Chapter 38
Six people are hanging out in my garden. A bottle of white wine is on the table between the four adults, low conversation hanging in the afternoon air.
I lean against the frame of the French doors and just watch them. It feels odd, and almost wrong, to have them here. In this London house that I’ve made my home, and in this city where I’ve lived for over two years.
Connie is next to her husband, Gabriel, her auburn hair pulled up into a messy bun. With the warm weather back upon us, she’s holding a small water gun that my nephew, Sam, handed her. The kiddo is lying on the grass next to his sister, Willa, and looking up at the fast-moving clouds, another water gun forgotten beside them. Gabriel is nodding along to whatever Isabel is saying. She’s sitting next to my brother, her hand clasped firmly in Alec’s grip.
It’s still strange to see Alec display his affection so casually. He’s never done so before. Never been a PDA kind of guy. And to be fair, he still isn’t. Not really. But the small touches, his hand reaching for Isabel’s or placed on her lower back, continue to surprise me.
I don’t want to be bitter.
But it’s hard to see my siblings sitting out there, enjoying the sunshine, the company, and being deeply in love with their partners… and to know that the woman of my dreams is as far out of my reach now as she was before she arrived in London. When she was about to marry another man.
“Nate!” Willa says. She pushes up onto her elbows and looks at me with demanding eyes. My brother’s eldest is so much like him. “Did you fill the water balloons?”
“I did, yes.” I hold up a bowl of ten squashy rubber bombs. As many as I had the patience for. It was a stupid idea that popped into my head while driving past a toy store, knowing that my siblings were coming and Alec was bringing the kids. To get water guns and water balloons.
But the kids have been here for five hours, and they’re loving it.
“You’re going to spoil them,” Alec calls, but he doesn’t sound the least bit bothered about it.
“I’m preventing your children from overheating.” I set down the bowl between Sam and Willa. “I want you to go really, really crazy, okay? But stay away from the adults and the table… except your father. Hit him. Deal?”
Willa is nodding vigorously. “Deal.”
“I hear you, you know,” Alec says behind my back.
“Then you know not to duck,” I say calmly.
Sam smiles, his grin is wide enough that I see the gap of his missing front teeth. I reach out and muss his hair. This is one of the things I miss because I live in London. I get independence, privacy, distance… but that distance comes with a cost.
The kids resume their game, and I make my way over to the patio table where the grown-ups are lounging. Talking. Laughing. Over the last six months, since Alec and Isabel became a real couple, they’ve formed this tight-knit little foursome. I’m not sure how it happened. Gabriel and Alec used to be strangers at best, rivals at worst.
Another thing I’ve missed out on while being here in London.
It must have been Connie’s and Isabel’s doing. My corporate-minded sister and her ballet dancer neighbor have been best friends for years, and while Isabel’s romance with Alec made a temporary rift in that closeness, their friendship now seems to be stronger than ever.
The men, for their part, seem incapable of denying their women anything. So, despite years of barely restrained animosity between our families, Gabriel and Alec found the one thing that cut through all the bullshit of the past.
Love.
“Did you see the schedule I sent over?” Connie asks.
I stretch my legs out and lean back in the lounge chair. “Absolutely not.”
“What’s the purpose of planning,” she grumbles and reaches for her phone. “Okay. We discussed this on the plane, so everyone’s already on the same page.”
I cross my feet at the ankles. “All right. I guess I don’t need to hear it, then, if all I’m to do is follow along.”
Alec’s eyes narrow. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m dandy.”
“We’re going to see Buckingham Palace first thing tomorrow morning. The kids really want to. And then, we’re walking over to Big Ben and Westminster Abbey. Lunch is at The Admiral. We’ll get our fill of classic pub fare before we split up. Gabe and Alec are taking Willa and Sam to Madame Tussauds while Isabel and I will hit Bond Street and Regent Street for some shopping.”
“Wonder which group I’ll go with,” I say dryly.
Connie nods. “Yes. You’re the tour guide, you know.”
“Mm-hmm. I thought the tour guide was called Devon, and he’s giving us a private tour of the city on the open top double-decker bus with plenty of snacks for the kids.”
