Chapter 6
The night air was cool on Ben’s skin as he walked Reed out of the hotel. He didn’t need to do it. His brother could’ve easily found his way out, but Ben could tell that Reed wanted to say something to him. Something he didn’t want to say it in front of Clara.
Reed couldn’t have missed the way he basically announced his intentions toward pursuing something with Clara. His brother didn’t miss cues like that. Truthfully, Ben hadn’t done anything to hide it.
His brother faced him, his hands sliding into his trouser pockets.
To the onlooker, Reed looked relaxed and ready to have a conversation.
Reed was both of those things, but because of his military training, he was always aware of what was going on around them.
Ben waited for his brother to collect his thoughts.
“If it was anyone else but you, I’d worry you were making big, emotional life decisions you shouldn’t be making.
But it is you, and it’s with Clara. All I can say is, be very sure this is what you want.
That Clara is the one you want, because that girl has loved you for years, and you have the power to break her heart so thoroughly that returning from it would be nigh on impossible. ”
The thought of hurting Clara had his stomach clenching in knots. Hurting her would be like cutting off his own hand.
What Reed didn’t know was what he would go through if Clara walked away from him.
“She has the exact same power to do that to me too, bro. I need her,” Ben countered, not sure he really believed Reed when he said Clara loved him for years.
That was a hope he couldn’t allow himself to believe.
Now that the Fern scales were well and truly pulled off and he was finally being true to himself, Ben knew that he’d loved Clara for years.
He’d been too stupid, and scared, to tell her.
Reed nodded. “I know that too, which is why I want you to be sure this is what you want, because there is so much both of you can lose.”
Ben sighed. A tiny hint of doubt crept into his conviction that he and Clara were meant to be. That now was their time and he would get what he wanted. He looked at his brother, imploring him to understand what Ben believed deep down.
“It’s time, Reed. I’ve been denying what I truly want for so long.
I fooled myself into believing that I loved Fern.
Like soul deep, everlasting, die if I don’t have it type of love that you have for Lauren.
I didn’t. Do I look like I’m devastated that I found out what I did on my wedding day?
That I’m standing out the front of a hotel talking to you instead of dancing with my new wife? ”
Reed chuckled softly. “No, you don’t. If anything, you look more energized. Happier than you have been for months. I know you made the right decision and I know that you’re making the right one now. Don’t let her go, Ben. I think you know what Clara is to you.”
“Yeah I do.” Ben grabbed his brother for a hug. During the years that Reed had served, Ben had missed him like crazy. Now that he was back and living in Perth, Ben was glad he had his brother close.
“Not sure if you and Clara will want to do this, but we’re taking Charlee to the zoo on Sunday; you’re both welcome to join us, if you want. We plan on arriving at ten. No pressure by the way, just thought I’d put it out there.”
Ben saw that invitation for what it was.
An offer to spend some time as a family.
Give Lauren and Clara a chance to know each other, although Ben was pretty sure the two women were good friends anyway.
Clara mentioned, when they’d had a chance to talk at Reed and Lauren’s wedding, that she really liked Reed’s new wife and had never seen his brother look so happy.
“I’ll let Clara know. But I would like to spend some time with Charlee.
I know she was disappointed Fern didn’t want her to be a flower girl.
” That should’ve been another red flag for Ben, that his future wife wasn’t interested in including his new niece in their bridal party when he wanted her to be a part of their day.
But it was in the past. None of what happened before today in terms of the wedding mattered. It was done. Over with and not to be considered again.
“Take care, bro.” Reed gave a wave and headed down the street to wherever he’d parked.
Once he’d disappeared around the corner, Ben headed back into the hotel, stopping when he spied Clara sitting on a chair.
“Hey.” After his conversation with Reed, his heart was beating madly, and all he wanted to do was hold her close and devour her.
Kiss her like he couldn’t take another breath if he didn’t.
Yet he didn’t do any of that. He didn’t want to scare her away.
“You good?” she asked as she stood and stopped in front of him.
“Yeah. Better than I have been in a long time. Come on,” he held out his hand and a second later Clara’s smaller one was clasped around his.
They didn’t say anything as they walked the short distance to the elevator. The same silence enveloped them as they rode the short distance to her floor. It wasn’t until the door closed behind them that he spoke again. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Her brow was furrowed in a cute display of confusion.
The desire that burned brightly in him while downstairs, was now an inferno he did his best to combat.
As much as he’d like to walk Clara backward until she fell on the bed, he didn’t.
It wouldn’t be right to lose himself in her, no matter how much he wanted to, on what should’ve been his wedding night.
He needed to show Clara she was his choice.
That whatever this was between them wasn’t a rebound thing. It was everlasting.
Just because he’d had the blinkers he’d been wearing for years yanked away from his eyes, didn’t mean that Clara felt the same. Although, her blue eyes were bright with happiness and something else … desire. Or was he just seeing what he wanted to see?
“Thank you for being here today when I needed you. For not asking questions when I said I had to go. For being the friend you are.”
The second he finished, he knew he’d fucked it up. Said the wrong thing. Because the eyes that were so bright and full only seconds ago were dull, and her shoulders drooped down. Clara moved toward the window, putting as much distance between them as a small hotel room would allow.
“It’s what anyone would do for a friend. I’m glad I was able to help you. Umm, I think I’m going to turn in. It’s been a long day.” She grabbed something from the pile of clothes on the bed and disappeared into the bathroom.
Ben sat down on the bed and blew out a breath. “Way to fuck everything up.”
Maybe it was better this way. As much as he wanted to kiss and do more with Clara, a few short hours ago he was engaged to another woman. He flopped back on the bed. He really should try and get another room. Give Clara space and, more importantly, give himself space.
“Bento? You good?” Clara’s soft voice washed over him like a soft blanket.
“Yes. No. I don’t know,” he said finally, sitting back up and immediately wishing he hadn’t. Seeing Clara standing in front of him in her pink and white silky pajama short set was seriously going to test his strength to give her space.
“It’s been a big, confusing day. So much has happened that you never expected to happen when you woke up. It’s okay to feel discombobulated.”
Ben smiled at the word. “That’s one way to describe it. I was thinking that I should probably get another room.”
The bed depressed next to him as she sat, and his senses were assailed by a light floral scent tinged with the familiar vanilla he always associated with Clara.
Had she used lotion while she was in the bathroom?
Or was it the soap she’d used to wash her hands?
Whatever it was, it enticed him to lean closer to her, and he had to fight his body to stay where he was.
“My mind hasn’t changed. You don’t need to do that. Stay here.”
“But there’s only one bed, Clarabelle,” he said, stating the obvious, which he was sure Clara was well aware of the bedding situation.
“A king size one.” She nudged her shoulder against his. “Will you feel better if I get the spare pillows out of the closet and build a wall down the middle of it?”
He chuckled at her teasing. “Well…” He dragged the word out and a second later they were both laughing, the tension from his early misstep disappearing.
Everything was so easy with Clara. That was what made their relationship so special.
“Why don’t you get changed? Everything will be better in the morning.” Clara encouraged him with another nudge of her shoulder against his.
“Yeah, maybe it will be.”
Ben didn’t think so though, because in the morning he’d still need the woman sitting beside him, and he wasn’t sure how he could convince her that what he was feeling was real and not reactionary to the events of the day.