Chapter 2
Logan is happy here, like properly happy, content and at peace with everything, which kinda makes me happy too.
Extract from Tilly’s journal
After a cheeky late-afternoon pint propping up the bar and flirting outrageously with barmaid Rosie, Logan Wray took a detour on the way back from the pub and followed the gravel track through the woodland, away from the hamlet of Knock towards Loch Ba.
He’d known Rosie for years and she’d always been a good laugh, but he hadn’t got to know her properly until the last couple of years.
She was no replacement for Tilly though, who was off on a romantic day out with Cal, getting up to goodness knows what.
Actually, he knew exactly what she’d be doing with Cal, because she’d been doing it with him for a good chunk of the summer.
He tried to channel his thoughts into the surroundings, breathing deeply as he walked.
The fresh air was deliciously warm, although it was tinged with the pungent smell of manure.
It wasn’t humid though, and so far he’d managed to escape the attention of any midges.
The grassy slope to his right was studded with bushes, trees and a few cows lazing in the sun.
A couple of them had calves and they watched him as he walked by.
The pearly-blue sky was streaked with wisps of white and in the distance the loch shimmered as if it was constantly winking at him – teasing him more like, as much as his thoughts about Tilly and Cal were.
He stopped before he reached the loch and sat on a rock. The path continued in a zigzag along the south shore and the hills that sloped down to the water on both sides were hazy in the sunshine. Logan sighed and swigged from his bottle of water.
The summer would have been a hell of a lot easier if he’d hooked up with someone too.
Rosie had been great fun to flirt with, but that was all it had been.
He loved staying with Aunt Joy, but it was Tilly who he’d wanted to spend the most time with, in a place that was special.
Mull had a way of pulling him back like a magnet; it was the only place he’d ever thought of as home.
It was different here than the student house he’d shared with Tilly and two other friends.
They certainly ate a lot better, with his aunt cooking meals using fresh local ingredients and produce from her kitchen garden.
He picked up a small stone and rolled it between his fingers.
Meadow pipits darted about, sweeping down into the long grass and flying up again.
He noticed a middle-aged couple strolling hand in hand back along the path that hugged the shore, so he wasn’t completely alone, but it was peaceful.
Time was ticking by and in a week or two, he and Tilly would be leaving; the thought lay heavy in his chest.
Despite her grief, his aunt had managed to make a life for herself in a place that should have been a forever home for her and her husband Robert.
She had good friends on the island and seemed to know everyone, yet ever since she’d lost Robert in her late twenties, she’d always lived alone.
That worried Logan. Perhaps he would come back and stay for a while.
With Tilly off solo travelling for a few months, Edinburgh wouldn’t be the same without her.
Logan left the loch and retraced his steps along the track lined with larch trees and gorse bushes. He took the single-lane road back past The Loch Tavern and turned off onto the private track that led to his aunt’s house and neighbouring Wood Farm.
Tilly was his best friend, yet the way he was thinking about her strayed way beyond friendship. Maybe it would be a good thing to put some distance between them, even if he’d miss her like crazy.
Loch View House came into sight, its pigeon-grey stone and elegant lines blending into the tree-filled garden.
Across the other side of the driveway was Loch Cottage, his aunt’s holiday let, made of traditional white stone and nestled in its own private garden.
In the distance, Loch Na Keal shimmered in the sunlight.
Despite his aunt losing her husband at a heartbreakingly young age, Logan understood why she’d stayed.
Where else would she have found such peace and beauty?
Aunt Joy was sitting on the back step shelling peas. The meadow that sloped down to the boundary fence with Wood Farm was bathed in sunshine and butterflies fluttered over the tall grasses.
‘The white-tailed eagles are back.’ Aunt Joy pointed towards the loch.
Logan shaded his eyes. ‘How on earth can you tell from this far away?’
‘It’s the size of them. And you can just make out the sun catching their white feathers.’ She popped a pod open and ran her thumb down it. The peas dropped into the bowl. She glanced up. ‘Will Tilly be back for dinner?’
Logan shrugged, his attention on the two eagles silhouetted against the sun-bleached sky. ‘She’s out with Cal for the rest of the day, I expect. Probably the evening too.’
