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From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: I’m so sorry
I don’t know how to start this message. I don’t know if the right words exist to tell you what I have to say. And maybe I’m making the biggest mistake of my life. Maybe in a few years, I’ll look back and regret it…but I can’t go on like this. I just can’t. I will always love you, but at the moment, I need a little space. Or more. I need us not to talk to each other for a while.
You can’t go on being my priority, even if I allowed it in the past. Sometimes I feel like I lost you a long time ago, when I left last summer. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to make things go back to the way they were, avoiding the subjects I know we always argue over, pretending everything’s cool between us…but it’s not true. Nothing’s cool.
And now everything’s changed…
I’m pregnant, Rhys.
James and I are expecting a baby.
I’ve been writing and erasing and rewriting this email for days. Because I know when I send it, I’ll lose a part of myself. An important one. My best friend. But I think, even if you can’t understand it right now, that I’m doing us both a favor. Because you can never move forward if you’re constantly looking back, and I can’t let myself harbor doubts right now, because this baby…knowing it exists, knowing it’s growing inside me, is the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me…
I hope one day you can forgive me.
And I hope you take care of yourself. And find yourself.
I love you, Rhys. So much.