Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lennix
He moved back in, the chill that had burrowed into my bones being swept away when he reached up and took my cheeks in his hands. “I’ve never wanted to try before.”
My jaw dropped, but I couldn’t manage to find a single word.
“I’m probably gonna fuck this up,” he continued.
“I mean, it’s pretty much a guarantee. I don’t have an answer for you about what we are because I have no experience with this.
I just . . .” He stopped, his brow furrowing in agitation as he reached around to massage at the back of his neck.
“Jesus, I’m not doing this right. I can’t find the right words. ”
I reached out and took his hand in mine, giving it a squeeze that I hoped felt as reassuring as I meant it to.
“You’re doing great,” I reassured him in a quiet voice.
“Keep going.” I needed to hear this more than he could possibly understand, and everything he’d said so far made my stomach feel all fizzy and floaty.
“I can’t make you any promises because I don’t want to risk breaking them. at least not right now. But last night, it changed everything. At least for me. I’ve wanted you more than I should for too goddamn long.”
His eyes closed and he lowered his forehead to rest against mine as he heaved out a deep breath. His hands came to rest on the sides of my neck, his thumbs dragging back and forth along my jawline.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Chaos. Not again. It nearly ended me the first time. Can we—can we just take this a day at a time?”
I deflated a little at that question. I’d loved him for so long, I was ready to go all in, but I also didn’t want to risk screwing everything up before things between us even had the chance to get off the ground.
“I can do that,” I whispered. “I can do a day at a time.” At least for now.
Then something dawned on me that should have been at the forefront of my mind.
“Zach,” I breathed out, feeling myself deflate a bit.
If my much older, insanely overprotective big brother found out Raylan and I were .
. . doing whatever it was we were doing, he’d lose his mind completely.
“He can’t find out about this. Not right now. He wouldn’t take it well.”
Raylan snorted as he lifted his head. “Understatement of the century, baby. And you don’t have to worry about me saying a word. You think I have a death wish?”
Despite the heaviness of the conversation, I couldn’t help but laugh.
At the sound, Raylan’s fingers slid up into my hair.
A sound akin to a low growl rumbled from his chest as his fingers clenched gently, causing the slightest sting that still managed to light me up like the Fourth of July.
His face looked almost pained as he squeezed his eyes closed.
“Christ,” he whispered before inhaling deeply.
I reached up, lightly scratching at the scruff on his jaw as I dragged my concerned gaze along every inch of his handsome face. “What’s wrong?”
“That sound,” he grunted out. “Fuck, but I’ve missed it.”
I wrapped my fingers around his wrists and held on, needing grounding. Something about the intensity rolling off of him made me feel like I could float away at any moment, and I needed to anchor myself to him to keep my feet firmly on the ground. “What sound?”
“Your laugh,” he rasped.
I froze at his words. I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting him to say, but it certainly hadn’t been that. “You—you missed my laugh?”
He spoke softly affection coating his voice.
“Baby, I missed every single thing about you while we were fighting. But your laugh . . . it hurt the worst to lose that. Sounded like music to me every time I heard it. Most beautiful sound I ever heard.” A wicked smirk tugged up one corner of his mouth.
“Well, at least until I heard what you sound like when you come. Now your laugh is in a close second place.”
Something about that statement flipped a switch in me, and I couldn’t have possibly held myself back for another moment.
I leapt forward, going up on my toes and grasping Raylan by the neck to pull him down to me in a fevered, hungry kiss that started off at a full, rolling boil.
I dove in, immediately parting his lips with my tongue.
It barely took him a second to catch up with me.
His fingers dug farther into my hair, fisting the length and using his grip to tilt my head back even more, taking the kiss deeper.
My chest heaved as we broke apart, my lungs burning with the need for air, but most of me would have gladly suffocated if it meant more of this. More of him.
“Fuck, Chaos,” he gritted, nipping his way down my neck to my collarbone. “Need you so goddamn bad I can’t see straight.”
I needed him too, more than he could imagine.
And what I needed most in that very moment was to finally taste him.
