Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Lennix
Ichickened out. There had been a million questions circling my brain like one of those carousels that had been turned up to a thousand, but when I finally had the chance to demand answers, I froze up. Then I ran like a coward.
If avoidance was an occupation I would have excelled at it, making enough money that the generations who came after me would never have to work a day in their lives.
The silver lining: I’d put so much effort into avoiding Raylan that I’d holed myself up in my office for hours, finishing a ton of administrative work I hated so much and usually put off until the last minute.
I hoped it wasn’t a dumpster fire of a disaster, because I’d basically been moving on autopilot as my brain played all things Raylan on a continuous loop.
Another thing I had managed to do in the time I’d been attached to my desk was stew on everything Raylan had said until I had a nice simmering rage churning inside of me.
I mean, how dare that asshole, right? He shot me down.
He pushed me away. And he was the one incapable of handling normal human emotions.
Fuck that guy my head was screaming while my body shouted back yep, definitely fuck that guy, because he’s seriously hot.
My heart was no help either, the damn thing was so confused.
I’d just finished the last of the invoicing and emailed the inventory list and shift schedule to Sam—and silently prayed I hadn’t accidentally screwed everything up—when a knock on my door pulled me from the blue-light stupor my computer had put me in at some point.
My stomach flipped in a loop as I stared at the door like I might miraculously be able to see through it. I hesitated long enough that the person on the other side knocked again, giving me a jolt. “Come in.” The words came out as a squeak, so I cleared my throat and started again.
I told myself the dropping sensation in my belly at the sight of Davis’s head popping around the door was relief. It was not disappointment that the floating head wasn’t Raylan’s.
“Hey, Boss Lady. You all good in here?”
My head cocked to the side and my brows pulled together in a confused frown. “Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?”
He pushed off the doorframe and came fully into my office. “Well, because you’ve been locked in here all day. Not really your norm, that’s all.”
I glanced at the clock in the upper right-hand corner of my screen and blinked in shock at the time. “Oh, wow. Is that really the time?”
“You’ve been in the zone. None of us wanted to disturb you.”
“Oh, well . . . thanks.” I hated that my very next thought was about Raylan and whether or not he was still out in the bar.
“Of course.”
Instead of leaving like I assumed he would, he stood there with his hands stuffed in his pockets. My brows climbed toward my hairline as I waited for more. “Is . . . everything okay?” I finally asked when the silence started to get a little awkward. “Did you need something else?”
Davis cleared his throat and shuffled his feet in a way that made it seem like he was anxious. “I was just wonderin’ . . . you and that guy . . . are you guys a thing?”
My spine shot straight. I wasn’t sure what I was more concerned about—the fact he was prying into my personal life or the possibility he was asking because he was interested.
I made it a huge point never to get involved with anyone who worked for me.
I didn’t care if they dated each other—even though that could sometimes lead to drama—but I never dipped my pen in the company ink, so to speak.
“What? Of course not! That’s not—that’s ridiculous. What—why—I don’t—” I sputtered uselessly. “Why? I mean . . . why do you—why are you asking?”
Please don’t ask me out. Please don’t ask me out I mentally chanted.
He moved to the chair across from my desk and sat, balancing himself right on the edge and leaning forward to brace his elbows on his knees. “It’s just . . . that guy’s known for bein’ a player. I’ve seen him pick up women from right here more times than I could count.”
A prickle of anger shot up my spine, making it go rigid. “Excuse me?”
He heaved out a sigh. “I just . . . I don’t want to see you get hurt. And that dude seriously gets around. I’ve seen it first-hand.”
I rocked back in my chair as surprise slammed into me. Surprise and an unexplainable and intense need to defend Raylan. “You don’t even know the guy. And I’m not really sure you have much room to criticize.”
Davis huffed out a breath and scrubbed his palms down his thighs before pushing to his feet. “I don’t have to know him. I know you, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“My personal life is none of your business, Davis.” My voice was so icy cold I was amazed it didn’t freeze the air between us, and I knew he felt it too when his chin jerked into his neck. “But like I said, there’s nothing going on between us.”
I wouldn’t allow myself to delve too deeply into why those words felt like shards of glass slicing my throat to ribbons on their way up.
A muscle in Davis’s jaw ticked and his cheeks flushed like he might have been angry, but the expression was there and gone before I could be absolutely certain. He blew out a heavy sigh and raked a hand through his hair. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
My whole body sagged with relief and I forced a smile to my lips. “Of course I am,” I teased, trying to ease the tension for both our sakes. “I’m always right. About time you figured that out.”
His smile held the same relief I felt. “Of course. How stupid of me,” he teased back. “Well, now that I’ve made things inappropriately awkward, I’ll see myself out.”
I let out a small chuckle and lifted my hand in a finger wave, but as soon as the door closed behind him, I slumped over in my chair, lightly banging my forehead against the desk. I left a few minutes later, going out the back to avoid any more super awkward conversations.
I was so over this day. All I wanted to do was starfish in the center of my mattress and pass out.
I hoped when I woke up, things in my life would suddenly become less complicated.
But I didn’t see that happening when the first thing I saw when I pulled up in front of my house was a certain gorgeous cowboy, sitting on my front steps.
Havoc ran and jumped around him, hopefully burning off some of his boundless energy.
God, why did he have to be so beautiful?
It really wasn’t fair, the way my heart fluttered every time I laid eyes on him.
I kept waiting for the day when I woke up and was suddenly desensitized to his sharp cheekbones, his rugged square jaw, and the sexy way his throat flexed and bobbed whenever he swallowed.
I kept hoping to stop being affected by that teeny tiny dimple that popped out whenever his smile went lopsided.
I waited and waited . . . but so far that day hadn’t come, and I was beginning to think it never would.
