Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
Ty
I couldn’t visit your grave. Your family had you cremated, and Lainey kept the ashes. So when I wanted to feel close to you, I went out in the country where we parked our patrol cars on slow nights. The spot where we first fell in love.
That one night, over a year ago now, you’d told me you wanted to talk about something, and you were so nervous.
Unsuspecting, I said, sure, of course. You had a few years on me, and I thought it related to a domestic we’d handled together.
One with a kid that went a little sideways.
Kid ended up getting referred to Child Protective Services, and it was rough.
I walked around the dilapidated barn that stood on the property, and I could almost feel you trembling as you mustered up the courage to tell me.
“So, what’s up? You wanted to talk?” I’d leaned against my cruiser. The night air was crisp and cool, a blanket of clouds and stars hanging over us.
“Yeah, I did.” You came around the car and leaned next to me, staring out at the heavens. “Ever notice Orion’s belt?” You were a bit of a geek, so it didn’t surprise me in the least you were into astronomy. I was more of a history guy. But you loved science.
“Orion’s belt, huh? That’s what you brought me out here for?”
“No,” you chuckled, shaking your head, “just wondered if you’d ever noticed it. Three bright stars. All in a row.”
I shrugged. “I guess I learned about it in school, but can’t say I’ve paid much attention to it since then.”
You were fidgeting. Having a hard time standing still, pressing the toe of your boot into the ground to make little designs.
“Lainey really enjoyed getting to know you better at the party last weekend,” you finally said.
“Oh, yeah. Lainey’s great.” I had no idea where this conversation was going. “She’s so funny. We were talking about Dvorak’s New World Symphony. She couldn’t believe I knew it.”
“You scored some major brownie points with that one, man.” A chuckle spilled out. “She’s a music teacher, you know. Bit of a classical music buff. It all sounds the same to me.”
“Yeah, I’ve always loved classical music. I had a great music teacher when I was growing up—plus my mom loves it. She played all kinds of Mozart for us when we were babies ‘cause she thought it would make us smarter.”
“That sounds like something a pediatrician would do,” you observed.
“But, yeah, Lainey was really cool.” I rocked back and forth on my heels, thinking about how cute she was with her chestnut-brown hair and her soft blue eyes. She and Noah made such an attractive couple.
“I think she has a little crush on you,” you admitted, your eyes snapping to mine to gauge my reaction.
“Oh, wow. I’m flattered, man.” Heat surged through me. “Well, she’s a really special lady. You’re a lucky dude.”
“I know.” You laughed. “Um… she said you’re hot.”
“She thinks I’m hot?! That’s quite a compliment coming from someone so…” I realized I better watch myself. I didn’t want my partner to think I was trying to get with his girl.
“So what?”
I backpedaled. “You know, someone so…um…smart and talented.”
“Smart and talented?” You punched me playfully in the shoulder. “That’s all you think of her?”
“What do you want me to say, Bell? That she’s hot too? ‘Cause, I mean, yeah, of course she is.”
You wore a wicked grin. “So you think my wife is hot?”
The conversation was going in a completely different direction than I expected. “What do you want me to say, man?”
And just like that, the humor on your face dissolved. You stepped closer to me, and the moonlight carved out your features, showing me how serious you were. “Lainey and I…we’ve been talking about you.”
“What do you mean?” I took a step away. I could admit now, looking back, I was pretty freaked out when you said that. Not that you guys had been talking about me—but how seriously you stated it.
You sighed, your frustration evident. “Lainey and I are poly.”
“Um…poly?”
“Polyamorous?” you clarified.
“Yeah, you’re gonna have to elaborate a little more than that.”
“We’ve been looking for another partner. We…well, we’re…” You laughed then, shaking your head. “Never mind, man. You don’t even know what I’m talking about. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” You started to walk back to your cruiser.
“Hold up.” I raised my hand, palm out. “I’m not judging you. I just want to understand what you’re about.”
“I don’t want to freak you out,” you said, almost a whisper swallowed up by the chill of the night.
“Too late for that,” I told you, but then I laughed. “But I’m kinda intrigued, man. In a good way.”
I think I fell in love with you right then and there. Then you turned toward me, took a few steps closer, filled your lungs with a fortifying breath, and said, “We’re both bisexual.”
As soon as you said the words, I flashed back to my college roommate, who was gay.
We had a fling—it was brief, but oh so fucking hot.
I wasn’t ready to put a label on what I was, not at nineteen years of age.
I wanted to keep my options open. My roommate kept accusing me of wanting to stay in the closet.
Well, maybe he was right.
Since then…I’d always fantasized about being with another man. But I had the weight of my family’s expectations, not to mention the job. Police culture was conservative. Traditional. It could be a bit backwards at times.
“See? You’re probably never gonna talk to me again,” you said. “I knew I should have kept my big fucking mouth shut.”
I’d never allowed myself to look at you that way. Yes, that part of me had been buried deep, not just in the closet, but a closet in a cave at the bottom of the sea. Looking at you that night with the stars in your eyes and the soft wind ruffling your hair, I wanted you.
I wanted you so badly, I stepped forward, wrapped my arms around you and brushed my lips against yours.
And that was how we came to be.