Without a single thought, I dropped to my knees, so eager for his cock I didn’t fell the rugged floor digging into my skin.
My knees could be shredding to ribbons and I wouldn’t feel it, all that existed then was him.
“Fuck me,” Raylan breathed out when I lowered his zipper and tugged his jeans down until his cock sprang free.
Pre-cum was already leaking from the tip.
I leaned in to lap it up, his musky, salty taste exploding on my tongue.
Raylan let out a sharp hiss. “Ah, hell. You’re gonna kill me, aren’t you? ”
I lifted my eyes upward, smiling wickedly as he watched me with nothing short of intrigue, his eyes glazed over with lust. Blowjobs had never been high up on my list of things I enjoyed, but it was different with Raylan. I was finding that everything was different with Raylan.
Not only did I want him in my mouth, I was downright eager for it.
The tips of my fingers barely touched when I wrapped them around the base of his cock and brought him to my lips.
Never in my life would I have considered a penis pretty, but Raylan’s was.
Leaning in, I parted my lips and took him into my mouth, stroking the underside of the head with my tongue.
The sounds Raylan made as I slid farther down his length, were all the encouragement I needed to keep going. I wanted to make this so good for him he’d never forget it.
“Ah, fuck, baby. Look at you.” His voice held more grit than usual as he slid a hand into my hair, pushing it back so he could see my face. “So fuckin’ gorgeous with your lips stretched around my cock like that.”
My panties were soaked as I began to pick up my pace, bobbing up and down on him until my lips bumped against the fist I was using to hold him in place.
I could feel that my technique was a little sloppy, and I couldn’t take him as deep as I wanted, but when I lifted my eyes to take in his face, he didn’t look like he minded one bit.
“Yes. Fuck yes, keep lookin’ at me with those pretty eyes. Just like that,” he demanded. He watched me reverently, the thumb of his free hand stroking the hollow of my cheek as I sucked him harder. “Such a good girl.”
I could have sworn I had a mini-orgasm at his praise.
I hadn’t thought it was possible to get so turned on by going down on a guy, but as the seconds passed, I found myself getting more and more desperate.
My fist squeezed him tighter, ripping a grunt from deep in his chest. “Yeah, that’s it, Chaos. Don’t be afraid to be a little rough.”
At those words, I let my teeth scrape ever so gently along his length as I pulled back, causing him to growl and his grip on my hair to tighten.
“Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” His breathing grew choppier and he thrust forward unintentionally, the head of his cock nudging against the back of my throat and causing me to swallow.
With one hand on his muscular thigh, I felt Raylan’s entire body quake at the action, so I did it again, hoping I was driving him out of his mind.
“Jesus. That’s enough. You gotta stop,” he insisted, holding me in place by my hair as he pulled himself out of my mouth.
“What’s the matter?” I asked as I wiped at my lips with the back of my hand and stood to my feet. “Did I do something wrong?”
His brows flew up toward his hairline and his eyes widened. “Wrong? Are you kidding me?”
My forehead puckered in a frown as my hackles rose. “Well, I know I’m not very experienced at this, but—”
“Lennix.” He took my face in his hands and silenced me with a thumb pressed against my lips. “Nothing about that was wrong. Not one goddamn thing. It was perfect.”
I pushed his hand out of the way so I could pout. “Then why’d you stop me? I was having fun.”
He chuckled, yanking me to him and kissing me with so much passion I felt a shiver of electricity in my fingers and toes. It was so good I felt a little drugged when he pulled back. “I stopped you because I’m not gonna come in your mouth.”
I bit down on my bottom lip as I thought that over. “But what if I wanted you to?”
His eyes rolled back on a groan. “You want that, baby, I’m more than happy to give it to you. Another time. Right now I need to fuck you so hard neither of us will be able to walk by the time I’m finished.”
Uh, yes please!
He leaned in, brushing the tip of his nose against mine before taking my lips in a hard kiss. “Did sucking my cock make you wet, Lennix?”
The gruffness of his tone made me shiver. My tongue came out to slide across my bottom lip before pulling it between my teeth as I nodded.
