Chapter 42
42
Cat
I ’m drifting in the afterglow while Theo strokes my arm lazily. The sun is bright even through my closed lids, and the heat is perfect.
“That was good,” I say dreamily. “Why haven’t we been doing that the whole time?”
“Because we swore we wouldn’t,” Theo says. “Or did you forget?”
I wave a hand in the air. “We were fools.”
Theo snorts.
“I’m glad we waited,” he says softly, after a minute of silence.
I lever myself up on one elbow so I can see his face. He’s relaxed and boyishly handsome like this, his hair mussed, his eyes half-shut.
“You are?”
“My track record isn’t the best,” he says dryly. “You deserve more than a drunk fuck with the lights off.”
“I wouldn’t have minded that.” I’m not sure that’s the truth, if I’m being perfectly honest with myself.
“Yeah, well, I would have.” He pushes off the lounger and stalks to the bow. He’s magnificent in his nakedness, proud and masculine— long lines, lean hips, those divots at his back before the curve of his butt.
“Are you okay?”
“I hate that the spectre of every other woman is in bed with us,” he says, turning to me with burning eyes. “Don’t say you haven’t thought about it.”
“Well, you are the perfect man to help with the list,” I say lightly.
He shuts his eyes briefly. “I hate that.”
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” I frown. “I’ve never resented you for enjoying yourself. It would be pretty hypocritical of me, since I created a bucket list of sex items. Besides, you could have a relationship if you wanted to.”
He snorts disbelievingly. Realization crawls through me, ugly and black. “You don’t think you could.”
“I never have before.” His gaze is stark. “Every woman who’s slept with me has walked away.”
Theo’s told me this before, but I didn’t realize how much it affected him. The look in his eyes looks a hell of a lot like self-loathing.
“Is that why you only do one night stands? Push people away before they can push you away?”
“It’s not a rule. Not like Jonah had. But sure, if you want to get psychoanalytical about it.” He shrugs. “There’s something broken in me. Some piece missing. I’m not a settling down kind of guy.” He looks back out over the railing, his profile lonely and stark against the blue water and the bright blue sky.
I stand. Theo’s been trying to fill that missing piece with wild nights for years. I slip my arms around his stomach, press my cheek to the sun-warmed skin of his back, my palms close to his heart and his lungs, right over the essence of this man who is so much more than he realizes.
“Nothing is broken,” I tell him.
I feel his hard swallow under my cheek. “Feels like it is.”
“I think you might surprise yourself,” I say. “You have hidden depths. I’ve seen them. ”
He shifts, and I let him turn, until he’s looking down at me with that bleak expression. “You’re the only one who believes in me, Cat.”
“That’s not true,” I say fiercely.
“Nah. It is. I’m used to it. I’m the good time guy. Nothing more.” His words are nonchalant but his face is anguished.
“You might think the worst of yourself, but I refuse to,” I tell him.
Before he can object, I press my face to his chest and wrap my arms around him in a hug that mimics a straitjacket, squeezing him tightly, because I’ll do anything to make him see that’s not true. In my head, a plan to starts to take shape. One that will help Theo get the legacy he’s always wanted.
I end up at the door to Lane and Miles’s suite that night. Theo is working, and I can’t ruminate on my father’s words anymore. I’m going to go insane.
I knock, and Lane answers the door. She’s wearing a huge fluffy robe and has her hair up in a bun. I look down at my own robe and laugh.
“Hi, there,” she says.
“Who is it?” Miles’s voice comes from behind her. “I told you. We have plenty of champagne and—oh. Hey, Cat.”
Miles is wearing a robe too. I press my hand to my mouth and try not to laugh at how comically small it is on him.
“Am I interrupting?” I ask.
“Oh, no,” Lane says sweetly.
Miles glowers at her.
“I need to talk to someone,” I say, suddenly uncertain. Lane and I are friends, but not like that. Not enough for me to chase her boyfriend out of their suite and spill my problems onto her lap.
“Miles will find somewhere else to go,” she says. “Come in.”
“I will?” the man in question asks with raised brows. “But we were going to—”
“Sweetheart.” Lane gives him a meaningful look .
“Got it.” He raises his hands and heads for their room.
Lane is texting. “I’m getting Callie. Is that okay?”
“Sure. Of course.” I flop onto the massive couch. Callie arrives as Miles is heading out.
“Jonah will hang out with you,” she tells him.
“Is he done being pissy about that deal we didn’t win?” Miles asks.
“No.” She shrugs. “Help him let off some steam before I kill him, please.”
Callie smiles at me as Miles leaves. She seems lovely, and I guess she would have to be in order to survive Jonah. Not survive, thrive , if the way he’s wrapped around her finger is any indication.
“Girls’ night?” she asks, settling onto the couch and pulling the champagne bucket toward her. “Oh, Lane, you got the good stuff.”
“Yes, well, much to Miles’s disappointment, our plans for that champagne have been derailed.” Lane smiles meaningfully.
“I can go,” I say. “I don’t want to interrupt your plans. They sound…energetic.”
Lane and Callie laugh.
“It’s fine.” Lane waves her hand in the air. “I’m curious.”
