Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Raylan
The familiar smells and comforting quiet of the barn were a welcome reprieve from the long day as I brushed Zephyr down in his stall.
Thanks to a long day of back to back trail rides, we’d gotten up before dawn, and a full day in the sun had worn us both out.
Now that it was finally beginning its decent behind the mountains, the temperatures were starting to cool down, and I was ready to call it a day.
Zephyr blew air past his lips and tossed his head as I swiped the curry comb over him one last time.
“Yeah, I know buddy. It’s been a long-ass day.
” I gave the side of his neck a pat. “But you did great.” I considered it a win he hadn’t tried to take a bite out of the little brat who’d pulled roughly at his mane earlier, or kicked the annoying Karen who didn’t listen to me and gave him a start by walking up behind him and unexpectedly patting him on the rump.
Not that I would have blamed him in either scenario.
I hadn’t been exaggerating when I told Lennix he wasn’t a big fan of people in general.
Truth be told, he was a grumpy old bastard who probably would have been more content to spend his days lazing around in a field and munching on grass instead of working, but I didn’t have the heart to retire him just yet.
A man’s bond with his horse was sacred, and I wasn’t ready to replace him.
I finished brushing him down and reached into my pocket for a peppermint before closing him up for the night.
I was practically dead on my feet after having to put up with entitled tourists and novice riders who thought they were pros and didn’t want to take direction.
No matter how much a person loved their job, some days just went worse than others, like a perfect storm of fuck-ups, and today had definitely been one of those days.
All I wanted to do was take a nice, hot shower to soothe the tightness in my muscles, then sink myself deep into my girl.
That was the best way I knew to push away any lingering frustrations.
Something told me I was going to sleep like a baby tonight, wrapped around Lennix in her comfortable bed, and I couldn’t fucking wait.
It seemed all I ever wanted to do lately was be with Lennix.
We’d been going for nearly a month now, and I still craved her just as I much as I had in the very beginning. Hell, I might even want her more.
However, despite how perfect things seemed to be going—at least in my opinion—I felt like Lennix was holding a piece of herself back from me.
It had been that way since the evening she brought up my parents.
It wasn’t anything she was doing or saying, and it wasn’t as though she’d pulled away from me physically.
We still spent as much of our free time together as possible.
It was only a feeling, but I couldn’t shake it, and it made me nervous.
Those assholes were the last thing I ever wanted to talk about. Especially my piece-of-shit sperm donor. I thought after I shut that topic down we’d moved on with no issues, but I sensed a sort of disconnect that hadn’t been there before the conversation happened.
I’d done everything I could to get us back to where we’d been, but the foundation I’d thought had been solid was starting to feel a little shaky.
I couldn’t lose her. Not right now. In the back of my mind, I knew what we had wasn’t going to be forever.
I wasn’t built for forever. If there was ever a woman I’d try to change that for, it was her.
More than once I’d caught myself considering what it might be like to keep her.
To try and make something lasting. Then my father’s words would sound in my ears like a goddamn bullhorn and send me spiraling all over again.
It was a risk I couldn’t take. Not with her.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I’d fuck everything up and lose her forever.
I wasn’t an idiot, I knew what we were doing could lead to her getting hurt, but I kept telling myself, when the time finally came, I’d make sure things ended in a way I could keep her in my life.
I didn’t know how the fuck I’d pull that off, but I’d have to at least try.
I was yanked out of those thoughts by a hand landing on my shoulder, giving me a jostle.
“Jesus, man. Where’s your head?” Zach asked teasingly. “Said your name at least five times.”
A flush heated my cheeks at the fact I’d been daydreaming about his sister while he was standing right there, but hopefully he’d think the redness was due to being outside all day long.
“Hey. Sorry. Just tired I guess. Today was busy as hell.”
“Then you should come out with me for a drink. Be a great way to wind down.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I started, my mind spinning, trying to form a plausible excuse not to go—even though it made me a shitty friend. “I’m really beat.”
“Fuck that. You’ve been MIA for weeks now. We’re going out and getting a drink. I’m not taking no for an answer.” He started moving backward, a grin pinned to his face. “Meet you at The Tap Room. How’s eight sound?”