‘Mmm.’ Aunt Joy popped the bowl of peas down and folded her arms.
Logan frowned. ‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Don’t give me that.’ He shook his head. ‘I know you’re dying to say something, so spit it out.’
‘Cal’s a lovely lad and I can see the appeal—’
Logan snorted.
‘But she’s making a mistake.’
‘Aunt Joy, you don’t know Tilly the way I do—’
‘That’s true, but I do know Cal since he was a wee boy. A man like Cal, born and bred on the island, his family live and breathe the land. A rugged Scottish farmer tied to this place isn’t going to satisfy a woman as free-spirited as Tilly.’
‘Oh, I think he’s satisfying her plenty.’ Logan couldn’t keep the tone of resentment out of his voice.
Aunt Joy chuckled.
Logan sat next to her on the stone step. ‘Anyway, it doesn’t matter what you think.’
She pursed her lips, stretched out her legs and crossed her ankles.
Logan sighed. ‘She’s in love with Cal and—’
‘What makes you so sure she’s in love with him?’ Aunt Joy gave him a stern look. ‘Infatuated maybe, but not necessarily in love.’
‘It looks a lot like love to me. Spending time with Cal is what’s mattered to her this summer.’ He hated the way the ball of resentment grew in his chest. His best friend was happy, so he should be happy for her, and yet…
Aunt Joy breathed deeply and ran her fingers down her skirt. ‘And you’re in love with her.’
‘No I’m not.’
‘Like hell you’re not! I do know what love looks like.’ She peered at him over the rim of her tortoiseshell glasses like a teacher about to give a pupil a telling-off. ‘You should do something about it.’
‘Out of the question. And you’re not to either.
No meddling.’ He rested his elbows on his knees and stared across the long grass of the meadow to the gorse bushes dotting the edge of the garden.
‘Me and Tilly are friends. Best friends since we were thirteen, as you well know. I don’t want anything to ruin that. ’
Aunt Joy gave a tight-lipped nod.
‘Promise me you won’t say anything,’ Logan stressed.
‘If that’s what you want, then my lips are sealed. Just be mindful you don’t regret not telling her how you feel.’
‘That’s my choice to make.’
‘Aye, and it’s my prerogative to see you happy. That’s my purpose and what makes me happy.’
Logan took her hand and flashed her a look that he hoped conveyed his desire for her to stay silent on the subject.
Aunt Joy placed their hands to the centre of her chest. ‘But I promise I will not say a thing.’ She got to her feet. ‘Let’s take a stroll before we cook. Grab the binoculars will you.’
They followed the grassy path through the meadow to the garden gate and took the gravel track that cut between Wood Farm’s fields, where sheep grazed and a grey horse was half-hidden by gorse.
When they reached the pebbled shore of the sea loch, they stood in silence listening to the splashes from the water and the birdsong drifting from the trees behind them.
The white-tailed eagles were distant now, black shadows high in the sky.
Two geese honked as they flew low across the loch.
Logan could happily stand here for hours watching and waiting to see what they could spot. He wished Tilly was with them.
Behind them, the Ben More mountain range dominated the skyline in this part of Mull – the heart of the island, Aunt Joy described it as.
Mull was the second largest island of the Inner Hebrides and accessible by ferry, yet the central area around Loch View House was wild and felt remote despite it being relatively easy to get to.
The whole island with its colourful port town of Tobermory – made famous by a children’s TV programme – and 300 miles of unspoilt coastline evoked a sense of freedom and possibility.
Logan always felt that way when he was here.
Even though he loved his life in Edinburgh, the Isle of Mull had captured his heart a long time ago, the same way it had for his aunt when she’d first set foot here with Robert decades before.
‘As we’re talking honestly,’ Logan said, breaking their silence. ‘Are you ever going to go out for a meal with Ivor?’
Aunt Joy’s forehead scrunched as she studied him coolly. She pursed her lips and pushed her glasses further up her nose. ‘He invited me for dinner a year ago,’ she said stiffly.
‘My point exactly.’
Aunt Joy dropped the binoculars back round her neck and wandered along the shore, her sturdy boots crunching over the stones.
Logan jogged to catch up. ‘What do you have to lose by having a meal with him? You’re already friends; it might cheer him up.’