“And I’m nosy,” Callie adds. “Reporter. Sorry.” She gives an unrepentant grin and starts pouring champagne.
“I think,” I say slowly, “that I’m in danger of making a very bad mistake.” I take an unsteady gulp of champagne.
Both women sit up straighter.
“Go on,” Lane says warily.
I look at both of them, so confident and strong in their relationships and in themselves. “I’m falling for him.” I look at Lane while I say this, my throat tight.
It’s Callie who sucks in a little breath. “You’re not happy about it?” she asks. “I mean, I don’t know you that well, but you don’t seem happy about it.”
“I can’t fall for him.” I sound desperate. I feel desperate.
“Because it’s fake?” Callie asks.
“Because you loved him before, and he broke your heart,” Lane says quietly .
“That.” I nod. “It was stupid. I was young, and so was he, but he walked away. And you guys know how he behaved in the interim. Years of seeing him all over the tabloids convinced me that we never would have worked, that I wasn’t good enough, and that he wasn’t loyal enough to make a relationship work anyway. And now—” I swallow. “I think I might have been wrong.”
“Shit,” Callie says.
That soft curse makes me smile. “Yeah, shit.”
“I don’t understand why that’s so bad,” Lane says.
“You’re a hopeless romantic,” Callie responds. “I was exactly where Cat is now just six months ago. Men don’t change, right?”
“People don’t change. Just look at my father. I’ve been waiting for him to change for years.” I bite my lip. “Except it seems, maybe, like Theo has. Or maybe I didn’t see him clearly. Either way, if I fall for him…I can’t fall for him.” Resolve strengthens my voice. “I can’t. ”
“But what if you do?” Lane points out. “Would it be terrible?”
“I’d always be waiting for him to leave. This marriage has an end date. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“You should talk to him,” Callie says. “You never know what a good conversation might reveal. I was scared too, you know.” She gives me a small smile. “I was convinced Jonah’s life would consume mine. It happened with my ex, and I wanted no part of that again. But he showed me that he was different and that he was willing to make sacrifices for me. He leaves work at five now so we can walk home together. He always lets me pick the restaurant and where we go on vacation, and when I tell him he’s being a jerk, he apologizes immediately. Sorry.” Her smile turns sheepish. “You didn’t need to hear all that.”
“I agree.” Lane sips her champagne thoughtfully. “Talk to him. What’s the worst that could happen?”
I suck in a breath. There are worse things than falling in love with Theo. Like being married to Theo forever and never earning the respect of the board members at Peterson International. Like newspapers assuming I’m just another pampered wife playing with a pet company. I need to make it on my own. And if Theo’s there in the shadows, my triumph will be diluted in everyone’s eyes. In my father’s eyes.
“I don’t think he’s as bad as he pretends,” Lane says. She shrugs. “For what it’s worth. Though I haven’t known him that long or that well.”
“He seems like a bit of an outsider, no?” Callie asks.
“I think he feels that way,” I confirm before I wince. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“What does that mean?” Lane asks. She’s frowning. “I won’t say anything, but I think Miles would be upset to hear that. Theo’s younger than him, and he sees him like a little brother.”
“He’s made some comments to me.” I settle deeper into the couch. “Comments that he thinks he’s only a pretty face. Or not smart enough to really be a full partner in the business.”
“That’s not true,” Callie says. “Jonah talks to me all the time about how glad he is that Theo is back. He’s really worried about the expansion, and he says there’s no one better to handle it.”
The words spark hope in my heart. For Theo, who deserves this more than anyone.
“You’re down bad,” Lane says.
Callie laughs. I cut Lane a look and sigh. “You might be right. Why do I even care so much about his stupid business?”
“Like I said.” Lane grins at me. “How was yachting?”
I blush and take a big gulp of champagne to cool myself.
“That good?” Callie asks, and I nearly spit the champagne onto my lap.
“We slept together,” I say, shutting my eyes.
“Wait. I assumed you’d been sleeping together all along,” Lane says.
“No,” I exclaim. “God, no. I finally cracked, I guess.”
“Sounds like you hated it,” Callie says.
“Oh yes.” Lane nods. “Him being a virgin and all, I bet it was fumbling and terrible.” Her face is solemn.
I bark a laugh. “It was so good.” The words rush out of me. I’m not one to kiss and tell, but it feels good to admit it to Lane and Callie. “I have this bucket list, and on it are a few, um, salacious items, shall we say.”
“The bucket list has sex stuff?” Lane practically yells. “Wait. Is he doing them with you?”
“Oh my god,” Callie whispers. “Like what?”
“Nothing crazy,” I protest. “He’s doing me a favor.”
“Oh yeah, I bet he sees it that way. Just doing his duty.” Lane is smiling.
“Totally. I’m sure you had to beg him to help you with it, right?” Callie says.
“Not exactly.” I clear my throat. “His exact words were if you want to do this with anyone else, you’ll have to divorce me first. ”
“Woof,” Lane says.
Callie bursts out laughing. “I don’t think you should be worried about falling for him, Cat. I think you should be worried about getting a divorce.”
“Why?” I ask.
Callie spears me with a look. “Because I don’t think he’s going to give you one.”