Chapter 48
48
Cat
T heo wants to eat on the couch in the blue living room. There’s a spread on one of the trays. Cheese, crackers, tomatoes, olives, nuts. A bottle of white wine in a silver bucket.
“What is this?” I ask. It looks romantic , something my heart can’t take right now.
“Dinner,” he says. “And a movie if you want one.” He presses the button that makes the flatscreen descend from the ceiling. The opening credits for Ever After are cued up.
Devious man.
I sit myself gingerly on the couch. I feel raw. Worn out and exposed. I want to hide inside my shell, but I promised Theo I’d hear him out. I’m going right back to my room after. He doesn’t deserve more than that.
I lift one of the tomatoes to my nose. The scent is warm and earthy.
“They smell like summer, don’t they?” Theo sits next to me, his arm spread along the back of the couch, his legs sprawled wide. A wicked king in his castle and close enough to touch. Not that I want to.
“They do. Where did you get them?”
He names one of the most expensive restaurants in the city.
“They sold you tomatoes? I didn’t know they did that.”
He gives me a smug, lazy smile. “They don’t. I called in a favor. They have the best tomatoes I’ve ever tasted. I wanted you to try them.”
My stomach leaps, even though I don’t want it to. He’s pursuing me. All part of his apology. It’s not real.
I pop one into my mouth, and the sweet flavor bursts over my tongue. “That’s good,” I say.
He dips his chin.
I busy myself making a plate. I don’t want to look too long at Theo. He’ll make me forget why I’m angry at him. It’s essential that I remember. I refuse to be sucked in again.
“You didn’t just call me here to eat tomatoes,” I say.
“We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. You can eat your dinner and watch a movie, and I’ll sit here.” His voice is low and soothing. “Or I can tell you about how I messed up and how I’ll never do it again.”
My pulse beats in my throat. “Why?” My eyes cut to his. He looks predatory and focused.
“I never had a chance with you. And I’ll do anything to get one.”
“This is fake,” I tell him. It has to be fake.
“Not for me.”
My chest squeezes. “Theo—” I start.
“Don’t,” he says, his face pained. “Don’t tell me you don’t want me. I can’t—please, Cat. Hear me out before you decide.”
He looks so earnest, so agonized , that I nod. I believe him. This might have started as fake, but it’s not anymore. Our fight wouldn’t have hurt so much if it were fake. He pours us glasses of wine, taking his time fiddling with the opener and popping the cork, pouring it carefully and passing it to me. His hand is shaking .
My chest pinches. I might be angry at Theo, but I can hear him out.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “For lashing out at you. I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t know what you’d been through, and I harbored a lot of misconceptions about you for years.”
“I know,” I say softly.
“You were right, earlier, when you said I pitied myself. I was angry a lot when I was younger. My dad left when I was too young to remember him, and I always assumed I wasn’t enough.” He takes a ragged breath. “I thought you felt the same. Every time your father punished you, and you distanced yourself, I thought it was because you didn’t like me.”
My chest pinches. “No, Theo, never.” I shake my head.
“I know,” he says roughly. “My mom told me how you protected me. I didn’t deserve that.”
“You did,” I say, my eyes filling with tears. “I’d do it again.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His mouth twists with unhappiness. “I would have protected you, Cat. I would have done anything to help you.”
“I didn’t want you to know how awful my father was. I know you looked up to him at first.” I twist the wineglass in my hands. Theo idolized my father until he realized who he was deep down. “I didn’t want you to know what he thought of you. You were so proud as a teenager. And dealing with so much. It was better to take the punishment myself. And he—” I swallow. “I didn’t know if he would have hurt you.” My chest is tight with the memories, with the weight of my father’s awful words, his expectations, his pride.
“Cat,” Theo says hoarsely. “Sweetheart. I’m sorry.” He cups my jaw with one warm hand, presses my forehead to his. I can feel his lashes brush my skin. “I swear to you that he will never hurt you again. Or me. I’m strong enough to protect both of us now.” His voice is low and vicious, and I believe him.
I give him a rueful smile when he pulls away. My father might be someone Theo can vanquish, but after this morning, I don’t trust Theo either .
He must see it in my face, because he winces and takes a long gulp of wine. “I carried shame with me for years around my mother’s job.”
“There’s no shame in it,” I say. Oh, Theo. I think back to the long-limbed green-eyed boy he was back then. Wild and reckless, but hiding a tender heart. Just like he is now. Pretending not to love when he loves deeply. So deeply that he pushes people away before they can reject him first. His father was first, and the women came after. He thinks everyone will leave him, that he’s not worthy. Am I willing to prove him right?
I can’t.
I refuse. I believed in Theo back then, and I believe in him today. That’s more important than my pride.
“I know that now, but at twenty, I didn’t. I hated how your parents looked at her, like they didn’t even see her. And I thought you were the same. I know I was wrong.”
“I hated it too,” I say. “She’s wonderful.”
“She is. And I’m glad you had her.”
“Are you? Because I’m pretty sure you hated sharing her.” My voice is dry enough for him to know I’m joking.
His mouth tips up. “Yeah. I did. I was a selfish little shit as a kid.”
I shrug. “I was too. I was spoiled. I don’t really blame you for resenting me. I resented you too.” I’m a better person now. Leaving molded me into a woman I can be proud of instead of the pampered girl I was before.
His head jerks back. “You did?”
I nod. “You had a wonderful childhood. A mom who loved you. Freedom. It’s why I liked hanging out with you so much. You were fun. Reckless, but fun.”
He winces. “Reckless is putting it mildly. I’m lucky I never got you seriously hurt.”
“Would have been something I could add to the list, at least.”
He barks a surprised laugh, and warmth curls inside me. Even if I don’t want it to. Even if I promised myself I would never fall for Theo.
“I never thought about it that way,” he says hoarsely. “I never knew what it was like for you. I couldn’t see beyond my own teenage angst.”
I lift one shoulder. “I know.” And yet it feels good to hear it. “I could have been a little more self-aware too.”
He plates more cheese for me, pours me more wine, selects the best-looking strawberries and tomatoes with care.
“You chose this dinner intentionally,” I say, realization dawning. “You knew I would only give you dinner, so you chose the slowest possible meal.”
He grins at me as he pours a second glass for himself. “Technically, dinner lasts until the wine is done. And I’m a very slow drinker.” He winks and takes the tiniest sip.
My heart feels like it’s growing as he watches me. I take a huge gulp and hold my glass out for more. He laughs, a big laugh, from his chest.
“What would it take to win you?” he asks, all intensity, all focus.
My chest squeezes. Now that my heart is too big, I feel like I can’t breathe. He’s impossibly wonderful and not for me. “I can’t be won, Theo.”
“You know that saying that only makes me want you more.” His frankness draws a laugh from me.
“You’re very persistent.” I like it. Too much. The thought of being pursued by Theo makes me flush with pleasure.
“Oh, baby. You have no idea.” He watches me eat, leaning forward on his knees. “Come with me, Cat.”
My skin prickles under his scrutiny. “Come with you where?”
“To my house in the Hamptons. I’ll let you drive.”
“That does not make it more enticing,” I say dryly, but inside, I’m hot and wanting and so confused.
“Fine. I’ll drive. But let’s go. Tonight.”
I want to be that girl. The one who says yes, damn the consequences. The one who sucks the marrow out of life. I want Theo. Before I can question it, I smile at him. He looks a little stunned. “I’ll come on one condition,” I say. “We do the whole list. And we don’t come back until it’s finished.”
He laughs, loud and surprised. “Deal, princess.”