Chapter 34
34
AMELIA
I knew what was coming and I knew I didn’t want to be sitting in my condo when it did.
I couldn’t explain why the lab felt safer, but it did.
The generator that kept the lights on was certainly one good reason.
And the size of the lab with its thick walls helped.
I didn’t care if people thought it was silly.
I had discovered I was not particularly fond of hurricanes.
Maybe after I’d gone through my third or tenth, I might feel differently.
I packed up a few essentials, crackers, tea, and a couple sandwiches.
My goal was to sneak back to the lab while everyone else hunkered down in their condos and the dorms. I put on my boots and rain jacket and walked outside.
“Oh my,” I murmured to myself.
The wind was already blowing hard enough to push me back a few steps.
“Damn.”
I stepped onto the sidewalk, leaving the shelter the building provided.
The wind howled against my ears, drowning out everything else as I leaned into it, clutching the straps of my bag tightly.
Rain lashed at my face, cold and sharp.
I squinted against the sting of it.
The palm trees bent and swayed like they were alive, their fronds whipping wildly in the storm.
I could hardly believe this was just the beginning.
I adjusted my grip on my bag to keep it from being pulled out of my hands.
I was truly worried the bag, which probably weighed as much as a rock, was going to go flying.
The lab wasn’t far, but every step felt like a battle.
The wind tugged at my rain jacket, threatening to rip it right off me.
I had to duck my head just to keep moving forward.
The lights that lined the pathways flickered ominously.
I wondered how long it would be before they were underwater.
Would they still work?
Not important. It was just the way my brain worked.
I was always questioning and hypothesizing.
“This was such a bad idea,” I muttered to myself, though the words were swallowed by the storm.
But what else could I do?
Sit in my condo and listen to the walls groan under the pressure?
No, thanks. At least in the lab, I’d have something to distract me—work I could dive into, even if it was just organizing files or running numbers.
Anything to keep my mind off the storm raging outside—and the one Jared had unleashed inside my head.
I reached the lab doors and realized I was going to be dealing with another issue.
The wind was doing all it could to keep the doors shut.
By the time I managed to slip inside, I was drenched and shivering.
I kicked off my boots and peeled off my rain jacket, leaving them in a soggy heap by the door.
The lab was eerily quiet compared to the chaos outside.
I pulled my slip-on shoes from my bag and put them on, leaving the wet stuff to dry.
I couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of calm settle over me.
This place had quickly become my refuge, my sanctuary.
No matter how chaotic life got, the lab was a constant—a place where I could focus, where everything made sense.
I flicked on the lights in my workspace and unpacked my few supplies.
My laptop sat on the desk, waiting for me to dive back into my research.
For a moment, I just stood there, letting the quiet surround me and fill me with peace.
I opened my laptop and pulled up the file of results one of the assistants sent me.
I was reading through results when there was a loud boom.
I jumped. “Bloody hell!”
The storm hit hard, the rain lashing against the windows of the lab.
The wind howled like a wounded animal.
I got up and closed the blinds.
I was assured the windows were hurricane proof and wouldn’t shatter, but I didn’t want to stand too close.
Condoms were pretty effective too but look how that ended up.
Lightning flashed, illuminating outside in erratic bursts.
Thunder rolled through the city like an angry beast. It was magnificent, despite how small and vulnerable it made me feel.
Nature was fascinating.
My need to understand how things worked made me curious about storms. The how and the why and all the rest. I watched the lightning flash again, tracing spiderwebs across the sky.
Suddenly, I was transported back to that holiday in Scotland.
It had been years ago, but the memory hit me with such clarity that I could almost smell the damp earth and feel the cool mist on my skin.
We’d been staying in a tiny cottage on the edge of the Highlands, the kind of place where the rain seemed to fall sideways all day.
I was maybe ten at the time, and the storm had rolled in unexpectedly, dark clouds swallowing the sky whole.
My mother had grabbed my hand and pulled me outside before I could protest.
“Come on, Amelia,” she’d said, her voice full of excitement.
“You can’t just watch it from a window. You have to feel it.”
And so we stood there, in the middle of that Scottish storm, rain soaking through our clothes within seconds.
My mother had tilted her head back, her arms outstretched like she was trying to catch every drop.
Her laughter rang out, wild and unrestrained, blending with the thunder that rumbled overhead.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” she’d shouted over the noise.
I hadn’t understood it then.
I’d been too busy shivering and worrying about catching a cold.
My grandmother had watched from the doorway.
I used to think she was watching me, but I realized she was watching her daughter.
My mother’s brain injury had cruelly taken a piece of my mother but there were little moments that I would catch my grandmother’s face lighting up.
That was one of those moments with my mother acting like a little girl like she would often do.
I finally got it. My mother hadn’t just been enjoying the rain—she’d been embracing it, letting it remind her that there was something bigger than herself out there.
