Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Lennix
“That little piece of shit,” I said, looking up at the ceiling, fisting the bedsheet in my hands. “I’m gonna kill him.”
Raylan laughed and tightened the arm he had wrapped around my back, pulling me harder against his side.
The warm, bare skin of his naked body pressed against mine was typically enough to put me in a pleasant mood.
But he’d just told me all about his conversation with the boy he mentored, Toby, and I wanted blood for that poor, sweet boy.
“Should have expected that a jack-faced butthole like Jason Booth would raise a little monster.”
Raylan’s chest rattled on a snort. “Jack-faced butthole?”
I twisted in the sheets we’d spent most of the evening rolling around in, resting my chin on the backs of my hands that were stacked on Raylan’s left pec so I could see his face. I squished my own up in a teasing glare. “Don’t make fun. It’s a thing.”
He wrapped both arms around me and hauled me farther up his body so my face was hovering over his and my legs were straddling his waist. “Not making fun, I promise. But I gotta admit, there’s something really hot seein’ you get all fierce and violent on Toby’s behalf.”
I’d only met the kid once, and barely said more than two words to him, but he’d made me laugh, the little flirt, and Raylan talked about him all the time. It was clear how much he cared about Toby, so that made him important to me as well.
Given how my brother had grown up before Mom and Dad found him and brought him into our family, I was particularly sensitive when it came to kids in the foster system. And I abhorred bullies.
“Yeah, well, that stupid family just guaranteed themselves a lifetime ban from the bar and brewery. I’ll make sure my kids ban their kids and so and so on for generations.”
Raylan’s entire face lit up with a beautiful smile. “Should I be concerned that your vengeful streak seriously turns me on?”
I pulled my teeth between my lips to stifle a grin. Raylan and I had been together two weeks now, and I was still blushing like a virginal school girl where he was concerned. “I think a therapist might have a field day with it, but you won’t get any complaints from me.”
I was sure this whole thing we were doing would be considered incredibly unhealthy by professionals, but I couldn’t find it in me to care.
I finally had what I’d wanted for half my life.
It might not have been exactly how I’d always imagined, but it wasn’t bad.
I kept telling myself that one day we wouldn’t have to hide anymore.
That Raylan would see that what we had was worth it, and we were made to go the distance.
All I could do was hope I hadn’t relegated myself to a relationship that was doomed to be a secret, to only being able to show what he meant to me behind the safety of closed doors.
He hooked me by the back of my neck and pulled my face down to kiss me deeply, caressing my tongue with his.
Just like that, I found my body heating up, ready to go all over again.
That was what he did to me. Every touch, every caress and gentle look, turned me on like a light turned on in a dark room.
But before I could go in for another kiss, my stomach let out a growl so loud I thought it would vibrate the glass in my windows.
Raylan threw his head back into the pillows and burst into laughter. When I tried to roll away in humiliation, he tightened his hold, squishing me against him. “Where are you going?” he asked on a chuckle.
I squirmed against him to get away, but it was no use. The damn man was just too strong. “To die of embarrassment in privacy, thank you very much.”
He raised his head for a quick, hard peck on my lips before giving my ass a spank. “No need to be embarrassed about anything. But as much as I’d love to stay in this bed with you, we need to get you fed before that monster in your belly escapes and kills us all.”
I punched him lightly and pulled back. This time he let me go and we both climbed out of the bed. He was right, I was starving, and at the very least, if I didn’t get some food in me soon, I was at risk of getting hangry, and no one wanted that.
I moved to my dresser and pulled out some lounge clothes to pull on before moving to the door where I’d hung my cardigan. Only, it wasn’t there.
“Hey, have you seen my sweater?” I asked as I looked around my bedroom.
“It’s right there.” Raylan finished pulling up his jeans and pointed to its usual hook, but instead of my cardigan, one of his thick flannel shirts hung there.
I turned to face him, pointing at the shirt in question. “That’s not mine. That’s yours.”
He copied my stance, and I might have been a little distracted by the way his biceps bulged and the fact that he, once again, had left his jeans undone, showing off that V and the fact that he was going commando underneath.
Raylan cleared his throat, snapping me out of my ogling and forcing my gaze to his face. He was grinning like the cat who caught the canary, causing me to roll my eyes.
“I gave you one of my shirts instead, so you can just toss that ratty old one.”
I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head to the side, studying him closely. My gut was telling me there was more to it. “But I like the ratty old one.”
“Well, no offense to whatever dumbass ex you got that from, but I’m pretty sure mine’s better.”
And there it was. I had to clamp down on the inside of my cheek to keep from smirking. He was jealous. It probably said something that I liked the fact he was jealous, but I didn’t have it in me to care.
“It’s not from an ex.” I stepped up to him, placing my hands on his bare chest. “The sweater was my dad’s. But it’s really cute that you’re jealous.”
He wrapped his arms around me, locking his hands together at the small of my back.
“I’m not going to deny it if that’s what you’re expecting.
Every time I saw you in that thing, I wanted to rip it the hell off you and burn it.
” He leaned down, brushing his nose against mine as he lowered his voice.
“Seeing you in another man’s clothes drove me crazy. I hated it. Even if it was your dad’s.”
I couldn’t stop the ridiculously giddy smile from curling my lips upward. “Is that your way of asking me to wear your shirt instead?”
He pecked my lips, his own forming a pleased grin. “Chaos, I’d be honored if you’d wear my shirt. Pretty please with whipped cream and a cherry on top.”
I threw my head back on a laugh, and when I finally looked back at him, his expression was so tender, the butterflies in my tummy sprang to life, taking flight.
My stomach broke the moment with another loud rumble.
