Chapter 22
I like my own company, but I have lots of friends. Exploring the island with them and on my own has filled my life with rich experiences, discovering the island’s hidden gems beyond iconic Calgary Bay, Tobermory and Duart Castle.
Extract from Joy’s journal
After leaving Iona and returning to Fionnphort, they bought two portions of battered langoustines and chips from The Creel Seafood Bar for lunch and drove the short distance to Fidden Beach.
With Barney asleep at their feet, they sat on Tilly’s camping chairs and watched the sea rippling in and the birds wheeling overhead as they ate.
They left the beach with full stomachs and continued the journey along a relatively fast road with plenty of pull-in places towards Lochbuie – somewhere Tilly had always wanted to go.
It felt very much like old times chatting and singing together – Logan decently, Tilly badly – but it also occurred to her as she drove that it was intense to spend this much time together after only a couple of days here and there in recent years.
Was she even cut out for living with someone?
The strain on her relationship with Stefan had been amplified by them sharing a home, going from casually committed to in each other’s pockets almost overnight.
That was why she’d used work as an escape.
Maybe she was the problem: too set in her ways and too independent.
Or perhaps she liked her own company and found it easier to only rely on herself.
Yet with Logan it had always felt natural and easy, both their friendship and the living together bit.
But friendship and love were two different things, while the combination promised something messy and undefined.
She’d always been wary of giving her heart to someone, particularly when she was younger and too much of a free spirit.
There’d been lots about Cal that appealed, from his sexy Scottish accent and rugged good looks to his kind and thoughtful personality and family-orientated ways.
Perhaps that had scared her more than anything.
He had a big loving family who were his world and he’d invited her to be a part of something that had felt alien – despite the appeal, it had made her pull away just as much.
Her decision to leave and not look back all those years ago had felt right, but it didn’t stop her wondering how different life could have been if she hadn’t ended up alone.
I’m not alone now, Tilly told herself as they turned off the main road onto a single-track lane and the start of the eight-mile journey to scenic Lochbuie on the south coast.
‘I did warn you about the drive,’ Logan said as a car appeared around a bend. Tilly hit the brake and screeched to a stop on a narrow and winding section.
‘You also said it was worth the drive.’ She put the campervan into reverse.
‘It is. You just need to have nerves of steel, particularly this first bit.’ Logan pointed ahead. ‘They’re right by a pull-in spot – you’ll be able to squeeze past.’
Tilly’s heart fluttered with anxiety as the car up ahead manoeuvred into a space next to a drop studded with trees. She edged her campervan between them and the side of the road.
Once the road hugged Loch Spelve and they could see further, she breathed easier.
There was little traffic heading to such an out-of-the-way place.
She was concentrating on the road so much that it was hard to take in the surroundings as they continued past Loch Uisg and slowed for a sheep to move onto the grass verge.
The road was tree-lined and would be lush and green later in the spring.
The loch was still, and a cool deep blue, surrounded by moss-covered hills.
‘How much further?’ she asked when the loch gave way to marshy fields and it felt like the road was never going to end.
‘You sound like an impatient kid.’
‘I’m a stressed driver who needs a coffee. Or a G she’d have preferred a hotel in Dubai or an overwater villa in the Maldives rather than an Airbnb on a farm in Devon.’
‘She was the high-maintenance one, right?’
Tilly sensed Logan’s eyes on her. ‘You remember?’
‘I remember the way you talked about her; you seemed like chalk and cheese. You deserved someone who appreciated you for who you are.’
‘You never said anything.’ There was an edge of uncertainty in his tone. Or was it hurt?
‘It wasn’t my place to say.’
‘You’re my best friend; of course it was.’
Why hadn’t Tilly said anything? She tried hard to think back while being aware of the questions doing so would throw up.
Had she been jealous of Logan’s relationship with a woman he’d seemed besotted with?
A woman who Tilly had been certain wasn’t right for him, even though she’d never met her.
She’d never desired to meet anyone Logan had been with, although of course she had over the years.
It seemed to be the same for him too. When she was in a relationship, they’d see less of each other.
Neither of them had had a long-term relationship; Logan’s exes had been little more than flings, while two years with Stefan had been her longest. Had she been harbouring romantic feelings for Logan all this time and never realised?
Had she never allowed the idea to manifest into possibility or even admit the truth to herself?
Those troubling thoughts were pushed to the back of her mind as they finally reached Lochbuie.
They drove past The Old Post Office, a glass-fronted café overlooking a bay surrounded by dusky-green hills.
It had mostly been cloudy since they’d left Fionnphort, but the sun had broken through on the drive and now the sea glimmered a deep royal blue and the sky was a lighter shade with puffy white clouds gathering over the hills.
They stopped in an overnight camping area on the far side of the bay alongside another couple of campervans.
‘Thank goodness,’ Tilly said under her breath as she got out and stretched. Her shoulders were aching from spending the last thirty minutes hunched over the steering wheel.
Having lived in cities for most of her adult life, it was only when surrounded by the sea and mountains that she realised how much she craved open spaces.
She felt like she was being healed by salty air, song-filled dawns and downtime.
She was enjoying early nights and early starts, whereas back in Newcastle she’d have early starts coupled with late nights usually spent scrolling on her phone searching for her next renovation project.
She was always on the go and rarely able to switch off, while here she had because she felt at ease and content.
The Isle of Mull and Logan: they were as close as she’d ever got to having somewhere to call home and a person she was happy to live with.
As friends – of course as friends. Except the possibility of more was rumbling below the surface.
She looked at Logan now as he strolled with Barney to the edge of the camping area, the two of them silhouetted against the hazy blue backdrop of sea and sky.
A thought crashed into her head that made her body heat as she imagined tracing her fingers across his stubbled cheek and bringing her lips to his again.
Their love for each other had been unconditional and platonic.
However much their lives had diverged, they always found their way back to each other.
But what if they could love each other in a different way – physically as well as emotionally, while combining that with the friendship, years of trust and shared memories?
Tilly paced away from the campervan and stood apart from Logan and Barney with her hands on her hips.
Her head was in overdrive, spitting out all sorts of possibilities that she wouldn’t have considered a week ago.
She breathed in the sea air and willed her racing heart to calm.
Barney shot past her, running back and forth as he sniffed the long grass.
She was certain there wasn’t a bad view on Mull, but this one was new and felt special, partly because it had taken an effort to get to.
It had everything: the wide open sky, the vastness of the ocean, the whole area bordered by a mountainous landscape and the coast dotted with beaches that she wanted to explore.
Logan joined her, standing shoulder to shoulder as he too took in the beauty of the place. The white-tipped waves churned onto the rocky shore. A heron took off, flapping into the air.
‘Fancy a coffee then a walk?’ Logan broke the silence, stirring Tilly from her daydreaming.
‘Sounds good to me.’
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