Chapter 3
I’m buzzing about travelling on my own terms, going to places I want to see rather than being dragged from place to place by my parents. I’m going to miss Mull though, and Joy. I’ll miss everything about this summer – great sex with Cal (hee hee!) and long heart-to-hearts with Logan.
Extract from Tilly’s journal
Tilly and Logan made their way back from the pub with their arms resting across each other’s shoulders.
They weren’t quite staggering, but one pint had turned into four and neither of them had eaten anything since breakfast. They concentrated on their footing, watching out for potholes as the sun dipped on the horizon and cast lengthening tree shadows across the road.
Although they hadn’t set a definite date to leave Mull, the decision had been made for them as one of their friends was having a leaving party in Edinburgh before he headed back to Norway. Not wanting to miss it, ferry tickets had been booked.
It’s time to move on, Tilly thought as she and Logan knocked into each other.
After three years of studying, living and partying in Edinburgh, she needed to do something different, and travelling would give her the time to sort through all the ideas and decisions she needed to make about her future.
A wave of sorrow hit her. Finding out a month ago that her grandmother had died hadn’t upset her at the time, not when she hadn’t known her, but being left a significant amount of money in the will had left Tilly conflicted.
It offered financial security and an opportunity she didn’t want to waste, but it had been a surprising gift from someone she’d only met once.
‘Are you seeing Cal this evening?’ Logan asked as they reached the lane that led to the house.
‘Nope.’
‘But we’re leaving in the morning.’ Logan looked at her with disbelief. ‘Does he know that?’
She plucked a leaf from a nearby tree and shrugged, before tossing it to the wind.
‘You’re not going to say goodbye?’
‘Goodbyes are too hard.’ Tilly knew Logan understood that sentiment, even if his furrowed look suggested he didn’t agree.
It was cowardly to leave without saying a word, particularly after Cal had bared his soul to her on Langamull Beach less than two weeks ago.
She’d told him she’d think about coming back to Mull, but the reality was they were too young to be considering a future together.
She was taking the easy way out by running away.
Perhaps she owed him a conversation, but she’d still be letting him down whether she talked to him or not.
On a selfishly personal note, it would dredge up emotions that she’d long buried.
And he didn’t love her; it was an infatuation – a summer fling that had been fun while it lasted.
Ending things abruptly would be like whipping off a plaster and that was always for the best. She was doing Cal a favour.
Logan wouldn’t try to talk her out of it, because he understood how challenging it was for her to leave a place and a person behind when she’d spent her childhood doing just that.
Getting close to someone came with huge emotional risk, she’d learnt that the hard way many times when she was younger, bouncing from country to country wherever work took her parents.
She was not willing to put herself in that situation again.
‘I want to spend our last night here with you and Joy.’ She tightened her grip across Logan’s shoulder, but it was awkward when he was tall and broad.
She dropped her arm to his waist, while his remained firm across her shoulders.
‘This place is magic and I’m going to be sorry to leave, but it’s a new start for both of us. ’
They usually told each other everything, but she hadn’t said a word to Logan about Cal asking her to stay or that he’d told her he loved her.
It made her shudder to think both of what Cal had said and what Logan would make of it.
The idea of settling down with someone and building a life together was an alien concept when she’d never had a positive role model within her broken family.
Opening up her heart and putting her trust in someone by tying her future to them paved the way to hurt, loss, disappointment and starting over.
She’d had enough of those things already.
Although their last day was tempered with sadness, Aunt Joy didn’t let it show, jokingly berating them about their drunkenness as the garden gate slammed behind them.
‘We need to get some food into you two! Afternoon drinking.’ Joy tutted, but a smirk tugged at her lips as she snapped a photo of them. ‘What were you thinking?’
Tilly didn’t like to point out that afternoon drinking had been a regular occurrence over the last three years, while Logan cajoled his aunt with a hug and planted a kiss on her forehead.
Tilly loved seeing their close relationship and the easy way they had with each other, something that was so far removed from her own experience with family.