“You did read the schedule!”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I did.”
“Okay, then you know everything. What do you think? Have we missed anything?”
I think about walks through the park. The movie premiere at Leicester Square. About the flower market that opens at 4 a.m., and the sunrise breakfast at the Duck and Waffle. And I remember the hours spent in the art museum and laughing so hard that the attendants told us to shush.
“No,” I say. “Sounds pretty… comprehensive.”
She nods, but she’s frowning. I’m not my usual self. I know that they sense it by their heavy gazes. Certain they hear it in my clipped responses. My usual charm is gone. I don’t have the energy to make everyone laugh. I can barely focus on the here and now when my mind is a million miles away.
On the sound of her voice last night. Calling after midnight.
When I closed my eyes, it was almost like she was there. Next to me in bed. Talking softly in my ear.
Only her words cut deeper than any knife.
She wants to come over to pick up her things. Tomorrow. Despite my siblings’ plans, I know I’ll be right here when Harper arrives. I won’t miss the chance to see her… to talk to her.
Gabriel clears his throat. “I want to have a James Bond moment. What do you say, Nate? Have you seen those high-speed boats going down the Thames?”
“A few times, yes.”
“We could rent one tomorrow night. See the city from the water. Put on tuxes and bring a few cigars.”
It’s the kind of wild plan that would be expected from me, but Gabriel has the same energy about him. He sees possibilities where others see obstacles. He’s great for my sister in that way.
“Yeah. We could do that,” I say.
I sound as enthusiastic as a doornail.
Gabriel exchanges a glance with Connie. Alec releases Isabel’s hand to reach for his glass, his frown deepening.
Oh for fuck’s sake!
I need to pull myself together like I have so many times before. Let thoughts of Harper go, bury them deep inside. But I can’t find the strength to do it. Not this time. It’s all gone. She took it with her when she walked out of this house, along with my willpower, my composure, and my happiness.
Isabel stands up from the table. “I need to use the restroom. Were our bags delivered to the hotel?”
Alec nods. “Yes. We’ll go there after dinner.”
“Great. Be right back,” she says and seems to float on her ballet flats through the battle-entrenched children into the house.
Alec and his family aren’t staying with me. He has in the past, whenever he came to London for a few days on business. He’d take the company jet and stay in my guest room, and all we’d do was work. Now they’ve booked into a five-star hotel a few streets over.
Gabriel and Connie have decided to stay here. But I can’t let them stay in the main guest room. Instead, they’re in another room on the ground floor. The bed is just as big, but the bathroom is smaller. And the view is not as nice.
Harper’s room is still Harper’s.
Gabriel excuses himself, too, and joins the warring kids. Sam squeals in delight when his new uncle joins his side of the epic conflict. Willa is clearly winning, but both kiddos are drenched in water, their clothes sticking to them. It’s perfect in this summer heat.
And I’m left alone with my siblings.
I reach for my glass and take a long sip. We’re heading to dinner after this, and I know I should slow down, but there’s absolutely no restraint left in me for that, either.
Connie shifts forward. “How have you been?”
“Fantastic,” I say.
“You told us someone was living in your guest room?”
They’re diving right in. I cross my ankle over my knee, and nod. “Yes. She was. But she moved out a few days ago.”
“Someone we know?” Alec asks. There’s faint disapproval in his voice, and it makes me want to laugh. Alec is so Alec sometimes.
“Not in person. No.”
Connie makes a low, thoughtful sound. Her green eyes feel far too sympathetic and understanding, and I hate that she’s somehow figured me out in just a few hours.
“Must have been nice, having company in this large house,” she says. “What made her move out?”
“We had an… argument.” I cross my arms over my chest. “It’s not something I care to discuss.”
“Arguments seldom are,” Alec says. He runs a hand over his short brown hair. The furrow between his eyebrows deepens. “Were you involved with her?”
“Sometimes you sound so much like Dad, it’s ridiculous.”
That makes him silent, and his eyes turn frustrated.