I could have kept arguing, but he had a point.
Any free time I had went to Lennix. If neither of us was working, we were together.
I’d let everything else be pushed to the backburner.
I owed Zach better than that. And not only because I was fucking his little sister behind his back.
He’d been a better friend to me than I deserved.
He’d helped me through a lot of shit when I was younger, and knowing I was keeping this huge fucking secret was twisting me up into knots.
It had been easier to avoid him lately since the guilt I felt had been eating away at my goddamn stomach lining.
At this rate I was going to have an ulcer in a matter of days.
Trying not to let all that show on my face, I nodded and said, “Yeah, all right. I’ll meet you there at eight.”
My phone dinged with a new text as I was pulling into the parking lot of The Tap Room. I threw my truck into park and plucked it from the cupholder in the center console, swiping at the screen and grinning from ear to ear when I saw the message was from Lennix.
Chaos: Hey. Stuck at the bar. Probably be late. Totally understand if you just want to stay at your place tonight.
There wasn’t a fucking chance in hell of that happening. Not only because my apartment now seemed miserable, but because I refused to spend even one night without her. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sleep anymore if she wasn’t in the bed with me.
Me: No chance. I’ve got serious plans for you tonight. See you soon, baby.
Her response came through a second later.
Chaos: Soon??
I didn’t bother responding as I killed the engine and climbed out. She’d know what I meant soon enough.
And sure enough, she was right there, on the floor as soon as I walked through the door.
Christ, I wanted nothing more than to walk right up to her and kiss her like my life depended on it—because sometimes it felt like it did.
I wanted to show everyone in this fucking bar that she was mine. But that wasn’t an option.
I did my best to keep my features schooled when she looked up and spotted me.
Her smile so brilliant, so beautiful, it was like a spotlight shining right into the room.
I caught myself before I returned it, giving her a nod of acknowledgment instead.
It was all we could do, especially since her brother was sitting three tables away from where she was standing.
I hated watching her smile fall and her forehead scrunch into a frown. I quickly jerked my chin to where Zach was sitting, and he wasn’t alone. He’s with Hardin, my oldest brother, Rhodes, and our buddy, Connor.
Zach spotted me a few seconds later and lifted his hand in the air to wave me over. “Ah, look at that. He actually showed.” He chuckled and took a pull from his beer on the table. “Thought for sure you’d bail.”
My brows pinched together as I pulled out the empty chair and sat down. Spotting the waitress nearby, I lifted my hand in the air to get her attention and pointed to Zach’s beer, silently indicating that was what I wanted. “Why would I bail?”
“Maybe because we’ve barely seen you in a month,” my brother answered. “You’ve missed the last three family dinners. Gypsy’s pissed. Said to tell you she’ll skin you alive if you miss one more.”
My sister was a pro at guilt tripping each of us, the same way I assumed a mother would, and usually it worked. Hell, not usually. Always. But I couldn’t find it in me to feel guilty about it this time because it meant being with Lennix.
“I’ll be there,” I assured Rhodes. “No skinning necessary. I have just been busy lately, that’s all.”
Zach studied me shrewdly. “Nah. I don’t think that’s it.” My stomach fell on the floor at my feet. “I think you got yourself a woman.”
Ah fuck.
There wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to admit to having a woman, let alone who that woman was. I valued our friendship—and my life—too much.
I did my best not to let my panic show and snorted. “Please. You realize who you’re talking to, right?”
“Yeah, man,” Connor chimed in. “Odds are, his dick would fall off if he stuck to just one woman. Asshole’s practically allergic to monogamy.”
Well, I wouldn’t have put it like that. “Exactly,” I pretended to agree.
“You know damn well I don’t do relationships.
” I offered him a grin I sure as hell wasn’t feeling.
“Just because you’ve settled down doesn’t mean it’s in the cards for the rest of us.
I have every intention of dying a happy bachelor. ”
It wasn’t the first time I’d said something to that effect, but this time the words left behind a foul taste. I wasn’t feeling them the way I usually did, which actually scared the hell out of me.