I had no idea if she thought she was the ten-year-old and I was her friend or if she understood I was her daughter.
It was one of the few moments of true joy she let me see.
I returned to my desk and pulled out the ultrasound pictures I’d tucked into a folder.
I stared at the little peanut.
I wanted to be a good mom.
I wanted to give my child the mother that had been robbed from me before I could even remember any good times.
I wanted my child to have a loving father—like I never got to experience.
My grandfather tried, but it was just a different relationship.
Not bad but different.
A tear slipped down my cheek.
I was already mourning for my baby that wasn’t going to get to know his or her daddy.
I was a heartbroken mess, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
The fight with Jared had left me raw, my emotions spilling over in ways I couldn’t control.
The hormones were turning me into a hot mess.
I was pregnant with his baby.
And now, because of my own stubbornness and pride, I was facing the very real possibility of having to leave the job I’d worked so hard for.
The job that had been my dream.
I leaned back in my chair, running a hand over my face.
What was I supposed to do?
Finding another job of this caliber in my position would be nearly impossible, especially now that I was pregnant.
I could teach, I guessed, but that felt like giving up on my dreams. I had enough savings from selling my family’s old flat to start over fresh, but one day that money would run out.
And I refused to rely on Jared for help.
Keeping the baby had been my decision, and he’d made it clear he wanted nothing to do with us.
The door to the lab opened, making me jump.
I looked up to see Clair stepping inside, her hair damp from the rain.
She shook out her umbrella, her expression concerned as she walked over to me.
“I stopped by your condo, but you weren’t there,” she said.
“I hoped you’d be here, and not out lost at sea or something.”
“What are you doing out in this storm?” I asked.
“You’re soaked.”
“I was worried about you.”
“So you put your life in danger?” I scolded.
“It’s fine,” she said.
“Not too bad at all. Besides, I was concerned when the power went out.”
“I didn’t even realize it had gone out,” I said.
“Because you’re hiding here.” She smiled.
“See? Looks like I made the right call.”
She noticed the crackers on my desk and laughed.
“And clearly you’re ready to survive for days with a package of crackers.”
“And tea,” I corrected.
“Plus I can always raid the vending machines.”
“Are you okay?” she asked, her tone serious as she studied my face.
I shook my head, my voice barely above a whisper.
“No. But I’m going to be.”
Clair walked to me and put her arms around me.
“I know you British aren’t huggers, but you’re going to take a hug.”
“I’m not the queen or something. Hugs aren’t forbidden.” I chuckled a little.
“You’ll have to come visit me when I go back. You’ll see we’re not all butlers and Bridgertons.”
“You know, you don’t have to do this alone, Amelia. I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
My eyes filled with tears once again.
“Thank you, Clair. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She stepped back and smiled at me.
“You’d figure it out. But you don’t have to. Not alone.”
I told her about my conversation with Jared and the way things ended between us.
She shook her head and made appropriate noises of sympathy.
“You can’t give up on your job yet,” she said.
“This is your dream, Amelia. You’ve worked so hard for it. Don’t let Jared or anyone else take that away from you. You are good at what you do. You can change lives. That’s why you started this journey, right?”
“But what if I can’t do it? What if I’m not strong enough?”
“You are strong enough. You’re one of the strongest people I know. And you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here. Shawn’s here. We’ll help you. Screw Jared. If he’s too stupid to see what you’re offering, fuck him. But I have a feeling he will. This is just one of those things. Men are always a little slower to get their shit together, even geniuses like him. We women have been dragging them into happiness kicking and screaming since the dawn of time.”
I laughed.
“What if Jared never comes around? What if he never wants to be a part of this?”
Clair sighed.
“I don’t know, Amelia. But you can’t let that dictate your life. You have to do what’s best for you and your baby. And if Jared can’t see what an amazing thing this is, then that’s his loss.”
I nodded, my chest tight.
“I just… I don’t know how to do this. How to be a mother. How to balance everything.”
“I’m sure every mother before you has had the same thoughts and worries,” she said.
“We’re all here, so someone figured it out.”
We sat there for a while longer, talking through everything.
“Come on, let’s go back to my place and eat ice cream while we binge sappy movies,” she said.
“Isn’t the power out?”
“It’ll be on soon. We’ll make sundaes. I’m sure that baby is going to let you enjoy ice cream.”
“Alright,” I agreed.
I packed up my things, put on the rain boots and jacket, and we set out for her place.
The wind felt like it was slapping me with rain.
We kept our heads down and ran across campus to her condo.
When we reached Clair’s condo, she made us tea.
We sat on the couch, curled up under blankets, and watched a movie on her iPad since the power was off.
It was nice. Exactly what I needed and a lot better than sitting in the lab by myself.
Maybe I didn’t have to do this alone after all.