Ivor, the neighbour who lived at Wood Farm with his daughter Màiri, was a grumpy widower and a man of few words since he’d lost his wife two years before, yet he had a soft spot for Aunt Joy. Logan had caught sight of them on many occasions talking across the fence.
‘I have no interest in being anything other than friends with Ivor,’ she said curtly. ‘He’s been to dinner parties at mine and I’ve invited him for afternoon tea with friends, but I don’t wish to give him hope when there will never be anything more.’
‘And yet you’re persuading me to open my heart to my best friend.’
Aunt Joy stopped short and faced him. ‘That’s different. I’m not in love with Ivor, while you are with Tilly.’
Logan’s cheeks flushed hot. He’d never admitted his feelings about Tilly to his aunt.
He’d only ever talked about her as a friend, and yet his aunt had seen past what he’d said to the truth.
Why she’d brought the subject up today, he had no idea, mentioning the ‘L’ word twice in a short space of time.
The stones clunked as they strolled to the edge of the loch, the clear water lapping almost to their feet. Once again, his thoughts wandered to Tilly; where she was and what she was doing with Cal. Bad idea. A mix of anger and longing rushed through him that he didn’t know how to quash.
‘I am content on my own.’ Aunt Joy’s hushed voice broke through the bubbling rush of the water onto the shore. She tucked her arm in his. ‘No one can ever replace Robert and I have no desire to be anything other than friends with my neighbour.’
They retraced their steps back towards the house. The sunlight was softening, the heat of the August day dissipating beneath the patchy shade of the trees.
‘This will all be yours one day,’ Aunt Joy said as the house came into view.
Logan tightened his grip on her arm. ‘Don’t talk like that.’
‘Why on earth not? I’ve lived with loss for so many years, losing Robert and your darling mum far too young. Whether you want to think it or not, I’m entering my twilight years—’
‘Mid-life.’
‘That’s stretching it a wee bit! I’m sixty-six, well past middle-aged.
Twilight can be the most exciting time, at least in nature.
All those creatures emerging at dusk. How often have we sat together watching the bats flit between the trees and listening to the owls before realising it’s pitch-black.
Then we stay out for longer marvelling at the stars.
There’s something special about that time of day.
It’s how I wish to think of the latter years of my life. ’
Logan didn’t want to contemplate losing her. She was the only family who mattered, the sole person in his life, apart from Tilly, who had always been there for him when his childhood and teens had been challenging and rootless. She was his aunt, but also a mother figure and a friend.
Aunt Joy scooped up the bowls of shelled peas on their way inside.
Even with the windows wide open, it was warm in the kitchen, and the sunlight streaming through made the dust motes twirl.
A pile of chard from the garden was on the work surface, and while Aunt Joy set about scrubbing some potatoes, Logan made them a cup of tea.
They ate at the patio table, tucking into lamb chops, sautéed chard, peas, new potatoes and roasted summer squash. They chatted until the sun began to set, turning the sky amber, then pale gold, before it dipped behind the hill on the other side of the loch.
Picking up her glass of red wine, Aunt Joy leaned back in her chair.
‘When I was your age, my life was full of promise and hope, sharing it with Robert. I wish you’d known him.
’ She exhaled deeply. ‘I want that for you – that happiness and hope for your future. I wouldn’t change the time I had with Robert, however short-lived and heart-breaking it was. ’
‘Did you ever consider leaving here?’ Logan swept his arm around.
‘Aye, for a brief time.’
‘Why did you stay?’
‘Because it was our home. It was where I felt closest to Robert. Where else would I have gone? Your mum was about to go to university and I refused to return to London to live with our parents and prove them right that I’d made a mistake by running off to Scotland.
Anyway, I’d fallen in love with Mull almost as much as I had with Robert. It was the only place I wanted to be.’
Logan couldn’t comprehend the strength his aunt must have had to not only forge ahead on her own in the wake of such loss, but to make a successful life. Her strength and determination had always been admirable, but it was more apparent now he was older.
Aunt Joy reached across the table and took his hand. Hers was soft and her gold wedding band caught his eye, gleaming in the fading light. ‘What I’ve been trying to say in a roundabout way is at some point you have to be brave or else you’ll miss out on love.’