Chapter 49
49
Cat
“ W ake up, Theo.”
I poke him in the shoulder, and he groans softly.
“Come on. You said dawn. Let’s go.”
“Changed my mind,” he says in a sleep-rough voice. “Come back to bed.” His hand wraps around my wrist, and he tugs me hard enough that I tumble back into the bed. He scoops me under him until all I feel is warm skin and all I smell is Theo. His lips play over my neck. “Isn’t this better than being awake?”
“We’re supposed to kite surf. You told me this was high tide and the wind would be better in the morning.” Little shivers rack my body as he chases my pulse with his tongue.
“What time is it?” he asks.
“Just before dawn.”
He sighs and lets his forehead drop to my shoulder. I tangle my fingers in his hair. He held me last night without making any moves on me, and I so badly wanted him to, even if I know things are fragile between us.
“All right.” He sighs into my neck, then levers himself up. I could watch him get out of bed a hundred times. His arms flex, then his shoulders, then his abs. Each muscle moves in a dance with the others. “You’re staring, princess,” he says, his green eyes teasing.
“So what if I am?”
He stretches, luxurious and long. “Go ahead. You’re my wife.” The word settles inside of me. It sounds right , and I stop that train of thought in its tracks.
“And that means I can objectify you?” I stand and stretch too, just to watch his gaze sharpen.
He grabs me around the waist, pulls me close. My hands go to his firm chest. “Tell me how much you like me, Cat.”
My pulse speeds at the intensity of his gaze. He’s hungry and full of longing, and I want it all for myself. I might have turned over a new leaf, but I’m still selfish when it comes to Theo.
“I like you,” I say. “I’ve always liked you.” I press a hand to his tattoo. “Do you know that, at seventeen, I thought you were the hottest man I’d ever seen? I compared every boy I met to you.” I smile sheepishly. “I still do.”
“I like that about you,” he murmurs. He squeezes my waist. “I like that you’ve always liked me. I know I’ve been less than perfect.”
“Maybe that’s why I like you so much.” I run my fingers over his sharp jaw, feeling his stubble and his warm skin. “Perfect is boring. Perfect would intimidate me. You have rough pieces like I do.”
“Is that a declaration, Cat? Have I won you yet?” He smiles at me. My heart squeezes.
“I told you I can’t be won.” Liar. Theo is so close to breaching my walls, to keeping me with him forever.
“Guess I’ll have to try harder, then.” He might be smiling still, but his eyes are determined.
“What does trying harder entail? Sounds dangerous.”
He dips his head, lets his lips caress my ear. “Let me show you what it would be like to be my wife.”
“I am your wife,” I say, my voice thready. “How much worse can it get?”
He huffs a laugh, his breath hot and damp on my neck. “My wife for real.” He presses a kiss to my pulse. “Whatever you want, it’s yours. A hundred bucket lists, a thousand trips across the globe. I’ll get up every day at dawn. Work. Don’t work. I don’t care.” He pulls back to smile at me. “Take over the world and use me to do it. I’ll be your sword and shield. You’ll never fight your battles alone. I’ll be right there fighting with you.”
My pulse is pounding. He’s impossibly wonderful. I’m going to fall for him, and it’s going to destroy me. “Theo, I—”
He presses a hard kiss to my lips. “Unless it’s yes, baby, I don’t want to hear it.”
Kite surfing turns out to be really fucking hard. I’m strapped into a training kite that Theo got for me and zipped into the wetsuit he had delivered. It’s cold in the water, especially at this hour. The sun is just peeking over the horizon, but the stiff wind and the cool air are enough to make me wish I was back inside with a book and a mug of coffee.
Theo’s house is perched on a cliff above the water with no neighbors on either side, which makes this beach effectively private. The house is wood and glass, surrounded by scrub trees and grasses that make it blend into the landscape. There are firepits outside and a massive outdoor kitchen for entertaining.
“Come on,” he shouts. “Back up with you.” He’s capably skimming over the water while he keeps an eye on me. We’re not far from shore, but he’s already drilled into me the importance of avoiding winds that could carry me farther out. They’re called offshore winds, and even Theo seems to have a healthy fear of them. Even though he doesn’t have a fear of anything else, as far as I can tell. I glare at his back before I flip the board up the way he showed me, my abdominals already screeching in protest. This kite is small and won’t pull me the way Theo’s is dragging him. I land on the water, already moving, the kite having dragged me through the swell even before I surfaced. The kite twists, and I pull hard on the right bar. Too hard. Shit. It torques the wrong way, and I go under again.
“You’re overcorrecting,” Theo shouts.
“I’ll show you overcorrecting,” I yell back.
He laughs into the wind. “Just one more. Then I’ll let you go.”
Two more. I heave myself up again and try to follow him. I skim along the waves for a second, wind streaming into my face, making my eyes water. The sun is halfway up now, bathing the ocean in color.
