Chapter 39
Nerves make it hard to think straight. Excitement is there, too, living alongside the jitters in my stomach. I can’t deny that I’m not looking forward to seeing him again.
Even if that eagerness is tinged with ache. Even if I don’t feel like I know anything for certain anymore, and as unmoored as I did upon first landing in this country months ago.
I walk to Clarence Square on light feet. It’s a beautiful day in a summery London, and the tall oak trees in the little park sway softly in the warm breeze. I’d forgotten my sunglasses at Nate’s, along with most other things I own. My journal. My running shoes. My watch.
Seeing the townhouse feels bittersweet. It looks the same. Tall, beautiful, white bricks, and the glossy black door with the gold number eight on it.
I texted Nate an hour ago. Can I come by at noon? He replied immediately and said yes, the door is always open to me.
I take a deep breath. Knock on the door; the door I used to unlock with my own key.
It takes a while, but then I hear the lock turn on the other side. The door swings open, and my breath catches. It’s not him.
Disappointment sweeps through me.
It’s a woman. She’s my height and around the same age, and has auburn hair pulled into a side ponytail. Curvy, with broad hips that make the simple blue summer dress she’s wearing look like a million bucks. Narrow chin, freckles over the bridge of her nose, and bright eyes.
Her face lights up with a smile.
“You must be Harper,” she says. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
“I am, yes. Hi. You must be… Nate’s sister? Or his sister-in-law?”
“His sister—Connie,” she says, stepping back and pushing the door fully open. “Come in, come in. I’m sorry, but Nate isn’t in at the moment.”
“Oh.”
“He wanted to be here when you came,” she says, her voice soft and kind, “but he had to put out a fire across town.”
“Ah. Contron?”
“Something like that.” Connie steps through the large foyer, and I follow her into the space where I used to live. The house I’d fallen in love with, right along with its owner. The beautiful garden and the large living room and the giant kitchen where I loved cooking dinners and watching TV shows.
“I’m sorry if that kept you here just to wait for me,” I say. “That wasn’t my intention at all. I know you guys are visiting only for the weekend.”
Connie waves a hand. “Oh no, don’t worry about it. I woke up with terrible nausea today. Typical, right, getting sick on vacation? So I stayed home. If I feel better this afternoon, I’ll meet up with the rest of them. My husband wants to drive a high-speed boat down the Thames tonight.” She shakes her head, but there’s a fond smile on her face.
I smile back. “That might not help your nausea.”
“Definitely not. I’ll have to cheer him on from the sidelines, I suppose.”
“Are you enjoying London otherwise?”
“I am, yes. I love this city. This is the first time we’re here all together, though, and with Alec’s kids, as well. It’s nice to do things as a family.”
I think of what Nate had told me—of the Connovans, their relationships, and how they’re slowly reconnecting. Taking small steps toward a more relaxed family environment.
One without their dad.
“I think it’s great that you’re doing this,” I say. “It’s definitely something Nate appreciates.”
Connie’s eyes sparkle. “I think so, too. And can I just say… I heard about what he did. Not all of it, of course, but I was curious. Especially since I have met your ex a few times over the years.”
I swallow. “Yeah. It’s… we’re in a kind of weird place right now.”
“I know that,” she says and blows out a sigh. “And can I also say, between you and me, he shouldn’t have paid Dean off. But that’s my big brother for you. Actually, both of my brothers are the same. They’re loyal to the bone and will die for someone they love. But neither has a ton of emotional intelligence. Nate thought he was helping.”
I nod, and look over at the large couch where I lay several times in Nate’s arms, watching movies. Talking. Laughing. “Yeah.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t be bothering you with my opinions,” she says. Her voice brightens. “It’s just that, I know my brother, and I’ve never seen Nate care for anyone the way he cares about you. And while I have you here… I wanted to say, I know love can be really scary. New relationships are terrifying.” She chuckles, and I can’t help but look at her. She comes alive when she laughs. “Trust me, I know that better than anyone. My husband and I had a terrible start. But, sometimes it’s worth taking the risk. That’s another thing Gabriel has taught me.”
I run a hand along my neck. What she’s saying makes sense. But she is Nate’s sister, and of course, she thinks the best of him. The problem is…
So do I.
That’s why his actions hurt so much. Because I didn’t want to think this way with him. I never wanted to introduce the pain brought on by money, and the unbalance of power and control in our relationship. I want things to be the way they were before he paid off my debt to Dean, without telling me about it. I want our relationship to be as it was before he made the decision for me about my future.
