Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Scarlet
Sitting cross-legged on the bed, nursing my first coffee of the day, I watch my daughter studying the barrel racing on my television. She rolls before her hopeful voice asks, “Mom, do I have my riding lesson with Jesse today?”
My chest tightens at the mention of his name. I wonder how he plans on spending his day with his entire family in town. However, I did receive a text earlier allowing me to answer my little girl. “Not today, sweetheart.”
Her face falls slightly, but she rebounds. “I hope Mr. Jesse’s okay.”
I squeeze her leg. “It’s going to take time, darlin’.”
Always the optimist, Rosie speculates, “Maybe by next week?”
I try not to let my growing hurt about Jesse show. I worried before introducing him to Rosie, but he wanted to meet her. Now, her attachment to him makes what’s about to happen more difficult to swallow.
Still, I have to do what’s best to protect the only person I know for certain loves me—my daughter. “Maybe.” Trying to distract her line of questioning, I offer, “How about we eat breakfast at Millie’s?” Our favorite diner.
“Pancakes? With strawberries and whipped cream?”
“Extra whipped cream,” I promise.
She scrambles off my bed. “I’ll be ready in a few.”
“Take your time. I’m finishing my coffee.”
“Drink fast!” is her retort.
Unable to swallow another drop, I place my mug aside as I contemplate life in Kensington. Moving here after my marriage ended made sense. Rosie, only six then, became my reason for living.
Until Jesse.
Even as I stride into the bathroom to get ready to take my daughter out to breakfast, I can feel the increase of my heartbeat—especially when I catch sight of my bed in the mirror over my vanity—as I recall the hours of pleasure Jesse has brought me to with his hands, his mouth, and his thick cock.
Oh, I’m sure I could ignore the way he’s made my body moan, but it’s the way he makes my heart tremble that lets me know I am in deep. That I fell in love.
That I need to leave.
My reflection forces me to tell the truth: I’m Jesse’s dirty little secret. After a year, we’ve never been out in public together. Never held hands outside of these walls. Never gone on a date.
“All I want is to be with you.”
“You and me—that’s all I need.”
“I’m perfectly happy right here, Scar. I don’t need anything more.”
“But I do,” I whisper aloud. Our agreement made sense at the beginning.
Our attraction to one another was incendiary.
But Jesse’s explanation of “I have responsibilities at the farm and to my father” only held up until he invaded all parts of my life, including the times I spent with my daughter.
There isn’t one part of me Jesse hasn’t left untouched between individual riding lessons for Rosie and the nights we spend in my bed.
My fingers reach up and graze the collar of the shirt I’m wearing—one of his I sleep in when he can’t stay by my side.
Even the mug I’ve been drinking out of this morning is his favorite.
“Let’s not forget the fact he’s indelibly imprinted on my heart,” I mumble.
But apparently, I’m not good enough where he wants us to be recognized in the eyes of his family or our community. I’m not enough of a woman for him to fall in love with. Somehow, I let myself tip over the edge with no safe place to land.
Again.
Jesse Kensington is everything I vowed to never dream of but can’t imagine how I’ll ever live without.
Despite the heartbreak I am certain I’m in store for once I put in my notice, it’s time.
I won’t let Rosie grow up believing her worth is less than any prince—now king.
She deserves to know being in love means your heart is treasured like a crown jewel.
As far as I’m concerned, that means having enough self-respect to walk away if your chosen partner doesn’t feel the same way.
Still, it’s like a dagger through my heart when I recall Rosie’s openness with him at his family farm—an openness I’m not gifted.
While I’m grateful for the chance I’ve had to have him in my life, and for what he has given her, it’s no longer enough.
I hope he’ll remember us fondly when it’s all over.
If so, all the pain I’ll feel when we’re gone will be worth it.
This time I manage to hold my own gaze in the mirror when I tell myself that lie.