Chapter 32 Duke
DUKE
Rolling over, I blinked at the harsh light streaming in from the window overlooking the lake.
I hadn’t slept for shit, spending most of my night pacing a hole in the floor outside Olivia’s room to keep myself from going in.
It’d been hard enough to walk away. To force myself to leave her sobbing on the bedroom floor and close the door behind me.
I didn’t remember how I got outside, but when Cleo saw me sitting by myself on the porch steps with my head in my hands, she immediately went to check on Olivia.
At least she wouldn’t be alone.
It’d taken every ounce of self-control I had not to immediately barge back in, pick her up, and tell her how sorry I was for the mess I made.
After all, she’d told me time and again that she never intended to stay in Pinecrest, but I hadn’t listened.
Or maybe I was just delusional enough to think I could change her mind.
I should’ve known better than that.
What we had together had been too good not to pursue. Even if I could go back in time and tell myself then what I knew now, it wouldn’t change anything. I’d still take that shot with her, knowing how badly it’d burn in the end.
I did, however, regret using John’s words as ammunition in my anger. Saying that her choice to remain in a career she hated wouldn’t bring back two of the most important people in her life was a low fucking blow. The words had tumbled out before I could stop them. I hated myself for it.
I sat up, scrubbing my hands over my face. I had no idea what was waiting for me outside these walls. How was I supposed to act like Olivia and I weren’t in the worst sort of pain imaginable? The wound was too fresh.
When Sarah left, she hadn’t lingered. She just packed up her shit and drove off into the sunset, but I still had to linger in Olivia’s presence until I was safely home in my cabin.
Even that wasn’t free of her presence. I’d still get whiffs of her sweet perfume as I slept.
Or picture her spread out on my bar when I went to work.
Now, I’d have to live with those memories haunting me forever, and mourn them when they finally faded.
There was a soft knock on my door and Harper stuck her head in. The Dutch braids Olivia had done the night before were somewhat intact, albeit much frizzier after she’d slept in them.
“Dad? Are you up yet?” she called softly, creeping into the room. “It’s, like, nearly time for breakfast.”
With a sigh, I sat up in bed and patted the spot beside me. “Come here. Let me fix your braids. That one’s about to fall out.”
“But Miss Olivia did these. I want to keep them.” She touched her hair.
Knife, meet heart.
“I won’t mess them up. I promise. Let me just tighten them a bit, okay?”
Harper nodded and sat down in front of me. I didn’t have a brush, but thankfully, my daughter wasn’t tender-headed. I made quick work of clearing any small tangles before following the same Dutch pattern Olivia had used before.
“Did you have a good weekend?” I asked.
“This was a lot of fun, Dad. I didn’t realize s’mores were so good.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, it’s been a while since we did any camping, huh?”
The thought was sobering. When was the last time I did anything fun like this with my daughter?
Something outside of our normal day-to-day routine?
Since Sarah left, I’d been so preoccupied with running the bar and making sure we could pay our bills that a getaway of any kind was out of the picture.
Until Olivia swept in and disrupted our complacency with her coordinated chaos.
“I’m sorry about that, Harper. No matter what was going on in my life, I should’ve made sure you were my priority.”
“S’okay,” she mumbled, chewing on her nails. “I’m, um, really glad you have Miss Olivia to help you. I like hanging out with her.”
“Yeah,” I said, securing the hair tie. I do, too. “It’s been nice, huh?”
She nodded. “You haven’t been as grumpy.”
“Grumpy, huh?” I asked, gently pinching her arm.
“Yeah, you never smiled or anything. But you do now.”
With a sigh, I pulled Harper into my chest and let my chin rest on top of her head.
“It’s been a tough few years, Harp, but you shouldn’t have had to know I was struggling to keep it all together.
I’m sorry for not being more present.” I pressed a kiss to her temple.
“Things are going to change around here. I don’t want to go back to how things were before, do you? ”
“Not really.”
“Then let’s make a promise. At least once a month, you and I are going to do something together. We’ll take the whole day and—I don’t know—take a hike or something.”
Harper scrunched up her nose. “I don’t know that I want to hike, Dad.”
“Honestly, neither do I. I don’t know why I said that,” I confessed quickly. “But we’ll do something actually fun, okay?”
