait until Gray got here before opening any of Noah’s presents, but the kid pulled out the big guns—also known as his puppy dog eyes and toothy grin—and I caved immediately, letting him open the pile of gifts from me.
The ones I secretly hid in the cupboard until this morning because Honey told me not to spoil him …
Still, the way Noah bounced with glee, eyes brighter than I’ve ever seen them as he unwrapped the riding vest covered in sponsor logos I got custom-made for him made it worth it.
But here we are now, all struggling to make small talk on the couch as Noah finishes opening presents. I’m incredibly jealous of May who gets to busy herself in the kitchen and avoid this awkwardness.
‘Noah,’ Gray calls out, nudging Avery beside him on the couch.
She’s a reasonably attractive woman but the contrast to Honey is pretty evident—where Honey’s average height, all curves and golden skin, Avery’s tall, athletically slim, with pale skin and short, chocolate-coloured hair. ‘Avery got you something too.’
‘Oh, yeah,’ Avery pipes up and hands the present to Noah who takes it cautiously. She presses her lips into a gentle smile, which Noah does at least offer back before he gets to work tearing the paper off the gift to reveal a football with a Giants logo.
‘It’s even signed too,’ Gray explains, wrapping his arm around his girlfriend. ‘Avery’s got a tonne of connections from her photography work. Has worked with some of the biggest names. So ambitious, taking every advantage she has while we’re still young. Never settling.’
Honey’s hand tenses on her thigh, and I hate that I can’t take it in front of everyone to comfort her.
‘Ah, you and Honey’ll get along then,’ I say instead to Avery, desperate to help somehow.
My eyes flick over to Gray to ensure my point drives home.
‘She’s just as ambitious, always striving to be the best mom and she’s been playing live music at our local bar.
Crowd loves her. So impressive she’s following her passions too. ’
Feeling rather smug at the way Gray’s face drops and the smile Honey struggles to hold back, I stretch my arms up with a yawn and rest one along the back of the couch, allowing me to give her shoulder a light squeeze. Just to say, it’s okay, I’m here.
When I turn back to Noah, he twists the football in his hands, investigating it like he’s unsure what to do with it—I doubt that’s the case, but I suppose I’ve never heard him talk about football before.
Or take any interest when I’ve had a game on the television.
Except, of course, when I mentioned the Dallas Cowboys were playing, but once he learnt they weren’t real cowboys, his attention went straight back to the cowboys he was drawing instead.
‘That’ll be fun to throw around with Trix and Kentucky, hey, buddy?’ I offer out, hoping he might act a bit more thrilled, for Avery’s sake. With a widening smile, an extra gap at the front after he lost a tooth the other day, Noah looks up at me.
‘Kentucky?’ Gray asks.
‘Oh, she’s a cow that likes to play fetch,’ Honey explains plainly, which makes me chuckle inside because there was a time when she once bristled as much as Gray just did at the idea.
Gray’s face twists. ‘Right … That’s … Is that safe?’
‘Safer than being on the back of one,’ I joke, lifting my booted leg, and that elicits a light chuckle from the group, including from May in the kitchen behind us. But most importantly, it makes Noah smile again, and boy, if that isn’t the cutest sight.
‘Right.’ Gray seems unimpressed, looking me up and down to amplify such. ‘Or you can just play some football with some human friends too, Noah. That’s probably better.’
I should give Gray some slack for not knowing about Noah’s struggles with making friends—he does live hours away—but I wonder how much attention he really pays to what Honey tells him.
‘Anyway,’ Gray continues, ‘what do you say, Noah?’
Noah presses his lips together, eyes bouncing around the group like a plea for help. They land on me, brightening, and he creeps over, climbing up the couch to sit by me, as if being near me gives him the confidence he needs. He finally looks at Avery and says, ‘Thank you for my present.’
Biting back my proud smile, I give his blond hair a good ruffle. Eager to keep him talking, and entirely smug at the possibility that I might have such a bolstering effect on him, I ask, ‘What’s been your favourite thing about today so far?’
He muses on his thought, then announces to the whole room, ‘Waking up with you and Momma in bed.’
The room falls silent again as Noah jumps down from the couch and turns his attention to some colouring books May got him, completely oblivious to the tension that’s just clouded the room.
Oops.
It’s fine—kids say random shit all the time, right? It’s not like he said we were naked or anything that accusatory. Though Gray’s hardened stare suggests otherwise.
The urge to laugh at the awkwardness of the room slowly climbs up my throat. I need a lifeline.
At that point, Trixie gets up and pads out the room. Her whine comes from down the hallway, and a scratching at the back door, signalling she needs to go out. It’s music to my ears—a saviour from this moment and I leap at it.
‘One second,’ I say, excusing myself and heading through the archway to where Trixie waits patiently. I open the door, letting her out to do her business, and seat myself in one of the chairs as I wait, savouring the fresh and calmer air out here.
A light flashes in the corner of my eye, and when I look down to discover its source, I find Honey’s phone on the chair beside me, screen brightening as several texts come through.
She probably forgot she left it out here after we took some pictures of Noah and Trixie enjoying the snow this morning.
I don’t mean to read it as I scoop it up with the intention to bring it back inside for her, but there’s two words that snag my attention and have my mind clinging to it even as I try to force myself to pocket the phone.
Apartment viewing.
The words whirl about my mind as I clench the phone in my fist. I chance another quick look at the screen, almost with the belief that if I check the whole thing I might realise I misread it before.
I only see one of the texts, whatever ones that came before piled beneath on her screen, but it confirms enough.
I don’t know why my mouth sours. Why my hands suddenly feel clammy, her phone slipping in my grip.
I shove it back in my pocket just as Trixie bounds up the stairs to go inside, if anything with the hopes it’ll rid me of the roiling in my stomach.
I head back inside, fingernails digging into my palms.
It’s what we agreed, after all—she would stay here until she found a place to buy for her and Noah. Except, deep down, I guess I hoped that I could make enough of something here, at Lucky Star for her and Noah, to encourage them to stay. I thought this was what she wanted.
Silly of me, though, I suppose. For hoping. Never did really work for me in the past—
No, Sawyer. Don’t do that.
It’s fine. This is what we agreed. We’re taking things slow.
Even if we did say I love you last night.
Dinner is a needed and delicious distraction after such an awkward day, even if Gray does decide to go on about Avery’s accomplishments and their life of freedom every chance he gets. When we finally finish food, I offer to clear up, letting everyone talk and giving my overloaded mind a break.
But, of course, it only lasts a minute because Gray also decides to help and joins me in the kitchen. I don’t say anything, just stack the plates in the sink, ready to be washed up as he places more on the sides.
‘The, uh, drawings are a nice touch,’ he begins, eyes scouring the illustrations covering the archway when I turn to him. His frown is the deepest I’ve seen it today. ‘Not sure it’s the best thing to be teaching kids to draw on the walls, though.’