Joy was as upbeat as ever, busying about her kitchen, putting together a simple dinner of hot smoked trout from the Tobermory Fish Company, new potatoes and a salad from her vegetable garden. She ordered them around, getting them to gather cutlery and make a salad dressing.
They sat outside on the picnic table in the patchy shade of an apple tree.
They’d been blessed with beautiful weather for their last day on Mull.
They tucked into the rich, flaky trout and buttery new potatoes in silence.
There was much Tilly would miss, but the food, the scenery and the company was top of her list.
Logan was her best friend, so by extension she felt close to Joy too – she had a far more meaningful relationship with her than she had with her own absent parents and certainly the wider family she knew little of.
‘I hope you’re going to continue writing a journal after you leave here, Tilly.’ Joy’s voice was sweet and full of praise. ‘I think it’s a healthy habit to have. I might start writing one myself.’
‘A place like this is inspiring.’ Tilly gazed across the meadow to the wooden bench beneath the oak tree with its view to the loch. She’d sat there most days to scribble her thoughts in a notebook.
‘I’m sure you’ll be just as inspired by Thailand and Vietnam.’ Joy clasped her hands on the table. ‘I do worry about you travelling on your own.’
Tilly popped the last forkful of the trout in her mouth. ‘I’ll be fine. I’m used to travelling on my own; been doing it since I was young when either my mum or dad would stick me on a train or plane to go to boarding school.’
‘This is different, though.’
‘Yeah.’ Tilly laughed. ‘I’m an adult!’
Joy’s smile was sad as she turned to Logan. ‘You didn’t want to go travelling with Tilly?’
Logan held his aunt’s gaze. ‘I’ve enjoyed being in the same place for the last few years. I intend to do more of that, although whether it’ll be in Edinburgh, I’m not sure yet.’
‘Or here.’ Joy’s smile was genuine this time. She patted his hand. ‘I’ve adored having you stay this summer.’ She raised her glass of wine. ‘I’m going to miss you both.’
Although Joy had been born and raised in London, after decades in Mull, she’d picked up Scottish words and a gentle lilt.
‘I’ll be back soon,’ Logan choked out.
Joy gave a sharp nod. ‘You can stay for as long as you want, you only need to say. This is your home as much as mine.’ She pushed her glasses into her silver hair. ‘And I’m including you in that offer, Tilly. You’re welcome any time.’
The lump in Tilly’s throat grew. She didn’t want to spend their last evening an emotional mess, but with Joy saying things like that and Logan looking all wistful and on the verge of tears, it was hard not to.
‘I’m going to miss you, Joy. Thank you for letting me stay.’
‘It’s been my pleasure having you here, seeing you both together and happy.’ She looked as if she was going to say something else, then thought better of it.
* * *
After dinner, Joy bustled about as if needing to keep busy and not dwell on it being their last evening together. They helped her clear away and wash up.
It wasn’t unusual for Joy to go to bed early, but Tilly hoped she’d join them for a drink by the loch when Logan suggested it.
‘I’ll let you two enjoy your last night together.
’ She hugged Logan tight. When she pulled away, she gave him a look that Tilly couldn’t decipher, a silent exchange that made his cheeks flush.
‘I’m going to bed with a book.’ She smiled softly, although there was melancholy in her tone.
‘I’m a creature of habit.’ She kissed Tilly’s cheek. ‘Goodnight.’
The lump in Tilly’s throat returned as Joy retreated along the hallway and picked up her book from the sideboard.
Logan grabbed four bottles of beer from the fridge and they made their way through the garden and down the path to the shore of Loch Na Keal.
There was a weathered tree stump on the shingle beach, its roots like worn fingers of driftwood with seaweed caught in them that glowed merlot-red in the sunshine.
The landscape was bathed in the remnants of the sunset, and across the loch, the hills were silhouetted against the salmon-pink and amber streaking the sky.
They sat together on the tree stump with their shoulders touching.
Logan handed her a beer. ‘You’ve been quiet today. Are you sad to be leaving?’ It was possible that he was fishing for more about her and Cal.