Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Ty
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
The words rang in my ears for a bit, like they were echoing through a deep cave. I bit the inside of my cheek. I’d been doing that a lot lately, just to ground myself. Bring myself back to the present. The here and now.
The last place I wanted to be, but the only place I should be.
“Tykari, baby, look at your mama please?” My mother’s hand stroked my cheek, turning my face toward her.
My eyes met hers, round, dark, wet with tears. I didn’t know how many tears this woman who gave me life had shed for me. Too many to count. Her pain ran deep. She felt the cleft in my heart deep in her bones, and she would do anything to ease it.
But the truth was…she didn’t know the half of it.
“I’m here,” I answered, but my voice had lost its sound. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I’m here, Mom. I’m fine.”
She stood up, and my eyes followed her as she went over to my stove.
She’d come to my house every evening after a brutal day of seeing patients.
Tonight, she was cooking my favorite. I hoped I’d be able to eat it.
The last thing I wanted was to disappoint her, but my stomach hadn’t recovered either.
“He was your partner, baby. You have every right to grieve. They’re giving you paid time off, right?”
I cleared my throat again. “I’m on administrative leave right now for shooting the guy.”
She flipped the meat in the skillet then turned around to face me. The formerly glorious smell of my mother’s pork chops hung heavily in the air as her eyes met mine once again. “How is Noah’s wife doing? Have you talked to her since the funeral?”
The funeral was three days ago.
I had not, in fact, spoken to Lainey.
I shrugged. “I’m sure she has a lot of family around to support her.”
“You’re both grieving the same man,” my mother pointed out.
Almost as if she knew—but she didn’t. She couldn’t.
“You should make sure she’s okay,” my wise mother advised.
Noah’s dying words floated through my mind like soap bubbles on the verge of popping.
If my mother knew what our relationship had been. If my family knew I’d been involved—with both of them—
There was no way they’d be okay with that.
No fucking way.
And if I went over there, I’d want to stay. I would want to take her in my arms and never fucking let go.
I was sure her family was there. Her mother. Her sister. They were caring for her. I couldn’t just show up. They’d know. They’d take one look at us, and they’d know, and then she’d have to tell them. Explain it.
I had to keep my distance for now. I couldn’t go to her yet… I would never be able to leave.
Take care of her, Ty.
Take care of her.
Promise me.
How could I break that promise?
How could I keep it?
* * *
It was a week later when I received a text from her.
Lainey: So I guess we aren’t talking anymore.
I received it just as I was getting into the shower.
Leaving my phone on the bathroom countertop, I stepped into the torrent created by my dual showerheads.
I aimed one at my neck and one at my lower back, then stood there letting the scalding water beat me, penetrate me.
Maybe I could burn away some of the ache. The fog. The anger. The denial.
No. It was absolute rage.
And devastation.
We lived in the Midwest. I’d seen what a tornado could do to a small town, plowing through and tearing everything to smithereens.
Noah’s death was a tornado that had spun me around and spit me out, burying me under a pile of bricks and splintered boards.
It had scrambled my brains and ripped out my heart.
Yeah, hot water was really gonna fix that.
Fuck.
Take care of her, Ty.
I promised.
Did I?
I couldn’t even remember now. I did remember the look in his eyes, the blood curling over his lip, his trembling fingers as he grabbed my shirt, the coppery smell of his life hanging in the balance.
I stepped out, wrapped the towel around me.
The mirror was fogged up, but I caught a glimpse of water beaded on my chest, dripping from the tight black curls between my pecs.
I thought about that spot Lainey liked to curl up, with my arm wrapped around her, her head resting between the mounds of my chest muscles.
She told me I made her feel safe. Protected.
I couldn’t protect her from that fucking tornado.
Some partner I was.
My phone buzzed again.
Lainey: I do need to talk to you. Can you please come over? Late? Park around back so no one sees your car.
I’d never had to do that before. No one thought anything of me being at their house because I was Noah’s work partner.
We hung out all the time. I was sure people thought we were watching sports or playing cards.
Or fuck knows what they thought, but it sure wasn’t that we were in their bed, the three of us, bringing each other to orgasm over and over and over again.
Lainey: Can you come tonight?
Take care of her, Ty.
I felt that look in his eyes now, deep in my soul. Breath filled my burning lungs as I took my phone and texted back.
Ty: I’ll be there.