Chapter 31 Olivia
OLIVIA
The orange glow of the fire danced along my skin as I watched Harper struggle to put the sticky marshmallow on the skewer. “It’s so sticky,” she complained, staring at her fingers. “Why is it so sticky?”
“It’s basically all sugar,” I laughed. “Here. Let me help.”
She quickly shoved them into my waiting hand before plopping on the ground in front of me.
The flames really brought out the red in her hair.
It seemed much more vibrant after being in the sun all day.
After we went swimming, I carefully combed and detangled it, then braided it to keep it out of her face.
Duke had offered, but Harper insisted I do it, which made me feel warm all over.
Grabbing a new marshmallow, I placed it on the skewer and handed it back to Harper. “Good as new. Now, gently place it in the fire.”
She thrust the entire thing into the flames, engulfing the pillowy confection. I laughed and pulled it back until it hovered over the heat. “Not quite. Like this. See how it’s slowly turning golden?”
“Why does my dad keep burning them?” Harper asked. I followed her gaze to where Duke was currently sandwiching something charred between his graham crackers. When he realized we were staring, he paused, sticking his thumb in his mouth to clean it off.
The move shouldn’t have had heat licking at my skin, but it did. At least I could blame my flush on the fire.
“Well, there’s no accounting for taste,” I murmured, pulling back the stick. It didn’t take long at all until I had the white, sticky goo all over my fingers as well. “I don’t think you’d like it like that. Try this one first and let me know.”
Harper took it with a smile, heading over to where Charlie sat with her uncle. Both their cheeks were puffy and swollen as they yelled, “chubby bunny,” at one another in between stuffing their mouths with more marshmallows.
I looked at Grady. “That’s going to be your sugar crash to mitigate later.”
“Why?”
“Because you started that battle in the first place.”
His lips twitched. “Just because I bet Lukas he couldn’t fit ten full-size marshmallows in his mouth doesn’t mean I’m to blame for our daughter’s involvement.”
“You know damn well he influences her,” I hissed. “Besides… I may have plans tonight.”
“Ding, ding, ding. There it is,” Grady said. “Off on a midnight rendezvous with a certain mustached bar owner?”
Across the fire, Duke pushed off his log. “Something like that.”
Cleo sat beside her husband, wrapping her arm around his. “We’d be happy to. The girls mentioned wanting to stargaze tonight, anyway. I’m sure we could keep them occupied chasing constellations for a while.”
I wasn’t sure how I got so lucky with her. Honestly, Grady’s just lucky he proposed first; otherwise, I might have claimed her. She gave me a wink just as Duke stepped up beside me.
I glanced up, noticing the nervous shift of his weight from one foot to the other. “Have you come to pour me a drink, bartender?” I asked, shaking the fancy red solo cup in his direction.
“Was actually wondering if you might take a walk with me?” He slipped his hands into his pockets. “It’s a really beautiful night.” His gaze heated, warming me from the inside. “I think I should spend it with beautiful company.”
“Get a room,” Grady murmured before Cleo slapped her hand over his mouth.
I stood from the log, dusting myself off. “A walk sounds great. The company here, save for Cleo, is certainly lacking.”
Duke helped me stand and led the way from the fire toward the lake. The dock was just out of sight from the fire pit behind the house, so we wouldn’t have to worry about prying eyes. Neither of us spoke as we walked. With my hand in his, I felt comfort in the quiet.
The waves quietly lapped against the wood as we took our seats. Duke made quick work of my sandals before slipping his off. We dangled our feet above the water, letting the crickets’ songs lull us into a false sense of security.
“I don’t know if I ever properly thanked you for all this,” I whispered, tilting my head back to stare at the moon. “It’s been perfect.”
Duke opened his arms, and I slid over, letting his warmth envelop me. “There’s not much I wouldn’t do for you. I hope you know that.”
“I do.”
I knew that more than anything, yet all it did was fill me with dread.
The thought of walking away from Duke and Harper after everything was inconceivable. I found myself more attached, more drawn to them than ever before. It felt good to have them around Charlie and me. We felt whole.
“Sarah and I met in college and dated throughout. We got married shortly after graduation. I went to work at the mechanic’s shop. She was a teacher. And then she got pregnant, and we had Harper.” I glanced up, noting the faraway look in Duke’s eye. “It was simple between us until it wasn’t.”
