19. Chapter 19
Krystal held the last note of “Dream a Little Dream of Me,” letting it drift lightly over the strummed guitar chords then opened her eyes to watch as Lola the trumpet player played a soulful outro.
Four faces now grinned back at her. Casey spoke up first. “Smooth, sister. Really smooth. Please tell me you’ll come back again sometime? Hell, we’d love it if you’d sit in and sing with us at Murphy’s some night.”
The rest of his band agreed enthusiastically, which made her heart flop over like a contented puppy getting his belly scratched.
That old inner voice that would once tell her it was prideful to enjoy the praise tried to horn in, but she pushed it aside so she could fully enjoy the feeling of mutual appreciation shared between her and the other musicians.
“Thanks, Casey. I’d like that. Maybe I could come some weekend if work’s not too busy. This has been a lot of fun, and you guys are amazing.”
When she’d chatted with Casey and his band at Murphy’s the night before, and the topic had come up that Krystal used to sing, Casey had invited her to come jam with the group on their practice night.
Now she was so grateful for the offer and her decision to accept.
They’d played a little of everything: jazz standards, folk, an old gospel song, and even a moody version of a Chappel Roan song.
She’d loved every minute of it. It had been years since Krystal had sung anywhere but the shower or her car, and she’d been rusty at first. But eventually, the simple joy of making music with other people who loved it just as much had taken over.
Once she’d said goodbye to Casey, Lola, and the rest, she drove back to the resort, feeling lighter than she had in ages. That familiar energy from getting lost in song buzzed through her, clearing her mind of the messiness that had weighed it down since she’d been with Ceth this morning.
Krystal’s feelings for Ceth had been deepening faster than she could have imagined possible, to the point she’d been all but left drowning and flailing in them this morning. Then those waves of emotion had crashed into the sharp, jagged memories of how terribly she’d treated Ceth before.
Everything had seemed so big and overwhelming and impossible. Even if Ceth returned some tiny fraction of what Krystal was feeling for her, why would she trust Krystal again?
Thoughts swirling, Krystal pulled into the Middle Waters parking lot and got out of her car.
A hazy pink dusk settled over the massive trees surrounding the property, and she breathed in the late summer air.
That airy sense of calm and joy from singing again hadn’t quite dissipated yet, and she clung to it and willed her mind to embrace the clarity.
And with the clarity came hope.
The fact was, Ceth didn’t remember the awful things Krystal had said to her when their friendship had ended before. At first, Krystal had taken that for a bad thing, but now it was something of a relief. Maybe it meant there was a chance to gain Ceth’s trust now.
Krystal crossed the parking lot and spotted a grassy field off to the side of the Sycamore Lodge that, despite the diligence of the Middle Waters landscaping staff, sported a cluster of wispy cotton dandelion seedheads.
On a whim, she reached down and tugged one from the ground and sighed.
For so much of her life, when her mind and heart were weighed down with heavy thoughts or uncertainty, she would pray.
That had never been an issue for her, really; it was the surrounding people and rules and institutions dictating how she should feel and what her heart should or shouldn’t long for that had caused her the most problems. And now she wasn’t sure what to make of the divine as they represented it.
But she did believe in goodness and love and in doing right by the people around her.
And right now, she desperately wanted to do the most wise and loving thing where Ceth was concerned.
She couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her again.
Yet she also couldn’t ignore the pull toward Ceth that had only gotten stronger with each passing moment between them.
She twirled the damp, squishy stem of the dandelion in her fingers then raised it to her lips, drawing in a deep breath and blowing on the crown with all her might.
Part of her felt silly and childish, but the other part sensed her longing and hopes drift through the air with the seeds.
And against all odds, she believed they’d find their answer somewhere out there in the universe, and her heart would know what to do.
Ceth leaned on the bar of the resort and rattled the ice around in her glass in a nervous gesture. She had finished dinner with Jonas and Maria but declined when they’d invited her to go for drinks afterwards. She’d wanted to be at the resort once Krystal returned.
