Chapter 32 #2
He was unable to hold Cal’s gaze, which was probably a good indication of the sort of tension the last few days had produced.
‘She has a habit of running away when things get too much,’ Cal said gently. There was no underlying bitterness to his words, just concern.
Logan met Cal’s eyes and nodded. ‘She does. I’ve known her long enough to realise that. Still, didn’t stop me from making an epic mistake.’
One of the waitresses came over to say hello to Cal and take their order.
Logan sat back in the cushioned seat and breathed in the sweet scent of flowers mixed with the earthy dampness of the grass and a waft of a stronger farmyard smell.
Being on Mull was a chance to take stock.
He was thirty-five, but he still felt rootless even after living in Edinburgh for years and building a successful business.
He wanted more from life, but that was all tied up in the person who was trying her hardest to keep her distance.
The waitress left and Cal turned his attention back to Logan.
‘I don’t know what’s gone on between the two of you – and you don’t have to tell me – but I don’t blame her any longer for leaving without saying goodbye that summer.
’ He cleared his throat and sipped his coffee.
‘I didn’t know anything about her childhood or that you two were dumped at boarding school and bonded that way.
She’s caught me up on quite a few things that have made sense of the way she behaved.
I’d always assumed you’d been friends for years, but I hadn’t realised quite how intense your friendship was or the reason why. ’
‘Neither of us was keen on sharing our difficult childhoods – at least not with other people.’
‘You always shared stuff with me.’ Rosie clasped her hands on the table. ‘Although, admittedly, I’ve had to twist it out of you at times. You’ve drip-fed me info over the years.’
‘But that’s only because you’ve been honest with me about yourself. It made me want to open up to you too.’
‘And Tilly’s never had anyone like that in her life besides you?’ Rosie asked.
‘I guess not.’ Logan quickly turned to Cal. ‘Not that she wouldn’t have wanted to talk to you, I just don’t think she knew how.’
‘Don’t worry, we were young and very different from each other.
’ Cal cleared his throat. ‘And, er, it wasn’t that sort of relationship, even though I wanted it to be more than a summer fling.
She was a couple of years younger, but worldly wise and independent, while I was a sheltered farmer who’d barely left the island. We didn’t have that much in common.’
Their conversation was interrupted by the waitress arriving with their food: creamy beetroot soup with cheese scones for Logan and Rosie, and focaccia with bacon, cheese and rocket for Cal.
‘The cheese is from your farm?’ Logan asked as he spread butter on the scone and dunked it in the rich purply-red soup.
‘Aye, we have a whole industry going on here with the animals, the cheese, the shop and the café, but it helps that we’re a big close-knit family.
’ He tore off a piece of focaccia and popped it in his mouth.
‘But that’s what I was hoping to talk to you about.
We want to diversify further so we’re not reliant on animals and the land; they’re just a part of what we do.
I have an idea to turn the old barns into spaces to rent out to creative people like carpenters, painters, potters – or leatherworkers like yourself.
Those sorts of creative jobs that need space, but I need to know what would work and what would be needed, how to configure the space available.
Rosie said you might have an idea about that? ’
‘Yeah of course, I’d be happy to help.’ Logan caught Rosie’s smile from across the table.
‘Where I’m based in Edinburgh, we have a whole creative community in an old converted shop.
The social aspect is great and the individual workshops are good, but there’s lots that could be improved if it wasn’t so compact. ’
‘Space isn’t a problem here.’ Cal nodded.
‘And I can give you a tour after we’ve eaten.
We got planning permission ages ago, alongside turning this barn into a café, but there’s been no time to focus on the next phase.
I’d like to do something different and build a real community here.
I need a project, something positive I can focus on. ’
Cal’s ability to strive forward and keep busy while supporting his girls was admirable and Logan saw him in a completely different light. Loss had impacted his own life, so he knew something of what Cal was going through and he was determined to help him as much as he could.
‘I know you’re not at that stage yet, but Tilly would be a good person to talk to about the renovations, it’s what she does best…
’ Logan trailed off as his mind pinged to Tilly wherever she was, likely falling in love with her next project – the only thing she ever seemed to be able to commit to, although even then she’d do it up and sell it on.
Cal had a similar drive, needing to channel his grief into something practical to take his attention away from loss.
It would help his family out too and his girls.
The farm would be sustainable and it would mean they weren’t tied to the land, subject to the weather or reliant on the hard daily grind of farming.
A community project and a new-found friendship would be good for them all, except he wasn’t sure how it would work when he and Tilly were back in Edinburgh and Newcastle, miles away from each other again.
His mind was spinning ahead, worrying about the future, when he needed to focus on one day at a time.
‘I know I said you didn’t have to tell me, but what’s happened between you and Tilly?’ Cal broke Logan’s train of thought.
Frowning, Logan glanced between him and Rosie.
‘I’ve not said a word, I promise.’ She held up her hands. ‘Although it’s pretty obvious to anyone who’s been in the vicinity of the two of you over the last few days that something’s going on.’ She shrugged and gave him a look that conveyed ‘I say it like it is’.
Logan sighed, but the way Cal was watching him with such compassion made him want to open up and share, just as he’d done with Rosie earlier.
While he had Rosie to talk to – and ironically now Cal – it was Tilly who would benefit most from someone to talk to other than him.
But getting a different perspective might help him now.
‘Let’s just say since being here, our relationship has moved from friends to something more and I’m not sure where we stand with each other any longer.
’ He swirled the soup with his spoon. ‘At least I don’t know what she’s thinking.
My feelings are crystal-clear and I shared them with her, which is why we’re now in a mess. ’
‘Because you love her?’ Cal asked quietly.
Logan nodded, too choked up to say anything, while being surprised by how easy it was to open up to Tilly’s ex, a man he’d always been jealous of.
Cal clasped his hands on the table and ran his thumb over his wedding ring.
‘The moment I met my wife, I realised that I’d been infatuated with Tilly, not in love.
And there were plenty of signs that I should have spotted before asking her to stay at the end of that summer, because she never would have.
She may have spent lots of time with me, but she was always talking about you.
The connection you two had was evident even then.
I’d fight for her if I was you. Some things are worth it, however challenging and emotional they are.
It’s blatantly obvious that she’s worth it for you. ’