“I’m glad it worked out for the two of you,” I say instead. “And I appreciate what you said. It’s just…”
“I know,” Connie says with a nod. “I do. All in due time. Are you okay, though? Are you staying somewhere safe?”
That makes me smile. “Did Nate get you to ask that?”
“He’s worried, yes, but no. I wanted to make sure myself. I know how it can be when your living situation changes quickly. My best friend had something similar happen almost a year ago, and she… Never mind. Are you okay?”
I smile. “Yes, thank you. I’m staying at a nearby hotel. And if you let him know that, please also tell him that he is not allowed to pay for the hotel bill.”
Connie grins. “Got it. Now, let’s head to your room. I want to hear all about this art collection you’ve influenced my brother to buy.”
That makes me chuckle. “I’m not sure I influenced it so much as he saw an opportunity for investment.”
“Uh-huh,” Connie says behind me as we head up the stairs. “I think influence is definitely the right word. Tell me about the lady in red in the downstairs guest bedroom. What’s the story there?”
“Oh, that’s actually a fantastic piece,” I say. “The artist worked on a series of paintings referencing the witch-burnings of the Middle Ages, but with modern women in focus, to really highlight to viewers how outrageous it was. Like, they were just ordinary women like you and me, who were punished unfairly.”
“I thought her dress looked like flames! I told Gabriel, and he said I was imagining things.”
I look over my shoulder at the smiling redhead. “No, that was intentional.”
“I win,” she says, voice smug. “That’s cool.”
“She’s fantastic.”
Connie makes a thoughtful humming sound. “Fascinating. Who’s the artist?”
I tell her while packing up the last of my things, and find that I’m actually enjoying myself. Broken heart and all. She’s easy to talk to, no-nonsense, and feels more like a peer. A friend. Not like Nate’s sister or someone trying to snoop.
“What are you planning on doing, then?” she asks. “Stay in London? It’s a fantastic city. Similar to New York in some ways, but very, very different in others.”
I nod. “Yes. I’ve been enjoying my time here and I think I want to stay.”
Her smile widens. “That’s wonderful.”
“But it’s not…” I swallow hard. “It’s not because of Nate.”
“Of course not, no. I understand that. And decisions that big shouldn’t be made based on that, either. You’re starting over. You’re exploring new possibilities.” She shrugs, and the movement looks elegant somehow. Like Aadhya’s movements. “I’m such a planner, so this isn’t me giving advice. It’s more like I’m stating something I need to do, too. Which is to be present in the moment and not let the mind run too far ahead.”
“Yeah. I’ve been quite good at that in the last few months,” I say and shove my gym shoes down into my giant suitcase. The one that’s been banged up and patched together, and had carried most of my important belongings across the pond. The rest are stored at my mom and Greg’s house, not that there were many in the end. I thought I had a ton of things. But when I moved out of Dean’s, I realized that most things were his, or were gifts from him. I left all of those behind, too.
I zip up my suitcase with a faint groan. “But maybe I need to think a bit more now,” I say. “Maybe I’ve been going with the flow too much.”
“There needs to be a balance between the two, that’s for sure,” Connie says. “Should I call you a cab? That looks heavy.”
“Yes, please, I think I’ll need one, to get all of this over to the hotel.”
I look around the room. This guest bedroom that I’d stayed in, made my own, felt safe in. Somehow, I shoved the notions of me not paying rent and of having moved straight into another rich man’s home far back into the recesses of my mind. I consigned those thoughts to that hidden box Nate and I used to speak about. But now that box is open, and I can’t ignore its contents any longer.
The room looks like it had when I first moved in. Pristine, luxurious, beige. Empty.
My eyes land on the velvet box lying on the desk. It has an embossed name of the jeweler on the lid.
The diamond and emerald necklace.
I’ve never worn anything this beautiful until Nate gave it to me, and I doubt I ever will again. The memory of that night brings a smile to my lips. It was magical. Despite our current situation, and regardless of what happens between Nate and me moving forward… I will always treasure that evening. Walking the red carpet to watch a world premiere, seeing dozens of celebrities, chatting with the world’s biggest action star… and then there was the vibrator Nate brought for me. That led to the earth-shaking orgasm in the back of a car.
I’ll have to leave that part out when I tell people about that night.
Connie’s soft voice cuts through my reverie. I forgot she was here, standing in the doorway, so alike her brother. “I think he wants you to have that, too,” she says, looking at the jewelry box. “It was a gift.”
I grip my bag tight. Turn my back on the necklace and the memory. “It’s too nice for me,” I say. “But I appreciated the gesture.”