“Come on, baby. Let’s get some food in you before your stomach starts gnawing on your backbone.
I grabbed the flannel off the hook and slipped it on over my lounge clothes. It was warm and soft and perfectly snuggly. And I instantly loved it even more than the cardigan because it smelled just like Raylan.
“Damn it, Daisy!” I snapped as soon as I rounded the corner into the living room and spotted that damn mini-cow spooning with Ziggy in his dog bed.
Raylan snorted out a laugh from behind me. “Might as well let her be.”
There was really no point in trying to argue with a freaking cow, so I rolled my eyes and continued into the kitchen.
I pulled the fridge door open and stared inside, willing groceries to appear out of thin air.
I’d been so wrapped up in Raylan the past couple of weeks, wanting to spend all my free time with him, I’d let everything else slip to the wayside.
I was behind on errands, my pantry and refrigerator were nearly bare, and I hadn’t seen or talked to any of my friends in way too long.
I tried not to think about what it meant, that I was voluntarily ignoring almost everyone who was important to me in order to hole myself up at home with my secret .
. . boyfriend. If that was even what I could consider him.
Taking this whole thing one day at a time made it difficult for me to feel out what we were, and I was too scared of what might happen if I pushed him for an answer to that.
In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn’t healthy and I was setting myself up for some serious heartbreak in the future if it all imploded, but I couldn’t make myself stop.
There was a little voice inside my head telling me if Raylan and I were a real couple, we could have simply jumped in his truck and headed into town to have dinner at the diner or something, but that wasn’t an option for us.
I knew that even bringing something like that up to Raylan would be enough to make the color drain from his face and that panicked, holy-shit-this-just-got-real expression would take over.
“Well,” I started, speaking into the fridge as my grip on the handle turned white-knuckled, “it won’t be a five-star meal or anything, but I have the stuff for scrambled eggs and bacon. How do you feel about breakfast for dinner?”
I felt him come up behind me, his arms wrapping around my chest from behind, and all the pressure that had been building in my chest released, like a valve being twisted open.
Once again, I pushed all my uncertainty and discomfort away so I could bask in the time I had with the man that I was already feeling way too much for. All I could do was hope for the best.
“Breakfast for any meal is always perfect. What can I do to help?”
I let out a snort and cast a look at him over my shoulder. “You can help by sitting over there,” I pointed to one of the two stools tucked against the small kitchen island, “and not touching anything. You’re hopeless in the kitchen.”
He snickered, leaned in, and pressed a kiss to the sensitive skin beneath my ear before letting me go and heading for his stool.
“I’ll have you know I’m not totally worthless.
Gypsy wouldn’t let any of us move out until she was confident we wouldn’t starve to death.
She made sure to at least teach us the basics. ”
I smiled as I cracked eggs into a bowl and started whisking in cheese and seasoning, adding a splash of milk to make them nice and fluffy. “She’s a great sister.”
“She’s the best.” He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the counter and clasping his hands together in front of him. “We were all really lucky to have her.”
I poured the contents of the bowl over the butter simmering in the bottom of the heated pan.
Keeping my back to him, I focused harder than necessary on what I was cooking.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about your parents,” I said, hoping I sounded casual and not like I was dying of curiosity, which I totally was.
“Why would I?” At the hardness in his tone, I turned to look at him over my shoulder.
His stance was still cool and calm, but I could see the tension building inside of him by the way his lips were drawn in to a thin, tight line and his hands were clasped together so tightly his knuckles had gone white.
“Those pieces of shit bailed out on us when I was only seven years old. Far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing to talk about. ”
I hated that I’d silently hoped he would open up to me, talk about his childhood because he knew he was safe with me.
But what I hated even more was the disappointment I felt that he didn’t.
I turned back to the stove so he wouldn’t be able to read my expression, lifting my shoulder in a shrug.
“I guess I thought that talking about them might lessen some of the weight on your shoulders.”
“There’s no reason to talk about it because there’s no weight on my shoulders,” he said, the words sounding clipped and harsh. His tone basically refuted everything he’d just said.
I knew Raylan as well as I did because I’d grown up with him.
He’d been a part of my life from the very beginning.
But so far, everything about our relationship had been sitting right at the surface.
We didn’t talk about the heavy stuff. We didn’t dive into each other’s past or even talk about what we wanted from the future.
So far, taking everything a day at a time consisted solely of living in the moment, and I desperately wanted more.
I wanted him to trust me enough to open up.
I scooped the eggs from the skillet and onto plates before putting the bacon in and watching as it started to sizzle and pop.
The sound of Raylan’s stool scraping across the floor as he stood up sounded through the kitchen, and a few seconds later, Raylan’s scent wrapped around me right before his arms did.
“Hey.” He forced me around, tucking my hair behind my ear, then rested his hands on the sides of my neck and tipped my head back with his thumbs.
“Let’s not get into all that heavy shit right now.
” He grinned, but the sight of his dimple didn’t lessen the blow of his words.
“I want to enjoy the time I get to have with you. I don’t want to waste it, talking about things that don’t matter.
How about we just live in the moment, huh? What do you say?”
I wanted to say that living in the moment made our relationship feel unimportant and .
. . temporary. Which really sucked, given that he was, hands down, the best boyfriend I’d ever had.
He went out of his way to take care of me every chance he got.
I’d never felt so cherished in my life. But despite how good all of that was, a couple had to have other key elements to make a relationship successful.
However, instead of saying that, I caved, worried at what pushing him might do.
I spent the rest of the night pretending everything was all right, but that stupid little voice in my head was getting louder.
And I worried the day would come, sooner than expected, when I would no longer be able to ignore it.