She’d thought the bar would be a better place to wait than the room, but the fact that a middle-aged white man had been yammering at her for the past twenty minutes made her realize her error in judgment.
He wasn’t part of the conference as far as she could tell, but he’d been determined to chat her up all the same. In a less distracted state, she might have made it clear she wanted to be left alone or simply walked away herself, especially before he’d gotten comfortable enough to say:
“So! Judging from your features like your dark hair and those pretty brown eyes I’m guessing you’re from Scandinavia, right?” He slapped his knee and chortled at his own joke loudly enough to make the bartender look over and frown. “Nah. I’m only messing with you. American Indian, right?”
Ceth had never really understood the impulse to make her ethnicity a guessing game, but she gave a slight nod and took another swallow of her drink.
“I knew it!” he roared in triumph. “I’m good at guessing that sort of thing. Maybe it’s because I have some Indian blood too. The family legend is my great grandma was the daughter of a Cherokee chief. Basically a princess.”
Ceth pursed her lips and sighed. If she had a nickel for every time she’d heard that one before, she could go on a shopping spree at NeNe’s Emporium. Her tone was flat as she answered with a noncommittal, “Really.”
“Yeah, they said she—”
“Hey, gorgeous. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long!” Krystal swept in from nowhere and leaned into Ceth’s personal space, forcing the man to tilt away. Ceth inhaled a small gasp as Krystal pressed a brief but firm kiss to her lips.
“Y-you…uh. No, I haven’t. I mean, no you didn’t,” Ceth answered, struggling to remember how words worked. “I was just having a drink.”
“I’m Harry!” Ceth’s companion announced, causing her to drag her gaze away from Krystal for a second. The man was watching their interaction with a wolfish curiosity in his eye.
Krystal’s brows dipped as she gave the man a blank stare. For a second, Ceth thought Krystal would repeat the don’t remember asking quip she’d used when they’d first slept together, which was a prospect Ceth found oddly distressing. But instead, Krystal crossed her arms. “How old are you, Harry?”
Harry blinked. “Huh?”
“Well, judging from your features, I’d say you were retirement age and might be a good candidate for this lovely senior living center my company partners with sometimes. We provide day trips and fun park outings to all the dear seniors to keep them active,” Krystal chirped.
Harry’s mouth fell open and he started puffing out appalled noises rather than words, and Ceth couldn’t help smirk to see him speechless for the first time since he’d parked himself on the barstool right next to hers.
Harry was probably fifty-two or three at the oldest, so certainly not a senior, and Ceth was positive Krystal recognized that too.
When he didn’t respond, Krystal pressed on cheerily. “I understand the staff is wonderful there. They even remind you when it’s time for your periodic health checkups and screenings: cholesterol checks, prostate exams, colonoscopies, that sort of thing!”
“I’m not a senior!” Harry finally blurted out. “And my colon and prostate are none of your business!”
Krystal’s smile didn’t dim, but she did raise a single brow. “Oh, my mistake. I guess it was rude of me to be so invasive about a stranger’s personal life.”
He spluttered something, but Krystal turned back to Ceth.
When it looked like Harry would interrupt again, the bartender walked over and clapped him on the shoulder.
He had several inches on Harry plus a wider frame, which made him imposing enough for Harry to simmer down.
“Okay, Harry. How about you leave the ladies in peace and head back to your room now?”
Instead of waiting for agreement, the bartender guided Harry out of the bar.
As glad as she was to see Harry go, Ceth was much more interested in looking at Krystal. “What was that?”
“What?” Krystal asked with a casual shrug.
Then she studied Ceth’s face and her own cheeks tinged with pink.
“I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have butt in like that.
It’s just, he seemed like he was being a tool.
And when I overheard him, I remembered how uncomfortable you could get when people asked you questions about your heritage.
I guess I acted before I thought it through. ”
She bit her lip and lowered her chin before glancing back up at Ceth. “Are you mad at me?”