I snuggled closer, held him tighter as I asked, “When did you know that it wasn’t going to last?”
“You know, I’ve been trying to figure that out.
I felt blindsided at first. There was no suggestion to attend couples counseling, no knock-down, drag-out fight, or begging not to leave.
I came home after work one day and saw her suitcases piled by the door.
I asked her why, and she told me that she wasn’t happy.
That she was sick of putting on a smile and pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t.
” He shrugged. “That was it. The craziest part was how she didn’t even tell Harper.
She left that to me, and when Harper asked me why her mom would leave us, leave her, I didn’t know what to say.
Nothing Sarah told me would bring Harper comfort.
And when our daughter tried calling, it went to voicemail every time. ”
“Oh, Duke.”
He squeezed my hand, but didn’t look at me.
It was breaking my heart. “I’m sure it was glaringly obvious how bad a spot I was in when you first saw me.
I’d been in survival mode for two years, going through the motions just to get me to the next day.
My depression was eating me alive. I drove to John’s house after Harper and I moved into that shitty little cabin.
I remember falling to my knees and confessing my darkest secret.
That I wasn’t sure I could live this life anymore.
I was in more debt than I could possibly pay off.
Harper would barely speak to me. My mom had just had her stroke, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to get her the help she needed.
” His voice broke as he uttered, “I was drowning.”
From the little Duke had spoken about his divorce and his mental health, I’d guessed as much. But hearing it out loud from his lips was another thing entirely. Now that I knew Duke, the real Duke, I couldn’t imagine a world without him in it.
“John made sure I got the help I needed. He made sure I was back on my feet and seeing a therapist regularly. He forced Harper and me to come over for dinner at least twice a week. Lukas, too.”
I couldn’t stop a tear from falling. “I’m glad you had that support.”
“So am I.” Duke pressed a kiss to my head.
“And then you swept in, dumped a gallon of milk on me, and woke me up. Despite John’s passing, despite the storm cloud hanging over our heads, these moments with you have given me purpose again.
I want to live, not just exist. I want to love and be loved back. ”
I wanted that, too. God. And I wanted it with him most of all.
“I’m not good with my words, honey. You should know that by now.
I’m better at proving how I feel with my actions, but,” he glanced down at me, running a finger along my jaw, “I want you to know that I love you, Olivia Hart, with everything that I have. Every last, broken piece of me. You’ve brought color to my life again.
To Harper’s life, too. And I don’t want to lose you. ”
I closed my eyes as I let his words, his declaration, wash over me.
It was everything I wanted and everything I didn’t deserve.
Duke deserved better than me. He deserved someone who could give him everything.
A person who wouldn’t need to make concessions to spend time together or be gone for weeks on end.
“Say something,” he whispered, and it made me want to die. “Please? I just—fuck—I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Duke, I—” I stopped, pulling back. I could say the thing I longed to say most, but wouldn’t that be worse? Like pouring salt in a fresh wound. I loved him, but I couldn’t be with him. I couldn’t stay. “You know I can’t—that I don’t know—”
Gently, he untangled his arm and stood, quietly slipping on his shoes as I sat there, still dangling my feet in the water. I looked up in time to see him swipe a tear from his cheek as he stared out over the lake.
“Thank you for the walk,” he said, clearing his throat. “It’s been a long day. Too much sun. I think I’m going to get some sleep.”
Duke didn’t say anything else as he turned and headed for the house, and I said nothing to stop him. I was left sitting in silence, too dumbfounded and stunned to speak.
While I was heartbroken and devastated for the truth of our reality, I also found myself growing angrier at the way we’d both handled things.
How many times had we spoken about what we could or couldn’t do?
How many times had I mentioned I couldn’t stay?
That I had a duty to my family’s legacy before I had a duty to my heart?
We might not have explicitly said we shouldn’t go falling in love with one another, but I thought it was implied. From the very beginning, we acknowledged the fact that starting anything between us would only end in heartbreak.
Before I could stop myself, I was angrily pushing to my feet, shoes be damned, and storming into the house after him. I could hear our family outside, laughing and joking and having a wonderful time, while Duke and I were fighting for our lives.