“Don’t look now, but you’re really doing it,” Theo says.
I startle and overcorrect again, this time to the left. The board bucks under me with a particularly large swell, but I don’t go under.
Theo whoops. He’s grinning, huge and proud. “How do you feel?”
Scared, I almost say. Fine. But actually, I feel great. “Not like myself,” I shout. “Who is this girl?”
“Remember how wild we used to be?” Theo responds. “She’s been in there all along.” I nearly fall off my board again. He’s right. The girl who used to climb trees and skin her knees and steal alcohol with her best friend is in there. It just takes a nudge to unlock it. It takes remembering how fun it can be to get out of my comfort zone.
It takes Theo.
I tumble into the water at that thought.
Theo doesn’t see it this time, just continues on, sure and strong, unrelenting and infinitely impressive.
I let myself be pulled along briefly before I head for shore. It takes Theo. And what if it does? What if my life would be better with Theo in it? It already has been.
What if I could keep him forever?
I sit in the sand and watch him. I can’t keep him. I have to make it on my own. But the thought of having Theo to support me and cheer me on and force me out of my comfort zone? My chest squeezes.
Who will defend him when he won’t defend himself? Who will make sure he knows how good and worthy he is if I’m not there to tell him? The pressure in my chest builds as I watch him. He’s farther out now and going fast, much faster than we were before. The wind is rising, and a particularly strong gust pulls him out even farther. He doesn’t seem to care, even though I can see him wrestling with the kite. A thread of fear worms into me.
Theo wouldn’t do this if it were that dangerous. He’ll come back in soon. He knows the winds and the water conditions like the back of his hand.
Except he’s still going farther out.
Is the wind going offshore? I can’t tell. And Theo doesn’t seem to be reacting.
I stand in one swift motion. “Come in,” I shout, but he doesn’t respond. He can’t hear me over the wind and the surf.
Fear morphs into full-blown panic. “Theo,” I shout as he tumbles into the water. He’s still being dragged farther out. Has he lost control of the kite? Is that something that happens? He’s grabbing for the edge, and he sinks into the water.
My heart tries to climb up my throat. He can’t die. Not when I’ve just realized I love him.
Fuck.
“Theo,” I shout again. I need to call 911. Or the coast guard. Is that what people call? I don’t have my phone. I need to go inside, but I don’t want to leave him. He’s bundling his kite as he stays afloat. He’s doing a pack-down, I think it’s called. He told me about it earlier, but promised there wouldn’t be strong enough wind to need it. Idiot man. He claims there’s a hole where his heart should be. He fills it with things like this—things that could kill him—so he can feel whole again. Not anymore. Not while I’m here.
He straps his kite to his board and starts to paddle to shore. The fear slowly drains, the lack of adrenaline making me shaky and weak. I want to collapse onto the sand.
I want to scream in his face.
The latter wins out as he strides onto the beach.
“Holy shit,” he pants. He drops the kite and the board, unclips the belt. He’s just in a wetsuit now, sleek and strong and whole. But he nearly wasn’t. And that makes all the difference.
“What the fuck?” I shout .
His eyes go wide as I stride toward him. The sand sinks under me with every step.
“Cat? Everything okay?”
“No, it’s not okay. How can you ask that?” I’m trembling with anger and the remnants of the panic I felt. “I thought you were going to die. You asshole.” I push at his chest. “You kept getting dragged out farther and farther, and I thought you were going to fucking die and leave me here.”
He captures my hand, presses it to his heart. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I just took a risk. I wanted to see if I could go faster. Caught a bad gust of wind.”
“You wanted to go faster. What the fuck?” Angry tears threaten.
“It’s okay, princess. It’s just some fun. What’s the worst that could happen?” He shrugs, and I see red.
“I almost lost you. You could have died.” I’m repeating myself, but maybe he’ll get it through his head. “I know you do this all the time, and maybe you think that people don’t care. Maybe you like the danger, but I—” I swallow. “I saw you out there, and you didn’t even realize you were being carried out and I thought—” Tears clog my throat. “You have to care, Theo. You have to care what happens to you.”
His face is serious now, his bright green eyes troubled. “You care,” he says softly. He clutches my hand.
I nod. “But you need to too. You matter, Theo. You matter, and if you die in a stupid accident because you were chasing an adrenaline high, I’ll—I’ll never forgive you.”
His mouth tips up. “You’ll never forgive me.”
“Shut up,” I grumble. I try to yank my hand back, but he resists.
“Oh no,” he says. “You’re not getting away after that. We’re going to warm you up, and then you’re going to comfort me. You know, since I almost died and all.”
“I hate you,” I say, but my voice sounds weak.
“You love me,” he says, confident and sure.
And damn him, I do.