With no other choice, I shut off the car and climbed out. The instant Havoc spotted me rounding the hood, he bounded down the steps on his tiny legs and raced toward me. I bent and scooped him up, basking in his puppy kisses until he began to squirm to be let back down.
“Thanks for bringing him home,” I said as I paused at the base of the porch steps. Raylan slowly rose to his full height, the extra steps he had on me making him tower over me even more than he already did. “You could have left him with me at the bar.”
Raylan’s boots thumped against the wood of each step, in time with the heavy thud of my heartbeat. As he closed the space between us, the smoky, woodsy scent that was all him filled my head, hitting me like a dopamine rush and almost making me forget all the reasons I had to be mad at him.
“If I did that, I wouldn’t have an excuse to see you again.”
Any other day, that sentence would have been a blow to my solar plexus, knocking the wind right out of me.
But in that very moment, I was struggling to sift through the myriad of emotions raging through as I tried to figure out exactly how I was feeling.
All I knew for certain was that I was exhausted.
“Raylan.” I said his name on a weary sigh.
“It’s been a long day.” It had been a really long week, at least, and it all had to do with him.
“I’m really not in the mood to do this right now.
” I pushed by him, up the steps to my door.
As I fished around in my purse for my keys, I turned to look for Havoc, letting out a sharp whistle that he’d already learned meant I wanted him inside.
“Five minutes.” Raylan was up the steps and right in front of me in a blink. “That’s all I ask. Five minutes to tell you how goddamn sorry I am.”
I froze up, my jaw hanging open. That certainly wasn’t what I’d been expecting to hear.
“No excuses,” he continued. “No trying to explain away my shitty behavior. I want to apologize and tell you that I know I fucked up.”
I wasn’t doing this. Not now when my heart felt like a fresh, throbbing bruise. “I can’t do this with you.”
The sound of voices outside had finally registered to Ziggy, because I heard his claws skittering across the floors a second before his body thumped into the wood and he started in with his excited bark.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Lennix. And I don’t mean only recently.”
“I’m serious, Raylan.”
“You’ve been branded on my mind since you kissed me all those months ago.”
“Don’t,” I snapped. That one word sprang up so harshly Raylan froze and Ziggy stopped barking.
Even Havoc went still, his head canting to the side as he blinked up at me.
I fisted my hands at my sides and dropped my head back.
“God!” I said on a shout. “You’re unbelievable!
” It was an accusation, not praise. It felt like my insides were boiling over.
I didn’t know if I wanted to throttle him or rip his clothes off and climb him like a tree.
“I hate that I ever kissed you. Everything would be so much easier if I’d never told you how I felt.
Hell! If I never had feelings for you at all!
” I let out another shout as everything came spilling out.
“I hate that I put myself out there and got clobbered. That one of my very best friends was the one to hurt me like you’ve been hurting me over and over for months!
But mostly, I hate, hate, hate that I still have feelings for you.
That I can’t shut them off no matter how hard I try—”
His arm lashed out like a snake striking, his long fingers wrapping around my bicep and yanking me forward so hard I crashed into the solid wall of his chest. My yelp of surprise was swallowed up when his mouth crashed down on mine.
There was no hesitation in this kiss, no beat where our brains needed to catch up to our bodies.
It was instant . . . the want. The need.
Raw, unfiltered desire was swept back and forth between us with each swipe of our tongues.
He kissed me like he was feeding from me, like everything he could ever need to survive was inside me.
He plundered like he owned me, kissing me in a way I’d never been kissed before.
My blood felt alive, like sparklers rushing through my veins.
I rose up on the very tips of my toes to get closer, looping my arms around his shoulders to pull him even closer.
But it still wasn’t enough. My fingers tangled in the hair at the base of his neck and gripped tight.
When his hands came down to grip my ass, those huge hands palming my cheeks, a million tiny explosions went off in my belly like it was the Fourth of July.
I whimpered into his mouth when he nipped down on my bottom lip and pressed me against the rough wall.
He groaned deep and ragged when I rocked myself against him.
I felt needy. My breasts were heavy, my nipples hard enough to cut glass, and my core pulsed, an ache building between my legs.
I was more turned on by his kiss than I had been the last time I had sex.
I was so lost in the kiss, in Raylan and the way my skin felt like it was on fire everywhere he touched me, that I might not have ever come up for air again.
Fortunately—or unfortunately—Havoc chose that moment to let out a sharp yip right before he latched onto the hem of my pantleg.
That little puppy snapped me out of my Raylan daze and shoved me right back into the present. Back to harsh reality.
My hands fell away from Raylan’s shoulders and I lowered myself to my feet. I had to hold my hand up to stop him when his lips tried chasing after mine. I couldn’t afford to get lost in him. Not if I wanted to keep my sanity intact.
Raylan
Loss. That was what I felt when Lennix pulled away, ending the best kiss of my goddamn life. Loss. My heart jolted in my chest when I met her gaze and found those forest green eyes shuttered, closing me out a-fucking-gain.
“Lenni. Baby.”
Her hand came back up and her eyes closed as she shook her head.
It was taking a show of strength I never, in a million years, would have guessed I was capable of to keep from reaching out and grabbing her, pulling her back against me.
But, Christ, did she fit against me like she belonged there. Like she was made just for me.
I was at a loss for words as she backed away and reached into her purse, pulling her keys out.
Everything I thought to say felt inadequate as I watched her step across the threshold.
Havoc was right on her heels, casting me a single backward glance before darting inside.
Then, for the second time in one fucking day, Lennix closed a door in my face, taking herself away from me.
And as I stood on her front porch, my dick rock-hard and straining for her the same way my heart was trying to bust through my ribs to get to her, I knew it was the last time. Never again would she close herself off from me, because I couldn’t stand another fucking second of her not being mine.