Connie chuckles. “No, it’s just his phrasing. And if I can make a guess… was it Harper?”
I tip my head back and look up at the sky. “How’d you know?”
“Just putting the pieces together,” she says softly. “You mentioned a few months ago that the wedding was called off, so you wouldn’t be coming to New York for it. Then, I heard from a friend of a friend that Harper moved to London. But you never mentioned that during our phone calls.”
“Yeah. I guess I didn’t.”
“Harper,” Alec says, sounding like he’s trying to remember where he’d heard the name. “Dean Johnson’s girl.”
I groan. “Don’t say that.”
“All right.”
“But yes. She was his fiancée.”
“Ah,” Alec says, and there’s a whole world in that single syllable. Realization tints his tone. “That must have been terrible.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t… great. Seeing them together over the years.”
Connie clears her throat. “Then, let’s make sure she moves back in. How do we solve this, Nate? What was the argument about?”
“I just said that I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I know, but if we’re gonna find a solution, we need to know what we’re dealing with.”
“When did this become an us situation?”
Connie’s eyes turn fierce. “When we were born to the same parents. Now tell us. Alec and I are experts at love and relationships now.”
Alec blinks. “Uh, yes. That’s right.”
“Very convincing,” I tell him.
He huffs a laugh. “I’ve got some experience in making bad decisions, at least, and unintentionally hurting people I care about.”
I look at them. Sitting in my backyard, and waiting for me to lay it all out there. I can’t remember the last time we ever did that. The last time it was the three of us like this.
“All right. So, it all has to do with her ex…” I paint a picture of everything in clear detail, keeping it short and to the point. It sounds no better out loud than it did in my head, getting rehashed time and time again.
When I’m done, Alec nods. “I understand. It’s what I would have done, too. He was a threat and you handled it.”
“That’s what I thought I did. But instead it drove a wedge between us.”
Connie blows out a sigh. “Because you went behind her back.”
“I know, I should have told her about it right after.” I run a hand over my face. Tiredness feels like a lead weight. “The one thing I’ve ever truly wanted, the one thing I’d give up everything for… and I probably fucked it all up.”
“No, no, you should have spoken about it with her before,”Connie says. Her cheeks are flushed with the heat. “Nate, maybe she’s afraid of losing her independence, her agency.”
I drop my hand. “What?”
“Her independence. You mentioned Dean used money to control her, right? To take that sense away from her? And now, just as she’s trying to get it back, you swoop in and handle her issues for her.”
“I did it because I love her,” I say.
Alec taps his fingers along the table. There’s a thoughtful frown on his face. “I know all about that,” he says, “but I think Connie is on to something here. What you deemed an act of love from your perspective, seemed like you taking control from hers.”
“I have never once tried to control her. I don’t want to control her.”
“Then make her understand that,” Connie says. “You have to reassure her that she can be with you and still have her independence. Make her feel safe.”
I nod, fire bursting to life inside my chest. Fuck. It all makes sense when they put it like that. It wasn’t just about the money for her. It never was.
But now, it’s there, hanging between us.
“I need to solve the issue of debt first,” I say. “She’ll always be uncomfortable if we start out with her feeling somehow… indebted to me. It’s fucking ridiculous, we’re talking about a mere few thousand dollars here, but I get it. It’s not ridiculous to her.”
“Don’t use that word when you talk to her,” Alec says. “Just a tip.”
“Oh, I won’t. But I need to solve it…”
“You could always take her to Vegas,” Gabriel calls from across the backyard where he’s being pelted with a water gun by a shrieking Willa. “Get drunk, and let one thing lead to another. Bring a ring!”
“Charming!” I tell him, the eavesdropping Thompson who has managed to make my sister happier than I’ve ever seen her.
He grins at me for a second before his gaze falls on Connie. “It worked wonders for me.”
She says something back to him, but I’m no longer listening. Connie’s previous words are bouncing through my head instead. Independence. That’s it. My eyes travel to the kids, the French doors, and the facade of my townhouse. Stop at the half-open window of my bedroom on the top floor. The room that’s filled with art I know she loves.
And I think there’s a way.