Chapter 31 Olivia #2
By the time I made it up to my room, I saw Duke standing near the window, staring down at the scene below. His back was straight, muscles coiled with tension. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Olivia, I can’t—”
“You could’ve stopped it too, you know,” I said, stepping into the room.
I closed the door behind us, hoping it would muffle the noise of our argument.
“I didn’t ask you to fall in love with me.
And I didn’t—Duke, I tried to tell you I couldn’t stay.
I tried to tell you time and again, but you wouldn’t listen.
And now look at us! We’re both in fucking agony. ”
He didn’t turn around, didn’t even spare me a glance. “You’re right. I knew better than to hope you could love me, too. I thought…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I don’t know what I thought, Olivia. That I could change your mind, maybe? That I was worth staying for—”
“You are!” I said, storming over to the bed.
It was taking all I had not to come any closer.
“You’re worth that and more. You deserve someone who will put you and Harper first. I can’t be that woman right now.
If John were still alive, then maybe we would’ve had a chance.
I could’ve spoken to him, figured out another solution, but he’s gone and I can’t. ”
“Why do you want to run this company, Olivia? I mean, truly. What do you get out of it? Because it sure as fuck doesn’t seem like enjoyment.”
“It’s my family’s company. It was passed to me in a trust set specifically by my father. He wanted me to run it someday, and that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“It won’t bring him back, you know,” he said solemnly.
His words were like a slap. “What did you just say to me?”
“Working this job, it won’t bring your father back.
” This time, he turned to face me. His expression was nearly unreadable.
“It won’t bring John back either. It doesn’t matter what they want because at the end of the day, they lived their lives the best they could, but you’re ruining yours by trying to make everyone else happy. Why can’t you see that?”
“How dare you—”
“How many times have you told me how unhappy you are?” He turned on me, encroaching on my space until I stumbled into the bed. “How you wish things could be different? That you didn’t have to go?” When I didn’t answer, he raised his voice, “How many times, Olivia?”
I tried to think back, but couldn’t. Everything was blurring together until I couldn’t pick apart what was real and what was in my head. Or maybe it was the tears that’d finally started to fall? “I don’t know—”
“Three times I asked you to stay. Three times I tried to convince you this was worth fighting for. And not just for me, either, but for your family out there who love you just as much as I do. And each time you said no. You told me you had to do what was right, even if it made you fucking miserable.”
I was rapidly losing control of my body.
I couldn’t breathe through the pain anymore, so I let it consume me until I was numb.
Until I could barely register the simmering rage behind his gaze.
It wasn’t even aimed at me. Rationally, I knew that.
And I knew we’d both look back on this argument with regret, but we were too far gone to pull ourselves back now.
“It was—We were—”
“Don’t you dare call what happened between us a mistake.” His voice broke, bright, beautiful green eyes lined with silver as he stared down at me. “I can handle a lot, but I cannot fucking handle that.”
“I wasn’t—I couldn’t ever say that, Duke,” I murmured, stepping forward. I reached for his hand and brought it to my lips, pressing a gentle kiss along the rough surface. “Our time together means more to me than anything.”
“Then I’ll ask again.” Duke’s eyes were locked on mine, trapping me. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. “Stay.”
“Duke, I—”
“I haven’t asked for much, Olivia. In fact, I make a habit of not asking anyone for anything.
I’d rather punish myself than inconvenience someone else, but I’m fucking asking for this now.
” Before I could speak, he plowed forward.
“Scratch that. I won’t even ask you to stay.
Just don’t say goodbye. Don’t say this is the end. We can figure something out.”
“Are you telling me you’d be okay with long distance? Because somehow, I don’t think that’d suit you very well.”
He knew it just as much as I did. Duke was an all-or-nothing man. He didn’t do anything half-assed, and when he loved, he loved with everything he had.
“Do I want to do it forever? Fuck no. But would I do it for a while if it meant you were still mine? In a heartbeat.”
All of that sounded great. Fantastic, even. But neither of us knew how long I’d have to be gone, especially if whatever was included in his succession plan forced me to board a plane without looking back.
Duke braced himself upright against the dresser. When I said nothing, he sobered. “It doesn’t matter, does it? It doesn’t matter what I say or if I get down on my knees and beg.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You’ve made up your mind, and that’s it.”
I’d never hated myself more than I did in that moment. Seeing him break was more than I could stand, and yet I forced myself to watch as the first tear fell down his cheek.
I did this.
I broke a good man’s heart because I was too goddamn scared to break a promise to a dead one.
This was why I didn’t let anyone see the real me, because it was all a lie. The real Olivia was a scared little girl who’d never found her voice. And she was about to let one of the best things that’d ever happened to her walk out the door because she couldn’t speak up.
Just tell him you love him, Olivia. Tell him to wait. Tell him that time and distance and whatever other bullshit doesn't matter. Tell him he’s yours and you’re his.
But I didn’t. And I couldn’t.
“I’m gonna sleep down the hall tonight,” Duke said, crossing the room to grab his packed duffel bag.
“No, please…” I said, dropping off the bed to my knees. I reached for his feet, but he stepped away. My panic rose until it was nearly suffocating. “We could have one more night. We could—”
“Olivia,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t lie next to you in that bed and pretend anymore.
It’s fucking killing me. This,” he waved his hand in the air, “is fucking killing me. I’ve been the second option before.
While I want to believe we’d find a way to work it out, I just don’t know that I believe you’d ever step away.
I can’t—I won’t—let myself hope for a scrap of your time and attention if it isn’t headed for forever. ”
I watched him trudge to the door. He opened it, letting his hand rest there for a moment. “I hope you find something or someone that brings you enough joy to want to stay one day.” He patted the frame. “I just wish it’d been me.”
Everything stopped as I slid to the floor. The world stood still as I stared at the place Duke Bennett had just been.
I didn’t hear the sound of his footsteps down the hall, nor the sound of my family creeping up the stairs.
I didn’t see Cleo open the door.
I didn’t feel her arms around me as she helped me into bed and held me as I cried.