Raylan moaned. “Show me.”
God, he was downright wicked. No one I’d been with before had even an ounce of Raylan’s intensity. I felt like I was drowning in it. Like if I wasn’t careful, he’d sweep me away, and I’d never make it back.
A nervous flush coated my skin and my hand trembled slightly as I slid it beneath the waistband of my panties and the sleep shorts I’d thrown on when I woke up this morning.
I was soaked . . . and so hot. I was so turned on that everything was ultra-sensitive and the instant I brushed my index finger along my slit, tiny explosions went off in my core, making me suck in a broken gasp.
Raylan’s eyes darkened at the sound and his hand shot forward, his fingers grasping my wrist in a firm grip.
He yanked my hand out of my pants and brought it to his mouth.
His eyes never left mine as he sucked my wet fingers between his lips, swirling his tongue around the digits until they were licked clean.
“Best fuckin’ thing I’ve ever tasted,” he declared right before diving in and taking my mouth in a brutal kiss.
My mind was a complete fog as our tongues dueled for dominance.
The only word that could describe what was happening was frantic.
It was in the wild beat of my heart and in Raylan’s hands as he stripped me out of my shorts and underwear.
It was too cold in the barn to be completely naked, so we were both partially clothed, but I was too desperate for him to care how ridiculous I looked with my sleep tank and cardigan still on.
I fed from his mouth as my back hit the wall again, never breaking contact as he grabbed me by my ass and hauled me up so I had no choice but to wrap my legs around his trim hips.
I had to break away to pull in a sharp breath when I felt the head of his massive cock nudge against my entrance.
He wasn’t even inside me yet and it already felt amazing. Almost too amazing.
Raylan’s eyes were so dark now, it looked like the silver had completely swallowed up the brown. He held my gaze with those beautiful eyes as he plunged in deep, causing the both of us to cry out.
There was no slow start, no romantic lovemaking. This was pure, unadulterated fucking. Raylan drove his cock into me over and over again like a man possessed. I could see it in the way the skin around his eyes pulled tight and the muscles in his jaw fluttered. He was as consumed as I was.
“Oh, god.” When the sensation of him rubbing relentlessly over my G-spot with every stroke became too much, I threw my head back and clenched my eyes shut. I hadn’t known there was such a thing as too good.
“Look at me,” Raylan grunted, each word punctuated by the snap of his hips. “You wanna come, Chaos, you keep those gorgeous greens on me.”
I managed to peel my eyes open to half mast, and when I looked back at him, what I saw staring intensely at me charged the air between us and made my walls pulse and squeeze tight around him.
“Ah, fuck me,” Raylan gritted between clenched teeth. “That’s it, baby. Squeeze my cock with that perfect pussy. Fuckin’ choke me.”
My orgasm hit a moment later, slamming into me like a wrecking ball and I couldn’t keep from yelling out his name over and over as it kept going and going.
I didn’t know how long my release lasted, but I finally managed to jumpstart my brain right as Raylan’s speed picked up and his cock swelled inside me.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Raylan shouted. “Jesus Christ, you’re milking my cock. Too goddamn tight. I’m gonna come.”
I fisted his messy hair in one hand and tugged it just as hard as I knew he liked it. “Do it. Give it to me, Raylan.”
His eyes were hazy as he stared at me hungrily. “You want it, Chaos? Want me to fill you up?”
The pressure in my core had returned and was building at a fever pitch. “Yes,” I managed to get out on a whimper. “Please, Raylan.”
He came with a sound I’d never heard before, and that was all it took to send me over the edge again.
We came together until there was absolutely nothing left.
I went boneless in his arms, dropping my forehead to his shoulder, our bodies still locked together in an embrace so tight nothing could get between us.
We remained like that for a couple minutes, basking in the aftermath of world-class sex, when a fresh wave of panic came over me.
I did my best to keep my muscles from locking up so he wouldn’t know I was freaking out all of a sudden. But I couldn’t help it.
It had been less than twenty-four hours, but I already knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I lost him again, it would break me.