“And maybe we could invite Charlie and Miss Olivia. I bet they’d love to come, too.”
I sat there, not knowing entirely what to say. While I didn’t want to set Harper up for disappointment, I sure as hell wasn’t about to tell her that wouldn’t be an option.
“I’m sure if they’re available, they’d love to come.” Wasn’t that the worst part? Knowing without a doubt that if Olivia were in town and Harper asked her to come over, she would without question. No matter how uncomfortable it might be between us, she’d put the girls first.
Harper hopped down and ran her hand over her braid, making sure I hadn’t messed anything up. When she was satisfied, she gave me an approving nod before heading toward the door. “Come on, Dad. I’m starving, and Uncle Luke promised everyone donuts this morning.”
I snorted. There was no way in hell Lukas had gotten up and driven into town for donuts. “Well, you’d better make sure he’s awake. If not, he’ll sleep in, and then you’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning for some.”
My daughter turned on her heel and ran from the door. I heard her feet thud against the hallway only a moment before the knocking began. “Uncle Luke? Are you up?”
A second later, another voice joined the fray. One that wasn’t nearly as understanding as Harper’s. “Uncle Luke! You promised us donuts!” Charlie shouted. Her fist banged rapidly on the door until I heard Lukas’s muffled, “Oh my god, I’m up!”
I shook my head and walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth and change clothes. There wasn’t much I could do about my appearance. My face showed every bit of the exhaustion I felt.
After doing a quick sweep of the room, I grabbed my duffel and headed down the stairs. Voices carried in from the kitchen, but I slipped out the back unnoticed. I wasn’t quite ready to face the music yet.
I opened the back door of my truck to toss my duffel inside, but was immediately halted by the sweet, honeyed scent of Olivia’s perfume. It lingered better than any freshener I’d ever bought, which was a real fucking problem, seeing as that was the last thing I wanted.
Get it the fuck together, Duke.
And then I saw the small travel purse she’d tucked beneath my seat. I’d told her it wasn’t a good idea to leave her things behind, but she did it anyway. Completely and totally determined not to listen to me.
Grabbing the back, I closed the door and headed back into the house. I’d just rounded the truck when a hard body collided with mine.
Olivia’s hand gripped my forearm to steady herself, digging her nails into my skin as she looked up at me.
“Shit, sorry,” she murmured, taking two quick steps back. “Didn’t see you there.”
“You didn’t see me?” I asked slowly.
I was fucking six foot four. How did she not see me?
“Must not have been paying attention.” Her gaze dipped to her purse. “Ah, but I was coming out for this. Sorry. I know you said not to leave it in there. Guess if I’d listened, it would’ve saved us this weird conversation, huh?”
“Probably.” I held it out, and she quickly took it from my grasp. Neither of us attempted to move or speak. We just awkwardly existed in each other’s company. There was so much I wanted to say, but where the hell was I even supposed to begin?
“Cleo and I’d like to take the girls in her car, if that’s okay. Figured you boys could ride together in your truck,” Olivia said, breaking the silence. “Might make it less awkward and all.”
“If that’s what you want,” Olivia muttered something beneath her breath, but I didn’t catch it. “Sorry. What was that?”
“Nothing.” She blew out a breath, forcing a smile. “That is what I want. We can trade off when we get to Lukas’s house.”
“You make it sound like we’re getting a divorce. Trading off the kids like that.”
“Yes, well, that would be silly, wouldn’t it? Seeing as we were never even really together.”
Olivia wouldn’t meet my eyes. Hell, I couldn’t even blame her. I scratched the back of my head. “That’s not what I meant. The divorce thing—it was just a bad joke.”
“It’s fine, Duke. It’s for the best. I mean, it’s not like we’ll ever be rid of one another, so we might as well get used to it.”
I didn’t want to get used to it, though. “It sounds terrible,” I admitted. “Feels pretty shitty, too.”
Her smile faltered. “Yeah, it does.”
There was so much I wanted to say. Yet I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t come. They were struck, lodged in my throat like bitter bile. It would only make things worse between us, and that was the last thing I wanted.
Olivia held up her purse. “Thanks for this.”
I dipped my chin. “You’re welcome.”
When she left, she took what was left of my barely beating heart with her.