Ceth was too caught off guard to respond at first. Not only had Krystal remembered Ceth’s sticky feelings about her background, but she’d stepped in to help. She’d been the closest to rude Ceth had ever seen her be to a stranger, all on Ceth’s behalf. And it was actually pretty hot.
Gently, Ceth tilted Krystal’s chin up with her finger so their eyes met. “I’m not mad at all. It was nice having someone—having you stand up for me.”
Krystal’s genuine smile returned in full force. “You deserve it.” She sat on the stool Harry had vacated, and her expression turned thoughtful. “But I know you didn’t need to be rescued, just to be clear. In fact, I don’t even know if nosy questions like Harry was asking still upset you or not.”
Ceth leaned an elbow on the bar as she faced Krystal.
“Not as much as they used to. I’ve done a lot of thinking and had some therapy over the years, and I realized part of my problem with people asking me questions about my background was tied to my parents.
How they made me feel scrutinized or studied over it, but with no real effort to help me connect with community or culture. ”
“That makes sense,” Krystal murmured. She rested her hand on Ceth’s arm. “At the risk of prying, can I ask if you’ve connected with any of your bio parents’ relatives over the years?”
“It’s not prying coming from you,” Ceth answered firmly. “But, no, I haven’t. I’ve definitely thought about it, but I never could seem to make that leap.”
Ceth had no idea what she’d say or how it would go. Would they even care about meeting her? It’s not like she’d made the greatest success out of her relationship with the family that raised her. What did she have to offer?
“I’m sure that would be tough,” Krystal affirmed. “But if you ever—” She paused and bit her lip.
“If I ever…?” Ceth prompted.
Krystal began to fidget with a stack of cocktail napkins lying on the bar top. “I-I was just going to say that if you ever decide to reach out to them or even meet them, and you wanted some moral support…I’d be glad to give that.”
Ceth sucked in a breath. This was the first time Krystal had made any allusion to them being in each other’s lives after this trip.
Did she want them to be in a relationship moving forward?
Ceth’s heartrate sped up, but she tried to calm it.
Or maybe Krystal was only offering continued friendship.
Staying in touch. That possibility made Ceth’s heart sink, but she also knew she’d sure as hell take whatever she could get.
Swallowing, Ceth sent Krystal a sincere smile. “Thank you, Krystal.”
Krystal returned the smile, but it quickly dimmed. “I know I asked a lot of questions when we first started living together. Now that you’ve explained why that was hard for you, I want to say I’m sorry for being so insensitive.”
“No, but you weren’t!” Ceth rushed to assure her.
“I mean, yeah, you were curious. But…” Her mind flipped through the memories like a well-worn photo album, realizing the truth shining from each image.
“It didn’t feel invasive or probing coming from you.
It felt like you were interested in all the different parts of who I am. It felt like you wanted to know me.”
“I did.” Krystal squeezed Ceth’s arm then slid her fingers down until they reached Ceth’s hand, making Ceth’s skin prickle with awareness.
Slowly, Ceth turned her hand over so she could link fingers with Krystal’s.
Krystal’s eyes stayed fixed on their joined hands.
Her chest rose and fell more rapidly as she raised her head. “I still do.”
Ceth’s gaze flew to Krystal’s and held. Krystal stared back.
She seemed to be holding her breath now.
Or maybe Ceth was. Yet her heart was rapidly beating its way up to a near frantic pace.
All thoughts emptied from her mind, leaving nothing but a strange buzzing in her ear and a small, desperate voice from deep within that massive crater inside urging her to act.
She slid to the edge of her stool, cupped Krystal’s cheek and leaned in to meet her waiting lips.
This kiss was slower, softer, more open and exploratory than any of their other ones had been.
Ceth closed her eyes and savored the inexplicable miracle of wanting and kissing and cherishing Krystal Stevenson. Of being wanted by her in return.
When they broke apart after several long, seemingly endless beats, Ceth rested her head against Krystal’s and whispered, “I want to know you too.”